29 Years removed
By alaskanray
@alaskanray (4636)
United States
April 19, 2011 5:00pm CST
Saturday was the anniversary of my divorce. I have been single again that long, believe it or not. I generally take myself out to dinner and buy myself a single rose to celebrate. Well, that morning I helped clean the church so my fibro flared up. To top it off, my daughter got sick so a nice sit down restaurant was out of the question. Still, it was only the 29th anniversary. Next year will make an even 30 so that's the one I really want to celebrate, right?
Now, before I get scolded for my positive attitude about my anniversary, you must understand that leaving my ex was the best decision of my life at the time. This man was abusive and I was advised that I needed to get out before he killed me so yes, I do have reason to celebrate. Looking back on my life and the past 29 years I have a few regrets but this is not one of them. Marrying the jerk I do regret - leaving him? No Way!
So I treated myself to a flamethrower burger at DQ (yum) and came home to make hot and sour soup for my daughter (from a mix...no, I don't know how to make it from scratch). I did get my single rose, too.
Do any of you have any narrow escapes that you celebrate and remember in a special way?
So I treated myself to a flamethrower burger at DQ (yum) and came home to make hot and sour soup for my daughter (from a mix...no, I don't know how to make it from scratch). I did get my single rose, too.
Do any of you have any narrow escapes that you celebrate and remember in a special way?3 people like this
13 responses
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
20 Apr 11
I never celebrate my divorce because I don't remember the date! but I do celebrate my freedom every day....any way this remains me of a joke I heard some time ago...it goes this way...this man who has been divorced for 10 years invite his new girl friend to dinner...while in the restaurant he notice his ex wife sitting at a table near by having a drink... so he points out to his new girl friend[ that is my ex wife she is been drinking since we divorced!]his girl friend turns around and say...wow she is still celebrating!
1 person likes this
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
21 Apr 11
I agree I would run for the hills too!My ex got marry again and I keep a good relationship with both of them they have 2 children and my children keep in contact with them often...my ex got very sick 2 years ago and his wife call us all to go and see him[ she is much younger than me] but she is a good woman and I Am glad we can do this for the sake of the family. Yes you are right they come to be our extended family after all.
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Funny you should mention this joke...I have formed a policy since my divorce to never get serious with a divorced man unless I first have a date with his ex-wife. There are two things I glean from this policy. First, I can find out how he treated his ex when they were married and second, I build a good relationship with her. After all...if you marry a divorced man, the ex-wife becomes extended family - especially if there are children involved.
If the man is reluctant to let me meet his ex, I run for the hills!
If the man is reluctant to let me meet his ex, I run for the hills!
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
19 Apr 11
I do not have any escapes but I applaud you fr your spirit and the fact that you where strong enough to leave an abusive relationship. You Go Girl!
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I have to give credit where credit is due. Thanks to my awesome mother and a church leader who saw what was happening and encouraged me to leave! I might never have escaped if it were not for those two wonderful people in my life! I love them and am eternally grateful to them both! 
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Well, for me I am Happily married, but I can remember the day my Mom chose to leave my abusive step day back in 1986, and for me this will always be the best thing she ever did for us kids. Even though I was in my 20s then I knew it would be about the best way for most of us to ever be able to move on more with our lives as well. I just know that sometimes there are situations where things aren't always meant to be, and for situations such as this, it is the Best thing that you are gone.
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I am so happy for you and your happy marriage. Cherish what you have. It is more and more rare in these times of turmoil and heartache. While I may celebrate my release from my prison (it was more of a prison or slavery than a marriage), you have even more reason to celebrate your good marriage! My best to you and may you always be happy in your marriage!
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
You really deserves to celebrate this kind of freedom my friend
I will be considering this kind of anniversary once i have all my papers done,i am still working with it.
have a nice day and nice idea of celebration[em]cool[/em
I will be considering this kind of anniversary once i have all my papers done,i am still working with it.
have a nice day and nice idea of celebration[em]cool[/em1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I wish you all the best in your efforts, as well, my friend. While I would like to have a good marriage, it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. I hope you have a much better life after your papers are processed. Best of everything!
