I'm really angry at mother at this moment
By tessa9
@tessa9 (1085)
Philippines
May 7, 2011 3:12am CST
This is long, sorry for venting out.
I'm just so frustrated. My father is cheating on her for years and she knows that. He loaned our house for a business that he knew nothing about so it failed. He now just watches TV all day or go out and get drunk or cheat on my mom. We always get scared every time he gets drunk because he threatened us before. He is just selfish. She knows all of this but she still enables him. She still gives him money. My mother does not live with us because of her job. She lives abroad but visits us often.
Just this morning I heard my dad asking her if she would send the money that he was asking for when she was here because he wants to buy a $500 coat and treat his friends! What?? We might lose the house and he is thinking about buying a $500 coat?! And the worst part is my mother agreed.
I just don't think she knows how it looks on the outside. She should teach me and my siblings to be independent and for us to strive for nothing but the best in life but she is teaching us this? Every time she comes home, she would always throw herself to my dad. My dad just ignores her. Talk about self respect! I'm embarrassed for her. My dad will only be nice to her if he needs money.
I had been telling her to divorce my dad for years but she keeps on telling me that she does not want us to have a broken home. I keep on saying I don't care about that because living in a house like this is worst but she just brush it off. She called me this morning but I did not answer because I was mad. I did not want to say things to her that I will regret. I just sometimes think that she's so desperate for my dads attention.
My father physically and verbally abused me when I was little and still verbally abuses me now. I think this is why I hate him so much and why I'm more affected by the situation compared to my siblings. Do I have the right to be mad. I just want my mother to be truly happy.
2 people like this
15 responses
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
7 May 11
Hi tessa,
Do your mother know all those things about loan and his behaviour towards you and your siblings? I think she may not be aware what is going on in your home. Your dad needs her money only, it pretty much bad. On her next visit, try to make her understand the real problems. She wanted their kid’s father with her and don’t like to break a family.
Your reaction is a normal one but do something to solve the problems at home.
@bladeboy_777 (53)
• India
7 May 11
yeah..!! your mother deserves to be happy.. just tell your mom to give divorce to that guy atleast try to convince her.. see i cannot imagine the same situation but everyones nature is different.. that can be a reason why you are more affected by this situation than your sibling.. i hope everythings goes well so on.. take care..!
@lsdshrooms (214)
• United States
8 May 11
I agree with you, that's what he needs gto do. I also see that you're a smoker from your pic, nice, I do indulge in that sweetness myself.
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
7 May 11
You can't change them. You can talk until you are blue in the face but they won't change unless they want to. Don't stress yourself about what you can't change just accept that's how it is and make a plan to better your life. Save up so you can move out as soon as you can and leave them to their problems. You can't do anything about their marriage that's between them.
@investor211 (474)
• Mexico
7 May 11
hhm, Tessa, please you and your mom have to think very clear what you want for the rest of your lives, its better to have a broken familly rather than have a hell life at home, i cant imagine being in your situation, that cannot be called family, my sugestion for you might be wrong but i think is going to be the best after all, quit from that place anyway your father is not the supporter so you and your mom can live alone 300 times happier than now, and if your mom doesnt want, do it yourself get independence and you will feel much better, im sure
wish the best for you and your mom
@lsdshrooms (214)
• United States
8 May 11
Some people are stubborn but don't take it to heart. She loves you, obviously, but imagine trying to be in her shoes. Loving someone who has changed so drastically. You should try to see how things play out or confront your dad.
@saraliuisme (33)
• China
8 May 11
tessa, i am understand you mood now, but, please thinking from your mother. maybe u are a Chinese girl, most Chinese mother choose to bear her husband's rude behaviour because they want their children to live in a complete family. maybe you think live withour your father will be better, but most a single paremt family' child inclined to abandoned especially like you whose mother working abord.
I think your mother bear your father is because she worried you and want you live in a safe place. please trust me, i am a mother, my girl is 17 moths olds, from her born, i started to worried her especially worried her be deceived by bad man.
If i am your mother, i think i will choose the same like her. please give her some support becasue she must be suffering the pain everyday.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
7 May 11
Your profile says that you are 20 which means that legally you are an adult. How old are your siblings? I think that first of all, your mom needs to stop worrying about raising you in a broken home. You are already raised and your home is broken regardless of a divorce or not. Does your mom know about the abuse? If so and if she has done nothing to stop it then she is as guilty as your dad. If I were you then I would try to find work and get a place of my own and remove myself from that situation. It sounds horrible and it doesn't sound as if your mom has any desire to change things. If she works abroad then she does not have to deal with it on a regular basis anyway like you kids do. Is there any way that you could live with her? It's sweet that you want your mother to be truly happy but ask yourself, does she want the same for you?
@penrockerchic (1903)
• Philippines
7 May 11
It's good that you are able to vent this all out than just keeping it all to yourself. You're family seems to be quite in a mess. Have you tried talking sincerely to your mom and your siblings? Maybe letting them know how you feel about your situation and the things that are bothering you when it comes to your family could be helpful. Try your best to communicate. Maybe at this point you might not have the urge to talk to your dad on what he does to you and to the whole family but at least try talking to one of your siblings and come up with a solution to your problems. One step at a time... Just try. Hopefully, you'd feel better.
