having no children in a marriages....reason to seperate???
By honeymalen
@honeymalen (115)
Philippines
June 10, 2011 11:48am CST
hi to all my lotter's,I just want to asked your opinion or any ideas about in a married life if ever you don't have a child can lead to separation????
well i asked that question because me and my husband was already married for 2 year's and a half, and we don't have a children yet. My husband wanted already to have a baby but the problem until now it was not coming,i already saw the doctor's to checked if ever i have a problem in my uterus,because i have a hormonal imbalance so i'm drinking medicine for that one, so that it can easily treated, but the problem is my husband he don't want to cooperate in order to check on his part, to know also if he has problem so he can take medicine.I've always talked about it that what if i can't give him a baby, what he would do.Before that conversation, we have a big fought and mentioned that i can't give him a baby...I felt sad because i also wanted to have a children because it was long time already we got married, i told him that we should worked out it both together not only me, it is really frustrating that you saw some families having a children,and it keeps me thinking that what if i can't give a child, maybe we can separate each other or i will leave him??? Because i can felt the pressures on both of us specially on him, he was the only son and his parent's kept on asking if they had a grandchildren on him???
8 people like this
28 responses
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
10 Jun 11
In my opinion I do not think that it is right to separate just because you cannot have children. Why was it that you got married in the first place? Was it because you wanted to have children or because you love the person and you wanted to be with each other for the rest of your life? If having children was all you ever wanted out of marriage then you should not have gotten married in the first place because that would be a very wrong reason.
I understand how you feel, I have hormonal imbalance too and I take medications to correct it. however, me and my hubby have agreed on it before marriage that even though we would not be blessed with children we will never divorce. The main reason why we got married is because we love each other and having children is a bonus.
I hope your hubby cooperates too. Try other methods of getting pregnant and see other specialist. The important thing is that you tried... by the way are you open to the idea of adoption? there are many children out there needing and wanting to be loved. I never believed that you cannot love a child that did not come from you. There are children born within us and those that are born from the heart.
1 person likes this
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
23 Dec 12
Hello
I don't think having no children is a issue to break a marriage or separate; one can adopt child through registered institutions; a friend here adopted 2 baby one gal, another boy with the help of a doctor friend; the babies were abandoned in hospital by the cruel mom.
Thanks for sharing.
MERRY X'MAS
CHEERING
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
12 Jun 11
I don't think it is right to separate if one of the couple can't have children. I know that a couple marry for love and compatabity. Having children is something I have always wanted. If I hadn't been able to get pregnant I would have adopted a sibling group. I don't think I would be able to face medical help to get pregnant like IVF. One of my friends is a foster carer and she finds this very rewarding. Good luck in your marriage.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
13 Jun 11
Your husband probably is afraid to get his sperm count checked. It's a macho thing. If he doesn't know, it can't be so in his mind. eparate just because you can't have children together, no, that's not a valid reason. However, if he continually belittles you for being barren, that's spousal abuse.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
22 Dec 12
I think this is stupid reason if no children means divorce. Now many women cant born the child because hormones problem and due to men problem also. Family members should support the women and they try to say their son to understand the problem. This is depend upon God when they wants then child may be born.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
11 Jun 11
If you really love each other then I don't think you should separate because you can't have children. Since you are doing all you can do to see if it on your behalf, I think you should keep encouraging your husband to go and get himself checked out and find out what is going on. If it turns out the two of you can not have children, then you can certainly adopt. If your husband wants children as much as you do then he should get himself checked. It is a very simple test.
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
I agree, having a child completes the family. There are lots of other ways to have children, but it may be costly. My wife and I too- it took years for us to have a child, more than 5 years.. but we still did. 
Just pray to the Lord and consult with you doctor..or you can just adopt- it's not just blood that ties people..
Just pray to the Lord and consult with you doctor..or you can just adopt- it's not just blood that ties people.. @kennzsniper (170)
• Philippines
11 Jun 11
Not having children is too shallow a reason to seperate.
Now about your stubborn husband. He needs to get his jack straight.
