Do you talk about your emotions & issues with others? Or do you keep it all in?
By SuzzetteMB
@SuzzetteMB (270)
United States
May 21, 2011 12:48pm CST
How do you all handle your various emotions and feelings? We all have our ups and downs. Times of saddness, hurt, anger, frustration, disappointement, etc. are especially hard to deal with. Personally, I discuss my feelings. I like to talk about my emotions and how I am feeling. If I have a problem or argument with someone, I would like to discuss the issue and resolve it as quickly as possible. Those time where I am sad or angry or disappointed, I talk about those feelings with my family - primarily my husband or my mom. My side of the family is the same way - we are very open. My husband's side of the family is very kind and sensitive, but they keep everything "bottled up" inside of them. They do dnot discuss issues among one another. They leave everything unsaid and do not make any attempt to resolve their issues with one another. they "sweep it under the rug". I believe they do this in hopes of forgetting about it or letting it go and thinking it will blow over, yet it never does. Instead they harbor bad feelings toward one another. My brother's sister, in particular, keeps a lot in and hides many emotions. She wants everyone to believe she is perfect and can handle everything and rarely discusses any issues or feelings she has. She will mention them to her brother (my hubby) very briefly, she is clearly very upset, and then decides she does not wish to speak of them anymore. He can see she is upset and in pain and wants to be there for her, even if it's just to listen, but she will not discuss it.... Do any of you have any advice or words of wisdom I may be able to pass on to my husband. It's very hard for me to understand people that are closed off like this and I really wish to just understand how and why people chose to do this. Thanks, all. Wishing you all a wonderful day.
6 people like this
20 responses
@watergirl (567)
• Philippines
22 May 11
I'm the kind of person who would keep problems to myself. But when I feel there's a need to let my emotions spill out, I find it easier to express them to strangers. I guess I grew up in a family whose members don't usually discuss problems with each other openly.
2 people like this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
Yes, I'm not sure really if his family is like that...because neither sister really confronts issues or shares emotions easily. Maybe he is learning from my side of the family...perhaps because he has had to listen to all my emotions and stuff like that over the past six years! LOL!!! When the problem is within the family, gosh, it really does cause so much tension in the air. Luckily, this particular situation his sister is going through is not directly family related. Those situations just are impossible with his family. My family will yell and scream if necessary, but handle it rather quickly. His side of the family just walks on egg shells around each other. It is very uncomfortable! I'd rather just get it out, solve it, and move on... family is still going to love each other. Thank you both for you comments!
1 person likes this
@Lucky12 (767)
• United States
21 May 11
Hmm well I have to say that I am a journal junky when it comes to emotions and feelings. I have to say that i can get my emotions out when it comes to certain people, but sometimes I decide not to deal with it most of them time especially when people do not care what you think any way. This is why I am such a huge journal junky lol. I like to express my feelings either way so that I can feel much better.
2 people like this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
Journals are a great outlet for your emotions. I have tried keeping them in the past but am not consistent with it. By the way, I like that term - "journal junkie"! Cute! Maybe she does keep a journal and is getting her emotions out that way. Very true that sometimes people don't care wither way how you are feeling. It is hard to tell who can be there for you emotionally until the time comes that you need it. It's a little heart-breaking too, when someone is unresponsive. I can understand why you might choose to stick with journals! Great feedback! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
22 May 11
I think it's very important to talk about emotional issues, feelings etc., otherwise they bottle up inside us and create a block which sounds as if that's what goes on in your husband's family. Hard to know what to do to encourage them to be more open as the behaviour pattern they adopt has probably been running for many generations and although probably not set in stone, would be very difficult to alter. Of course things undealt with don't go away. Would you or your husband maybe be able to encourage them firstly to write down how they feel, just for their own release benefits, then maybe tear up what they've written - just simply for them to let out their emotions rather than bottle them up? Possibly then in time they might get used to releasing feelings, then could one day feel ready to take it a step further by telling others how they feel about things?
1 person likes this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
That sounds like a really good way to get her to maybe take baby steps, if you will, in that direction. And I agreee whole-heartedly that closing off your feelings can be very damaging to the sould and physical being. I think you are right, too - maybe this is how the family has been for many generations. hard to change overnight I suppose. I really like your idea! Knowing that anything written down will be torn up might help her feel more comfortable and secure. Thanks for some great advice!
1 person likes this
@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
22 May 11
Thanks...and I wish you lots of luck in dealing with the situation.
