Is it Wrong
By trisha27
@trisha27 (3494)
United States
May 27, 2011 7:01pm CST
Is it wrong to let go of a friend to get on with your life. I mean really. I had this friend who took up most of my time I never got anything done and my life always seemed at a standstill. I had another friend who told me I should have never let anyone take over my life like that. But me well I did, I'm a nice person is if you need me I'll drop everything to lend you a shoulder to cry on. If you want to talk at all hours of the day, then I'll drop anything to hang with you. Well that was me. When I was friends with this one person, I never did anything. She even came in between my marriage. Instead of spending time with my husband I spent all day talking to her. Well, to make a long story short, when her and I were friends, I always wanted to find a job. Coincidence when we stopped being friends I got a job. I started doing things that I would have done while we were friends. Ever since her and I were friends, I always wanted to go back to school, but once again, I never got the time to apply. Now I'm planning on going next year and I have a feeling its going to happen. Nothing is standing in the way.
I know I should never drop anything I want to do because someone needs me or just wants to talk and that includes my husband. But my question one again, was it right for me to drop a friend like that.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
28 May 11
I don't think you should've dropped a friend like that, maybe you could've spoken to her and told her how you felt. I understand what you are saying, that you need to build your life and your friend was getting in your way. I would've talk to her and told her my feelings and maybe we could've worked something out. If she was really your friend then she will understand.
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
29 May 11
Then, maybe a little distance wasn't a bad thing after all. But, would you ever consider talking to her again in the near future? You know once you have your future worked out according to plan.
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
28 May 11
Yeah trisha27 it does seem like she was getting in the way. You should never let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do especially when it is to better yourself. Also you shouldnt let anyone come between your marriage because your husband is to come first after god of course. A good friend isnt going to block you from doing anything, a good friend is going to want you to better yourself even if it means not hanging with her or talking to her everyday. So i think you did the right thing by moving on.It hard to let go of a friend especially one that you've known for so long, but you have to do what you think or feel is best for you not for your friend. Becuase if it were up to your friend she probably wouldnt want you to ever go back to school or get a job. Misery loves company. So i say stay away from miserable people. And congrats on going back to school and getting a job without her!
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
29 May 11
Thank you so much and you are right misery does love company and I just think throughout the whole friendship she was bringing me down or keeping me at a standstill. I am happy with the accomplishments I have made once she was gone and I know that there will be many more accomplishments to come.
I hate to say it but not only did she come in between me and my husband but also me and God. That I should have never let happen.
Honestly I wish that she could've understood so we could remain friends, but I guess she wasn't a good friend after all because she always tried to take up my time.
@AndrewFreyne (6281)
• United Kingdom
28 May 11
I'm thinking that you definitely made the right decision. Your friend needs to understand that there are times when you need to be alone to focus on what you want to achieve. Yes it's nice to be a supportive friend but you cannot be expected to devote all of your time to help another and you have to focus on yourself, there's nothing selfish about this. You can still give some time to your friend but not all of your time, keep some invaluable time to yourself and you will find yourself much happier as a person.
In anycase just follow your heart! You will know inside what is the correct course of action to take. Andrew
@kquiming (2997)
• Philippines
28 May 11
i think she's a selfish friend. no, she's not a friend at all..in fact maybe she's just using you to benefit herself and suit her needs...i think friendship should be give and take. both of you should benefit and grow in that friendship, but in your case , your friendship was never healthy. i hope she changes her attitude though. it's enough that you let her know what's wrong, and then move on... because it's already unfair for your husband (who should be your bestfriend i think) that you're spending more time and effort with her than with him. and it's been unfair for yourself because you never got to do the things that were important to you, things you always wanted to do. so don't feel too guilty about what you did. you did the right decision. your responsibility is not just to be a good friend to her, but to be fair to everyone, including yourself.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
28 May 11
You really sound like a really nice person who maybe need to adjust you time when it comes to helping out your friends. Dropping your friend may not be the problem, because they are not the one who insist that you stop your life for them, are they?
What would happen if you tell your friend that you only have a few minutes to spare and then it is over for that session? Would your friend be upset? if yes, then you have a problem. This would indicate that your friend does want to possess all of your time. However, your friend may not even know that you are having a problem with the amount of time you spend listening and giving advice to him or her. I would just tweak my time spent, then see what happens, if it continues to monopolize your time, then I would let go of your friendship.
What would happen if you tell your friend that you only have a few minutes to spare and then it is over for that session? Would your friend be upset? if yes, then you have a problem. This would indicate that your friend does want to possess all of your time. However, your friend may not even know that you are having a problem with the amount of time you spend listening and giving advice to him or her. I would just tweak my time spent, then see what happens, if it continues to monopolize your time, then I would let go of your friendship.@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
28 May 11
The thing is when I told her I have to go or I can't talk she would be upset yes and she'd want me to stay with her most of the time. I think you are right though that I should not just devote my time to a friend when I have other things that I should be doing. Lesson learned 
. But I think that this friendship had to end and I know that I did the right thing, because despite all the times I told her that I couldn't spend time with her a day she would be upset give me a few hours and then bug me again. I don't know, I just felt that it was an unhealthy friendship and it could be no more. Now that things have ended between her and I things have gotten good for me. I have another friend and I must say she isn't as clingy as the other girl. We have been friends since we were little. I need good friends like her who understand I can't devote my whole time to her.
