Is It Wrong To Hate Your Dad?

India
June 12, 2011 7:07am CST
I have hated my dad once, now I don't and for some reason I don't love him either. A gap always came in between us due to lack of communication and I really miss the days in which my father could actually have behaved to me like a father. Now I am on my own, kinda settled with a little guilt inside me. I always tried from my part but he did not. Now that I am on my own I know what a mans life is and I would want to help people out there with troubled father relationships. Please share your experiences and advises and reach out.
1 person likes this
23 responses
@Graceekwenx (3160)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
Welcome to Mylot Angelsword! I couldnt really say that i dont love my father. He has been very supportive and hardworking to our family; just imagine, trying to raise all 9 kids! I do know that that is his way of showing us kids that he loves us. I dont want to generalize though that fathers are not showy of affection because i can see the father of my friends who likes picking jokes on them. One of my guy friends said that it is a masculine thing and we, being the kids especially the female kids should find it easier to chide the affection out from our fathers. I am a failure on this. Moms are easier to talk to than fathers, that goes for me; well, of course i know it is not the same with the others. I just cant open up to my father in the way i talk to my mother. I hope there is a parent out there who can respond to your discussion as i find your topic really interesting. I struggle too.
• India
15 Jun 11
I think its too late as time once passed cant be taken back.
@nytrisco (567)
• Philippines
26 Jul 11
You know what, we do have so similarities when it comes to our dad. Me and my dad also have a gap between us and I actually tried to take that gap away but he wouldn't care a thing. I really hate him now, for once he told me this line "From now on, I don't have any son" before that we had some misunderstanding. I'd follow his rules, I took what course in college he likes, and I also loved him before. But after he got married to my stepmother, things started to become problematic between us. He doesn't talk to me and he doesn't care a bit. And now, I always tell myself that if I will be a father one day, I will never do to my child what my dad did to me. I will love my child forever and will never put a gap between my child and I.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
Yes, it is bad to hate your dad. Because the 2nd commandment of our God. We need to love our father and mother to have a long life...
• Philippines
14 Jun 11
I have a very good relationship with my Dad; hence, I cannot imagine hating him or not loving him. Nonetheless, it is good to know that you are thinking of doing something good for those who have troubled father like yours. They would really appreciate to talk to someone who really knows what they are going through or have gone through.
• United States
17 Jul 11
I understand where you're coming from. There was a time in my life when I also started to hate my father. I thought he was doing something wrong to me and my mom based on my mom's paranoid antics. You can say from the time I was 15 all the way up until my high school graduation I became upset and angry at my father. I soon realized that I still loved this man around the time I graduated high school and in my own way forgiven him. My sister never had a relationship with her father because he was never around so I assume that she hates him. My father had both of his parents around when he was younger and has no hate towards either of his parents. I realize from watching my mom succumb to losing her mind last year that hate is very bad and we should all try to avoid it at all costs and make up with relatives, friends and even enemies.
• United States
17 Jun 11
Technically it's wrong to hate anyone but as humans it's understandable when we do. i cannot say that i've ever hated my dad but I've been quite unhappy with some of his choices in life. That being said, parents in general do what they know. My father for example grew up never knowing his father and therefore had no example of what a man's role as a father was. In his capacity as a father he was always loving but not necessarily a disciplinarian. Since he grew up without a father himself he never wanted us angry with him as he felt a fear of possible rejection. That's another story all together but it goes to the point that we don't know what our parents learned before we were born and how their knowledge will affect our lives. In your situation you have reached out to your father and if you feel that you've done all you can to repair the relationship it is now up to him. Don't hate him continue to love him and yourself and be open when he's ready.
@simplycza (1480)
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
We have our own reasons why we came to a point where we hated our fathers. I respect others who hated their dads, but i envy those who have a good relationships with theirs. I can;t remember any good memories with my father, I can;t even remember he tried to work to support me on my studies. I grow up knowing who my father is, but I never got the chance to feel how a father care to me. We are not on speaking terms at the moment, I guess due to more pains he has done for us. But still, I am looking forward that someday, I might be able to experience how is it to be loved by a father.
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jun 11
I would wonder where the hatred comes from. What he really did? I had a sad experience at a picnic that made me not communicate with my dad for many years. Then when he was dying of cancer he instructed his brother to contact me and ask me to come at see him at the Vet's Hospital. I went to see him, we had a lovely visit. I waited for a couple of days before I called to see how he was because of the weird feeling with the other father members that were there. When I did the nurse told me he had passed away. It was as if he had waited to see me and this passed. I would advise anybody that was astranged from a loved one, no matter what the reason, to make contact and try to talk to the and resolve your differences. If you don't you may be very sorry after they pass and you no longer have a chance to do so.
