do you think women who get married always become bitter?

@birdie816 (1276)
United States
May 6, 2011 8:37pm CST
i am starting to notice something. i keep hearing men say that when they were still dating their wives, the wives were much happier and more excited to see the husbands instead of always snapping at them and nagging. why do you think this happens? also, i am scared it will happen to me too even though i am young and have been married under a year. how can i prevent this from getting out of control?
4 people like this
13 responses
@SangsTurks (1444)
• India
7 May 11
I think it happens with everybody and in every house. its just that when you are not married, you don't have any responsibility but after getting married there are a lot of other responsibilities that come up, taking care of the house, husband, child and all of this somtimes takes a toll on the wife. So, its alright to burst out at times. Don't worry it happens to everyone.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
7 May 11
Some of what I read you saying is something I can identify with. I have found times in my life when everything makes me mad. Usually it is when I am not getting enough sleep or not eating right. You need to make you good health a priority.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
very true. but right now it is somewhat difficult to eat healthy when i work at a fast food place and have to eat what they have for lunch everyday. also it is difficult to get enough sleep because i am stressed from work. but i will try to be healthier and i will probably be more normal again
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
7 May 11
well that is good to know that i am not the only one, but i just want to figure out how to keep it at an acceptable level instead of making it a personal thing where i am always mad at my husband or whoever i talk to
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
7 May 11
Well, I guess this happens. But there are two sides to this. I am not saying that I have the perfect relationship ever, however my husband and I have been married for 8 years. We are pretty happy. We go out dancing, see movies, watch movies and sports. We make sure to make together time each and every day and on the weekends its us time. That is a must. And I really dont complain to him very often unless its a big issue and he isnt to picky if I dont have a meal for him ready. He will just heat up something quick and make something for both of us. As he knows I have been busy with the house and the kids. So whatever your thing is, I would say stay flexible and thoughtful not critical. Be kind and understanding not judgmental about petty things, think if it really matters and how it will effect her. And keep communication open and honest. But not to honest to were you regret things that you say that you dont really mean or just should not say to the other person. Congratulations. I wish you the best.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
7 May 11
I hope I didnt make you feel bad....No intent for that there. Every relationship is different. We knew we were in it for the long haul, good or bad,.....all the vows. We meant them. It is easy to forget at times I know. Just take time to remind yourself of whats important to both of you. Dont be someone you are not and dont ever try to make him into someone he isnt.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
7 May 11
Birdie, just think about the kinds of things you would like to hear, and how it would make you feel to hear some of the things you say. Reflect to your husband what you would like to have come to you.. If you want smiles, give smiles. If you want to be treated nicely, treat him nicely. Ladygator is a smart person.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
7 May 11
wow. thank you so much. you said that what i am doing is exactly what i shouldnt be doing. so basically i need to rethink the way i am talking to him because i do everything you said not to do. and it seems to be working for you not to be brutally honsest and judgemental and critical, etc if you are still happily married with children
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
7 May 11
You need to take care of yourself, and get enough rest, eat healthy foods and do not hang around with people who gripe about their spouses. Think about good things. One of the recommendations I have often read, and I find that works, is to remember why you dated him, and what you liked about him and why you considered spending your life with him. I bet you have been under a lot of stress lately, jobs or something, right? Start a personal list about what is good in your life and relationship. When I get too wrapped up in what is making me unhappy, I just look back at some posts I have made, etc. I get coffee in bed any morning I want it. He can clean a stove cleaner than I can. He always makes sure my car has enough gas. Just remember things like that, and find happy people to be around. It will help.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
7 May 11
you know, that makes alot of sense. i have noticed that i don't have many married friends anywhere my age. and the one married couple that me and my husband do hang around on occasion are always arguing when we hang out. they have also said many times that we appear to be the perfect couple (which is far from the truth) but hey, at least we are good role models outside of our home. also i am very stressed from my job and my husband was stressed from becoming unemployed until he just recently got a job....but anyway, i have a great husband who is always doing nice things for me. he would literally carry me for miles if he had to, take a bullet for me, travel hundreds of miles on a moped just to see me, etc..so i have to just keep those things in mind i guess
2 people like this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
7 May 11
Very important not to hang out with people that grip about their spouse!! That is very important. You dont want that rubbing off on you.
