Need advice! Family members causing me extreme anxiety!!
By Robswife2006
@Robswife2006 (1208)
United States
May 20, 2011 7:18pm CST
I swear it has been one thing after another w/ members of not just my family, but w/ my husband's Mother as well. My MIL & I used to get along so well the first couple of years my husband & I were married, but that all changed after my husband & I returned from our vacation. We spent a couple of weeks w/ her after we got back because while we were away she was house/dog sitting for us. Well lets just say she over stayed her welcome real quick. Suddenly I started to see sides of her that I'd never seen before. I found out that she can be very selfish at times giving little thought to others around her, she was & is constantly paranoid always thinking that someone has a hidden meaning behind what they say or do when in fact that's not the case at all. This last argument we had was over the fact that I simply misspelled the word MeMaw in some of the photos I took while we visited my husband's grandparents. I placed the pics on my Facebook account & apparently misspelled the word MeMaw in some of the photos. She actually took offense at this because of the way I spelled it thinking it was a dig at her & her family because they called her that. I've never heard anyone call their grandmother that before, but I guess it's a southern thing or something. I wasn't making fun of anything. I just misspelled the word. So now we're not speaking over something as stupid as that. Then if that's not bad enough my younger sister is not speaking to me because I took her husband off my Facebook. Although he has not come right out & said it(well as far as I know anyways)he's all but admitted that he doesn't like me, so tell me why would I keep someone on my FB account who does not like me? That & the fact that some of the things he posts on his FB I take offense at. He has this album w/ funny pics in it & sometimes there's curse words in the captions, but that's only one of the things that I find offensive. So again why would I keep him on my FB account? So in short I have been arguing w/ my sister, my younger brother(for reasons I'm just too tired to go into)& my MIL as well. My anxiety has been so bad I can hardly breathe. I've been getting a lot of headaches & the shakes as well which means my blood pressure must be very high. So what do I do? They're family. Do I cut them out of my life & finally be done w/ them. Or do I continue to go through this time & time again because that's how they are & yes that's how I am as well at times & none of us will ever change? What do I do here? I'm so tired of all the fighting. I grew up around it all my life. Is it so wrong to just want some peace for once in my life? Any advice? Any words of wisdom?
2 people like this
5 responses
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
4 Dec 11
First of all let me just say I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this.
I find that in situations like this a one on one heart to heart conversation is in order. Invite your mother in law and your little sister (individually of course) out to lunch or over to your house for lunch and tell them you would like to sit down and work out your differences.
Also about the facebook thing if it offends your sister that much that you defriended her husband go ahead and add him as a friend again, you don't actually have to pay attention to anything he posts, but if he does post something important and non offensive you will still have access to that information. I think we choose our battles in life and if it is a battle to not be friends on facebook with him then end that battle and be friends with him, it is really not a big deal, if he posts something offensive just ignore it, it will be gone before you know it.
1 person likes this
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
13 Dec 11
My MIL & I get a long really well now, as for my sister we longer speak & haven't for a number of months. We made up after the whole Facebook issue, but then she chose to get upset over something else later on. With my younger sister it is constantly one battle after another & I decide that I just can't do it anymore. I grew up with constant fighting in my family & now as an adult I am tired of it. All I want now is some peace, so for the sake of peace I decided that it's best for my sister & I to cut all ties. I have to accept the fact that she will never change & move on with my life.
@AJsMom (157)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
I think the reason why some people are selfish is because of insecurity. She thinks that you are a competitor in her son's attention and that she can no longer have complete hold of her son over you. That is when selfishness sets in. It always happen in an "in-laws" relationship. Try your best to make her feel that she will always remain your husband's beloved mother and you wouldn't take that away from her. I know it is easier said than done but nevertheless you should give it a try to give peace a chance. If doing FB causes more heartache than fun then it would be better if you will limit the use of it. Remember happiness is in our hands, it is a choice. Accept the fact that life with in-laws are not always sweet but you can do something to level down your sensitivity. It's a challenge but you've got to do it.
1 person likes this
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
13 Dec 11
My MIL & I have since had a long talk since I first started this discussion & I'm happy to say that we get along really well now. Better then before in fact.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 May 11
Sometimes it makes you not want to have family at all, doesn't it?
As for the MIL, all you can do is apologize for the error, hope they accept it, and learn not to let their reaction bother you if they don't. Hopefully, your husband will be willing to stick up for you to his family though. If not, you have a bigger problem.
As for the brother-in-law, of course you can remove anybody from your FB that you want. But there are customized settings. A compromise might be to add him back, but customize your settings so that you you can't see his posts on your feed.
Now please go and do something that will make you happy and/or relaxed. Listen to some music, go shopping, take a walk, whatever works best for you. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
1 person likes this
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
31 May 11
Thank you for your comment & advice. My MIL & I made up & are now speaking once again. As for my sister she refuses to speak to me & I'm thinking it's probably for the best since we always seem to fight over the most stupid things on & off throughout our whole lives. I thought it would change once we became adults but I guess some people just never grow up. Re/ the settings on FB, yes I didn't realize you could do that. My MIL mentioned it to me as well but of course this was after I had already taken my BIL off my FB. I know better now though. Next time I will do as both you & my MIL suggested & just block their content instead of removing them from my FB entirely. Thanks again for the much needed advice.
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
24 May 11
I would love to...LOL Unfortunately with a bum knee the best I can do is power walk. Will that work?
@willnfaithsmom (12)
• United States
29 Oct 11
I see that this has already been said already, but I agree with everyone else. If you have family members that cause you this much stress then you need to cut them off especially if you keep trying over & over again & it gets you no where. Some people just don't get along even if they are family.
1 person likes this
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
16 Nov 11
Unfortunately everyone was right. My family continued to beat me down over & over again, throwing past mistakes in my face over & over so finally I have now cut all three of them out of my life for good. They do me more harm then good so there is no great loss in not having them in my life.
