Baby shower gift.. did I do this wrong?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
June 10, 2011 5:31pm CST
I have a friend who's pregnant. I asked her awhile ago if she'd be having a baby shower, and she said yes and that I would be invted.
So, a couple weeks after that I was shopping at garage sales, and I found this one that did not have anything I was interested in.. but the people having the sale seemed desperate. They kept offering better deals on everything. Well, the only thing even remotely interesting was some baby clothes, and I had this friend in mind. So they told me I could fill a bag for $2.. so I did, and I planned on this being my baby shower gift.
Then I finally got the invitation, and with it came information about the registry at Babies R Us. She picked out a lot of rather expensive items.. and not a whole lot of cheap ones. I also noticed she did not pick out any clothes at all. Seems strange.
I only browsed her selections because I was curious. I was in no way convinced that I had to purchase something from this registry. In my mind, I already have the gift I plan to give.. end of story.
The baby shower is tomorrow.. but suddenly I'm worried. What if she's not pleased with the fact that I didn't stick to the registry? What if she's already got too much clothing for the baby, which is why she didn't ask for any on the registry? What if she doesn't like my gift?
To make it just a little better I bought a little set of baby bath, shampoo, baby lotion, and diaper rash cream today, so that's going in with the clothing I bought at the garage sale. I still worry though that she might be upset that I didn't get her something from the registry.
I guess I just don't really know proper registry etiquette.
Any thoughts?
6 people like this
27 responses
@GardenGerty (160697)
• United States
11 Jun 11
It just depends on the friend. I would have been happy with that. My daughter would have been happy. I personally often do not shop registries because a) they are often at stores not in town, b) often too expensive c) I want to do something that is truly my own idea. Actually I have a standard gift I give for baby showers--lavender scented baby products--because the scent is relaxing. My daughter did not like it, though. Perhaps your friend knows what gender she is having and wants to buy stuff herself. Or she does not know and does not want to receive gender specific baby clothes.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
It's a boy, she's known that for awhile now. Maybe she just forgot, or she was just trying to cover all her other bases figuring anyone who didn't buy from the registry would end up getting her clothes.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Jun 11
Kat - you are giving what you can afford and what is better is that it is from your heart. If the lady shows any displeasure with your gift then she is not a friend. She is only looking for what she can get. You are in no way obligated to buy from her registry. It is just a suggestion. Many people who are invited for my daughter's wedding next month are doing things for the wedding which is their gift. One of my GF uses a videographer as part of her job and she is using him to video the wedding and then she will edit it and give t Rachel as her gift. Another relative is arranging the flowers for the tables at the reception. All help is gratefully received and people are doing what they can in these hard economic times.
People are doing what they can and s are you. Trust me on this - this is really a test to find out if she is really your friend.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I'm sure that is saving you loads of money. It's great to get help like that. Whenever I threw parties of any kind I never asked for gifts. What I did do was ask that people brought a dish to pass, so that I would not go broke trying to feed the party. I'd supply the main dish.. either hamburgers and hot dogs, or a lunch meat tray, or something. I'd also supply sodas and such. Everyone else brought the side dishes.. and it was great. If I was lucky they'd bring a gift as well, and I was always appreciative of whatever I got!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
My wedding was quite different also.. I didn't have any of that stuff, LOL. I would have gone nuts trying to keep track of all that I needed.. yikes!
But it sounds like you have everything under control. I'm sure the day will turn out great! Can't wait to hear about it and see pics!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Jun 11
I have been doing the same thing at Christmas too where the DIL can bring friend and the men buy the drinks. Where she teaches is a private school where the children of diplomats and the wealthy go. One lovely parent owns a shopping Mall and paid for her beautiful wedding invitations and is printing the programme of Church Service etc totally free. Very kind indeed. Our friend who is coming from Tennessee bought her the engraved crystal champagne glasses, the Guest book, pillow for the rings and the baskets for the flower girls.