. But I think that this friendship had to end and I know that I did the right thing, because despite all the times I told her that I couldn't spend time with her a day she would be upset give me a few hours and then bug me again. I don't know, I just felt that it was an unhealthy friendship and it could be no more. Now that things have ended between her and I things have gotten good for me. I have another friend and I must say she isn't as clingy as the other girl. We have been friends since we were little. I need good friends like her who understand I can't devote my whole time to her. @original8 (107)
• Belgium
28 May 11
Its completely okay to leave this friend hanging arround, there is nothing wrong with your decision, you choose who are your friends, nobody else can do it for you, i aswell had a friend he weekly called on my free days from work but he still goes to school so i could not do the things i liked on my free days, i dicided to drop him how bad that might seem he actually understood this, and i also explained to him in a friendly way why i need my free time so now he understands, but my suggestion would be that if you do this tell it in a kind way and make your friend understand it.
@mindym (978)
• United States
28 May 11
I don't think it is wrong because you were doing what you needed to do to better your life. Since all of your time was spent with this friend, you were unable to take care of the things in your life that you needed to take care of. You are a lot like I am in that you are nice and accept people into your life, regardless of their situation. You give them the benefit of the doubt. But people like your friend know that you are nice and tend to take advantage of you. I had a friend who brought so much drama into our friendship that I just got to the point that I needed to wean her out of my life. I have enough friends who don't take advantage of me or cause drama. I have my own stuff to deal with that I don't need a ton of extra baggage. Life has been less dramatic for me. People come into your life for a reason, but they also leave for a reason. It's ok to do what's best for you.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
28 May 11
Its nice to hear that it wasn't wrong and it is so true I need to focus on me and do what is best for me. When I broke off the friendship she made me feel even worse cause we would no longer be friends, and I think she just didn't understand what she was doing. Although I've explained it to her many of times. But now things are getting better and I'm not having to focus on just her and place everything on stop.
Thanks for responding.
@maxen07 (882)
• Philippines
28 May 11
Your friend just had to understand that you have your own life to run. Maybe you overdid your 'being a good friend' meter that she got so used to it that she depended on you too much. If she's such a good friend, she'd see that she should not be such a burden and learn to help herself for once.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
28 May 11
I agree and I think that you are right. That I overdid being a good friend and I believe she did take advantage of that. I've always mentioned to her that she needed to give me space and I will hang with her later, but she never listened and eventually I just told her we couldn't be friends any more. Now I think she understands why I dropped our friendship.
@tammy27 (1241)
• Philippines
28 May 11
well, my best friend and i had a big fight, and suddenly he vanished and we didnt even had a closure. we were not able to contact for 2 straight years. i was settled that i wont talk to him anymore, i wont find a way and exert efforts to talk to him (he's at Japan and im in the Philippines). i'll just let destiny or time to let us cross each other's way again. but later on i realized that if im a real best friend i wont give up that easy. life is to short to let my pride control me. i find means and ways to contact him and after 5 long months i succeed.
but in our case, we dont take up each other's life. he is the most important friend for me and i want him to be with me in all the steps i'll make, but as much as i want to i have to understand that i shouldn't let my world go round him and only him. im always here for him and vise versa, but we have our limitations and we understand it. :)
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
28 May 11
That is good you have a friend like that and I am happy to hear that you have finally gotten in contact with him once again. If things were like that between my friend and I then I think that we would've still been friends. With her not taking up so much of my time and actually giving me space instead of being so clingy.
@sjvg1976 (41289)
• Delhi, India
28 May 11
Hi trisha,
I would give you an advice which depends on you to follow or not.
First set your gaol in life & dicide priorities & plan to accomplish those goals.Its not not you were thinking to join school but not able to do it due to you didnot get time because of friend it hardly happens with others. If some one is determined to do some thing then he should do it at any cost.
As far as you are concerned you are really a nice person you know the values of frienship.You seam to be honest with the relations unlike most of the people in this world.But you must always remember one thing that no one should take advantage of your being good.
Last point i want to make that every relation has its own meaning like friends have their own importance,children have their own importance etc but that doesn't mean for one sake you forget another.I don't digest that one can give lesser time to her husband because of a friend its very strange you should understand family is the most important thing you should not leave your family/neglect your family for any thing.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
28 May 11
I agree with everything that you said and now that I have read through it thoroughly, I will take your advice. You are right that I should never allow someone to take over my time with my family and especially my husband. I have written down my goals now so that I accomplish them and now I know in the future, I will not let another friend take up my time.
I have another friend who had given me the same advice and she was like never never let anyone take your time away from your family and your husband and the both of you are right. This friend is a good friend and she gives me my space and she especially understands that I am married and that I have to have my time with my husband as well. Her and I talk every once and awhile like once every two weeks and that's it.
