Help!!! I'm living the "Teen Mom" show in real life!
By NYRican
@NYRican (82)
United States
May 13, 2011 9:29am CST
My 19 year old daughter has been so disrespectful and unappreciative of everything my husband and I have done for her and her daughter. The arguments have been endless, we're both tired of putting up with it. We've done everything a parent can do from buying everything for the baby, to leaving work to rush over and pick her up from her baby's daddy's place after she argued with him and his family who are racist alcoholics. Only for her to go right back like nothing ever happened.
Now I'm considering kicking her out of our home and letting her go to a shelter if she needed to. She has no place to go cause the boyfriends family tried to put her in jail after trying to beat her up in their last arguement. They weren't successful because we came and rescued our daughter, explained to the officers how things really were with this family. Although, we've always been there for our daughter she sees us as the bad guys, there's just nothing more we can say or do to try and make her understand that everything we've done or said was for her own good.
Now the big problem here is my granddaughter, she was born with short bowel syndrome she's been through so much from surgeries to blood transfusions to countless hospital stays throughout her first year and a half. She's been living consistently with us since February of this year, before that she was coming and going between her dad's the hospital and my place. All cause my daughter wanted a happy little family with the dad but he couldn't care less. Since February the baby's been hospitalized only once which is the biggest improvement ever. I believe this is because she's been under my care most of the time since she moved back in.
Now with this being said, how am I suppose to kick my daughter and granddaughter out just to keep my sanity while trying to raise my three younger children? I feel like it will make me more crazy not knowing what's going on with both of them, not knowing if they're both okay.
7 responses
@tink91879 (742)
• United States
14 May 11
I enjoy watching Teen Mom on MTV. Your story sounds a bit like Janelles, minus the Dad whom I believe was in Jail. The mom got temporary custody of the baby. I recomend you do this. You can kick them both out, but than your punishing the baby. WHere will the baby go? Will she be on the streets? What if something happens? If I were you I would get temporary or full custody of the baby. If the boyfriend and his family are truly who they say they are than you shld have no problem. Does the Dad pay child support? If not this is something that needs to be established. Your daughter needs to live up to her responsibility. Throwing her out might end up where the baby is removed from her and put in fostercare. So before kicking her out establish custody of the child and tell her your done with her nonsense. She needs to grow up. Once she shows she has matured and has established herself in a stable home with a stable job than you guys can go to court and have custody transfered. Its a messy and some what pricey situation but something needs to be done. If you do nothing she will continue on this road of destruction and might end up pregnant again with another child for you to care for. Our jobs as a parent is to make sure our kids can fly when they leave the nest. Sometimes they need a good kick in the butt to get them off the ground.
@NYRican (82)
• United States
14 May 11
I agree you're right. Sometimes, I guess parents have to toughen up when it comes to letting go of their children. I think that may be part of the problem with me as well. Then again, I think it's mostly because of my granddaughter, I never had so much stress in my life before. Until, the day after she was born she had major surgery and got half her intestines removed.
Since then I just haven't stopped worrying. At the same time it made me feel really bad for my daughter having a sick baby this was a first in our family.
Thank God my granddaughter is doing really well today, and I know she will soon be fully recovered. I just need to set my daughter straight and continue to take my life back.
@smacksman (6053)
•
14 May 11
Teens are teens - with a baby or not. They just haven't grown up yet.
When I was 19 my parents were incredibly stupid. When I was 21 I was amazed at how my parents had learned in two years! Haha. I know it's an old joke but it is soooo true!
Stick it out. Your daughter does not realize how much she needs you both. You are the rock. You are the foundation. You are needed.
So swallow your pride, ride the punches, grit your teeth and carry on. They both need you.
@smacksman (6053)
•
14 May 11
You are very welcome.
No bad thing to shed a few quiet tears in front of her when she is being horrid to you. It might just trigger the deep down love she also has for you to come to the surface.
