My daughter did not tell me something was bothering her...
By jazel_juan
@jazel_juan (15746)
Philippines
May 29, 2011 7:37pm CST
I am sad. Just this morning doing our usual routine of dropping the kids at my parent's house for the day. And as i was about to leave with my daughter, since she would like to stay over at my brother-in-law's house, my brother told me why not she stay too with her brother just at my parents. I said because she liked to play with her other girl cousin and my brother said then she might get slapped again. And i was shocked. huh? why would she be slapped, that cousin of my daughter is an angel..and i asked my daughter when did this happen and who slapped her? and my daughter said it was not her cousin but the other cousin, her cousin's cousin. Not her direct cousin Joy, but the other cousin on the other side of the family. ( sorry confusing) but then again, i told her why didn't she tell me? And my daughter said because she is afraid of me! It broke my heart because my daughter is afraid of me! 
We left and i told my brother it was not her cousin who did that but the other cousin who we know is a bully - there were incidents we have heard before of her being a bully. So we left and as we were on the way, i told my husband about it and we talked to our daughter. We told her that she should have told us first and not my brother or anyone else because we are her friends too not just her parents. I made it clear to her that she should not be afraid of me or my husbamd. She said she now understood and i told her to never let anyone hurt her and she should tell me or my husband anything that is bothering her.
It is sad because i feel bad that my daughter did not confide in me but then i am willing to make it different and help her open up more. I do not like her hiding stuff from me. I hope she learns and will do it.
Have anyone of you had similar incidents? like your son or daughter hid something like this? incidents of bullying?
We left and i told my brother it was not her cousin who did that but the other cousin who we know is a bully - there were incidents we have heard before of her being a bully. So we left and as we were on the way, i told my husband about it and we talked to our daughter. We told her that she should have told us first and not my brother or anyone else because we are her friends too not just her parents. I made it clear to her that she should not be afraid of me or my husbamd. She said she now understood and i told her to never let anyone hurt her and she should tell me or my husband anything that is bothering her.
It is sad because i feel bad that my daughter did not confide in me but then i am willing to make it different and help her open up more. I do not like her hiding stuff from me. I hope she learns and will do it.
Have anyone of you had similar incidents? like your son or daughter hid something like this? incidents of bullying?7 responses
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
30 May 11
tha's really sad jav. i didn't know stuff like that could happen to young children. everything is suppose to be fun and learning for them. it really hurts us to know that something bad has happened and we find it difficult to explain such things to children. because in the first place we want to protect them.
this kind of situatin also happened to my niece. there was also bullying and stealing at school. and the teacher herself doesn't seem to care. we are switching her schools. :)
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
30 May 11
awwww dawn i miss u already!
yes it is sad, she was even afraid to look at me! and i feel also bad because she felt this way and she thinks i might get mad at her! i feel like a monster mom!! i will be bringing her on saturday out..for a girl to girl outing.. so that she will feel she can tell me anything and everything under the sun!
i will be bringing her on saturday out..for a girl to girl outing.. so that she will feel she can tell me anything and everything under the sun! 1 person likes this
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Oh cool! That would be so fun. I wish I could have brought my niece out as well. She's always stuck at home, and papa always makes her read. Lol! He and mom would always argue because she wants the child to have some fun too, especially since it's summer. Anyway, summer's almost over and she could play again in school. Lol! What an upside down world for the child.
Did the mother of the bully cousin know what happened? Would you let her know?
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
Hahahaha your dad is still the same, atleast he wants your niece to be a good reader. My daughter is quite lazy at it, she would rather paint than read!! why can't she have both of my qualities..ehemm.. hahhaa reading and painting both i love right! anyways, she is different, way stronger than me..
Well jeff's sister in law knew about it before it happened, it was not the first incident, her daughter also had this incident with that cousin but i believe she already talked to her about it..
@lowland123 (142)
•
30 May 11
How old is your daughter?Why is she afraid of you?Are you always strict with her?I have a daughter,sometimes she is also afraid of me when she did something wrong.because I would ask why.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
30 May 11
my daughter is 6 and i guess i am strict but then i do always emphasize she can tell me whatever is on her mind...
1 person likes this
@lowland123 (142)
•
31 May 11
Yes,we do always emphasize our children tell us whatever is on their mind,but they have their rights to keep secrey.
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
30 May 11
I am so sorry to hear that happened to your daughter.And I am also glad that you made her aware that you are also her friend and she can come and talk to you about anything. Because when kids feel they have no one to talk to they bottle everything up and then they either lash out when it gets to be too much to hold in or they end up rebelling. You dont want to miss out on anything thats going on in your childs life and they should feel very comfortable enough to talk to you and tell you when something is bothering them or not bothering them.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
yes i am giving my best for her to think of me as her friend too :)
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
30 May 11
Hi Jazel,
I'm not a Mother yet but i am a daughter of my Mother.