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
LOL...a flamethrower is a spicy hamburger that Dairy Queen serves and my favorite. 
@dellahappy (260)
• China
20 Apr 11
from your description of celebrating your divorce,i can tell you have toally running out of the shadows your husband opposed on you,you are strong and courageous,i congratulate you....while it's lucky that i have no such narrow escapes but i think if i were in your situation,i will choose the same way as you,be positive towards life,be nice to people and love my children more.wish you someday find someone treat you nice and love&respect you...
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Thank you, Della. I'm glad you have never had this sort of thing in your life. While it is good to feel the relief that comes when you get out of a situation like this, it is far better never to have the stress of being in the situation in the first place!
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
We all have things that we have escaped from, even if we are not aware of them. As I look back at my first serious boyfriend who dumped me, I am always grateful that he did because our lives have taken such divergent paths, I would never have been able to handle living with the man as his wife!
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
While marriage to me is a sacred thing and will do everything to keep it for life, i believe you have a good reason to end your marriage in a divorce. You can't be a battered wife and end up in grave just to save the marriage. So Congratulations for being brave enough to separate from this kind of man. He does not deserve you anyway!
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I agree. Marriage is sacred which is why I agonized over leaving my husband at the time. It was not until my church leader advised me to leave him that I made the decision to do so. Even then I had to be careful how I handled it. I didn't want any ties to this man once I left. I basically bought my way out, assuming many of his debts as part of our agreement. I tried very hard to make the marriage work but only one of us was doing so. Thank you for your good wishes.
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
19 Apr 11
I'm so sorry that you were in an abusive relationship. Although I'm sure it's not exactly the same thing I was physically abused by my father. For me there was no escape until he decided that he had enough of family life & left us for good. Because of him though it took me years to trust men & even now I have a hard time with that. The one exception being my husband. He is the one & only man that I have come to ever truly trust completely.
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Trust is a fragile thing, isn't it? I still have not found a man that I can trust completely...they either lie to me or leave but no one has ever gotten close enough again to be abusive since my ex. I learned a lot from him and like to think of that as a positive thing rather than a negative. True, I suffered at his hands but I emerged a stronger person for it.
@vannyt (343)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
At least it's nice to know that a lot of people are happy being single even for the second time around. This goes to show that marriage is not for everybody so others should not rush into marriage. I know it's some sort of ideal stuff, having a happy family, it's just that for some it did not turn out the way they wanted to be. I'm happy for those like you who were able to move on and have a happy life after such traumatic experience. That's why I'm not keen on getting married.
Well, advance congratulations to your 30th anniversary of being divorce hope you'll have the happiest moment next year when you celebrate this.
Well, advance congratulations to your 30th anniversary of being divorce hope you'll have the happiest moment next year when you celebrate this.@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I'm sorry, I don't agree. Being single is not the happy part of my life and I still want someone to share my life with. It's just that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. If the right person were to come into my life, that would be a happy life for me. Marriage is the biggest thing you can do with your life and it is the preferred situation but it is to be approached with caution, as any relationship should be...married or not...it has been said that "Before marriage, keep your eyes wide open; after marriage, keep them half shut."
I have seven sisters, four of which have been happily married, two never married and one that divorced after many years of marriage (she waited till the kids were grown). Of all of us, the four married sisters are the ones that are the happiest.
@sweetme329 (500)
• Australia
20 Apr 11
Hi there, I am happy that you were able to escape from such an abusive husband and that you have a lovely daughter to spend your life with. In my case, i lived at my uncle's place for a year when i came to Australia and everything was perfect. But one day when aunt was not in the house, he came to my room and tried to sleep with me. I left that home the very next day even though i had no clue where i would go.
I cannot forget that day ever in my life. My uncle was like a father to me. I don't celebrate this day (I don't even remember the date) but it was a narrow escape for me.
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Good for you! It is important to be strong for ourselves and to not be afraid to advocate for ourselves. You did the right thing in a difficult time.
