Does witnessing domestic violence early in life affect the child's character?
By devijay78
@devijay78 (1573)
India
April 28, 2011 2:23pm CST
I have been a victim of domestic violence when my daughter was just 4 months old. And it continued for another few months. She always used to cry and yell at the top of her voice when I was getting beaten up. And never went to her father for anything, even when he called her. All that is in the past and now he will think twice before laying a finger on me. But sometimes I do worry for my daughter's mental and emotional wellbeing. Even though it happened when she was very young, she did not get close to her dad until recently. And still is closer to me and very protective of me. When we argue, she straight away goes up to him and starts beating him and asks him why is he yelling at mom.
I guess she must still know what happened intutively even though she might not remember much of it now. Will it affect her in any way in future? Even though she misses him when he is away and they are like any other normal father and daughter now, that gap is still there in some tiny way and I am able to notice things that show her reluctance in trusting him. And I hope she gets over it soon.
2 people like this
8 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
28 Apr 11
I can tell you based on my own experiences that it does affect later in life. Fortunately for me that I did not want my kids to experience the same so I had to work really hard at trying to cover my pain. They too witness some of this activity unfortunately when I was married with their father. I will not say it does not affect them because it does. It is up to us to guide/support them and subconsciously teach them at a very young age that this is not acceptable behavior.
I wish you all well and hope you can help her through all of it. 
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
10 May 11
Hi HWG. As I have mentioned, she was just months when this happened and I hope she would have forgotten it by now. But I still get those memories and when I do, I do think about how it would affect her if she still remembers. I will educate her about what is happening in this world around her but I just hope she does not remember what happened to me when she was that young.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
10 May 11
She will do very well in life with your love and guidance. Good thing that was when she was only months so I am sure she will be fine.
Blessings to you and your family.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
10 May 11
Thanks HWG. And hope what you say is true. I am just praying that she does not remember what happened.
@ravester__2 (1)
• India
29 Apr 11
welll..yes..i believe so..see..many researches conducted on criminally inasane people confirm that most of them were witness to their mother/sister getting abused either physically or sexually..so i believe it will affect your child's charecter...the question is how will he take it...your support and your strenght is very important for him/her to develop into a strong individual....
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
17 May 11
Hi ravester. I don't want to get scared by that research! I am contemplating taking her for an evaluation sometime so that I know that she is okay. My support is always there for her in everything she does. But I just want to make sure that she does not get affected by what she saw.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
7 May 11
I personally think that witnessing domestic violence as a child can cause adverse affects. I think that anything brutal within the family can cause one of two things. It can teach brutality..because everything they learn for a certain period of time is from their mom and dad..or it can cause them to be afraid. I can't imagine anything scarier than to see the person that gave you life and cares for you beaten and abused. The one that gives us protection unable to protect themselves can be a huge factor in self confidence or confidence in surroundings.
The thing is..the example. Ok..these things happen and they are going to learn that sooner or later whether it is in their home or someone elses BUT how was it handeled when it did happen..that is what they learn from. I think that children often look at their fathers as authority figures anyway and if they are abusive and scary..that makes it harder for a child to bond with them. If he never ever does it again..it might pass..but I guess it will depend on her and how she is seeing it too. Take care and good luck.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
28 Apr 11
hello devijay,
Sorry to hear this.
Memory retains as young as 2 years old,as i've read from an article,but it still depends on each individual how sharp their memory works.
I hope your daughter won't suffer some mental shock,or trauma with the way she acts when she sees someone is about to attack you.
Just try to make her understand as she gets older.
If you can see the same attitude as she get's into adulthood,better consult some professionals.
Just pray that everything will be fine dear
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
10 May 11
Hi jaiho. Sorry for the late response. Have been busy with my husband, taking him to the hospital for tests and stuff. I hope too that she will forget what happened. I do hope that she was too small and young to remember anything which happened. Am praying that she turns out okay in future.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
29 Apr 11
I think yhat everything a in a young child's life will influence their character. Witnessing violence would have a tremendous impact on their behavior and how they would view the world.@devijay78 (1573)
• India
10 May 11
Yes, but she was very very young when this happened. Just months old and now she is almost four. I hope she does not remember. Otherwise, it is going to be difficult for her as well as me to get her to normalcy.
@yspmyl (3435)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 11
Hi devijay78,
I am very sorry to heard about your encounter, I believe it will definitely affect how your daughter think whenever she saw someone argue. We all thought that children are too young to remember things that they saw, but actually they can really remember very well.
My son is 4 year old and one day he mention about a book's title, so me and my wife were thinking very hard that do we have the book. Then after figuring so hard that we realized that we have shown him once the book at his age at 1 year old. So, imagine how good the memory of a child can be.
So, I think it will take time for your daughter to forget about the incident that she saw.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
10 May 11
I hope she does not remember. I would be very worried if she did. Wow! Your son remembers what he saw when he was one year old? That is young. Maybe, I should take her to a professional once.
My husband and I are okay now, we hardly ever even argue. But when we do, she does not like it. I guess it is because of the fear. Hope she gets over it one day.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
1 May 11
Hullo Devi. I am very sorry to read what you have written.I cannot believe that there are are wifebeatig husbands in this day and age. I personally feel that your daugher would not remember this because it was less than a year. THe sharpest of memories can perhaps remember personal pain , [ I used to hate paaladai--the silver sangu with which they give milk and did not knwo why.Only recently I came to know that my mother used this to wean me out. I always could remember a particualr pain and force.] I also feel that when parents raise their voices children intuitively cling to their mother. To children, mother represents security whe n they are young.That bonding is unique and this is reinforced when it is a loving mother. THis is the reason for her being extra protective.
If the situation is there right now there is every chance your daugher would remember it.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
7 May 11
Hi devijay,
I think it's up to youer husband mainly and then both her parents so she continues to grow in a healthy loving environment. If her parents are not happy together she will know that and her early experiences will not be able to be buried...she will always be a little unsure of things unless those early experiences can be replaced with happy ones where her parents love and respect each other and the family is a happy unit.
Just my thoughts.
