What makes you be the 'other woman'or the 'other man'?
By devijay78
@devijay78 (1573)
India
April 26, 2011 2:45pm CST
I often wonder how this kind of relationships work. I would never be 'the other woman' or have an affair with anyone for any reason whatsoever. I believe in loyalty and am married, and my loyalty is towards my husband. Even if I were not, I would never have gotten myself involved with someone who was married or in a relationship with someone else already. You may call it possessiveness but I would want my man all to myself and will never share him with someone else. Nor would I like the idea of cheating someone else and breaking her family.
People who are in such relationships or have been in one, how do they justify having affairs with people who are commited to others. What makes them plunge into such relationships fully knowing that it might not last?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@gloryacam (5540)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
I often wonder about that, too. I mean, for me, I always try to picture my self in other people's shoes. So, I would think that how would I feel if my husband was having an affair with someone? Surely it would hurt me, too? And, what about the kids of the married person? What would they feel about it?
@gloryacam (5540)
• Philippines
28 Apr 11
Yes, I also have an aunt who got widowed early but never married after that. You're right. There's no right justification to such a wrong act.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
27 Apr 11
Hi gloryacam. My questions and sentiments exactly. But I would never ever think of having an affair because I am totally committed to my family. I think physical satisfaction is just a part of life and not life itself. I have known widows who lost their husbands early in life and have brought up their kids single handedly without a man by their side for so many years. They did not bother thinking about their urges and needs and always put their kids' needs first.
And as I replied to another person earlier, I would want the person all to myself and will never share him with another.
@sashakiddo (1102)
• United States
26 Apr 11
I feel the same way, I would not want to be the other woman. It just seems so self-effacing to be satisfied as the person who is seen part-time. The lover won't give up his relationship for you, so it makes you the stand-in rather than the leading role.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
26 Apr 11
Absolutely! And most of them are in for a good time and fun but prefer not to leave the relationship they are in for you. So all I see is an affair heading towards disaster. And moreover it does little for the person's self esteem when dumped. Good day.
@sashakiddo (1102)
• United States
27 Apr 11
yeah, if i can't ever live with someone i love, i will not even consider continuing on with it. i would always be comparing myself to the lover's real partner, always envying them for what they have together. it's not healthy.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
hello devijay,
This is the question that is hanging in my mind for a very long time.
Until now i don't get a valid reason why woman prefer/choose to be the "other woman".
Sometimes i feel like trying to be "the other woman" in order to know the real reason.
But,it's foolishness...so,i never asks again why...why there are woman who likes to be "the other woman".
If they say it's love...can't they love that person without having him/her physically?
What greatest love can do sacrifices for the sake of someone they love?
I don't know ?...i don't know the answer.
have a great day my friend
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
27 Apr 11
Hi jaiho. I seriously do not know the answer too. I would like to know what goes on in their mind when they get into such relationships knowing fully that the man is married or committed to someone else. I often think about you and HWG. Both have been cheated by your husbands and I know how painful it would have been for you both. As you asked, can't they love without having him physically? Then I guess it is not love, isn't it?
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
26 Apr 11
I couldn't do it my friend because I am stingy in thinking that a man for me is only for me. I could not invest my heart and soul knowing that it is shared.
I have no idea how some feel it is okay, as I was betrayed this way once before and for the life of me could not understand how the other woman accepting my ex-husband knowing very well he was married. Maybe it is because they really don't want committment or maybe because they feel they will be together some day.
What ever the reason I feel once one allows herself to be the other woman and some day get to be with the man she is to understand that the probability of it happening to her is quite risky is the only thing that comes to my mind.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
27 Apr 11
Hi dear. Am like you and would not even think of sharing my man with someone else. First of all, I would never trust a man who cheats on his wife even if it is with me. It shows that he can cheat me too some day. I would not be fool enough to think that he would leave his wife and children for me. Or even if he does, I will always have the fear and suspicion that he might leave me too one day. So, this kind of a relationship is always risky.
And moreover, there are plenty eligible bachelors around. Would not want to get into a mess with a committed one. And finally, I am married, so all options are closed for me
@chickimmy (44)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
I also wonder how this relationships work. I have known someone who is in this kind of relationship. and after talking to that person, i still don't understand why she prefers to be the other woman.
Here's what I've heard so far: most of the women doesn't really want to be in this kind of relationship. most of the time, men who are on a relationship is the one who chases the woman. At first, women try to discourage a man if she knows that he is in a relationship. Then a man will exert a lot of effort just to be close to the girl they like, and eventually, the woman falls in love with them. and this is what she ask me. can you really avoid someone you love so much? there will come a time that a woman will do everything just to be with the guy.
As for being the other man, I guy ask me before if i wanted him to be my "other man", when I ask him why would he want that, he just answered, because he wanted to take me away from the guy I was currently with little by little.
I hope this answers some of the mysteries behind the reasons of the other man/other woman. This is just an example and based on my experience. there may still be a thousand reasons why they do that. and based on their experiences, i can say that i really don't want to be in their positions.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
27 Apr 11
Hi chickimmy. I will not definitely want to be in their positions and play second fiddle always too! That is the most undignified thing to do and I would never do it no matter how tempting it is!
I know that kind of love with my husband. But to think of having a relationship outside marriage itself is unimaginable for me. And just imagine loving someone already married! It is always better to avoid such people because they are not trustworthy and they will never be loyal to you too. When they can cheat their wives, what makes you think they will not cheat you? I think that is the first question these women have to ask themselves. And everything will get clearer after that.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
27 Apr 11
Thanks. But most of them are loyal. I see only a handful betraying their husbands. But a lot of men are unfaithful to their wives all the time. And the sad part is 9 out of ten times, the wives do not know about their unfaithfulness.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
2 May 11
I once met a man who was in a position to reach out and help me when I really needed help. I was at one of the lowest points in my life and he was a stranger but he held me tightly and whispered words of comfort I was very grateful to him and I thought of him often. Eventually, I married my long term boyfriend, the most stupid thing I have ever done because I knew I did not want to marry him I just did not know how to get out of the whole situation so I went ahead promising myself to make the best of things. The happier I became with our new life the more miserable my new husband became and he left me after 8 months.
One night, at a community function I bumped into my hero from several years ago. He announced that he was newly married. For some reason I was horribly disappointed by this news. As I congratulated him and said all the right things he was looking right into my eyes.
We kept running into one another. One day we stopped to talk and we talked as if we had known one another well for some time. He actually did know some of my history because of the first time he helped me...it came out as a result of our first meeting.
I told him of my failed marriage and he explained the circumstances of his marriage.
We had a love affair but when we tried to move towards being together, circumstances got in the way and eventually, I met someone else and eventually moved away. We still remained friends though and when I returned 12 years later and we bumped into each other, I was given the most enormous hug.
Sometimes things just happen and the timing is wrong or we take the wrong path. We both felt that we were supposed to be together but because we took wrong turns and made mistakes, we ended up with other people.
Life is not always clear cut or plain sailing.
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
27 Apr 11
I think there are many reasons for why someone would be the other woman or man. I think that sometimes that other woman or man may be falling in love with that person even if they are married. I don't think they planned on having an affair but it just happened. Often at times it could be lost self-esteem. The person may feel they have nothing to accomplish or nothing good going on with their lives and it pushes them to go with the first person that pays attention to them even they are married.