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
I hate my father too. Seriously, he's pushing me to do things beyond my capacity. He commands me to do this and that without even realizing that I am old enough to make a choice for myself. Why do fathers never listen? They always think that what they do is right and they cant accept they're own shortcomings.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
13 Jun 11
I think we all feel that we hate someone in our family every once in awhile. I have a sister that I really don't communicate that much with since our mother passed away, but I really don't hate her; she just drives me CRAZYso I stay as far away from her as possible. I know fathers and son can butt heads, but usually that doesn't constitute hating him. There must be more to the situation because is a very strong emotion that take a long time to get to. Like you said, you are now on your own and it may be too late for you and your father to bond, but you remember how you are feeling right now so when or if you have a child/children whether girls or boys you will love them and never allow them to feel what you are feeling right now. Many people become parents, but not all people become GOOD PARENTS.
• India
12 Jun 11
I must not interfere in your personal issues, but here is what you must know. Lack of communication can bring not so good times in a family. Don't let them bring down your love. Dad needs your Love, you don't need to hug him every now and them, but, make sure he feels accepted. No matter what happened, he would have always considered your well being. Sometimes, dad cannot express what he feels. we might feel it uneasy and would not understand him. But remember, at the early stages of life, when we just begin to understand the things around us, it was our parents, who patiently taught us the world. No matter how many times we blabbered as a child, the always tried to make us understand. Love your Dad.
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
13 Jun 11
I never understood how these bad son/father relationships happen, but I've seen it in my son/husband which now after our son is grown has a better relationship with his dad. I am still seeing this with my grandson/son-in-law which a lot of that is my grandson is a hard worker and his dad is a stay-at-home-dad while his mom works hard to support the family. My grandson will be 19 next month and has been working one job or another since he was 16. He helps his mom when she needs him, too. He resents his dad has never helped support the family much. My daughter doesn't have a problem with the reverse role play but her kids do. I told my grandson he must try to get along even if he doesn't agree with his dad, he is still his dad.
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
Fathers are most always not very showy with their feelings, especially to daughters. But I know your father loves you. Men in general are not emotional or does not want to show so much of what they feel. They wanted to project a manky image especially to his family, because he knows that he is the head of the family, everybody is looking up to him, everybody needs his support not only financially but for all of the things in his family life. Just try to understand him, and show him love and respect.
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
You know, it's perfectly normal to be disappointed in your parents, or in this case, your dad. But to hate? Yeah maybe in the heat or height of an argument. I can NEVER hate my father, even if he can be a little irritating at times (which comes with age). He has done nothing but raise us up in the best way he knew how. He was away most of the time because he was working for my future. So that I can lead the life I now lead. I owe him my life, literally and figuratively.
• United States
12 Jun 11
I don't know if I can really answer your question as to what's right or wrong. It so depends on situations. My biological father left us when I was 2 and I never saw him again until I was 27. I don't hate him...I just don't understand how he could do that to a child. I think I can say I love him - at least in the way that we love all human beings.. I just don't owe him anything...I offer it.
@umabharti (3972)
• India
12 Jun 11
Every one have some thing that they hate with their parents.As time passes on they try understand ing things.If we hate then we get that from our children too.Some times we can not communicate properly and understood it doesnt meand that they arent good or we .
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
it's wrong but sometimes understandable...I hated my father too, when I used to worship him when I was younger, but I got shattered when I learned of him cheating on my mother...no, he didn't leave us and it should have had made me grateful, but I hated him fiercely...now, we've patched things up, and it helps that I no longer put him in a pedestal but accept him being a human with human frailties, he doesn't cheat anymore though and that helped bridging our gap...but, the really easy going affection cant be revived...
@ritzz07 (788)
• India
12 Jun 11
hi agelsword please dont do that he is your dad and becouse of him you are in this world please respect your parent special dad becouse he works day and night to give you better life....mother can express her emotiions but father never...mother can cry for you infront of you or behind you however fathers cant show their sorrow eithers tears..........you will come to know all this when you will be father............
• Vietnam
12 Jun 11
I love my father. My father always love me and help to become a good person. he always teach me a bout life and human.Now, I leave so far my home, so I miss my father very much. I think hate dad is wrong. you can think about good properties of your father.
@SAMKAT (91)
12 Jun 11
Too bad don't try this at home. Come on even though how bad he can be d.. d..on't try this. If you do it the same reciprocate in your relationship with your children