@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
23 May 11
Thanks ever so for the best response vote. Much appreciated and, have a good day and good luck with your husband's family.
@mjcookie (2271)
• Philippines
22 May 11
I am one of those who just keep a lot to themselves. Personally, I rarely talk about very personal issues to my friends and family because I find it really hard to open up. I am afraid that they do not understand me and that they would just give wrong advices (as a result of them not fully understanding my problems).
Maybe your husband's sister is afraid of being judged? You have to assure her, I mean, really make her feel comfortable about opening up, because sometimes it's pride that keeps her from sharing her feelings with you. I know because many times that works for me.
1 person likes this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
Thank you so much for some great advice. Maybe we need to do as you have said and really really try to make he rfeel more comfotable. It's like we don't want to push too much either, though. It is very hard to help when she will not allow us to be there for her. Thanks so much for your advice! Ot is greatly appreciated!
1 person likes this
@dudsdoojaxi1 (166)
• Philippines
22 May 11
Yes, but now I regret it because it makes me feel so vulnerable. I felt betrayed when someone I trust so much used those secrets that I confided to her to discredit me. I have learned my lesson the hard way. It's alright to be open to your feelings but at the same time be cautious because your confidant might turn their backs against you.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
This is true. I guess that is one of the chances we take by sharing our feelings. Sorry you have been hurt. I have also, but more so when I was younger and before I had my son. It is not right! I had something very, very personal I shared with a "friend" who was also a co-worker. She took it upon herself to share the information with our BOSS of all people! So I can certainly see where you are coming from. I have one friend in particular that I know I can trust and the rest islimited to family.
1 person likes this
@moirai (2853)
• Philippines
22 May 11
Funny I find a discussion like yours right now, as I've been thinking something along these lines lately...
I tend to think that talking about things is better that keeping it all in. Because if you keep it all in, there is that heavy feeling inside all the time. I know the feeling well.
Right now, there is an issue I want to discuss with someone but I still keep changing my mind on whether I even have the right to ask or not. Or whether it's time or I should wait. So I am still having a dilemma. It gets hard to bear sometimes...
Anyway, I'm glad you can talk about your emotions and feelings freely. I think it is still better that way.
I'm afraid I can't give you advice to pass on to your husband right now, as I seem to need advice myself. Hehe. =P
Have a nice day! =)
1 person likes this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
Yes, I cannot handle that heavy feeling inside my stomach. It really drags me down and I am in constant worry when I am in a similar situation such as yours. I do hope you find it within yourself to open up and discuss it. I think you should feel much better.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
21 May 11
HI Suzzette: When I have a problem I try to be open to my relatives but I only do this with serious things. When I have to face a problem, first I try to deal with them by myself because I don't want to make my parents feel worried. But of course I god for an advice of the ones that love me and care for my future when I need it.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
That is probably a lot of the reason she will not open up. She does not like to worry or burden others unnecessarily. I just wish she would talk it out. I guess I do the same as you to a certain extent. There are a few, well, very few problems that I handle completely on my own without discussing with others. But for the most part, just having someone to talk to is all I need. I find it helpful to just hear myself talk it out and then I realize whether my feelings are valid or if I am overreacting. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
1 person likes this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
Great statement. I think I just read it somewhere recently, but I think the writer took it as a slighlty different meaning. It definitely makes sense. Thanks for your comment!
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
21 May 11
It will be hard for others to help your husband's sister if she willing not to open up herself. We like to be share our feelings with our family members or closed friends, don't we? We also like to be support and believe by our friends and family too. Well, I hope that she will be okay.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
Me too. Thank you... I know. I just don't understand why she would not want to discuss it and get it off her chest. She is a very sweet and caring person, so she is not "cold" she just will not open up until months and months later and it's almost like an explosion... I can see the look of pain on her face, too. So we both just really want to help and be supportive. Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
22 May 11
Hi there,
I don't usually like discussing my issues with many, simply because as I hear myself repeating my issues it tends to make me feel worse. On the other hand I do like to discuss them with my boyfriend and he is very comforting and objective. Maybe she feels the same way, as if she will be judged and or all may talk amongst themselves. Making her feel like she perhaps will be the talk of the family. Only guessing here.
I would suggest that your husband one day, if noted that something is wrong to simply sit calmly with her and explain that he is not trying to open up and or share with anyone but that maybe if there is something she would like to discuss with him that he will always be there for her.