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
7 May 11
If I were in your situation I would get mad too and probably I'll leave the house and be on my own or rebel against my family. Is would be my instinct and my emit ion ruling over me, your mom is blinded by your father's love and she is selfish in a way. Shed not scared of having a broken family, she's scared of ebony called a divorced woman. She's scared of not having your father around. If she thinks hard and not be selfish, she would think if you and your welfare.
But maybe just maybe, your mother has her own side of the story which I don't want to speculate. Someday though you'll find the truth and will be able to understand why she's being like that.
As of the moment, please be mature enough to do what is right.
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
7 May 11
And I thought my relationship with my mother was bad. My mother and I do not see I eye to eye for in some a areas but I somewhat understand her becuase I believe that I inherited some of her attributes. Thing is she says sometimes that she doesn't understand me...maybe because we don't really have mother-daughter talks and when we do, we don't talk about our relationship in itself.
Anyway, back to you. If I were you I'll call my favorite relative or basically anyone who can understand your situation, leave the house with a letter of everything you wanna say to your mom, stay at that relative or person's house for a relatively period of time and think of your family from a different point of view. At the same time, think of what you like to do with your future. I had the feeling that you don't what to end like your mom but you need to some purpose in life. If you wish not to end up like your mom, I think it would be better if you cement your independence from your parents, financially and influentially.
I know that you hate your father and you want her to be happy but the only thing that can make her happy is herself. She thinks she is happy with your father despite your situation and life and no matter you slap her to wake into reality, she will insists in her way. Though technically, your mother is the only woman I know that is happy being abused. Maybe your leaving will wake her to reality but that's not a guarantee.
Since you have siblings, tell the true situation in your household, They may take sides but at least they know what's really going on.
Good luck on anything you do.
@marapplestiffy (2182)
• Philippines
7 May 11
I can relate a little to you so I understand and feel sad for you, my father cheats on my mom too, she knows it but since he's a seafarer she just discounts it, it nearly ruined my life when I rebelled, I drunk and smoked a lot but then my mom made me understand that she is staying mainly because of me and my siblings, she doesn't have any job because of my father's silly pride that he didn't let her work and she was already late thirties that time, she said if they'll break up I might not be able to go to college and finish my degree so I felt that I have to straighten my life to pay up for her sacrifice, I know that time I told her that I don't need my father to finish college and I just want her to be happy but now I realize she just did it for us so I understand her now, and my father may still be cheating on her but atleast he has never abused me verbally or physically, and his a good provider...I just hope that my mother would now give my father ultimatums that I have finished college but then again my mother just love him so unselfishly it hurts to look at, I get mad at her sometimes for being too available to my father, but I can't change her...I just pray that my father would realize what a prize my mother is and he'll give her the love she deserves...
@redvakaurvaki (4216)
• Indonesia
7 May 11
hi tessa9, I'm sad for you, I know it's hard & hurt face this kind of situation. Your mum has live with irresponsible and rude man for whole life. I just think that inside she hurts deep and dont know what to do but to protect kids. She may think better lost money than your dad gone mad and will hurt you, mum and other family of you. I believe that she has big burden in her shoulder even she doesnt tell you. She not live close to you so the most important thing for her is make sure that you're all have a good live without any hit & kick from dad. She must be save a lot of worries and sad. She may hide it. Even divorce may help, she may have another thinking, how to make your dad change or dont make you all grow hurt. I think you really need to get closer with your mum and speak from heart to heart. God bless you and your family
@altirbonganay (287)
• Philippines
7 May 11
I understand the reason why you are getting mad. That kind of family scenario just sucks, really. I know it would be really, really, really, really hard for you to respect your dad, but you should. He is still your dad. Forgiveness would not take place overnight. It would take a lot of time, but I want you to know that you are NOT hopeless. Just pray! God wouldn't fail you. That is for sure! Entrust your family's situation to God. Let Him take care of your burdens. He is more than able to mend broken relationships. Just keep on praying! KEEP ON PRAYING! God bless you!
@hari1989 (3)
• India
7 May 11
yes u have rights in every thing it is your individual life you should have freedom at least you should be treated properly that means you are grown up and know each and every thing about life and how should be a family .you should first convince your mother that not to give money for your father each and every silly things as your house is under loan and if u suceed in convincing your mother .then you can approach in a possible way to tell his responsibilities towards family members and first he should treat family members rather than society and friends and you should also tell him about his friends who are working for their earning but you are not earning .but also if you are not earning you should take care of your health .and you first go and know about your father friends as they are the reason for your fathers behaviour then you can move in right way of approach.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
7 May 11
Wow your house sounds like a war that will end all wars. A $500 coat? What is the use of that garbage? Foolish indeed. Maybe you just have to tell God your burden and the rest would work somehow to your favor.