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
7 May 11
I was 20 when I got married to my first husband. I had dated him since I was 17. I noticed that other people who were around us, me in particular, really influenced how we related to each other. If you can find friends with healthy relationships and hang out with them it will be a positive influence on you both.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
7 May 11
There is no reason for a bride to get bitter if she is well cared and loved by her husband. Wives becomes bitter when husband neglects their duty as husband and start treating the wife as slave. Yes,slave like do this and do that and after all those commands she never receives appreciation or even a kiss. That's just a simple reason why some wife feels bitter. There's a lot more...wives needs attention and care too.
1 person likes this
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
very true. maybe that is the issue in all the older unhappily married couples i see. i have seen such types of relationships just starting off showing such signs of disrespect and under appreciation towards the woman and i guess it is them who grow into bitter wives
• China
8 May 11
yeah, that's what we seen in movies.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
7 May 11
I don't believe that marriage creates the bitterness in life. We can be bitter about something whether we are married or not. We go through a lot of changes in life. Marriage brings about its own kinds of changes in a relationship. It doesn't have to lead to bitterness.
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
7 May 11
Very well said, Sender621
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
wow. very unique answer. and also a good point. maybe bitter people just blame their bitterness on marriage instead of recognizing the real issue
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
7 May 11
I'm a woman and I'm also a wife. I dated for 2 years with my husband today. why woman becomes bitter after marriage? mmm..I think it also depends on the husband. sometimes man also changed by the time they becomes husband and father. marriage is a process, and couple will learn each other during that process. for me, dating is full of fake situation (we try to make our couple happy that's why we sometimes loose our principal or pride), but it won't happened in marriage life. we become who we are, not only the wife but also the husband. when the husband does something bad maybe the wife turns into bitter one..:)
1 person likes this
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
lol interesting. and i completely agree with you that dating is fake. i found out so many things about my husband (and mysef for that matter) after we got maarried and that was only about 7 months ago....imagie what i will find out in 7 YEARS lol.but anyway that is true that the husband may sometimes be the cause of a wife's frustration and bitterness
• China
7 May 11
it is all up to your mentality condition. if you see marriage life as candy, it must taste sweet.However, if you see it as burden, bitter is inevitable. So i hope you can adjust yourself and have a happy family happy life.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 May 11
o okay fourth time copy paste we all are super well behaved in dating but folks we are human being and we Aint Perfect. we all have little flaws so what? accept each other as you are unconditional love is the best and it endures through all the trials and good times as long as you both live and a great sense of humor too and tell each other you love one other.also always keep the lines of communication going. laugh a lot and have fun, I was married 33 years and none of them were bitter.
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
7 May 11
Yes woman no need to be bitter after marriage because they will at their husband they love before. When they just courting by their husband before they are excited and after marriage some problem arise. many things happened and excitement gone maybe because of many problems and struggle that comes to life. So if this thing comes to their life sweetness maybe absent and lessen on their romance. Excitement decrease.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
yeah maybe they are just bored
@SimpleBB (1329)
• Philippines
7 May 11
Hi there birdie, Don't make it in general. It depends on the foundation strenght of the relationship. In my observation, some couples after got married, they focused on the thinking that they had already the burden of responsibilities and that their lives has been changed. Well in fact, should not be. Couple still could do like dating, exchanging gifts without thinking of its cost. Getting married is just continuing the romance in your relationship. The only difference is just it should be serious and have to consider the partner in everything you do for you are not living alone now. Some wives got bitter because, they thought, they should not act like in the courtship stage for they are already married and should think for a better future for their families to be. Some says that letting the flame burning makes the relationship last long, which I believe is true. Nothing is impossible if both will be there for each other, understanding and trust to each other are the vital keys to survive in a relationship. Don't be afraid of something that still not happening, do something positive to avoid it to happen instead. Happy mylotting.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
thanks for your opinion. that makes alot of sense. i believe that married couples should still act as if they are dating too and do fun things to keep the relationship interesting
@orang13 (723)
• Philippines
7 May 11
Okay, it is a lot whole natural and so as to love. Marrying means you truly love the person, and if you get to the point that you start to feel unexcited upon seeing him that doesn't mean that you lost the spark however it is more of like gaining the true meaning of love that carries out trust! The one you mention wherein the wives are happier during dating years, that is not love at all, its in the stage of lust --- passion burning all over. Don't worry that coldness will never be uphold, rather it will be passed as long as you continue LOVING :)
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
7 May 11
For me yes by the problem they have so bad to it.
• Indonesia
7 May 11
hi birdie816, I dont think so with your opinion. It depend on men marry with us, but if we marry the right man and love each other, I think we have no problem and make it such a taste bitter. married is beginning to have a better relationship with maturnity and understanding each other
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
8 May 11
i agree. maybe it is just that the couple was not meant to be married