so much words hurt, but silence is even worst
By lhenpaule
@lhenpaule (495)
Philippines
May 17, 2011 4:37am CST
Yesterday, i got angry with my daughter who keep on insisting I allow her to stay for a couple of days in one of her friend's province. She wants to experience its town fiesta.
I didn't like the idea since school enrollment is near. I want her to prepare her things for school. But she keeps insisting. These made me angry, and scolded her.
When my daughter saw how angry I am, she left me and went to her room. I feel I was disrespected, and so I followed her to her room and scolded her even more, but my daughter remain silent. I didn't notice how furious I am that I said words that i should have not said.
Then my daughter told me, "Why are you so furious? I didn't say anything more. The reason why i went to my room is because I know you don't like the idea, that's why I gave up and just walk into my room. That's all."
I was tongue-tied. Then i left her.
Realizing my actions, thinking what I did and things I have said, I realized I may have said so many words that hurt my daughter, which in fact hurts me too because I know I should have not told her that, but what is more hurting to me is her silence. It would be more fine with me if she complain and confront the situation, but she did not. And for me, her silence is more hurting than the words I've said.
We did not end that day without us talking and settle the issue. In the end, we hug and say, "i love you".
7 responses
@laissezFaire (25)
• Philippines
18 May 11
as they say, less talk, less mistakes, but for us, mothers, its impossible not to talk a lot because we fear for our children. we love them so much that we want to keep them sheltered from all the pains and unconsciously we do this by giving them a tongue lashing only to realize so much later that we showed our love in the most unacceptable way. good for you because you were able to settle the issue but God knows how many relationships out there are twice as worst. and that, a million lives are broken and miserable because they failed to recognize their mothers love beneath the hurtful words...i am not saying that its okay for mothers to say things they are not supposed to say...what i mean is, whenever we have said something that pained you, we didn't mean it to be that way...and the truth is...we are hurting more
@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
Open communication and demonstration are definitely necessary. When we say we love them, let's show them. More often, when hurtful words comes first, it creates barrier that no matter what we say they no longer absorb those because what they feel all over them is hurt, pain and anger. Parenting is a continuing process. Let us not stop from motivating our children.
In our case, I remember how my parents deal with us when we were young and I try as much as possible to analyze the situation of the past to help me correct its occurrence in the present. In my own family I established family discussion or dialogue so as to motivate my children to open-up. In most cases, I allow them to speak first. If, however, an untoward incident happened, just like what transpired recently between me and my daughter, I will see to it that during our dialogue, I will admit that me too has fault, in order for them to realize and have the courage to accept their own fault also.
@denikurniadi (317)
• Indonesia
18 May 11
I Ever get experience like you. my sister always make me angry. she never want to heard my remark. till now, i don't know to face her. huh . . . . . !
@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
For sure there will be a fun time between you and your sister, take advantage of that. Observe your sister, when both of you are in good mood, talk to her, not as a confrontation manner but in the way you talk with your closest friend. Make the first move, slowly but surely. Things will get better between the 2 of you. Good luck. God bless you both.
@gloryacam (5540)
• Philippines
17 May 11
Yes, sometimes silence is more hurtful than when the other person shouts back at you. It's like you're winning a fight because you keep punching but the other person is not punching back. It's good that your daughter was able to explain her silence. Otherwise, you two would not be talking even after the day has ended.
@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
That is why I am very thankful that my daughter is broad-minded and respect and love me truly. Everything ends well.
@davidkwan95 (185)
• Indonesia
17 May 11
Well, I think it is normal when you're angry and someone keep silent, you'll get angrier. I also thought the same when your daughter went to the room. Luckily you then did what you suppose to do. Good work :D
@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
Thank you. It is not really right to open your mouth when you are angry. You might say words that you don't mean when your feeling is fine. God is good He did not allow that argument take long. Thank you for sharing with us.
@marapplestiffy (2182)
• Philippines
17 May 11
Misunderstanding other people's actions happens a lot, and it hurts us. My mom and I went through a really unharmonious relationship when I was in my teens, because if I answer she gets furious for being disrespected, but if I don't say anything she gets furious still...I didn't get her, I admit that I didn't get myself too
, I was really disruptive but thank God she kept patient and I got though it and now I'm finally a bit matured
It's very nice that you can communicate with your daughter though and I guess everything went well in the end, as it always does I guess...
, I was really disruptive but thank God she kept patient and I got though it and now I'm finally a bit matured
It's very nice that you can communicate with your daughter though and I guess everything went well in the end, as it always does I guess...@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
It's a good thing that parents at this age exercise open communication with their children, and children are also the same. Unlike back in our years, we cannot just speak out our opinion to our parents because they will treat that as disrespect to them. And somehow we feel we are being deprive of so many things because our side is not heard. That is why when I grow up, I told myself that when I become parents I motivate my children to voice out even the smallest details in their mind and heart, so that there will be no communication gap and we will have a better understanding with each other.
What happened between me and my daughter is a by-product of unreasonable anger. Thank God that we patched things up at the same day.
Thanks for sharing with me.
@gelayagui98 (1336)
• Australia
17 May 11
An attitude like yours is just norm for us mothers, that will often happen to me and my eldest son. To my dismay, my eldest son's attitude is far different from his two youngest siblings. Because maybe he grew with the care of a yaya (nanny) that's why he has behaviors problem unlike his two siblings, I took care of them, I devoted my time to them. Even other people in the family noticed his attitude he has scolded always. When we have arguments he just remain silent but I forced him to open up what really the problem is. It is not good to be silent at their age because unvoiced-out feelings can be a caused of heart failures. So as soon as possible the misunderstanding settled immediately and should listen to what ever he says too before I do my counseling.
@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
Patience is one of the ingredients of motherhood. Get hold of your son and never loose hope, everything will be fine with him, just keep on motivating him.
@RabbitCanFly (120)
• China
17 May 11
Yeah silence always suggests you don't give a damn about the people who is angry at you and you are too lazy to confront them.But it can also means otherwise.In your case,maybe your daughter remained silence because she thought she shouldn't confront her own mother,or maybe she thought the things she's going to say just would make your more angry.
@lhenpaule (495)
• Philippines
18 May 11
Your observation is exactly right. It was too late that I've realized that. When she turned her back at me and went straight to her room, I thought she just only disrespect me, but when she explained her action it was not the way I thought. Thank God that my daughter is broad-minded that approach me after she felt I have cooled down.
