What are you going to do if you see your daughter kissing her boyfriend?

bing, I reverse psychologise and brain wash. If I see that the suitor is not to my liking, I tell my litany of criticisms to family and friends without directly telling my daughters. But of course they hear it. I once said that the lanky hunk my daughter had a crush on has a head a bit small for his built, then added I wouldn't want my grandchildren looking like Frankenstein. That solved my problem then. Now, my problem is, they do not receive suitors...and I desperately want them to go dating...

This doesn't bother me. Affection is affection. There is no shame is showing it. ;love needs expression. it is nothing to hide from. I would not be embarrasseed by a kiss between my daughter and her boyfriend.

bingskee, IMHO I believe that it is alright to feel protective over our children even when they've reached adulthood and just feel that they are still like the child you used to know. However, don't let it discredit your parenting and teachings. You may want to say that this is some gut feeling post but the fact that she hadn't gotten to become a juvenile delinquent or unwanted pregnancies or any premarital problems already speaks volume of your success in her upbringing. Like you, I am sure your marriage to your man wasn't anything near luck but an astute understanding of being mutual in commitment, faith, trust and most of all love which brought the both of you together. As such, I am sure you will need to trust your daughter to learn and pick up your invaluable life wisdom and/or lessons. So, take deep breaths and stay by her side - making yourself available and acceptable at all times especially in her hour of need. Looking out but not disruptive or most of all intrusive. Take care and have a nice day.

Don't worry bingskee...I'm sure things will turn out well. I have two young daughters that I worry about all the time too. The youngest is still not into the boyfriend thing but my 17 year old...oh my...I do worry. She has a serious one now that I am not liking very well. I know that if I openly resist him..it will make her want to be with him more..lol. If I saw her kissing him...well...I don't know...if it was a little peck..well...that's one thing. A long passionate kiss...well...at this point..I might have to say something..lol

I would do as you and shy away and pretend I did not see it. I also would hope that the kissing is a simple kiss and not all the glory passionate ones especially if she knows I am there. It would hurt me somehow, I will admit it, but not to the point where I will be upset with her and or think she has done something wrong but to the point that I would feel disrespected. Call me old school but I feel that my daughter would respect enough to stop and not carry on in my presence. We are speaking about boyfriend, had it been husband then perhaps I would feel differently.

Hello Madame. I think all parents pass through your stage and I admire that you do not impose anything on your daughter. If it does not turn out for your daughter then you have to be there to support her and be there for her. I think its best if you let her learn the things she needs to learn by herself. :) If you impose something on her, there is a high probability that she will try to rebel more. Maybe you can also try talking to her nicely, she will reflect on it even if she tells you she will not. :) Best of luck

At age 20 she is old enough to make her own choices and accept the consequences of those choices. You have to have faith that if she is making a poor choice that she will learn from it when she figures it out. I know how you feel. I have 4 daughters and trust me, I haven't always liked the guys they decide to see. The most you can do is pray that the guy treats her decent and if not, be there for her when it all blows up.

Hi. bingskee. It is nothing much that you can pretty much do. You will have to let her have her private moment with her boyfriend. Whether this is the right or wrong choice for her, as a parent you will just have to respect this and move on. I know that it is hard seeing your child move onto a lover, but that is normal. I think that I would rather see my daughter kissing a boy than a woman instead.

Hi bingskee, I imagine it all depends on the culture you belong to. In my country a girl over 20 years of age is a woman. She can do as she pleases and she can even get married without her parents permission. So a kiss with her boyfriend is nothing. Mothers of girls that age know that there´s a slim chance that their daughters are virgins. And it seems that they don´t care that much as long as they have other values that are more important. But I know that that is not so everywhere in the world. As for myself, I let my 18 year old daughter go camping for a month with a group of friends (including her boyfriend) over 20 years ago. She married him, they had 2 beautiful kids, they divorced. Much as everyone else. I still think highly of my ex son in law, although I did not think they were made for each other. Have a nice day!

sorry for not having to answer the question, but i rather have my own question in mind... have you told her what you saw? how does it feel for a mom? well i have certain issues or stories i know my mom knew of but she never told me about. i feel because it was too awkward for both of us, but im not really sure. i appreciated it more that she just let me and never confronted me. i just know she's looking after me and is observing what's happening.

hello, So, mam can I tell my opinion in here. I was in the same age as your daughter and I also have a boyfriend. Well, mam we understand that our parents are getting so protective for us because they love us. But mam we already in age we know what are right and wrong , and we know what our limitations. Lets say that you are worried, but you know your daughter more. She can stand in her own feet. And if you seen kissing his boyfriend that is natural now in modern generation because kissing is a part of love. Dont worry mam all will be better if you just let her learn from what she choose. good luck

I'm really not sure. My daughter is 13... and the thought scares the heck out of me. But I also know that it's going to happen regardless eventually. Being past her 20's I'd be proud and I'd just leave it alone. I think I would pretend I didn't see it too to begin with and then ask her about him later. If he is a jerk, i'd be worried but i'd know she has to figure it out for herself. We have to let our kids learn on their own like we did. Especially in her 20's if you try to intervene, she may not take it the way it really is... you being a concerned parent who loves her daughter.

I dont have kids in their twenties, mine are 8 and 5, but I have thought about it. My husband has two siblings and they were pampered, way to much.My brother in-law didnt get marrried and actullay move out until he was in his 30's. His sister who is in her 20's still lives with mom and dad and they let her loser boyfriend move in. I see it this way, once your kids are out of highschool you need to let them know there is no free ride. Its time to fly. Thats are job as a parent to teach our kids to fly. Teach them the skills to go out and make a life. My in-laws of course just allow this behavior to continue. I would never let a boyfriend move in. If she wants to date the jerk than go ahead, but he wont be in my house and I wont be supporting him. Let her know how you feel about the guy, be respectful and try to understand where she is coming from. She is going to kiss him. She is an adult, but the more you fight her the more she will push away from you and the more she will want to be around him. She is going to make mistakes. She needs you there when she falls to help her get back up. To be a support emotionally. She has to leanr though dont go and bail her out of her problems. every child needs to learn how to fix what they ruined, but the best you can do is be there for her and not bash what she likes. Just be honest and respectful and in return she will do the same.

I understand how you feel. The hardest part about daughters is having to let them go to their "love". If you think the man your daughter is with is not treating her correctly, you should definitely speak up. However, if he is a good person and treats her right, I think you should let her go. I guess parents feel their kids never will grow up, and secretly hope they never have to leave. But eventually every child will leave their parents to be with someone.

Dear Ms. Bingskee The age you mention - past 20s, well, parents do not have much of a choice here. If he is not worth, well, the best that can be done is try to convince her about it... but it is surely going to be tougher. However, in many societies in India, we still have this arranged marriage thing going on, and if she is from one such orthodox family, I think she would be getting married to someone known to the family soon... forced to forget the boyfriend... or anything unhappier