Proper Time To Accept Suitor After A Break Ups
By xien2xien
@xien2xien (1382)
Philippines
April 17, 2011 11:14pm CST
Guys, my friend here needs an advice, she's totally confuse with the whole situation.... She had this On and Off relationship with this man for 8months, she told me she really loves him and she even cried many times when they were breaking up or arguing about something....
Then Last April 12,2011 they broke up again, but this time, she had this guy friend whose been comforting and cheering her up whenever she's sad up to the point she thinks that she's finally moving on, though she told me that she's not totally over with her recent boyfriend and that she still loves him.....
The first problem is, her guy friend told her that he was in love with her since the first time they met and he's willing to wait for her to totally move on and be ready to love again. The second problem is, she thinks that she's being a little bit attracted with this guy friend although she told him that she still loves her ex.
Can you share your views and opinion on when is the proper time to accept suitors especially when you just came from a break ups?
7 responses
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Actually, your friend's relationship with her boyfriend is an unstable one.
In my opinion, there really is no such proper time to accept suitors. If your friend thinks that there is really no way anymore that she and her boyfriend will patch up, then it's time to move on.
It's time for her to evaluate her "dear friend". If she thinks her dear friend really loves her, then there is no reason for her to control whatever feelings she may develop towards him. Maybe this time around, she will have a stable relationship already.
Good luck to her.
1 person likes this
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
i really wish she that this time she'll be in good faith i don't like to see her crying it also breaks my heart, but what can i do, humans do fall in love and you'll never know that you're loving unless you're hurting
@lyamsitiy (104)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
I think she should first decide weather she really wants to move on with her ex. She should assess first her feelings if she would want that ex of her to be really out of her life. She should decide if she would go or quit. If after all the things that had happen she still wants her ex then she should not let that other guy wait but if she have decided to quit then she should give herself a chance to find love from another man. For me i don't believe in the 3 month rule as the proper time to accept suitor or to have another boyfriend. As long as you can say to yourself that you have moved on then go for it.
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
thanks for the comment my friend, i'd really appreciate every comment that mylotters will post with this situation, my friend also reads all your comment since she's the one who ask me to put this discussion... thanks again
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
19 Apr 11
I think she should sit down and think calmly why they broke up earlier.Who initiated the breakup? Was it mutual but who was the first? If she feels that she is fully right in breaking up then there is no problem.This second man likes her and she can get on with her life.On the other hand, if she still feels that she loves the first boyfriend, it means that she is till thinking of 'might have been's. Now, if she is unsure then she would be doing the second guy a big injustice.More than time, it is the level of clarity that she should have. Why did they break up earlier? Was it unfulfilled expectations from her side, or his side? WHy did they argue so much? If it were unfulfilled expectations on her part then she is likely to feel bad in the second case too if things go wrong after the inital throes of passion.On the other hand if the first one was a bad guy then question does not arise.SHe can accept the second guy anytime now.
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
like i've said they were into an on and off situation, misunderstanding causes small things to become bigger, then last night she finally put an ending with her recent relationship, so she can move on with her life, plus i really think that they can't fix this issue for now, there's a lot of cases involve like loosing trust and loyalty with each other.....
Anyways thanks for the comment
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
in additional i guess you can never order your heart when to fall in love again and with whom, thanks for the comment
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
18 Apr 11
I don't think that there is a certain time when someone can move on to another relationship after breaking up. Some may take years, some may only take months and others may just take days to move onto a new relationship. I guess the main factor is situation. If he situation is right, even if it only days after breaking up, why not?
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
i guess in some ways you knew me somehow.... so i'm having a hard time giving advice to my friend about this matter.... is it really possible, that you still love someone and be attracted with this guy friend? i really can't give a very good advice on this one... i'm only a player and i played with players too... never been in this situation... loving is definitely out of my system
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
18 Apr 11
I don;t know much of you. For one thing you haven't told me your real name. You told me that this id is your cat's name.
If someone professed a love to other yet she is interested in other, I don't think that's true. Either she is still in love with the old one, or she wants the new one. Unless, she is a player, too...
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
i really can't tell if she's a player or not, all i know is she's much better than me i mean in loving someone she's this serious type and everything, she keeps on telling that she still have some love with the old one but she was attracted with this new one... i really don't get her either
@ivane07 (76)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
This is a very crucial situation. Your friend is having a dilemma. She is torn between her emotions and she doesn't know what she should do. For me, moving on from a broken relationship takes time. It doesn't happen overnight and a lot of effort must be exerted to finally say that you've moved on. But your friend must not rush and force herself to move on because eventually, time will come that everything's gonna be alright and her life will be back to normal. But with regards to her guy friend, she must try to know her true feelings for him first because that attraction might not mean love. It's possible that she is just admiring him because of the comforts that the guy has been showing her. Besides, if she's not over with her ex yet, the other guy would tend to be the "panakip-butas" (as what we call in the Philippines), or just to fill in the position of his ex.
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
don't worry, my friend told this guy friend that she still love her ex but she's trying to move on, but i think things will be much better for my friend now, because this new guy makes her laugh and somehow can ease her pain,
i'm just afraid that my friend will think, that she's falling for this guy because he's cheering her up, then what if she was done with all this moving on stuffs, and feeling normal again, then this guy friend will have no use anymore, what if by then she just realized that she loves the way this guy comfort her but not actually the guy himself,, then COMPLICATIONS rises
@debshie (392)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
There are some things in life where you cannot really set a bar, limit or standard. You just know when it happens and thats it! Same thing for accepting suitors and when not. Your friend will just know it, it will not come from someone else. She will know it and that's it, she will then realize that it's time to move on.
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
is it proper that my friend is allowing this guy to comfort her, is it will just ended up like other stories that they will soon be together and have a rebound relationship, which means that she only learned to love him because of his continuous effort of cheering him up....