My DIL in Qatar is bringing the flower girl dresses and the outfits for the ring bearers. There are other things too from other people and it is so very kind of them and I so appreciate all that they are doing to make her day so special. My GF is doing the flowers and bouquets at a discounted price and I do not have to pay her until the end of July when I get paid
My wedding was so different
My wedding was so different1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
11 Jun 11
I would worry too much. People always seem to put the most expensive items on their lists because they are wants. She may not even be thinking that she will need a lot of baby clothes. A friend of mine recently had a baby and totally forgot to buy diapers ahead lol
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
11 Jun 11
With my friend that was her first lol My son is 12 and I had a shower for him and since my daughter was born 11 years later my mom and her friend got together and decided I needed a baby shower. I was living out of state, so I mainly received gift card. Personally I think it was an excuse for them to get together lol
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
Oops! I know I freaked out until the very last minute with everything I knew I still needed to get. But I didn't do a baby shower for the last 2, just the first child and the twins. This will be my friend's fourth child, but it's been 8 years since her last one.. so a baby shower is definitely in order for her!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (92789)
• United States
11 Jun 11
You are fine. I have never bought someone a baby shower gift from the registry they mention. And I've always gotten good results when the mother opened the present. I can't afford to spend a lot at all. But I have seen my inexpensive gifts get better reactions than obviously expensive presents. Things like the diaper rash cream? No one thinks of that stuff. It's incredibly helpful. The clothes will always be in demand - always. She will like your gift, and there is not a thing wrong with it not be on the registry.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
Well I hope my gift goes over well. The outfits are really cute, and I'm sure they'll be useful. It's like 4 onsies and 4 full length outfits.. plus the set of soaps. Either way, it will be used!
1 person likes this
@Galena (9110)
•
11 Jun 11
I think if she's a decent person, she'll be pleased.
when we had our wedding list, it wasn't because we wanted just those things. it gives people ideas, especially people who aren't sure of your tastes, so they know that, for example, if they get you an appliance or crockery or a vase or candleholder, that it will be one you will use and enjoy and have on display, rather than guess at what sort of style you like.
we had some wonderful off list presents, and they were wonderful to receive. because they were a surprise, and because it was nice to see what people chose for us.
some people are a bit demanding in their lists for things, and act a bit spoilt about them, thinking of them like a list of demands, rather than ideas.
but I don't think there is anything wrong with what you've bought.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9110)
•
11 Jun 11
eta. another thing that some people might not know.
some places where you have gift lists will have an offer where after the close of the list, you can buy the remaining items at a discount.
which is why sometimes people will add more expensive items that they would like, so that they can get them cheaper afterwards. or of course, the more expensive items can also be bought by people clubbing together for them. but I know with wedding lists, people do that quite a bit, so they can get an expensive thing they need at a cheaper price, rather than thinking someone will buy it for them.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I did not know that about the discounts on the registry. I will have to update later about whether or not the friend actually liked the gift.
@margeryann (1845)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I never bought things from the registry either plus having a registry a lot of people might buy the things on the registry and then you might be duplicating something and things are so expensive usually on what people want at the registry. Nothing is wrong with used as long as they are in good shape.You can get more things that way.
If they have a problem with it you will find out what kind of person she is. A materialistic kind of person.Everyone is different.
If you feel uncomfortable about it tell her when you first get there that you are sorry you didn't get what was on the registry because you bought her things before you got that in the mail and that you hope that she won't be upset with you or you can even tell her that sooner.Usually people handle things better when they are told like that. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
Thanks. I see nothing wrong with I got either. These days people can't afford a ton of brand new things.. and most should be understanding and appreciative that they receive gifts at all.
@margeryann (1845)
• United States
10 Dec 11
Hopefully the baby shower turned out okay! Hopefully she liked what you gave her! Thank you very much for the best response!!
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
20 Jun 11
Thoughts are well, like this…
You know her better, i.e. if she’s always into expensive things or is she going the expensive way only for her baby (many mothers feel that way….’only the best for my baby’) or whether she wants
expensive ‘gifts’ for the baby (since she wont have to buy them herself).
Another thing is how close you both are! If she’s just another acquaintance, then clothes bought at garage sale with some baby accessories thrown in, should be well enough. However, if you are really close AND if you would have clothes from garage sell for your own babies too, then that’s alright, too! Your presence and blessings for the baby would be more important.
PS: as far as clothes for newborn is concerned, no amount is too much (that’s what I feel)
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jun 11
She appreciated the clothes and thought they were all very cute. If she was upset that they were used, she did not show it. I saw her yesterday at the store, and she still said nothing pertaining to the gift.. she only talked about the baby and when he might come. She's having contractions though she's only about 34 weeks, and the baby weighs 4.13 lbs.
