What do you think of sibling taking the role of the parents
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
Calgary, Alberta
April 17, 2011 1:24am CST
I grew up with parents so I never experienced this situation but i noticed this situation in some families. there are families where the parents are dead, or had abandoned their children, or just happened to be busy. In this kind of families, there were situation where the oldest sibling is forced to grow up to take the parental role. So they were still young and single, but they were forced to have kids in form of their young siblings. I knew a woman who have her parents died when she is 18 and all of her siblings (4 boys and a girl) are little children, so some neighbors thought she is a single mom but she is not. so she is forced to work and do labor so she can feed her siblings and support their education.
I also knew a man who is abandoned by his father and mother, so he is forced to stop studying college so he can raised his little brother and little sister.
I was the youngest sibling and before I finished Highs school all of my siblings are married. so I was never in situation like this but I kinda admire those people who takes responsibility to raise their younger sibling in the absence of parents.
I just realize I am lucky that i was raised by parents..... I didnt have my oldest sister to boss around me, my big brother bullied me though.... he is not a nice brother.
4 people like this
13 responses
@pokumon (644)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Boo for all the older brother bullies. My sister is 6 years older than me and took care of me. She was like a mother to me. We would take showers together when I was young sometimes. She cut my hair all the time. She got me ready for school photos before she went off to college. I don't know how to properly groom myself so my senior high school photo came out much worse than my 8th grade photo. She has excellent taste in clothing and I get a lot of hand me downs from her. I get a ton of compliments on these clothes. She was a cooler mom though because she was always entertaining (she is a stand up comic now www.funnyku.com). She would get more enthusiastic about things than I and has strongly influenced the life I have so far made for myself. My parents were too busy with work. My mom sent my brother who is one year older than I and myself over to South Korea with my aunt and we stayed there for 1.5 years. When we came back, I did not recognize my own mother and I thought my aunt was my mother. I only spoke Korean and I had to learn English again. Now I cannot remember all the words I used to know and cannot speak Korean any longer.
1 person likes this
@pokumon (644)
• United States
19 Apr 11
That is really sad that you aren't so close. My sister was super happy I was a girl and the two of us kinda wish that one of our brothers was a girl. I don't get along so well with my oldest brother who is 8 years older than I because the age gap is so huge. I think that is quite natural.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
Once I have kids, i will make sure they wont have a huge age gap, I want their ages to be close so they will be close too and they will grew up together and not apart. They always say the youngest is spoiled but not.... I have a bully brother and sisters who have own lives.
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
Wow you are more like friends than sisters, its really admiring when siblings get along since I never felt i fit in with my siblings because they were decade older than me and when I was a kid they were already teenagers with their own lives and when i was a teenager they were all married. so I never felt super close to them.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
17 Apr 11
Hiya Captain 
A great discussion indeed!
Well, yes, I have seen some people in this - they were forced kind of to give up their innocense and mature to handle the responsibilities of the parents. I admire them.
But hey, it is not only with those who are having no parents. It also happens with some who are with parents. I know one such friend of a cousin sister of mine - her parents met with an accident and dad had his legs amputated, and the mom was blinded. They lost their jobs and she(my cousin's friend) had to care for the.She left her studies after the class 12th and started a tailoring shop. She did graduate in private later and even today, she is a bachelor taking care of her parents. She is one of those people who always can be looked upon for inspiration and is anepitome of "womanhood" - I see a great person in her.
A great discussion indeed!
Well, yes, I have seen some people in this - they were forced kind of to give up their innocense and mature to handle the responsibilities of the parents. I admire them.
But hey, it is not only with those who are having no parents. It also happens with some who are with parents. I know one such friend of a cousin sister of mine - her parents met with an accident and dad had his legs amputated, and the mom was blinded. They lost their jobs and she(my cousin's friend) had to care for the.She left her studies after the class 12th and started a tailoring shop. She did graduate in private later and even today, she is a bachelor taking care of her parents. She is one of those people who always can be looked upon for inspiration and is anepitome of "womanhood" - I see a great person in her.1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Apr 11
Yes, they have a younger son, he wanted to be a doctor. But after this incident he did not take up to that as it would have costed them a fortune. He studied in Arts/Humanities and today works as a Sales Representative in some firm but away from home. He even got married (thanks to this elder daughter and some support from their relatives and friends). Though he doesnt visit them often due to his being distant, but he used to regularly send in some money. I have not been in touch with any of them since 2005 as I havent been out there. But from what my cousin tells me, they are all going ok.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
20 Apr 11
Its really inspiring that after all that hurdles they were now stable and doing okay. Can you imagine how chaotic it would be for a household of young people trying to survive with no parents. It really shows families working together gets far in life.
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
wow that is hard, she instantly transitioned in to the family's bread winner because she have no choice but she is very admirable since she took care of her handicapped parents. While she is taking care of her parents, does she have younger siblings to take care off too? Its a very inspiring and strong family that stays together despite of all those hurdles.
@GardenGerty (160879)
• United States
18 Apr 11
I would not have wanted my older sister to raise me, but I also will say that pulling together for each other is what makes a family.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
I knew a woman who is mistaken as a single mom because she is raising her siblings, she said she will try to get married once her siblings graduated college.... I have a feeling she will be like 40 when the time comes. her parents manage to make lots of babies before dying.
