Do you agree

Hmm... well, sometimes you need to tell your friends about problems you are having in order to get some insight and advice. Friends can offer a different perspective that maybe you haven't thought of. Sometimes it is hard to tackle problems strictly on your own, you do need some support. And sometimes it is just helpful to be able to talk about troubles and have a shoulder to cry on. But I do understand that maybe a few friends would be enough. If it were me, I would talk to friends about this one by one and in private... it's different if you talk about it in a group, that feels too public... And also, I would ask each of the persons I talk privately to about it to keep the conversation just between the two of us. As for your friends ending up disliking the person... well, in my case for example, when I talked to a friend about this someone, I think I was fair enough to the person in that I did not paint a completely bad picture of him. In turn, when a friend told me about his troubles, I try not to judge the person he was talking about and give that person the benefit of the doubt.

I think that there are certain things that should stay between husband and wife, no matter if they are good or bad. Only if things get to a point where you can´t deal with the problems alone, you must seek help. But that help will not come from a friend while having lunch. It has to be someone experienced and not personally involved in the problem.

No, I completely disagree with you. If your friends seriously only want to hear about the good things in your life, then they are not really friends at all. Friends are meant to be there for you in the good AND the bad. They're there to help you, support you and be there for you when you need them. Furthermore, unless you have the money to shell out for a therapist every week, you NEED someone to talk to. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up, especially not for stupid reasons like keeping up appearances. You need someone to talk to for your own mental health as well as the betterment of your relationship. Now, telling everyone you know ONLY the bad things is a different matter altogether. It's a matter of knowing who to talk to and when it is appropriate to do so.

I've got to tell you Babygirl, this is a very touchy subject because I've been there and done that and it's NOT easy! My mother was very judgemental when it came to my boyfriends or my first husband. She either liked them or she didn't. No inbetween. She didn't like my first husband but after we married, she tolerated him because he was my husband however, when we did split up, she stayed polite although I knew she didn't like him. But with the boyfriends I had before I got married, she made it known that she didn't like them which made it very hard for me so I stayed away. Then I got married and divorced and then started to date another man which I kept to myself everything that went wrong but it only got worse, still, I kept it to myself. Finally after two years I couldn't take it anymore and had to let them know even knowing that they loved him dearly. I told them the reason I didn't tell them sooner was because I didn't want them to turn against him because of the past when they didn't like a guy I dated and how they made it so hard for me to be with them but that I couldn't take anymore and was leaving my then boyfriend. My parents were totally shocked and concerned for me but still loved my soon to be ex which was fine with me however, my friends turned against him totally because they knew all along what he was doing. It's weird because here my parents weren't turning against him but my friends already had. So the lesson I learned is this, nobody's perfect. No matter what, good friends or good family or not, nobody is perfect however, we all need someone to talk to or we'll bust at the seams. In order to do that you have to keep an opened mind and talk with your 'closest' friends but before doing that, you need to tell them that this is strickly between you and I and you don't want it repeated so that they'll know before you tell them. Then you tell them to keep an opened mind at what you're about to tell because nobody is perfect and you want to hear the truth in how she feels about the situation and to not be afraid. You want to hear the truth no matter if it hurts or not or you'll never be able to grow from your situation. Hopefully your 'close' friend will be strong enough to tell you the truth but you have to be sure to tell her the whole truth in order for her to be able to tell you her opinion. And tell her you're not wanting to turn her against your boyfriend/husband but want to know how she feels and that's it. It's not easy but that's the best I can tell you in how to handle it.

Yeah, I am with you in your principles about relationship between couples.Marriage life is not all smooth sailing there are rough times too. Disagreement between you and your partner must stay between you both.And the couple alone must resolve it.I don't think it's right to tell your friends about your problems.

in general i agree with you, but at certain point.. If the situation is too bad, can be better to tell to your friends.

I agree 1000%! If you b!tch about the bad things then your friends wonder why you are staying with them, especially if they never liked them in the first place.I think it is better when your love is your best friend too. That way , well hopefully, you can talk things out between the two of you Without bringing in any outsiders.

yep...I agree on this. I think you need to keep your relationship between the two of you ...ups and downs. I was in an abusive marriage and I went to extremes to keep it to myself. I KNEW that the minute I opened up to my best friend that I was ready to leave and needed her support. Prior to that, other people could see the abuse and all it did was make me more determined to convince them they were wrong...cover it up. I can look back and see that they meant to help. I can only imagine that if I openly shared stuff with them that my life would have been hell. What goes on between you and your spouse or boyfriend should stay between you unless you are ready to leave and need help.

I agree to an extent. You are right that you don't want your family and friends to dislike your spouse. But at the same time, you also need someone to talk to when you are going through problems. They can console you and give you advice. I wouldn't tell them every little thing but sometimes you need to vent. Also, no one has a perfect relationship so they will understand. If they dislike him for the things he does he must be doing some really bad things and if that is the case why are you with him?

Hello babygirl, U are right. It is better to hold back your personal problems from outsiders even though they are your friends. But sometimes situation goes beyond our control. It is during these periods that instead of going insane, it is better to share, BUT only with those who are really close to u and who understand yr feelings perfectly and if u are wrong they are there to guide u to right path.

I don't believe in advice that is uncalled for. It's normal for a person to express hurt or heartaches to friends but advice should be given if and only if it is asked. Now if the problem between spouses is beyond normal (a.k.a. human rights infringement), I think friends and family have the obligation to help. A friend's philandering husband is none of my concern. However, if my friend is being physically abused, I would help her find justice.

Yes, i totally agree with you. It's best that we should only tell our friends the good times we have with our husband. Keep those bad moments to ourselves only. That way, animosity between your friends and husband will not build up, without the husband knowing what really made them like that to him.

I think I should just tell my friends both the good and the bad but if my husband is treating me bad why should I have to keep it inside. If he's hurting me in the inside to the point where I can't control my emotions maybe I should confide in my friends. Now, I wouldn't go ranting off to a whole bunch of friends, I'd have a personal deep conversation with just one friend, a friend that I can trust my heart with.

Agree, especially when kids around, you better not say anything bad about you and your spouse, when argument become harder between you two, this is not only to keep sense of "respect" also its about to keeping the "light" for him/her to find his/her way back home to the family as the way it was and learn from the mistakes.. keep believe in yourself that everything is gonna be ok is worth doing.

i don;t agree with you. if your friends really care for you they would give you advices on how to work out those problems. I"m not saying is ok to talk about it with everybody...it ok to talk about it with your close firends that really care for you. I don't like the idea of creating the image of the perfect relationship...even if he treats me like crap...first of all I wouldn't stay with him if he did that to me