teen age pregnancy
@jessicaryan18 (212)
Philippines
April 19, 2011 9:09pm CST
hello.. for almost a week now i am not comfortable in my youngest son situation about his girlfriend early pregnancy.. i just found out a week ago that his gf is 5 months pregnant and they both keep this secret for a long period of time because they are both afraid and at the same time they are ashame of what they did.. so i talked to his gf and she told me that marriage is out of the topic and she just want some financial assistance for the baby.. i know my responsibilities about this but deep in my mind i know that aside from the money matter assistance she needs moral support and i am curious on how to deal with her about this. i talked to my son but he just said dont show extra special care for his gf so that she will not ask for anything that my son cannot give at this point of time.. he is not ready for a serious relationship .. i pity this girl but i know i cant do this without my son.. seems he is not interested.. are u having the same situation or u have experienced this? as a mother can u share with me what should i do? help...
3 people like this
12 responses
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
20 Apr 11
My heart goes out to you. None of us would want this situation, but when we have children this could happen to any of us.
While I can't know exactly what I would do, I believe I would just follow my heart and do what I think is the right thing to do. Your son may not want you to be involved, but if you feel you should, perhaps you can explain that to him and remind him it is your grandchild too.
1 person likes this
@maclanis (2406)
• Belgium
9 Aug 11
I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation. If financially the baby would be a big burden for your family and the girl's family, then maybe adoption should be taken in consideration. There's also the possibility of open adoption, where the teenage parents can still visit their child.
I guess you cannot force the boy to take responsibility and act as a father, but he should definitely assist financially.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
21 Apr 11
Hi Jessicaryan,
I had all girls and luckily (knock on wood) have not had to deal with that situation. Only have the 17yr old left at home. I don't envy your position at all but I do think it is awesome that you are concerned and want to help this girl. How old are they? I agree with the girl that marriage is probably not the answer. Now are the girl's parents supportive? I think I would set up a meeting with her parents and discuss it. This baby is going to be your grandchild and so I can't agree with your son about not giving her special treatment. He may not be interested in the girl or a serious relationship and he may not even be interested in being a dad to the child but he is and he will be held financially accountable at least. One thing I do no for sure is that these things do have a way of all working out.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
Although your son showing not interest or not yet ready for serious relationship, i think as parents it was your responsibility to talk and advice your son that soon he's been a father and that is a big responsibility.For the girl, i think you should support her financially...at this moment the girl need your son's care and support!
@watergirl (567)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
Since my kids are still very young, I haven't really thought of that situation. I do hope I wouldn't have to be in that situation! I think your son and the girl (and probably the girl's parents) can sit down and talk about it. What are the arrangements to be done (emotional, financial, legal, etc.) Since both kids are too young then the parents should enlighten them. Remind your son that it's not about what he can or cannot give at this point but what is due and good for the baby.
@martha0430 (211)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
i've been one of the teen age pregnant women. i got pregnant at the age of 19 and gave birth 10 days before my college graduation. it is hard, of course. im not ready for the responsibility of being a mom. it is not planned. but im thankful that my husband show support and marry me not because i am pregnant because he loves me too and he is ready to face the responsibility of being a husband and a father. my mother also helps me financially and emotionally. she's always there to help.
maybe you just have to take it step by step, one at a time. anything can change as the day goes by. just support your son, talk to him as often as possible. and be supportive with her girlfriend because she needs help the most, financially, emotionally and spiritually.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
I also had 2 sons and in their young teen age.
If i were in your situation,i will also feel the same,torn between responsibility and confusion.
I know partly my son's fault because they both jump into situation that they are not ready ,yet it's done.
The young girl needs some moral support you are right,it's for the babies health too,it's not good that the young mother will be stress or mentally disturb with things that she's not being prepared of.
Just keep on with your support...and i hope everything will be fine.
i am sure you will loved to be the first one to hug and kiss the baby once it is born.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
Of course the guy is not interested. They are only up to what they want and when something bad happens, they do what they are good in doing, running away from the responsibility. I guess you cant force the boy to marry but at least financial assistance from his parents would be good enough.
@babyEj (1522)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
Oh i know what it feels though my son is still a kid. My brother has sane situations. He's not interested in settling down but my parents are worried about my brother's habitual behavior of letting girls down. I mean, I am a woman too. I do feel what the gf feels.
My parents talked to the woman together with her parents. We did not promise anything but we are going to assist her to the best that we could do. I think that's the least that we can do.
@astreadido (608)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
At this time, I think the best way you can do is advise your son that eventhough they are not yet ready to have a family they must accept the fact that they will have a child together. It is a serious responsibility and he and his gf must work together (not just financially but most especially emotionally) for the child. And both of them must understand and accept the responsibility in all aspects. Hopefully, he'll feel differently once the child comes out. We all know the wonder a child brings to us parents.
@vannyt (343)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
This situation is every parent's nightmare, their kids going into something which they they can't face in the future. The thing is you know whatever the gf is feeling cause you're a woman and a mother too. I guess your son seem not interested cause his still young and maybe still trying to put his dreams as his priority more than anything else. Also they are both afraid not only of responsibilities but for commitment itself. You can always show support for the gf but I think the girl's parents should have a better role on this situation.
@mikebebeh08 (6)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
for me you should now support both your son and his girlfriend. not just only financially but overall emotionally and mentally and his total being. curiosity in teen life is one reason why it happened.. and now it already happened to your son just be her mother. do what are supposed and what is right.
