what do you do when he's too possessive?
By maangurl
@maangurl (8)
Philippines
May 30, 2011 11:57pm CST
i mean, i love my boyfriend so much. we've been dating for about 5 years now but i get the feeling he's really too possessive. i know that's a sign of affection, when he's scared of losing you. what girl doesn't want a guy like that right? but then i get this feeling like im suffocating and that i have no control over my own life. i need to dress in a way that makes him comfortable, i need to act in the way he wants me to act. im really stuck. i love him too much to let go. and he has never done anything wrong towards me. he is so sweet, loving , smart and a gentleman. but he's being "protective" as what he calls it, is making me depressed, do i let go?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
31 May 11
What do you mean by 'too possessive'? You could be a victim of domestic violence and not realize it. Be careful--why can't you leave. There's a lot going on here that you haven't shared so I really can't offer advice unless I know more about your situation.
1 person likes this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
1 Jun 11
Does he prevent you from spending time with any friends or family? If he does, that IS domestic violence.
I was married quite young 21 and my husband was 5 1/2 years older. I fell into the pattern 'the man is the head of the household' and allowed him to cut me off from friends and family. We've been divorced since 2004, and it was only earlier this year that I saw a poster with the signs of domestic violence--and I could answer yes to nearly every question!
Domestic violence doesn't always involve fists, or cuts or bruises--it can also involve mental and emotional manipulation. I still think that you might be involved in an abusive relationship--there are countless examples of women beaten (or killed) where they kept insisting "but I love him!" as they're getting the crap beaten out of them. I hope you're not one of them.
@maangurl (8)
• Philippines
31 May 11
i cant say it's domestic violence. he hasn't hit me ever if that's what you mean. but i cant really go where i want and wear the clothes that i want unless he's with me. he likes to be around me so much that sometimes i like a little room to breathe..that's all. but it seems he has a hard time giving me that "space" that i want. we are best friends so we've been spending time together way before we got together as a couple. he wants all his time spent on me. i know i should be flattered and all with that much attention, but sometimes it becomes too much that i cant really move.
@apickett (123)
• United States
31 May 11
My husband use to be this exact same way when he and I first started dating. He was very possessive and would always "suspect" something if I wasn't with him 24/7. He would get really upset if I would go somewhere with a friend. It was really hard to deal with because I loved him (still do love him of course) so much. I finally told him that if he didn't ease up, then I would have to stop seeing him. He finally realized how serious I was and he eased up a lot. Now, I can do what I want and go where I want with my friends and he is fine with it. He knows I love him and only want to be with him. You should tell your boyfriend how you feel. Tell him that you love him very much but by him being that way he is making you feel untrusted and smothered. If he doesn't listen, then perhaps you could see a couples counselor to get to the root of his possessiveness. It is not healthy for a relationship to be this way. Best wishes to you!
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
31 May 11
Hi Maangurl, I understand your situation. But it happened to me as well. But i would say time can bring up more changes. And above all your love can bring him the complete trust and removes his fear of losing you. This is a human psychology and its need lots of time and even if it takes too long, take this time to love him more. Trust me, your love will be so powerful to remove his possessiveness. Cheers!
@maangurl (8)
• Philippines
31 May 11
thanks for the advice! well, i've broken up with him on the same thing.. he lossened up a bit but didnt really last too long. he says he will try his very best to changed but it would take time. im scared that "time" is just too long for me to wait.
1 person likes this
@braveheart07 (2601)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
First of all, welcome to MyLot maangurl.
Maybe you can talk to him and tell him what you feel about him. Perhaps he will understand you and will try to change his attitude.
I think this is the best way to deal with this kind of situation, to have a mutual talk with him.
It is hard to cope up if you feel that you are suffocated in your relationship. It would be better if you are free to do what you want as long as it does not affect your love with him.
Happy mylotting! GOD bless.
@larish (2213)
• Philippines
31 May 11
Even if you're married already and you're suffocating from his being possessive, I only have one advise: Break him off and let go. A lasting relationship will be based on your respect on one another. It is important that you grow as one but still have your own individuality. It is sad to know that even how you dress should get an approval from him. Can't you decide for yourself? If now, you feel depress, what else wil you feel if you marry him?
@maangurl (8)
• Philippines
31 May 11
yeah, that's what i told him. he said it's ok to have your own thing just as long as i dont hurt him. but my thing is hanging out with friends, drinking, partying which i know most if not all guys get really uneasy. he feels uncomfortable with the clubs i go to if he's not around. it's like a have a bodyguard than a boyfriend.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
31 May 11
Well, perhaps you could have a heart to heart talk with him about it. Then , maybe you could ask for a space and maybe a cool off period from him. That way, he will realize that you are already really suffocated of his possessiveness and will change his way.
@maangurl (8)
• Philippines
31 May 11
we've had our break ups, cool offs, separation if you will, but i guess he just has a hard time trusting me or gets un easy when we're away from each other. i've made my mistakes before about lying to him (it's not cheating), its not a big deal type of problem, but still a lie nonetheless. its like he's traumatized from that experience 9which was quite small) that he cant trust me anymore.=(
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
31 May 11
See, what a little lie could do to a relationship. Well, that one small lie has given him the avenue to be that possessive with you, which is not a healthy relationship. It still has to be addressed lest you get burned of that situation.
@EstiiBabii (685)
• United States
31 May 11
I think that maybe you should dump him because when a guy's too possessive to that point it will get worse, trust me. Because possessive can lead to obsession, extreme jealousy or even abuse. Having a boyfriend protective is a lot different than possessive. Possessive is like he wants to be the centerfold of your life; and even vice versa. That attitude can lead to greater dangerous things.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
31 May 11
For me just tell that I like to be with you are not too possessive but if not to listen then there's no way to deal with just break him.