1 person likes this
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
11 Jun 11
Don't stress over it, you did fine. I don't think I've ever gotten a gift from the place the guest of honor was registered! The bottom line is, it's a GIFT which means she should accept it graciously and appreciate it!
I guess I might not know proper registry etiquette either but it's not something I'll lose any sleep over...lol! I think you chose a good gift and even if she didn't have any clothing items on the registry I'm sure she can sue them. Babies can go through a lot of clothes as I recall.
Annie
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I am certainly feeling better about it now. I'll give an update later as to how it went.
@4mymak (1793)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 11
personally... i dont mind whatever gifts i get, as long as i know that it is an honest one.. and nothing stolen 
to me.. registry is just 'suggestions' to people who may not know what gifts to get - and if you already have something in mind of what to give as a present or a gift.. to me, that should be fine, already..
in the 'real-world'.. we wont get everything in our 'wish-list' anyway..
to me.. registry is just 'suggestions' to people who may not know what gifts to get - and if you already have something in mind of what to give as a present or a gift.. to me, that should be fine, already..
in the 'real-world'.. we wont get everything in our 'wish-list' anyway.. 1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
12 Jun 11
The last baby shower I went to she asked for no clothes....but I did buy some long sleeved tee shirts in white due to it being born in the winter and she was a first time mom! I figured she might not realize that the baby would need something like this...when she opened it she was very pleased....hopefully the same will be expressed when she opens yours!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
12 Jun 11
My friend ended up getting a lot of clothes, and I don't think she got much from the registry. She got a lot of diapers too. She seemed pleased with my gift.. maybe not thrilled, but certainly pleased. She thought the outfits were cute.
2 people like this
@ladybug565 (2216)
• United States
18 Jun 11
I think that you'r friend will be happy that you are there and I think that she will like your gift. I think the registry is just a suggestion not a requirement. I hope that you have a good time.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Jun 11
well i think she should be perfectly happy with what you got since like you said, you bought all this before you even was told about the registry
so she should be ok. what kind of friend would fault you for that? if she does she not much of a friend. my mom always taught me if someone is good enough to offer you something, you except it graciously. no matter
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
16 Jun 11
It's been a few days since this post, so I know that the shower has come and gone. I've browsed through the previous responses, and already know that she was pleased with your gift.
Sometimes, I think that a registry doesn't do what it is supposed to do. It's supposed to make the gift giving easier. But sometimes it does make it incovenient.
Didn't know that there should be an etiquette for that.
1 person likes this
@cwcjam (15)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I would have just gotten her something on the registry. Also you shouldn't give used items as gifts. I would have gotten her something cheap on the registry and maybe a few days after the shower give her the clothes and say it was an after thought.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jun 11
A cheap gift from the registry would have obviously been cheap. But a whole bag full of clothes does not look cheap even if they are used, they're in perfect condition. I see nothing wrong with it.
@frankiecesca (2489)
•
13 Jun 11
I think she would be a very poor friend if she was annoyed or disappointed that you didn't get anything from the registry! After all it is the thought that counts and she doesn't have to not use them....she can say thanks and just never use them but, she surely will be pleased at the thought!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I'm pretty sure everybody doesn't buy something that is on the registry. I can see pros & cons for having one but not everybody can buy expensive things.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
11 Jun 11
Dont worry, as long as you give it sincerely and those baby clothes are fine...then it will be fine, if she wont appreciate it then its her fault.. i mean when you give baby showers you really do not expect everyone to really buy those stuff! especially if its expensive.. 
just be positive
just be positive 1 person likes this
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I think you did a great job. Don't give another thought about not buying something on the registry. And, I see nothing wrong with giving used clothing, as lont as it was gently cared for and has no stains. If she is not pleased with you gift, that is her problem....not yours.
1 person likes this
@MBBerry (24)
• United States
11 Jun 11
I think that registeries for any kind of shower are for those people who simply don't know what to get as a gift. People use them because it is less embarrassing than being asked what you want or need. The reality is that in today's economic climate we all give what we can afford and the reciever should be thrilled with the thought. I do think the baby care products rounded out your gift nicely.
1 person likes this
