Too short, distant, whatever...
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
May 20, 2011 4:12pm CST
OK so I admit it. I've been messing around a little bit on dating sites. There's OKCupid, a free site, and Mature Singles and E-Harmony which aren't. These pay sites are sneaky a la classmates.com, etc. You can set up profiles, but you can't actually talk to anybody unless you upgrade.
Some guy on OK Cupid did contact me though. Seems like an OK person. He's a wee bit too far away though, considering I have kids in school. Also, he has two sons who are mentally retarded, one at a 5 year old level, one at a 9 year old level. I'm not sure I want to be spending my retirement years taking care of two mentally challenged grownups.
Then there's another guy who came up on my match list. A veterinarian, nearby, seems really interesting. And he's 5'4". I'm 5'8", and it may seem shallow, but somehow 4 inches shorter is probably too much for me.
As for the other two sites, I can't even talk to those people, so why am I messing around there. lol
But here's the real point of this discussion. If you were really a high match with somebody, your interests were practically all the same, you liked how they looked, you liked how they spoke about themselves, but there was one thing that bothered you such as the things I've mentioned above, would you even talk to the person at all?
I'm not talking about things that are "show stoppers" necessarily, but more like things that you're not quite sure whether you want to deal with or not?
Would you get to know them a little and then decide? Or would you just bypass them altogether?
7 people like this
32 responses
@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
20 May 11
Hi dawnald,
I used to mess around on such sites too when I was younger (I would still do it today, but I don't have time 
), and I've met some men; some experiences were good, others didn't work out, and one was really awful.
And one time I agreed to meet a guy who didn't have a picture. Normally I didn't do that (I interpreted "no picture" as "wife at home"), but he was quite fun, we chatted on skype a few times, and I thought it could work out. I still remember that he brought me a bouquet made entirely of parsley, dill and mint, but wrapped beautifully with a pink ribbon - he had that sense of humor, and I appreciated it. But he was short and fat. And I backed out.
Of all the people I met on that site, I still think of this guy. Could he have been the one? Did I miss him by being this shallow? I wish I gave it a try, at least.
), and I've met some men; some experiences were good, others didn't work out, and one was really awful.
And one time I agreed to meet a guy who didn't have a picture. Normally I didn't do that (I interpreted "no picture" as "wife at home"), but he was quite fun, we chatted on skype a few times, and I thought it could work out. I still remember that he brought me a bouquet made entirely of parsley, dill and mint, but wrapped beautifully with a pink ribbon - he had that sense of humor, and I appreciated it. But he was short and fat. And I backed out.
Of all the people I met on that site, I still think of this guy. Could he have been the one? Did I miss him by being this shallow? I wish I gave it a try, at least.3 people like this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
20 May 11
I had to consider what was acceptable, personality and looks wise to me. Of course, the same goes for any guy, he might choose not to get acquainted with us. I think I probably was not the most wonderful catch, but Hubby thought I was. He was not even looking to get married, he just wanted someone to cook dinner for occasionally and go bowling.
2 people like this
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
21 May 11
I did the dating site scene for awhile. I found no one worth knowing. I met real handsome men who only look at me as a physical being could care less about ME.
I met real smart men who wanted to make me feel stupid, who were intimidated that I could actually have an opininon differing from theirs.
I met wussy men who couldn't stand up to a fly.
I met men who thought they could stand up to superman.
All in all, I hate being single but I think I would hate being married to one of those types ever again.
To answer your question, don't settle. Find someone you can respect and who also turns your lights on!
2 people like this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
21 May 11
Beautifully said, I was thinking about the do not settle and did not want to repeat. 
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
20 May 11
Hi, Dawnald. When I was on the dating scene due to being widowed, these sites were not so big, so I never used them. I joined some pen pal sites and I picked up a newspaper called "Introducing Country Singles". That newspaper is still around. I liked how it worked. That is where I met my hubby. I did meet a few people besides him, and let my gut be my guide. I will be the first to admit, maybe I should have thought even further than I did, but hubby is basically a good one. I found people who sent me photocopied letters, without even putting my name or ID on them. I met some who had nothing to say but "I'm Lonely" and then one guy wanted to come meet me even after I told him I was going to be seeing my current husband. He tried to tell me how successful he was, but he was also a whiner. I think he was a bit like your R. I guess where I am going with this is that you still have kids in school, they are a part of the package and what you do has to be good for them as well as for you. Take your time. I think if there is a problem with "one thing" when you dig a little deeper there will be something else there as well. Trust your gut on this.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
21 May 11
I promised I wouldn't describe my guy here but let's just say, he isn't a redhead. I Love, or should I say Lust after redheads. But I fell for his heart not his outer beauty. He is beautiful but if you showed me his picture 5 years ago and said This is the One, I would have been puzzled.I Had the " ideal' guy but he wasn't in love with me so he left. My Guy loves me! I just can't describe him, He Will kill me! It is the connection that matters. So go for it. You maybe surprised.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
23 May 11
Al I can say is follow your heart. Go do what you Like to do and see what happens.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
20 May 11
Oh you naughty girl! I will respond tomorrow.
I am shocked at what you have been up to. Just shocked
I am shocked at what you have been up to. Just shocked2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
24 May 11
Have you tried myyearbook.com? That could be a great site to check out to meet a few new people. My niece found her fiance on that site. So you never know you might find your prince charming on there also. never hurts to talk to the people. Unless your for sure you couldn't put up with one of their so called flaws. which some lookover and then it ends up coming back and biting them on the behind..
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
24 May 11
I'm sorry to hear that.