Maybe she feels no trust in that area, with anyone. Though she may not have reason some people are this way. I am guessing because this is how I feel, and upon living with my boyfriend he knows when something is not right with me because I tend to be extra quiet, if you can believe that. lol, but it does make a difference that he has always been the one to reach out.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
That is good to know that it really does make a difference when he reaches out to you. I almost feel hurt for the hubby because I know what a great listener he is. And she knows that, too. But you're right! Maybe she is worried to be the talk of the family. I wish she had more trust in us. But like you say, maybe she trusts no one...where I am at the other end of hte spectrum! I trust just about everyone, which is not always a good thing! LOL! It's interesting that you feel worse when you repeat your issues. Now repeating issues aloud helps me organize my thoughts. Sometimes I forget little tidbits, remember them after I am discussing it for the third time, and actually help myself to work through the problem just by talking about it! I am totally loving the fact that I am getting to know so many different personality types here on MyLot and how others think. Thanks so much for another great perspective!
1 person likes this
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
22 May 11
Well, I tend to tell others, such as my close friends, my issues but sometimes depending on the matter I tend to keep it inside. Like if I feel embarrassed and don't want to sound stupid or pathetic in front of my friends or I don't feel humiliated then I tend to keep it in so that way I don't get any judgements made towards me.
1 person likes this
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
Wow! Another viewpoint! I am so thrilled with MyLot and everyone's participation! It's so amazing to get so many different opinions. I'm totally loving it! I can also see where she might feel the same way. She may not want to feel pathetic, in her situation at hand, or maybe even embarassed. Although, she really should know how unconditionally her brother cares for and loves her. He is perhaps the least judgemental person I have ever met. But I guess when you are judges and made to feel bad for feelings and various experiences by others, it may scare you to the opoint where you no longer wish to share those feelings anymore. Thanks for another great opinion and for sharing how you handle these situations!
1 person likes this
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
22 May 11
There are ways of letting your negative feelings off you. There are those who leave for awhile to unload and find themselves. Solve the problems and straighten it up themselves. Learning from our bad experiences is a sure way of comfort already. Others may write it down to read over and over again what happened to them and then as they crumple it and throw away, they already found the ease of adjusting. The others are open in telling what they feel but the danger is trust should not be given easily most especially to a friend. Reservation and privacy are for those who hide their innermost feeling and let us just respect them and wait for them to approach you if they feel they need you and do not force them to immediately unload while they are seeking for comfort.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
25 May 11
She will do that for sure because kind, loving words from your loved ones are caring and comforting,a dose of medicine she can only find from his own brother.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
26 May 11
She did finally open up and speak with him about what has been bothering her. I guess she just needed a little bit of time. He was happy to be there for her as a shoulder to cry on and he is feeling better, too, because he was able to be there emotionally for his sister. Thanks again for your advice. I guess she really did just need some time. :-)
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
Yes, we are trying to respect her privacy of course. She just needs someone to listen to her. And her brother (my husband) is a great listener and very trustworthy. He is the least judgemental person I have ever met in my life and I am not exaggerating.So I know that she knows that she can trust him. I think maybe she just needs a little more time. Thanks so much for your great outlook and advice. It is greatly appreciated.
@gelayagui98 (1336)
• Australia
22 May 11
Hi Suzzette, For me, there are issues that needs to be shared with someone close to me and there are some that need not to come up into the open. Depression, anger, frustrations and the like are good to open up with our loved ones to lighten our feelings when shared.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
22 May 11
Hi friend gelay, same as yours and that is true. I myself is very private when it comes to expressing my feeling but not to members of my family because I do warn them immediately as they hurt me because I do not want them causing pain to others.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
Yes,I believe feelings of depression,frustration, and anger should be dealt with immediatley. I believe they will worsen if they are not shared. And sometimes smaller problems bottled up inside can get worse and worse if we don't have some sort of outlet or resolution. I am really hoping his sister will open up to him as she has done in the past. He is getting very concerned about her.
@earnalot (60)
• India
22 May 11
I personally believe in sharing the true emotions with friends and family and I think if someone actually cares about you will definitely try to understand the problem and once you share your issues with your close ones , in no time it will be resolved . Whereas , those who do not share there emotions with anyone rather keep bottled up inside them , I must say there is no hope for any positive change in relationships . Relationships start with communicating and opening up your heart to another and hence they end where the communication ends . It's true communication matters and that needs "time" .
I also believe when you share your true and deep emotions no matter are they good or bad with anyone , it brings you closer to them .
