The Mad House

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I completely realize long posts get fewer responses. God bless the ones who care enough to actually read this whole thing. Anyway, last week, the vacation my family and I took was really great. I did not stay in the same location as the rest of my family (mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law). I was like a mile away. So not being in the same place was great because I didn't have to get stressed out by my mom. Besides, if my dad needed help, the least my sister could do was pitch in. She lives three hours away, and has no clue how hard this whole thing is on my dad and I (obviously way more on my dad). There were times during the vacation that were trying by my mom's actions, but it went well. But on the day we went home, oh my word.(Sister and BIL drove themselves home.) By the time the 7 hour drive was over, my nerves were shot. I was so on edge. Although people have pointed out that family restrooms and unisex restrooms exist, of the five times we stopped (doc says her need to use the bathroom all the time is related to dementia), only one place had a bathroom that I didn't have to go in with her. That one place had a unisex bathroom, so my dad took her. You're probably saying, so what? You took your mother to the restroom. No, no. I went into the stall with her. The first time we stopped she didn't want to go in the bathroom stall because no one was in there. Yes, she didn't want to go in the stall because it was empty. When I convinced her that was how it was supposed to be, she sat down for five seconds, then stoood up and said she was done. I had to tell her that she hadn't done anything. She argued with me for 5 minutes before I convinced her to sit back down and go to the bathroom. And she eventually went. I had to make sure she goes because when her stomach is upset, you don't want to be halfway between stops and her poop in her pants (she's done that before). Another time I took her into a bathroom stall she didn't want to go in because there was no place to sit. I told her the toilet was where she was supposed to sit. So she sat. When she finally went, she said she couldn't (pardon the grossness) "clean" herself. So I did it. And she started yelling at me that I was doing it wrong. Then yesterday I came over to watch her for an hour and a half while my dad ran an errand. Her stomach was upset once again, so he needed her to stay at home. The whole time she never sat still. She opened the front door and told me my dad was sitting outside in my car. I took her outside to show her no one was in my car. We came back inside. She did it again. I took her out again. She kept asking me questions, and when I answered she'd ask me why I was telling her anything. She didn't remember asking me anything at all. There is no giving her something to occupy her time. She'll lose focus in 5 seconds. She paces. She snaps at you. My mom was the sweetest woman. Her former self would be appalled at how she is now. Although she is only 51 her dementia has settled in deep. I came over this afternoon to help my dad and she started yelling at me and him. When she finally went out of the room I started crying. I can't stand how she is making my dad's life miserable. He's been so good to her. Doesn't raise his voice, repeats everything he says without losing his patience. It took him time, but he has learned to not let his frustration show when he talks to her. When he told me to go on home to my apartment I cried all the way home. At this point, she's the best off (emotionally) of all three of us. