She doesn't like me, I know...
By chi2nasrin
@chi2nasrin (1101)
Malaysia
May 12, 2011 12:32am CST
I am engaged! On 1st May 2011.
My fiance is a cook who works offshore, and he has to be away for a month or two and back for only about less than 2 weeks. He has 3 brothers, 1 already married and live elsewhere, 1 lives with his girlfriend across the ocean, 1 works as cook also in a club/lounge (seldom home early).
Now that we are engaged, my boyfriend requested for me to move to his house, "to accompany his MOTHER." the problem is, she doesn't really like me, I KNOW. From the way people look at you, surely you know or feel that they don't like you a lot. I don't know what is wrong with this family but his cousin's wives, warned me on the night of or wedding that I have to be patience dealing or living with them. Maybe that's why his brother is not living there after marrying?
Last Tuesday, a day before my fiance went to work, his friend asked us to join him to a Karaoke. To my surprise, my fiance tag along his mother.. 
and then when he is busy enjoying with his beer and friends, I give his mum a toast/cheers/whatever but she ignored me like she can't see me. But when his friends do that, she grin like 
and lifted her glass and even high-fived them like a teenage.. Damn!! How can I go and live with her like that?
One more thing that worry me if I am going to live there, I don't know how to cook dinner, I am not the type who wash my laundry by hand (the washing machine broke down), I don't do/sweep the floor, I don't do chores, I am not used to it. If I live there, surely she expect me to do all that!
I won't be free to go out with my friends anymore, can't smoke anymore there.It will be very awkward without my fiance there, I surely be rigid like stone. OMG I don't want to live there if my fiance is not around.... please help me think of an excuse, any excuse... 
and then when he is busy enjoying with his beer and friends, I give his mum a toast/cheers/whatever but she ignored me like she can't see me. But when his friends do that, she grin like and lifted her glass and even high-fived them like a teenage.. Damn!! How can I go and live with her like that?
One more thing that worry me if I am going to live there, I don't know how to cook dinner, I am not the type who wash my laundry by hand (the washing machine broke down), I don't do/sweep the floor, I don't do chores, I am not used to it. If I live there, surely she expect me to do all that!
I won't be free to go out with my friends anymore, can't smoke anymore there.It will be very awkward without my fiance there, I surely be rigid like stone. OMG I don't want to live there if my fiance is not around.... please help me think of an excuse, any excuse... 8 responses
@sweetgirl_k1 (3972)
• United States
13 May 11
Just tell him that you don't want to live there with her because you feel like she doesn't like you. If you feel like you have to live there with her then I guess you'll have to learn how to do the chores and cook. Maybe if you start talking to her and doing things with her then she will start to act like she likes you more. I'm sorry that you feel like your future mother in law doesn't like you. I know my mother in law likes me so I don't know how I would feel if she didn't. Maybe you could just ask your fiance to talk to his mom and tell her to be nicer to you. I hope things get better for you.
1 person likes this
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
Your mother in law must be really sweet. Well, one thing I notice about them is that they like to talk bad about people. From the way they chit chat (mum and aunties), I can't help feeling that maybe they do talk about me too).
Before we were engaged, his cousin's wife mentioned that they talked about my religion, I don't know why it is a problem to them when my fiance didn't even say a word...
I won't ask him to speak to his mum to be nicer to me. That will not work, I'm afraid things will be worse if she knows that I feel she doesn't like me. My fiance is not home all the time, he is working offshore, so who knows whatever will happen if he does talk to his mum.
I'm at wits end. I will just give it a try then if it can't work then I'm going to leave. That surely will worsen our relationship, but I hope my fiance will always be by my side.
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
12 May 11
I think you shouldn't make an excuse but rather be honest with your boyfriend. Just tell him you won't be comfortable living with his mom. It's really common that in-laws don't get along well and usually mothers are very possessive of their sons and they think nobody is suitable for their son at all.
Tell him you don't want to have any ill feelings toward his mom and you want to keep that respect by not being too near with her at this time.
1 person likes this
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
My fiance, being not around all the time, don't really knows what is going on. He always say he's mum is okey and that he pity her for being alone at the house. But then, there's still one brother living there. As I said, my mum is living alone also but she never complains.
I can feel it and see it, when his mother is being extra nice to my own sister and my male cousin, even asking them to come to the house sometimes to accompany her. The way her eyes look or stare at me make me very uncomfortable.
It's not like I never do their house chores, I do wash the dish and sweep the floor sometime. only the cooking part I never do because my fiance does it always (he's a cook), then when I tried to cook, there's always complains.... that I should do this do that.