First, don't be sad because this is common stuff. There are many things i don't tell my mother, many things that i don't share with her. I would rather talk to my friends about it. My mother too complains that i don't share things neither do i confide in her. However, everytimes i tell her some problem, she'll start to say it's my fault and so we have communication problem.
However, for your case, your daughter is still quite young, so she does not tell you because she'll afraid that you'll scold her. Perhaps you need to let her know that if she did something wrong, you have to scold her, but you'll be there for her should there be any danger to her or if someone's bully her. Let her you you'll help her stand up against the bully.
@lowland123 (142)
•
30 May 11
Being parents,we should let our children know that we can help them whenever they have any problem.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
30 May 11
Yes i guess she believed i will scold her for that but i told her i wont, i even told her i would not let anyone hurt her..and that she can tell me whatever is on her mind and i wont get mad at her. I learned a lesson here and i will make it a point that i will change things for her so she wont get bullied..
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
2 Jun 11
Communication is very important in a daughter and mother relationship. I hope your will be much better than mine!
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
30 May 11
I see myself in your daughter's shoes.
When I was young, most of the time I never told anything to my parents about things that are bugging me because I was afraid my mom would scold me. They just figure out something was wrong when I am moping or sad.
I really envy those moms who are so cool and friendly that their children are always open with their feelings to them. They don't hide any secrets from them. I wish I can be that mom too. You did the right thing talking to your daughter. You encouraged her to tell you when she feels something is not right. You assured her that you are not only her mother but her friend too that she can confide any time. We should be aware of abuses that can happen to our children. I have been bullied once and I know it doesn't help to boost one's self-esteem.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
30 May 11
Yes, like you i never had a mom that i could tell anything that i feel. Till now i feel alienated from my mother, i could not tell her what is on my mind for reasons she judge me right away and it is true. I never grow up with her as a friend only. She always scolds me and even my pregnancies where kept hidden from her because some words she say often are hurtful and it is painful to have a mother like that..because no matter how much i know she cares, she just say those hurtful words that how i wish she wont say because the truth is painful enough yet she keeps on rubbing it.
As a mother now, i am so glad i have the power to make it different for my child and yes i am trying to be cool for her 
She just phoned me seconds ago..and i told her again how i feel and that she can tell me anything that is on her mind and i know she understood me.
She just phoned me seconds ago..and i told her again how i feel and that she can tell me anything that is on her mind and i know she understood me.@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
Yes we can change for our children and like you me and huby also tell our kids that we love them, every night and everyday we tell them that. It is nice to show them that we love them but as someone who never really heard those words from my parents, it felt that something was lacking. So now, i always tell my kids that i love them..
Hahaha yes my daughter also knows how to text!! she is still 6 and at that age they already are advance and know these stuff pea!
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
30 May 11
That is good to hear Jazel.
I think we try to become better parents than our parents were to us.
My parents were not really being vocal about their affections towards us.
So me and my husband agreed to be as generous as saying "I love you" to our kid and each other. It really gives a good feeling to know that you are loved.
My son is on vacation for 2 weeks now and just yesterday he texted us saying "I love you Mama". Goodness he is just 5 years old and he knows now how to text. I don't know if I would be sad or happy with it!
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
30 May 11
I understand how you feel, though I am not a mother, but don't take it personally. I don't tell my mother half the things I go through or are thinking about. In most cases I guess it's because I'm either ashamed, scared or nervous. It's not exactly easy being open to your mother as you are with a diary or a best friend. That's the way it is with kids, don't take it personally.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
I can't not take it personally esti... As a mother, i want her to be able to tell me what is on her mind and she is still 6..it is not right for her not to tell me what is on her mind..that is still to young to keep a secret from me!
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
5 Jun 11
I understand what you are saying.
Whenever I keep things from my mom it was because I was afraid of what she'll think or what she'll do. Even though my mom would say things like, "I won't get mad," or "There's nothing you could do that will disappoint me." I still was afraid to tell her certain things. Because I know that deep inside I did disappoint her, nothing hurts more than knowing you disappointed your mother. Maybe, that was the issue.
Make sure she knows that you're open-minded and that you will not get mad, maybe if she knows that then she will feel more comfortable telling you things.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
mothers by nature are naggers ebuscat and also have a streak of being strict. It is part of you when you become a mother.. but i know what i had to do and i know she understood me know.
