Would you change your kid/s family name when you marry again?

hi j! well, you do know i haven't been married yet and so far no kids that i know of. hehe but supposing... if i happened to have been married before and had kids, and then plan to marry again... in regards to adoption and using family names, i would consult everyone who is concerned and decide as a family. this means the decision has to be formed between the kids, the second husband and myself. i believe that regardless of assuming the family name or not, being a true family lies not in the name but in the love that binds. i would assume the second husband's name after the marriage, no question about that but as for my kids (if i have) i would let them decide if they are of the age that can voice out an opinion, on whether they want to retain their biological father's name or assume the name of the new father who is willing to adopt them. no matter what the age of the kids, i would respect their decision. if the kids happen to be too young to decide, then i'd let the matter sit and take it up at a more appropriate time when they reached a certain age that they could decide for themselves. on a similar note, i had an ex-bf who happened to have an adopted kid. if we had been married, i would have been willing to adopt his kid as our own. i'm glad you are no longer confused. hehe is this question somewhat a reflection of a real situation closer to home? hehe

Hi didi.. Why you have hidden the name of that mylotter? But i know. I am still confused for it regarding my novel. But yes, i shall put my name after that kid and if he has any problem after become younger, then he has the complete right provided by me to change his name. I have no problem. Anyway, atleast 13 becomes lucky again.

I don't think so. That is not right. Though, you separated with husband, it is still not right to take away his right as a father to your kids, that's reality and you can't take that away from him or from anybody else. Do not include the kids to your problem as husband and wife. Let the children feel the love from their real father. Thank you.

It all matters on the situation. My cousin's father left when she was young. Handed over his legal rights and left/ When her mother remarried 5 years later she asked to change her name and not only was it done but my new uncle adopted her as well. That was 30 years ago and all has been good. My cousins second husband recently adopted her daughter from a previous abusive marriage (he will be in jail until she is well into her 30's for another crime and lost custody) and they are happy. For myself it would matter how old and if they wanted to. Mine have a good father and I do not think if anything happen between us that he would ever not see them. SO I would think not. For us anyway.

I have no problem adopting my wife's children but I see it as just disrespectful if you change their name from their rightful father. I would never ever think to myself to actually change their name. Eve if they wanted it to change I still wouldnt agree with it. Though I would want me and my wife to have kids of our own though and not just adopted. I would want my blood in the family as well. Well that is how I see things through my eyes. Others might see what I am saying as different but that is just me. I guess I just love being fair. And that is the way how life is suppose to be, just fair and no deviation otherwise.

Hi jaiho Personally I would not change the name of my child(ren) for any reason outside of course if their biological father had some sort of background dangerous and or murder spree related incidents. But really I would not because my concern for my child is to make sure they understand the roots of his/her own family roots. I know their are some who may opt to do this and I can certainly can respect it but as for me I feel that it something I could do.

It depends . If the kids had a great connection with their natural father , I would let them keep hisa name. But if their dad has cut them off, he doesn't see them . He acts like he doesn't care and my fiance treats them like his own. They have a great connection , then They would change their names.

Hi Jai! It is a hypothetical situation for me. If it happens, I would not change the original names of the adopted kids but I could add my surname (if am remarrying with a woman with kids) to kids' original names.

Dear sister, I can’t think about a second marriage. I know I can’t predict my future and the destiny but I am sure I won’t marry again. I am happy with my kids. I just can’t think any other person rule on my kids. To be very frank, sometimes I am annoyed if their father scolds them rudely. I won’t say anything infront of kids because I know it may ruin them so I will tell him, you were so rude, privately. So here the questions are not applicable for me.

