Would you advise a friend to be in a new relationship after a break-up?
By bingskee
@bingskee (5234)
Philippines
May 31, 2011 10:11am CST
To be able to forget a relationship that've gone wrong?
I had a friend who had broke up with her boyfriend and was so hurt. Being pretty, she had had suitors even while in a relationship. After the break-up, one of her friends advised her to have another boyfriend from one of those suitors to show her ex that what happened was not a big deal to her.
But it was a big deal. She loved the guy so much.
I told her and the other friend that it will not be a nice move to be in another relationship so soon. It would be unfair to herself, to the new boyfriend, and to the ex, too.
It would be unfair to herself because she would be exposing herself again to possible heart aches brought about by having a relationship. It is not that it is expected that to be in a relationship there would be more hurt than happiness, but the wounds are still fresh and she will be exposing her vulnerability.
It would be unfair to the new boyfriend because he would be on the guard most of the time not to hurt her. It could also be possible that he will have the tendency to try to outdo the ex. The pressure is unnecessary but will be there.
It would be unfair to the ex because they both have to move on and heal. For the girlfriend to entertain the thought and actually have a relationship sooner than expected would still affect the ex, and it would bring severity more than friendship.
3 people like this
19 responses
@dilrajj57 (1757)
• Pakistan
16 Feb 12
hi bingskee,
is some one real person available to him should do relationship with them. how about you? please accept to add.
@dilrajj57 (1757)
• Pakistan
16 Feb 12
i said that if someone real person met for relationsip that good for relation. and asked that what about you you single or married and work?
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Jun 11
Hi Bingskee,
I'm with you on this one. It's not fair or smart to jump from one relationship to another even when leaving a bad relationship. You need time to heal and understand what went wrong. Re-bounds almost never work and hurt the new person as well as add to the pain of the person still hurting from the breakup. People tend to think that the best way to get over a love is to find a new love but that is so not true. The best thing to do is sit with the hurt. As a friend, I would never ever suggest playing head games with an ex in some attempt to prove a point that doesn't exist. If there was ever a chance of them getting back together or even being friends, well, that could blow it.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Jun 11
You have to be true to your feelings. There is no time frame to get over a love. every situation is different but there should be no other motives such as "getting even" or "proving a point". If that is the reason for moving forward then it is just wrong. A real friend would never suggest such a thing.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
you are very right, sid. there is no point getting back at the ex by entering another relationship so soon. the most affected will be the one who's hurt the most and who will try to be in a new relationship. it would not help in any way.
there are cases that lovers who break up get back together and i think it would be great for both of them after realizing that they just have to need time to assess themselves and the whole situation. love is lovelier the second time around, they say.
1 person likes this
@soulist (2985)
• United States
31 Jan 12
I wouldn't suggest a friend of mine to get into a relationship soon after a break up. I would tell her to take some time to herself and just enjoy being single and learning about herself and the things she loves to do and what she wants in a relationship. She needs time to get over the lost love.
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Hi there Bingskee!
That is precisely true. Love on the rebound is not the solution as it will only add another pain in the future. Yes, it is unfair for everyone. She can entertain suitors and date, but not entering a new relationship when the heart is not yet healed. Let the pain to heal first.
@airasheila (5454)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
A pleasant day Bingskee,
I do agree with the explanation that you have expanded.
For me, at first I will not advise a friend to go for another relationship that quick if she just came from a hurted situation. Since, this will not help to mend a broken heart. I will be suggesting if she will just pause and rest to heal the wounds that hurted her.
And as you have said, she is kind a pretty, for this reason, for sure, there will be a lot of guys who will court her again.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
that is a very nice thought, babyEj. 
i agree that those that come from a heartbreak are still vulnerable. it needs time to heal a broken heart. it is a blessing to find comfort from family members or from a friend. unfortunately, not everybody has such blessing.
i agree that those that come from a heartbreak are still vulnerable. it needs time to heal a broken heart. it is a blessing to find comfort from family members or from a friend. unfortunately, not everybody has such blessing. 
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 May 11
If it was a serious relationship, I think a person needs time to get over it. It's also not a bad thing to be on your own for a while. You learn a lot about yourself...