You are in this together, if he would have himself checked then, perhaps he is the problem.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
11 Jun 11
Yes friend this may be also a reason but this is not good reason. If someone is doing this then this is a silly reason. Tell my story to your husband because my marriage is performed 7 yrs before and till I have no child. Yes I also do the checkup Dr. Said no problem. But my husband tell me trust on God they will give us a child and my father in law and mothers in law is also tell me dont worry God will give you a child. Same think is here my husband is also not cooperate me to cheking but we have checked once.
2 or 3 marriage life is not more tell your husband this is necessary to check both the couples. Now friend this is a common problem in our community and in small town 10 ladies are here without child.
@greenmachine45 (430)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I understand what your going through. I was married for 16 yrs i had an infertility problem.I did my part but my husband didn't want to do his part. The things women have to go through for infertility is far more painful and uncomfortable then what a man has to do. I went through this on and off for 16 years until we had gotten divorce. I think the pressure was to much for our marriage. The funny thing is after all of this after being divorce for 8 years in my 40's I finally got pregnant and had a very healthy, happy and smart baby girl. Being married for 2 years really isn't that long at all. Keep your chin up try to hold your marriage together maybe eventually it wil happen if not there are children out there needing homes.
@abatencila (970)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
That is so sad. I guess that is not enough reason for you to separate. In the first place he loved you not because you can give her a child but he loved you because you are you. Just be patient, try to explain to him that you both need to work hard for you to achieve your goal. Try and seek the help of someone maybe a parish priest close to you so that your husband will be enlightened. He should take part in this problem if he really wanted to have a child. Don't take all the responsibility.
@amitgune (877)
• India
12 Jun 11
Love in life is very rare. A child who is not yet born should not be the cause of separation. Your partner should be more understanding and go for a check up. I know of a girl who married a guy even though she knew that he could never produce any kids. The marriage lasted till old age and beyond. They adopted a child and were very happy. Life is all about balance. There are several couples who have no kids and several kids who have no parents. Adoption is one way to solve this problem. It is not the only way though. Artificial insemnation (I hope I got this spelling right) could be another way to go about it. Convince your hubby to consult a good doctor and then take the best course possible.
@maioliveras (31)
•
11 Jun 11
No I think it is not right that no children in a marriage would cause the couple to separate..I can say that because I have two auntie's who doesn't have children at all but now they are still happy and loving each other and they became more stronger each day. Everything has a reason.
@derek_a (10874)
•
11 Jun 11
We have no children and we are very happy together - we have had a few arguments about it at the beginning of our marriage, but then just focused on making the best of our lives together. I guess I worry a little sometimes about my wife being left alone when I die, but we talk about it, and both accept that is something that is inevitable to every person alive today, whether or not they have children. I am sorry to hear of you unhappiness, and hope that you are feeling better soon. _Derek
_Derek @ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
11 Jun 11
For me not the reason to separate but try to eat okra vegetable just boiled it about one kilo a day you both just do it for one month so be buy it in the market every day since one month so that you have a baby it can make you fertile.
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
11 Jun 11
Your husband's attitude is awful. If he really wants a kid he has to put from his part too, and get checked, as he might be the problem.
Having a kid is a two people decision, but I don't think not having kids is a reason to separate. If two people separate is not because having kids or not, but because there's a problem inside that relationship, or in one of the two people.
It's your body, so remember that your opinion when it comes to having a child it's the most important Talk with your husband about how you feel pressure because of that topic.
Talk with your husband about how you feel pressure because of that topic. @gamma9967 (607)
• India
11 Jun 11
Having no children in marriage life is like a bird who does not have wings but the main thing is understanding and therefore we are married and there must be issues like such but it is not a reason to get separate.The couples should be strong and should have a very firm relationship even in such cases.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
11 Jun 11
N0 that is not a reason for separation. Two years is still short there is still a very long time ahead of you unless you are already older. Don't think about it so much it may cause you some illness. Stress is the number one cause of any illness. It's normal for a man not to submit easily to any medical examinations. That is what I observed from my cousins, brothers, my husband and even some male friends. Just take some patience, your husband may submit for check up sooner or later.
@julyeth (60)
• Philippines
11 Jun 11
not having child is not a reason for separation, you and your partner decide to get married because you love each other. Before you decide to get marriage theres a long time to decide if you were getting married.
So whatever happens you will love each other till the end.