Hi jaiho: If I were in you case, I let the kids decide if the want my family name in teh future but that's their decision. But in my opion they should have their real father name unless he'd be a terrible father. He is one of the most important person on a kids life so that's the way things should be. ALVARO

Hi jai didi Not quite sure. First because I will Not have a second marriage. Why should I? But let me assume, as your question needs this assumption - Then, it depends on the legal issues of so many things. If the kids are less than the legal age, maybe, I and my second wife will think and talk to decide. If they are grown ups, the kids will decide. Not us. The legal angles have to be considered because there might be some inheritance, or even other issues that I am unable to think of right now.

for me if the kids wanted to change their name then i dont think i would mind. i hate my ex as he treated me really badly and verbally, mentally and physically abused me and isnt worthy of having kids.

It all depends on lots of things, For one how good your kids get a long with their step father. You should sit them down and ask them what they think of it, unless they are way too small. Its a tough discussion, Get his opinion too and see what he wants to do. I think it be easier to keep the kids names the same, but if this guy is really really great especially with the kids and is gonna be a positive role model for there lives and be there for them and you see this as a long term thing then Yeah I can see why you would want to change names.

I am on my second (and last) marriage. My kids have a different name than I do because I took my current husbands last name. I have 2 boys and 1 girl. I would not change my kids last name for a few reasons. 1. Their father is still in their lives, and besides our troubles and divorce, he loves them very much. Frankly the thought never crossed my mind. 2. My boys are the only boys to carry on that name. My ex has only sisters and no one else, in a long line of "name" has that last name anymore. That would be sad. 3. I was adopted by my mothers 2nd husband and I have 6 sisters. None of us are carrying on the name. Now the downside. 1. I have a different last name than my kids. Hard at school sometimes but in this day and age it is getting to be more common. At one school I had to show that I was the biological parent. But most just accept, and I think it happens alot now. 2. I will always get mail for Mrs."kids last name" just because people assume it is. Really is doesn't bother me, I have kids with my ex-husband and that isn't a bad thing. What was bad was everything else. But he is a semi-decent father compared to what some have and his family is really good to my kids. Sometimes it is hard to have a different last name but now we are used to it for the most part.

Honestly, I'll have to cross that bridge when (and IF) I come to it. It all depends on WHY I am re-marrying...does it have anything to do with abuse (directed at me or the kids)....and the equation between my new husband and my children. IN fact, if they are very young, I would wait till they are older and mature enough to decide if they want to take on my new husband's name or stick to their biological father's surname. I think it's for them to choose and not me. I got a chance to choose their first names...but the surname I think should be their choice. And whatever the decision,I feel as adults we should be able to respect it. As Shakespeare said, what's in a name? The person and the relationship is more important than a name, isn't it? Btw, my kids do not have any surname....just an initial (which happens to be the first letter of their father's name AND also the first letter of MY surname which is my father's name:)) There has been a lot of confusion based on that point...especially since I have not changed my surname after marriage (it is a lot of hassle that my husband didn't want to go through).

First I think I will not be in that kind of situation. But for the sake of discussion I would say changing the name is uncalled for because it shows lack of respect to the father of the children. Maybe some women do that because they find the husband not respectable at all andnot worthy of being the father of their children but they should remember that the father is still the father no matter what.

No I would not change my children's name...its their father's name and I think is not fair on the child...but then that is just my opinion!

It is not necessary to change your kids surname once you marry again....it seems like you are totally giving up your respect to your first husband and also to your children.It was a so selfish decision to change your kids surname.

I would let my child continue using his father's name. However, just in case my husband and I get separated (which I vow not to happen if I could) I don't have plans of having another relationship or getting into another marriage. I'm advocating for violence against children and as always the person who abuse and kill them are their mother's new partner or their stepfather. It's so heartbreaking. I love my children with all my heart and I'm willing to sacrifice everything for them. They are my life and happiness. Honestly, I love them more than I love my husband. I believe that it should always be the case because mostly the reason children die of abuse is because mothers know the abuse is happening and yet maybe because of their love for their partner which is crazy they don't do something to stop it and even participate sometimes in the abuse. It's so sad. :( Mothers should always be strong for their children especially the infants and toddlers. They are defenseless and voiceless. They are just dependent on adults in everything.

Personally, No. I will let my kids keep their father's name.