Have you heard of elitemate.com? maybe you would have luck finding someone on there.
Have you heard of elitemate.com? maybe you would have luck finding someone on there.1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 May 11
No, I haven't. Is it a free site or a pay site?
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
23 May 11
I was in an LTR for seven years that ended quite suddenly last fall, and at a friend's suggestion created a profile on Plenty of Fish. For several weeks, I only only emailed, then chatted with guys online--I was too scared to give someone I didn't know my cell number. I started talking to several guys at once, and finally decided to go on dates with several. Guy #1 was really nice but there was no chemistry. Guy #2 was nice enough, but at the end of the night began to make out with me in the parking lot--he didn't even know my last name!!! Needless to say, that was going nowhere fast. Guy #3 'forgot' to make a date, and begged off when I asked him why. Hurt, I decided to take a couple of weeks and reevaluate my approach. One guy came up in my matches that interested more because of how much we had in common. I sent him a message, he wrote back and we're currently living together.
I have, wait, HAD a thing about guys with hairy backs--I think because of my ex-husband. Strangely it doesn't bother me anymore. It's different for everyone-I used to ONLY be concerned with how a guy looked but as I've gotten older, I've learned that many of the 'flavors of the month' that I used to think were hot have no substance! Good luck in your life partner search and if you're looking for a free dating site, I recommend Plenty of Fish.
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
24 May 11
It's a free site--I tried eHarmony's "Free Communication Weekend" that really wasn't. I'm ultra-cheap and wouldn't have suggested PoF (Plenty of Fish) if didn't believe in it. You will get some really stupid responses and comments from guys but there will be genuine ones too. Good luck in meeting someone great! :)
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
Hm, well it can't hurt to take a look. Is it a free site or a pay site?
@celticeagle (166912)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 11
I would put it to the test. Is this issue something I can talk to this other person about or would I be too embarrased? If you are too embarrased I would move on. It could become a stigma. If it is heighth- move on. If you have a problem with short men maybe he has a problem with tall women. I would be picky. Others will come along. You don't have to pounce on the first ones. Enjoy yourself and just get a feel for it and let the right one filter his way to you.
1 person likes this
@badwes (406)
• United States
6 Jun 11
you felth tht they RE NOT OK FOR YOU , SO FINE ,,MOVE ON , they are not what you are looking for , you will find better , and so are they ..right ? dting sites i ahve been around speeddate, ok cupid , and badoo, and all sucks in ma humble opinion
@SilverSnow (45)
• United States
24 May 11
Depending on what the problem is then I'll decide. There are some major problems that make me uneasy and I know will become a problem eventually so I won't even bother trying to make something work when I already know it won't. I won't bypass them, I'll still talk to them but I'll let them know my reasons for why I don't want to try to go further than friendship. I won't have an height issue because I'm 5'2 and I've never met a guy shorter than that. I met a guy that's 5'3, lol.
Now the issue with the man with 2 handicapped children would be a problem because I know from experience how difficult it can be. I have a brother that is 29 with the brain of a 6 yr old and it's put a lot of strain on the family and to see that he has 2 children like that, really puts me off. I'm not being mean but I don't want to put that added stress on myself when I already have it. It's too painful and I know trying to date him would end up badly.
Plus there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open and being a little picky. If I wasn't a little picky, I would've never met the great guy I'm with now. I would've ended up dating a lot of guys that would've caused me so much pain and start so much drama. I used okcupid and plenty of fish and met my current bf from plenty of fish.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 May 11
I don't think there's anything wrong with being picky either. After all, why waste somebody's time if you feel upfront that something won't work.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
Maybe, but I am so afraid of falling for somebody, and finding out afterward that it's wrong because I didn't go slowly enough.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 May 11
The height thing is definitely not something that would cut me off for someone. Of course, it would take a lot of work for me to find a man that was shorter than I am. I would actually match the gentleman that you are talking about in height.
The children thing would really depend on the relationship that he has with the children. What I mean is if he is hands on with them, then he will probably stay that way throughout his life. However, if he was standoffish with them, then I wouldn't be able to pursue a relationship.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
I am 5'8", so not so hard....
Wouldn't want him to be TOO hands on, if you know what I mean. 
@vandana7 (100282)
• India
21 May 11
Interesting. :) Actually sometime ago, I too joined a site. One of the guys recently contacted me. He is about 60 years old. He was once in armed forces. He suffered with inferiority complex with me..felt I was too highly educated for him, and to overcome that, he said I shouldnt earn. I refused. The mail I received made me feel very guilty. Impossible situations.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
23 May 11
When I was younger, maybe.
But if it were today, I wouldn't bother altogether. I think I already wasted too much of my life that I would have higher expectations already.
And if it looks like it wouldn't work, for even some shallow reason, I'd just nip it in the bud. Besides, I know I would be OK even if I didn't find anybody.
-selfish bounce
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
Some people are just fine with being alone. Nothing wrong with that.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
22 May 11
That depends who am I talking to? After I read their profiles, and I like their conversation through online chatting, I might give them a chance to and go from there. It is a matter of chance. You don't try it, or take it, you won't even know what you are missing. So, I am trying to encourage to meet some freak - dudes in the public. I just telling you that if you see someone interesting, give them a chance, and give yourself chance also.
@greenmachine45 (430)
• United States
21 May 11
oops I didn't answer the question. If you were compatible with the person and he seems interesting enough I would get to know them. At least meet to have coffee or something to see if there is any chemistry or sparks there. If you like him enough then maybe you can learn to overcome the obstacles.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
Yeah as long as the obstacles are not show stoppers.