I can't imagine being / living alone with her without my fiance, but he won't seem to understand...
only the cooking part I never do because my fiance does it always (he's a cook), then when I tried to cook, there's always complains.... that I should do this do that.
I can't imagine being / living alone with her without my fiance, but he won't seem to understand...
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
12 May 11
If you have no choice, you're gonna have to learn all those things. I seldom meet women who doesn't know how to cook so you're kinda out of the ordinary. If you really wanna get things right, you have to be flexible. When it comes to pleasing other people, though, the sad truth is you can't please everyone but you sure can try. Separate your mother-in-law from those everyone and learn her likes and dislikes. You have a great source and that's your fiance. Most of the answers you'll get from asking him and some you'll learn from living with her.
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
Well, my my girlfriends are not able to do all those things either because I guess we were not taught by our parents to do those things. For me, my mum never asks me to do house chores, sad but true, now when all the skills are needed, I feel very awkward.
I don't think thing will change, I always feel like she agreed to the engagement just because she wants his brother to get married to his long time girlfriend. Who helps them to cook everyday, clean the house, wash their clothes..
My mum is living alone also, but she never complains...
My mum is living alone also, but she never complains...@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
13 May 11
You really need to learn how to do household chores. It's really sounding to be a turn off.
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
It is not really about the house chores... i'm engaged dear, not yer married.
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
12 May 11
Since you have said that your engaged for more than 2 weeks now which means you two love each other, and if you really love him than you have to learn to adjust for the sake of your love.I know of some too who don't really know anything about household chores but they are rich and can afford to hire helpers to do the work for them, but in your case you are not ready for married life yet because as you have said you will miss your friends.Once you are married all the things you are enjoying as single will be cut or minimize and also will depend on the agreement between you and your husband to be.
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
yes, i understand.. I wish we will move out and live just me and my future husband. So long as not living there with the mum, we can always go and visit her anytime. A lot of people say, it is very hard to live with your in laws, especially the mother. There will be a lot of misunderstandings and arguments. A lot of friends experienced that, and also tell tale from outside.
I don't mind learning all those stuff. I can do it for him if he wants. But if living with her mother is tolerable, then I wonder why his big brother moved out from that house after marrying. And why his younger brother moved out, live with his girlfriend, who used to live there together with the mum, doing all the house chores? There must be something wrong.
So before anything happens, I think it is best to stay away.. only that I don't know what excuse to use.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
12 May 11
So that explains why she doesn't like you. I guess, she has already judged you as one who doesn't know how to do chores, easy go lucky etc., just merely observing you. 
However, if become the wife of his son and will live with her, then probably at the earliest, you should learn how to do household chores. Since you will be living in you mother-in-law's house you should learn how to compromise. Nobody wants a daughter-in-law who doesn't help in the chores.
You can have her like you by learning how to do things at home. It doesn't mean, you will have to do all the chores at home but learn how to be able to help around the house when that happens.
However, if become the wife of his son and will live with her, then probably at the earliest, you should learn how to do household chores. Since you will be living in you mother-in-law's house you should learn how to compromise. Nobody wants a daughter-in-law who doesn't help in the chores.
You can have her like you by learning how to do things at home. It doesn't mean, you will have to do all the chores at home but learn how to be able to help around the house when that happens. @chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
From the way I see it dear, I will be expected to do ALL. Well, I have my day work also, everybody works and I will be tired and will want to rest when I get home.
If my boyfriend wants me to be a housewife then I guess I have do to ALL those things but, I also put bread on the table soon so why am I expected to be the maid?
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
I hope you are right... 
, guess maybe I should give it a try first. If I really can't stand it then I will just leave.
thank you.
, guess maybe I should give it a try first. If I really can't stand it then I will just leave.
thank you.@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Maybe you are just paranoid of your mother-in-lw to be, so you think that way.
Anyway, cross the bridge when you get to it. When that really happens, then it's time to talk with your boyfriend about the situation. Perhaps he doesn't want you to feel that way always and will do something to eradicate the problem.
@Idmega2000 (127)
• United States
12 May 11
According to your explanations there are many reason for her not to like you, u have to learn to change, learn to do laundry, sweeping, cooking, and all stuffs like that,
you have to realise you have no choice, you have to accept your fate and move on. Like his cousin's wife said you have to be careful too.u have to show her you are a good person, probably if she realise how good and caring you are then i think she'll like you.
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
13 May 11
Yes, two of his cousin. The other one has moved out from their house because she can't stand the mother-in-law also. The other one said, she won't be at the house when her husband is not home yet.
Maybe something is wrong? maybe it is not really about me and the house chores. 
Then why do all the daughter-in-law seems to run away, right.
Then why do all the daughter-in-law seems to run away, right.