I could not put my Mom in a nursing home.

well me too i would not put my mother in a nursing home no matter what happened you know, well my suggestion was found somebody else who can take care to your mom like a private caregiver or a housemaid and then you can paid them, at least when you were at home you can checked what was happening to your mom, unlike in a nursing home you cannot monitored what was happening....

I know someone who had to put thier mom in a nursing home, but it was really the safest option. She had to be watched 24/7 because she has dementia. Even if they quit their job to watch her she was losing it very badly and could not take care of daily hygeine. And she wouldn't let him because he was a guy. It's very much the safer option and she is doing real well, actually improving because she eats at certain times and they can monitor her blood pressure more closely and she cannot wonder off because they use an alarm system so she can't slip out without being noticed!

me too. i think i will not be able to put my mom in a nursing home because she is afterall my mother and she took care of me even though she could have chosen otherwise... and then of course me too, i would want to be able to take care of her as she grow old.

I have a bedridden Uncle who just celebrated his 89th birthday a couple of days ago and once stayed in a nursing home in the US.Her two daughters both decided to put him in a nursing home,because having their own family and their own jobs too they hardly find time to care for their father. On the first month of their father's being there, both have seen that their father are being cared for and doing fine.They have talked with their father if he would agree with the arrangement and he said yes.But on their next visit his father told them, he would like to go back and wait for his last days in the Philippines.Since he had 3 more children left in our country,he said he would like to be cared by his children. In our country most parents are being cared for by their children especially in their old age.It's in our culture and also our way of thanking them what they have done for us.

I am glad you and your sister are able to take care of your mother, it takes a lot of effort but totally worthwhile if you are able to. I have not had to make this decision but early on in my working career in the medical field I worked for a nursing home and it was so sad to see some there. It was lovely though to see that some had constant caring visitors. It certainly would not be an easy decision and if one can take care of the parent, that is great not to have to put them there. There are some that sadly perhaps one person cannot do it on their own and are forced to, and you are so right as it would be very heart wrenching and perhaps too, with enough research they can find a really good caring nursing home.

Twenty years from now, I might be facing the same situation as you are. In my country, it is almost an impossible thought to send the elderly to a nursing home. If someone did, people would practically brand him/her as a 'ungrateful child'. I grew up in culture where family is emphasized in society, a reason why some of the adults still live with their parents. For some, it is a practical reason to pool resources and to help the parents when they chose to retire. Taking care of the elderly is not easy task but we are always grateful that our elderly lived a life with the family. I guess there is no more lonely feeling being old and alone, with no one to care for. Here, there is a default person for that task - the youngest who will mind the parents in their retirement years. I hope that I will not come to that type of decision. My mother and I were never close but I am always thankful for what she did to me. Perhaps being in her later years is my chance to say thank even in the smallest ways.

Hi stary1, as parents, nothing would be happiest than living together with their kids under one roof. They pleasure of family care and joy is more comfortable and relaxed than the well and professional service available in any nursing home, though the kids could take care of them when they have time or after work. If there is really no one having time to take care of the parents it's no harm to send them to the nursing home. For it's safer to have someone to take care of them all the time if they are really not in healthy condition and need extra care. But don't forget to visit them often whenever there is time. I'm glad that your mom is fortunate to have two filial daughters to take care of her Caring from own kids is always full of authentic love Happy posting

It has must break the heart of relatives when they cannot do nay better than to put their relative into a Nursing Home. In our case - our mother had lived on her own - with household help- until she was 94. She called my sister and said that she was not well. She had cancer and decided not to have any surgery but asked to be made comfortable. She could have lived with either of my two sister's but decided to move into a residential Nursing home that was run by qualified Nurses who happened to be Sisters of the Roman Catholic Church. (we are Catholics) They were kind and loving to everyone and treated my mother with the greatest love and respect. One of my sisters visited almost every day and she still visits the Nursing Home as she has become so friendly with the Sisters. I should explain that Nuns live in a closed order but the Sister's do work in the outside world. I am glad that our mother did not experience any unkindness but feel so sorry or the run down awful Nursing Homes that sometimes terrorise the elderly.

I am currently taking a class called Long-term care and that is what is being covered in the class. Sometimes family members have no choice like if they are ill themselves. Nursing homes have come a long way from what they were like when my great-grandma lived in one in the 1980's. At least they are around here. There is one that is settled on a golf course and has a swimming pool, spa, fitness center and on-site therapies for the patients plus they have concerts and other events. To me, that is a luxury home. My husband's grandma has Alzheimers and she is in a more traditional nursing home with two beds to a room and activities but it is not so fancy.

I am so happy to hear that you and your sister are the ones taking care of your bedridden mother. She must be so proud of having children like you two. I am proud to say also, that here in the Philippines, most of us prefer to have our ailing parents taken cared by us. It's our chance of giving in return all the love and care they have done for us when we were still growing and dependent on them.

Hi stary1, This will be such a great and touching discussion on MyLot. I truly appreciate your gratitude and love towards your mom, may God Bless you! I would never put my dad or mom in a nursing home ever. I might have had some differences with my dad, and i neither hate him nor like him. I love my mom so much for that. Still I am obliged to both as they are the reason for me to sit and respond here on MyLot. Maybe you can hire a good nurse from somewhere with which I can help you if you want or you can try to spend more time with her in a day but adjusting your usual tasks. I think some people are forced to leave their parents at nursing homes, but some has their choices. I think this discussion on Mylot should really reach out to all the members. A movie I would suggest would be "Up" as it clearly points out the feelings of the old. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to such a good discussion.