When trust is ruined, can it still be regained?

I remember when I was younger I always forgave for lieing.And at the end there was no more trust at all. Today it is diffrent. Before I go in a relationchip with someone I tell him: It doesent matter what you done but tell me the truth. When the person still lie I break up that for sure.

Sometimes a person before we open a book and let it penetrate to the lowest places of our soul. We offer all our trust, we consider as a part of us. But it happens sometimes that person to disappoint us so badly ... Sometimes we show unconscious and we do not realize the power of words, apparently trivial, that we use. A simple word can do more than a slap, a punch. Sometimes we are so selfish that we forget and the ones that front we-can-only or those who truly take us. We think only about themselves, to our benefit to get hurt and those who offer us their hands the very soul. I feel hurt, I feel dirty inside. I feel that my soul has entered into boots and that I trust was trampled on, the power has anyone ever offer such a great confidence. I'm not a vindictive person, by far, but I can not easily pass over. I know, they say that sometimes it is better not to carry grudges for those around us, even if they did things that disappointed us and to forgive. They say and forgive but not forget. Now it's hard. I was taken by surprise! I would like to forget, to move on, to forgive, but ... it's so hard! Sorry, but ... no!

kareemadivina, I wonder if you've been meticulous enough to seek out the answers for whatever had caused the changes after more than half a decade. Generalizing and assuming facts just does not help you get anywhere as far as this relationship is concern, that is if you still regard this as a relationship in the first place. You need to realize that as much as it takes 2 to clap, it takes 2 to separate as well. People just do not wane or get uninterested without a cause or reason and somehow, I can feel that the problem may be just as mutual with you contributing to it than anything else. From what you have posted, I cannot help feel the total lack of communication and understanding as I am sure not going to assume that there's a betrayal when I do not know the facts and whatever is happening to my partner. So, unless you can peer through your clouds of delusion, this obssessiveness will likely to entrench you in this karmic whirlpool assumptions and false accusations which does nothing but hurt the very foundation of your love relationship. Perhaps, there is nothing to solve; only perspectives to understand here. Take care and have a nice day.

Hi Kareemadivina, Thats really painful as well. Love is trust and at same time we never expects anything in love. Before I take decisions, I would analyse whats his problem and find all possibilities to make him ok. I would never end relationship because of the point my love is true and i dont expect anything in return. But I would keep loving him staying some miles apart and wait for him to realize some day in life.

i know what you mean but it sounds like he could be having trouble and not just being a prik. maybe he needs your more then ever now? no i dont think trust can every be truely restored thats why you have to try harder to not break it even if your the victim of someone breaking trust

Once trust broken i do not think it can be regained.

I can understand a relationship being under some stress if it suddenly becomes long distance... but being in a relationship for more than five years and suddenly only hearing from the person every two weeks? No no no. That's not normal at all, in my opinion. As for lying -- kareemadivina, I have been in a relationship with a pathological liar. He would do exactly what you've stated. He'd lie, I'd always catch him in the lie, he'd apologize and promise never to do whatever it was again. Every single time he was confronted about anything, he lied - and he admitted that he did it to give himself time to think of what else he "could have said" instead. It killed the relationship completely. "I'm sorry" meant nothing to me anymore... it became hollow. Without trust, you have nothing. Someone saying they love you doesn't make it ok and certainly doesn't mean you have a solid relationship. For the perpetual liar, "I love you" is just another way to try to make light of their lies or brush them under the rug. In the situation you describe, I am quite sure I would end it because I have seen now that, if someone destroys my trust and faith in them, there is no foundation left on which to build and maintain a relationship.

ruined to me means alot of damage has been done over a period of time. such as one has been double crossed over and over. if thats the case then i don't think it can be regained.

I think that it all depends on the people and how committed they are to each other.I do feel that if you have been cheated on in the past, you will never 100 percent trust that person again.I also think that some times people think that they can trust the person again and in their heart of hearts have doubts all the time in the person.

I would trust him but it will take awhile, like a good couple of years because I can start having trust in the relationship. He would have to do a milestone of dedication and sweat before he can cross the finish line.

this is the difficult part of long distance relationship. but if i were you in this situation (with constant series of lies), I would just break the relationship. what is the point of having relationship with someone that keeps lying to us.

I think he maybe has something don't want to tell you.If I have the same situation.I will face to face to ask him why lie to me.Maybe he has some reason I can accept.If he don't want to tell me.I will wait some days.If he still changed like before.I think I will leave him.If in a realationship between the two lovers lost the trust.I will give up him.

Hey mylotter, so, have you reasons to trust him?! when you was together, near with each other, he was a good person or boyfriend to you?! now, you are apart from each other, and basicly he don't give you a attencion that he gave you before... it's complicated... can be for many reasons, you know... but the only and better solution is talk to him about this, about you're felling about this, and if he looks don't interested, requests a time, may be that he think better about you, and your relationship. ~ Happy mylotting ~

People change from time to time. The most important thing is whether you can accept the changes or not. If you find it uncomfortable to do so, then don't force yourself to do anything unwanted. Life must go on, and life can go on even if you don't have a man. I would end the relationship