@hari1111 (238)
• New Zealand
18 Apr 11
I have seen several cases where this happened. In the case where parents are just being negligent, i believe they are at fault.
A kid should never have to grow uP prematurely because the parents are disfunctional!
But then i salute those siblings who take care of their siblings in instances of misfortune.
For a person to become mature and hold the reigns is extra ordinary.
:) this in my opinion is not something that anyone should exPerience.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
I dont know why some parents are being negligent and they even forced their oldest child to do the responsibility that they were suppose to do. on the other hand, I hope those younger siblings will be willing to help the older brother or older sister who look out for them when its their turn to need help.
@picjim (3002)
• India
18 Apr 11
I feel these people have seen hardships of life at a young age.They have had responsibility beyond their years thrust on them.They are so much more mature than their peers due to the difficulties.I would like the parents to be awarded strict punishment or penalty for abandoning their children.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
18 Apr 11
I would prefer that parents took the place of siblings (not flaunting the control they have over the children, but more like 'helping the children gain the control needed').
And I know you're brother was just jealous that you made 'Capt.' before he did (even though he did the same amount of stuff that you did ... we big-brothers get jealous like that, knowing that we improved our parents FOR the younger siblings 
)
)1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
He get to bully me in my childhood but when i grew up and I end up taller than him. i had my taste of revenge. When i saw him having a bruise on the face is like the best moment of my life. But we were in good terms now.
@VotreAmie (3028)
• United States
18 Apr 11
It's a hard situation. It pushes these siblings to grow up fast and take so much responsibilities early in life when other people their age are just having fun. It is hard. I had a cousin of mine who lost her mom at a young age, she was only 20 years old and she had 3 brothers and sisters. Her father was most of the time away for his work so she had to be the one responsible for her young siblings. But fortunately she managed to do well and her brother and sisters really loved her and still do until now that they are all married and have kids.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
Though it is a very hard situation on the positive note it help them siblings to be close together and work as a family but it is something for sure no family should experience but it just happens because life is a challenge. is she able to have her own family too despite of her responsibilities?
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
19 Apr 11
I have heard of instances where people had to raise their siblings, but haven't met any of these people personally. I know that I helped take care of my youngest sister when she was a baby, but since I was only 7 at the time, that doesn't really count. I have had to take care of my brother's older kids, but I was already an adult by that time even though I had no kids of my own. I had them both from about the time they were 14-16 off and on. I don't think it would be very easy for these kids to put their lives on hold in order to act like a parent, but I have a lot of respect for anyone who has been through that. Thanks for bringing this up!
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Sometimes a sibling will need to take the role of a parent. It is not always a choice they make for their lives. it is one that is often thrust often them because of circumstance. It can be a burden to shoulder this responsibility. some siblings are willing and able to meet the challenge while others take it on with bitterness and struggle.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Hi!
That's a good discussion question!
I'm also thankful to have parents raising me and my sister not being in charged. My dad lost his parents at a young age, he was only about 10. His oldest sister was like 18 and had to take care of the sibblings there were like 6-7 of them. He lost a brother in the war as well. But it was hard for him growing up because he had a lot of brothers and sisters. Everyone had to work hard and school was least priority.
I can't imagine life with my parents! I'm so thankful to have them :)
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
17 Apr 11
Most older sibling who were forced to have parental role never had a chance to have a life of their own, they were forced to be adults already and never lose the chance to enjoy their youth. I remember on tv there is a woman who never had a chance to get married because she have to work for her younger siblings.
1 person likes this
@marapplestiffy (2182)
• Philippines
17 Apr 11
I'm lucky as well that I have my mother and father (even though my father can be very strict) because I'm the eldest and I don't think that I can handle taking care of my siblings that way, here in Philippines the eldest is really expected to look after the younger ones, I had my share of taking care of them but I didn't have to look for work to sustain their needs and schooling...it's admirable to see people, especially young people doing that, for I think it's really very hard!!! My grandmother did that though, she was the eldest of 8, but in her time it wasn't as hard to take care of your siblings, they weren't expected to finish school and they had a big farm where in they could plant what they needed to eat and my grandmother sells their harvest for rice, but now, we have to finish school to have an edge in life...
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
19 Apr 11
Yeah life is much hectic, brutal and competitive these days, I never go to college but I was able to find a call center job and i see lots of college graduates trying to enter this industry that i actually hate but I cant resign since its the only job that accepted me despite of the fact i didn't got o college. I had seen many young people who sacrificed their own good since no one else will take care of the family but them. Its a hard situation and a very heavy responsibility on their shoulders.
@alansailing (74)
• China
19 Apr 11
Hi Man ,I only can say you are very lucky , it is very common in china especially in old age before 1949, such case is also frequency happened up to 1980. maybe recently it turned more better with the development of chinese economic. but there is still existing and can for sure . different people have the different suffering and there is really out of our control. So all I can say is just cheirsh everything we have owned and take care our family member , especially our partents ,this is very important and necessary.