LIVE , LAUGH , AND EXPRESS YOURSELF !!! ..:)
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
This is certainly true! You always eel closer to another individual whe nyou are able to express your true self - your true emotions. I do hesitate to confront problems among friends sometimes depending on the person and how close our relationship is. With family, I am always comfortable in confronting problems and disagreements. Thanks for your response!
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
Oops, I forgot. I agree with you aout true communication, too! It is so very important in our relationships! I have learned this both through and experience and by learning the hard way over the years.
@derek_a (10873)
•
22 May 11
As a therapist,I have always recommended to my clients that they share their stressful emotions with their families or those they can really trust, if it it not appropriate to share with family members. The problem is that when a person keeps things bottled up inside, it causes stress to the nervous system and can even have a negative effect on the immune system.
We are all subject to stress, as it is a part of life. I look at these situations as a life lesson in how to free up our natural energies and I have relationship with my wife where we both share our feelings regardless of what they are. It is not always easy to do, but we made this agreement before we were married and have stuck with it ever since. _Derek
_Derek@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
That's wonderful to hear. That is probably one of the reasons you and your wife have been so successful in marriage. It is really great to get the advice from a therapist as well. I am currently attending college and am focusing on Human Services. I have not yet decided whether I would like to go into some type of counseling /therapy or if I will be heading in the directon of social work. I have seen, personally, how stress can affect the physical being. It is very sad when people can not express their emotions which is why I am so concerned with my husband's sister. She also has an eating disorder and I fear that situations like she is going through tend to make it worse for her, or harder to manage anyway. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment on this discussion. I look forward to crossing paths with you through discussions here on MyLot!
@shaggin (72240)
• United States
22 May 11
I used to bottle things and it just drove me crazy literally. I dont do that anymore. I have no problem expressing to people how I feel. People see what I write on facebook and keep telling me maybe I should go to grief counseling. To me thats nothing I would want to do. I dont bottle things up I am talking about the things that are making me really sad. People who go to counseling usually go because they dont feel they can open up to anyone else and need that person they can talk to in confidence.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
I think it's great that you have found an outlet for your emotions and feelings. I think many people go to counseling to open up, but I also think that psychologists help us uncover deeper feelings that are more subconscious in nature. Counseling is a great way to work through your problems as well, not just to talk about them. Thanks for your comments. Best wishes for happiness and healing.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
21 May 11
It all depends on the emotion and issue and the person i want to confide in. there are certain things i keep to myself but there are some things i just have to have someome else to talk to about.@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
True. I guess you do need to consider the issue at hand. Different situations call for different remedies, if you will. And there are definitely certain people I go to for one type of issue and others that I know I can go to for other types. Thanks for your response!
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
22 May 11
I may act emotionally, but I usually try to get to the root-cause of the problems.
My advice: Agree with her at first---There are no problems! This Too Shall Pass.
Then fix things as the opportunities to do so present themselves.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
22 May 11
That's a very logical and effective way to handle the situation. Fixing issues gradually will help I think in this situation. When given opportunities to assist and to help others, we should definitely use that time wisely and do just that! Thanks for your advice! I love getting so many great opinions and viewpoints!
@alansailing (74)
• China
31 May 11
Controlling the emotions is very important !! ervrybody will suffering the happy ,angry ,depression and frustration time . but we have face with themwithout anyother choice. Simply supress is not working. How to handle should depends on the differently situation, some time , you should tolerance , sometime you need to fight back and sometime you need to issue the flexible action to negotiate . And in the meaning time, your family and closly firend should be the best back up . you should share this with them and maybe their suggestion and care will be great helpul to you. Of course as retrun , when your friend and lovely family person have the unhappniess , you also should to take the responsibility to help them too !!
@sjvg1976 (41290)
• Delhi, India
22 May 11
This is true we need to share our emotion with others to feel lighter. Most of the people do share their feeling/emotions with friends,brother/sister/wife/husband actually to feel lighter which is good for them as it help them to get closer.But before sharing your emotions you should check if the person with whom you share your thoughts is trustworthy or not.
@SuzzetteMB (270)
• United States
23 May 11
This is true. Not everyone is trustworthy and not everyone really cares if you express your feelings or emotions. It really is disconcerting when you try to be open and honest with someone and it seems like they "could care less" about it! And, yes, I have been burned by those untrustworthy individuals and it hurts like crazy when it happens. So I can see why some people are more guarded with their feelings.