@sammy14 (834)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
I have responded or posted a topic to this effect before I think and my response was that the girl or the guy for that matter should get into a relationship soon.. It should be given time to heal the wound otherwise you will just end up with another failed relationship because the thoughts, the mind, the emotions are still unstable, also the current boyfriend may just take advantage of you because of your present situation. On the other hand it would be unfair to the next boyfriend or girlfriend who will not enjoy the relationship because he/she will use their time assisting instead of enjoying and they might get tired of the situation. Give time for the wound to heal... Likewise, when you want to completely recover you should detach everything that connects you and your ex... do not think if he/she will get hurt... you only have to think about yourself...
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
1 Jun 11
I don't ever think it is good to jump out of one relationship into another. WE all need time to heal and to get our emotions back on track.I have a friend who has done this same thing. She got divorced and in a matter of a few weeks was already engaged.. really not healthy at all! (but she didn't ask me !! lol!)
@gloryacam (5540)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
I am with you. I don't think she should go into another relationship especially since she loved the last guy very much. She should undergo some healing first before she can commit to another relationship as it really wouldn't be fair to the next guy.
@delilahz (26)
• China
1 Jun 11
Give advise to others is a quite serious thing in my point of view. In this way you may change a person's life. Personally, I do not like ask advise from my friends. Choice is puzzlement. I did it immediately after proper consideration. I do not like give advise neither. I tend to analysis things with my friend, and let themselves to decide.
@altirbonganay (287)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
You are right. it would really be unfair, especially for the new boyfriend since he would just be a cover-up. It would be unfair to use him for revenge. Also, it would not be nice if the girl jumps into another relationship after the breakup.
@joanagirl (44)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
I think that it would depend on the cause of their break-up, because if the estranged couple are still n-love with each other and both are hurting from their break-up, why do they have to separate in the first place? As what I understand, the guy is the one at fault in this scenario. Then his feelings don't deserve priority. With regards to the suitors, then they must know that it's possible that if the girl chooses to be steady with one of them, they are just going to be benchmarks with the ex.
Which brings me to say that in order to evaluate her feelings more, its better that your friend will not rush into the next relationship after ending her previous.
@eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Hi! I think it not healthy for a person to enter a relationship immediately after a break up. It will just make things worse for her and that person. She should give herself a time to heal and realize things. I Think doing something without thinking will harm you. A relationship is not a game, it takes time and cultivation to make it run smoothly.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
31 May 11
Sometimes something new is exactly what we need to move on. A new relationship would be exciting and a new beginning. i would not tell a friend to jump into the first relationship that came along. Still, i think it would be a good idea to have that something new after a breakup.
@bettydeng5 (1822)
• China
16 Feb 12
It is not benefit to have another relationship after break up,it couldn't smooth any hurt,maybe it will bring more unhappiness. Or don't start new relationship with boyfriend, if he couldn't realize what he did wrong,besides, he should treat her better than before, if so, she can consider to back to him.
@mckarladejesus (64)
• Philippines
31 May 11
I agree that no one should enter a relationship immediately after a break-up. First of all, it would be unfair to yourself. It is like you are disrespecting yourself especially if you really don't like the new person in your life. You're just making a fool out of yourself and to the other person. What if the other person had found out that you just entered that relationship because you just want to get back on your ex? He/She would probably get hurt and maybe he/she might be disappointed because of what you did.
You do not enter in a relationship because you want to show off to other people, but, because you love the other person and you are willing to accept the responsibilities that is attached in your relationship.
@kuramax (80)
• United States
31 May 11
i would say no.. for being a friend, suggesting to have a new relationship after a break up is a bad idea.. just let your friend cry it all out. give her time to heal the emotional wounds.. after a few days or week, let your friend to be happy. bring her to a mall, watch a movie or just stroll around. play sports or other activities that will lead her to forget what happened. if you are rejected then accept it. just be her 'shoulder to cry on'. then try again inviting her to go out. be patient dear. :)
@david2000 (97)
• Singapore
31 May 11
Why not, it makes her forget more. From person experience, after breakups everytime i thought i was not going to make it pass this stage and was very sad and thought that the other person was for me, i was wrong. Afew Months down the road, you will understand that u were just being sily. I dont get why people get sad from relationships, if u go in 1, prepare to get hurt.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
i disagree that the girl will forget the break up by entering another break up. it is not like changing clothes when the former is already soiled. it is not as simple as giving a candy to a crying girl.
relationships are a complex process. each one has its unique situation from another. each one has or will have a dose of the hurts and heart aches. therefore, it is not advisable to get into one so soon. girls are very vulnerable with this unlike men. it would just worsen the feelings. it would not help the heart heal.
