Parent-The Enemy!

seems like I was always the bad guy as hubby worked so many hours he wasnt there for all the dissions I didnt mind and if I needed him to step in on some big thing he did on myside tho I have to say. also we didnt have go ask your mom go ask your dad on things

Dear Sandhiya, I understand you as well as pain inside you as I am also mother and have gone through all this. We Indian mothers love our children so much that we don't even realize how much blood we are burning after them.Me and my husband gave everything to our children, we even went out of the way to fulfill their wishes, but now that they have come to age of 27 and 19, all that they want is to separate from us and live their own life.....ok fine, I don't mind, let them have their own life and their happiness (my blessings are always with them), but suddenly I have started to feel that I wasted my life. I would never go out with my hubby or enjoy any kind of holidays as my children, their school, their exams, their extra activities, their demands were always my first priority. what I want to tell you Sandhiya is that, for me it is too late now, but for you it is just a beginning....you can still live your life, so stop worrying too much about your son and his comments, and don't feel hurt about ignorance of your hubby, instead, let them do what they want and the results will teach them a lesson of life and may be then they will realize your worth. Beside no matter if mother is like you a bit strict or like me fully lenient, once the children will grow, parents will not remain important for them.....so limit your parenting to good parent and no need to prove yourself to be perfect parent and find yourself some other interests ,something that you wanted to do but could not do due to the burden of responsibilites.....that will help you a lot and in future you will not feel sorry like I am feeling now...... May be right now you will not agree with me.....but when you will come to my age.....surely you will. Have a nice day dear.

The responsibility of good parenting should lie on both the parents and I think both should have the same rules for the kids. Both should sit together and decide on the dos and donots or the norms of the house. I have seen my sisters doing that. Even when they are fighting, they are united when it comes to the children. Having said this, every family has different set of rules and works in different ways. And I guess, the individualism is what that makes things work for the children at the end of the day. They know that mom is the 'bad guy' and that papa is 'sweet' or vice versa, and at the end of the day they get used to it.

I can well understand your predicament SV. Unless parents present a united front in all opinions expressed , parenting does become a bit difficult. I suggest you talk this out with your husband and come to a via media. Say for eg if the issue is about friends you ask your husband how to go about it.[sometimes it becomes a matter of handling husbands and if your objective mind tells you how to manage the situation in the best compromising manner, then follow it. [Tighten your system while giving in to the child [you can make a pact with him ] If not, reason it out with your husband and at least make him understand[which I doubt he will] .Women think differently and men think differently and it is sometimes very irritating becasue ultimately everyone wants what is good for the child. When your son says "it is because mom says so" ask him to get confirmation from his dad pointblank.[You do your prior groundwork by talking to your husband telling him to cooperate]If it is an issue he won't cooperate, then do not insist with the youngster. Perhaps things would sort themselves out. In my case, thankfully we were very harmonious in bringing up the child and if something was sugggested by my husband I wouldn't object and he never came my way when I handled the child.Broad priniciple was that one should be very sensitive to the needs of the child and both of us followed it. The only time I put my foot down was when both father and son wanted to see 'Pretty woman'at 10.p.m. the previous day of his plus two board examination and I insisted he went to sleep.

This is another reason I have no children! See I wouldn't take this and I would Truly lose my well known temper. Back in my day, if a child said this , he/she would get a beating . These days if a parent even thinks of beating their child , they are arrested! As for your so -called partner, That is what I assume would happen. I will not have kids because I know the father would not help , or even be there.So hang in there And... I hope Everyone makes up for this bullsh!t Sunday! Happy Mother's day!

Hi SV! It is very tricky and complicated to deal with children. Whenever my wife takes a stand viz-a-viz my kids, most of the time I support her and show to kids that it is our collective decision and tell kids that if she is directing you not to do a particular thing, she is doing it for your favour. She also support me many a times on my decisions viz-a-viz kids. However, sometimes the situation becomes difficult when she does not support my stand, then they all three goes on the one side and make me look as a big fool.. However, if I know that I have taken a right stand, I don't budge or give up easily. You need to very patience and diplomatic with kids. Have a great evening!

Yes I guess I was as my Ex Husband did not really show interest it was I who made all the decisions he just used to say what ever But in my case it was more my Daughter that classed me as the bad Guy lol but then Days later she understood and I was not the bad Guy any more My Son was quite good and if he asked why not I would explain and most of the time he was happy with it if not then we would argue it through lol It is not easy as you say, but they realize when they are older why we did what we did

Dear fiend, I feel being a bad guy could make things much worse. Mostly most children like to friendly with everyone, they need friends to share their thoughts rather advise and scolding. A trustworthy friend is much accepted than an good advice they get. Moreover each child has their own way of thinking and approaching life. Child has their own way of being naughty, that is part of their childness but being too much naughty would create lots of problems. Any how we need lots of patience to handle such naughty children but I feel they should have some naughty if not they have not got that value be being a child.

Hello SV, It may be applicable for me too, because I am the one who is dealing with my kids major part of the time at home. Sometimes they are making me mad. My elder son never blames like that, he may get annoy by he won’t say that I am bad and his father will support… but younger is just opposite, he may use the father’s name for defending himself from me. (lol), he is sure that his father won’t support then also if the father is not around then he tells me, let him come I will complaint. My elder son always need a push to do something otherwise he is happy on his plays (playing outdoor games indoor.. grrrrr). Parenting is not an easy job. I know the dos and don’ts well then also sometimes I can’t control myself…. What to do, I have to do so many things, office, works at home, their studies, dealing with their fights etc…you can’t blame me if I blast at times…

Your husband is not doing u right by acting like that. He wants to be the good guy instead of supporting u like he should. He needs to grow up to. I have always been the bad guy as far as my sons are concerned & still am even tho they are grown. I raised them by myself & i had to have the upper hand. Right now i wish they were still small enough for me to give them a good a** whipping because they both need one. They are both grown w/families of their own but i'm not too happy w/either one of them right now. GRRRR.

