how do you move on from the past?

Wow this is a tough one. Once trust has been broken it is very hard to completely trust again. I think you just have to decide whether you will stay or go and stick with it. Don't punish yourself either way and use a lot of self talk to support yourself. I think if it starts affecting you physically and excessively emotionally you must take care of yourself first and do whatever it takes to do that. Good luck and best wishes.

Talking about lies and betrayals... Welcome to my club. I've been there , done that thing to move on from my husbands lies but I just couldn't. It has been over Three years now and still nothing change to the way I feel about trusting him. Maybe, because he wasn't helping me much. He is still the same insensitive person to my emotional needs and the same person who doesn't keep his words. So, how can I trust someone like that again? In your case, you need to give him a chance just like I did. Let your bf proves to you that he can be trusted again. Don't dig the past, BESIDES, PAST IS PAST.Face your present now. If you want to make the relationship works try to have an amnesia of the things he did that have hurt you and your relationship with him. It is the only way to move on. Ask him, too, to help you by being honest. Unless, he do this, things between you and your boyfriend will be just like another story mine and my husband.

This sounds like more than just moving on from the past to me; I think it's very relevant to the now. I know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who lied to me like that, and it wasn't just a "white" lie either. It was a very big thing that he kept from you. You need to do whatever you think will make you happy, but if he lied about something that big, what else could he be keeping from you? I have no place in telling you what to do with your life, but I really think that that is something you should really consider. You will know if and when it is time to cut ties. You just have to listen to your heart. But don't mistake your mind for heart. I don't think that there are really any signals. If you feel that you maybe should move on, then you probably should, but it doesn't mean that you have to be ready to do that right away either. Once you truly want something - or don't want something - you will naturally take steps in the right direction.

First, I think that the fact that he told you such a huge lie is going to be difficult to get over. I am trying to put myself in your position. I do not like being lied to (not that anyone does), but I don't think that him lying to me about being married would be as big a deal (as long as he was divorced, of course) as him lying about not having children. The fact that he is willing to deny his children speaks volumes to his character, in my opinion. Then again, I do not know the circumstances, so maybe if his ex-wife left him and took the children without letting him know where they were or letting him have contact with them, then it was just easier for him to cope by pretending that they didn't exist. Second and perhaps more important, I think that it matters how you found out that he was lying. If he decided to tell you about his past, especially if it was painful for him, then I believe that he trusts you and it was a huge leap of faith on his part, so you should try to think of it as a positive instead of a negative. If you found out by accident, on the other hand, then I would have to wonder what other lies he has/will tell you. I don't think that I could trust someone like that, and without trust I don't think the relationship will last.

That is a very difficult situation. That's what's so bad about lying. Once you know someone lied to you, you tend to have this question at the back of your mind whether what that person tells you from now on is true or not, and even which of the things he's told you before are true and which are lies... So really it's best not to tell lies at all because it will be harder to regain trust. I believe in giving people second chances though. First, I give them a chance to explain. Maybe they thought they had a valid reason, maybe their reason is 'acceptable' enough, that is, forgivable. Then, I ask them to just please please avoid doing it again... then I keep my eyes open, but at the same time, try to think positively that they won't lie again - call it a 'guarded' trust. (I don't think I'd go through their email though. I think that's a little too much. I may look over public things like fb walls or something - those that I have reasonable access to, but not private things like email...) If they don't betray my trust again after this, then we're all good. But if they lie again... well, I don't really like the thought of (completely) cutting ties, but if we're talking about relationships here, I think friendship would be the most I can give... A few more things. - I would still prefer knowing rather than for it to never have been mentioned. I would feel like an idiot when I eventually find out. (I say when, not if, because truth, more often than not, has a way of coming out...) - Therefore, I prefer to be told by the person directly (confess) rather than finding out for myself (shocking!). - And I prefer to know the truth sooner than later. I hope things work out for you and your boyfriend.

i can relate to your post,we all had past and its up to us on how are we going to moved on.like base on my experience,i i have moved on after 3 years because i finally realize that i cant get anything out of it but hurting myself repeatedly,so i told to myself to stand up and moved on thought its not that easy but you have too.You have to do what is right stop hurting yourself,just be happy that it happened we may never understand it but God has a reason for allowing things to happen you just need to be strong,face the reality and never look back from the past and pray...

i think you will just know... you will be ready, you will most definitely feel that you are already ready to get out of the "bad feeling that the past has brought you... like this line that anthony hopkins said in the movie, "the rite".. he said that he somehow was far too long in the dark and that he realised that being too much in it made him go into the light...

It is easy to say move on...But it really is a test of your character of how you learn to grieve and let go. It is easier when you have God and the good support of helpful people especially those that accepts you as you are and does not question the decisions that you make.It is normal for us women to express our anger by being vocal about it. Sometimes those closest to us can feel the brunt of our anger not really directed towards them. You will know within yourself if you are ready to move on. Only you know that. Each person has her or his own sense of right timing. My gauge is when I know that If I did not take a grip of myself I would probably wallow in the past and remain there. After some introspective I realize this was not the person that I was. I decide to let my burdens go and let God take control.

I think you are in a really tough spot obviously, I am sorry this guy lied to you about something so fantastically huge? I mean what was he thinking, If you guys were to get very serious and some day were to get married, What did he plan to completely stay out of his kids lives to keep the lie going? In the past I have been lied to and I actually broke up with the girl, I found out she was lying and looked her right in the face and asked her the thing she was lying about and with a straight face she looked back at me and just lied like it was nothing. The lie she told was nothing like what your going through and just because I ended up breaking off things with this girl does not mean you should break things off with this guy, but he really has some explaining to do. I really believe without being able to trust someone, That the relationship is over even if you don`t know it yet. My advice to you is, If you really really like this guy just out of the blue ask him why he lied about such a thing. Try not to get upset keep that in the inside its the only chance you will have of getting the real answer. Sounds like you have some serious soul searching ahead of you, You need to figure out on your own, don`t listen to your girlfriends or anybody... Its your life. Sit down and simply decide can I put this past me or not, If you don't think you can put it past you I personally would not be able to. Maybe even consider taking a small break from each other until You figure out what you want to do. Good Luck with whatever you choose misc....

if you guys have been together for a year or so, this will appear as a big issue than if you two are committed to each other for a couple of months only. why? imply because of the span of time he lied. i mean, i would understand if my boyfriend will lie about his past if and only if that lying thing will last only a few months. but if we're already together for a couple of years already but still he did not admit about his past then i might think he is not serious with me. cause if he is, he should have told me the truth, it's much better if i'll know it as early as possible. im not asking him to tell it immediately, but to tell it when he gets to know me better, me and my attitude. he should understand why i should know the truth after all im his girl friend. how long have you both been together when you knew the truth? a question that should really be answered.

how did I moved on from my past? way back 3 years ago, one thing that I did that really gaves me a better outcome is to stay away from him. By that moved I made really satisfy my ego, and that moved on and start a new love life. :)

you should convince yourself that its already past. it happened already and you can't make it happen again.. go out and have some fun with friends, family and others, meet new people.. and make new love... just think it in positive way, that it happens for a reason, and someone will come and something will grow.. :D