My children are in their late 30's and they can still drive you mad sometimes! 
ps - thanks for the BR.
ps - thanks for the BR.@NYRican (82)
• United States
14 May 11
Yes it is very true, I felt the exact same way when I was 19. Except I didn't put my mom through so much. What makes it so incredibly difficult is that no matter what your child does to you the love you have for them is always there.
How could I put her in a situation where she's going to feel homeless and completely alone when I love her so much, and want nothing but the best for her.
Even if she says she doesn't need us and she's making it on her own, while living with us. I know she needs us. Maybe I just wanted to feel needed. I don't know, but even if it was said by a stranger I think I just needed to hear from someone that she does need me. Just to have the strength to keep digging my heels in. Thanx for that!
@peavey (16936)
• United States
13 May 11
Wow, you're in a hard place and I sympathize. Not knowing the whole picture, it's hard to give reasonable advice, but it sounds like it's time for some "tough love." You could tell her that she will have to straighten up or you will take the baby from her. You probably could do that legally if the situation is as bad as you say.
Even if you don't want to do that, you could set her down and talk to her. Lay out the rules, like if she stays in your home, she will no longer go to her boyfriend's or his family's, house. If she takes the baby into a situation that's dangerous, you will call the police - on her. You don't say if she is working or not, but if not, she needs to get a job. It's a great way to learn discipline.
Sometimes "being there" for our kids is not the best thing to do.
@NYRican (82)
• United States
13 May 11
My daughter was always a good kid, did good in school and has worked since 16. Until her baby's dad came into her life and completely changed her into a whole other person. They've broken up a million times but he always brain washes her and she goes right back and that's usually when everything starts up again.
We're tired of laying out the rules. If I thought she was putting the baby in any danger I would definitely take her away she knows that. She takes care of her daughter, her problem is getting along with her parents and showing some respect, following our rules etc.. I think what you said is very true, it's hard to accept but I feel that's the only choice I have right now is to stop being there for her.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
14 May 11
It's so hard when you're a Mum, because while you love your child unconditionally, it's unfair that she treats you in this way. Perhaps you should say that you're no longer willing to pay for her or look after her baby. She probably wouldn't end up in a hostel, there would be money that she could claim to help her along, and she could always get a job. You can't keep letting this rule your life though. Your daughter chose to have a child young, and that's her decision. It wasn't your decision to get all of this stress on your shoulders, so you shouldn't worry about feeling bad. They would keep in touch with you, surely. Just because she's no longer under your roof doesn't mean that she won't keep in contact, and it also doesn't mean that you can't support her from afar.
@NYRican (82)
• United States
14 May 11
You are very right I can't let this rule my life. I stopped helping her financially and no longer babysit for her either, since she said she's doing everything on her own. All I do now is let her live with us that's about it. She has a job, she gets SSI for the baby and recently started getting child support.
I figured I'll find an affordable apartment for her and help to move her and the baby in. Once she's completely on her own she'll have no other choice but to grow up, and learn how it really is to be on your own. This way I'll have peace of mind.
@ravisivan (14078)
• India
13 May 11
It is ok to send ur daughter out. If u can retain the grand daughter and take care it may be nice. But they will not allow that to happen. You can tell them in clear terms that you would not like to be disturbed by them in view of their behavior.
@ravisivan (14078)
• India
14 May 11
Thanks for appreciating my point. Find out whether there is a possibility for reform in ur daughter and her friend.
@maria__simova (38)
• Bulgaria
13 May 11
you really serios problem!Human health is most important hopre to find finansial and moral support from its friends and familly!Good luck and may God protect you!I wish you all the best!
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
19 May 11
I'm sorry you have to be going through this. I myself am a teen mom. I had my oldest daughter when I was 17. I could never emagine ever treating my parents like that. I have the most respect for anybody and everybody who have helped me the last 8 years. Personally I would say you should go for guardian ship of the baby. Seems as though the child does best in your care. I would kick her out as well. I wouldnt tolerate any of my children acting as if I and my husband are the 'bad' people when we're trying to do the best we can and what is in the best interest of our child and grandchild. I can only imagine how difficult the decision must be. My children act up but their still growing as individuals and learning but most importantly I never let my level of respect every decline.