Look, we are men and we understand child-mother relationship just as much as we understand wife-husband relationship. For eons we were the people who went out and earned a living and so have come across people with varied reactions to sticky situations. That has given us the instinct not to stand in between two passionately argumentative individuals. Particularly, if both are equally precious. More particularly if they are the wife and a child. Most particularly if they have taken opposite points of view. Regarding your husband's studied silence in such situations; he thinks he is being clever. He is insane! What he does not realize is that he is the person who will be injured no matter what! Taking the wife's side means being whacked with a tantrum by the child. Taking the Child's side is an invitation to an absolute battering at the hands of the weapon called deafening silence or cacophonic screaming, both of which women are very capable at. Please do give him this piece of free advice, from my side. "When in situation described above, start your own and a very loud outburst. That will insulate you at least temporarily. And think of something else fast, your life depends on it." And dear lady, what are you wasting a valuable rant anyway ? Don't you realize? You are the winner ! Refusal of your husband to get involved, is an absolute surrender to you. He is in fact acknowledging your absolute superiority in judging a call for discipline. Just look at him, he is kowtowing. Since he has abdicated, you are the Queen of all you deal with! So enjoy that status and rule! Well! That is a man's perspective.

Not a parent yet but I know I will be that BAD GUY you refer There is no way out, it has to happen. The kid will always feel this way no matter what is the reason. But yes, the fact to rely upon is that someday when the kid will grow up and realize the reasons (evitable or inevitable), s/he will understand that we had to be cruel to him/her to be kind to him/her... Lucky is I am alive till then... otherwise who cares.

I haven't heard that " I am the bad guy" however I can feel it. I am a working mom so I used to spend my 12 hours at least with my son if I don;t have any appointment for that day. Yet usually my mother-in-law is always with my son. There are sometimes that my son wants to go out and I don't want him to go out because I am here at home and we should spend time together, because I'm anticipating rain shower and he might gets sick if he's out, and it's not always good to be in adult group.

My daughter is going to be 4 in a few short weeks but I stay home with her so it seems like I am always the bad guy. We have had problems already when she doesn't want to listen to daddy and I back him up, even if I don't always agree. I just wish that he would back me up as well. Some times he doesn't and some times he just removes himself from the room. I get tired of being the bad guy all the time. I feel like I have two kids sometimes. If she gets hurt I am the only one to calm her if I am here she will have nothing to do with daddy and then this hurts his feeling. I am to the point that I am just tired and it is not worth the fight. I am sure at some point daddy will be her go to parent but right now it is me. And she will have an occasional daddy day and it is odd. It would be nice if there was an easy to follow parenting plan that worked with every child. That would make things easier. We are on the same page I am just the enforcer it seems.

I'll say this and continue to say it till the cows come home and ever after, both parents have to be on the same page when it comes to disciplining kids. If you're not both on the same page then there will be problems. Never let the child make the decision for you or their father or step father because then they could take advantage of their parents. Kids are so smart these days and know how to work things in their favor, much smarter than we were when we were kids. You and your husband are the parents, take control. When we had our God kids up for the summer, my husband and I both were the 'bad guys'. They realized we were on the same page with each other in regards to behaving and discipline so they didn't try to pull any bags over our heads. lol

Hi Sviswan, my 3 years old boy loves his Daddy than me,because im the bad guy! I only doing this is to make him good, so he knows what is wrong and right. I dont like to spoiled him too much coz he find it hard one day to stand on his own feet. I know as parents we are all wanted them to be good but looks like they misenterpret it.:(

hello SV, This is another role of parenting- the villain in our kids life (hahaha-funny right) Well,i am always the one who's to be blame since a father is missing in my kids life. I don't have much problem with my daughter and my youngest son since these two get along well with each other and stays home most of the time playing computer or watching movies and listening to their music. Sometimes the sister will read stories to her kid brother and then that's enought to make their day. But my second son is a bit different. He always goes out with his friends and what i hate most is when he always run away with the car. Thu he is not going far because he doesn't have a driver's license yet,still it's being disrespectful to run away with that car and also dangerous. I always scolded him for that and he always took it wrongly,no matter how many times i told him about the risks. Sometimes i felt i am getting fed up and want this young guy have his lesson to learned...and i am thinking a good way on how to give him a lesson. Kids are not easy to handle these days. good evening and have a great day

We can say parenting is really a tough job.As a parent to my two daughters I can say it's not so hard because they both listen to me.But my wife thinks differently maybe because women are really protective more than men.I myself is protective too but I don't usually shows it, what I do is give them reminders every now and then and it works.Having a son I guess should be handled differently.Happy parenting...

Hi SViswan! I am a young man, just like your son. And I fully understand your son's whines, and yours as well. I think young people have this thinking that parents can be killjoy sometimes. I mean, they sometimes feel that they are being restricted to do the things that make them happy. As for your part, I understand the reason for this. You, like every mother in this world, just want the best for your child. You don't want him to get hurt. Let's admit it, sometimes, mothers can be overly reactive. But that's how they are. They just want the best for their children.

You're only to blame for not teaching them a lesson in the end. Sure, they're going to get into trouble no matter what precautions you take, it's human nature, but if you're constantly nagging everyone then of course they're going to become really annoyed with it... try to make deals with them.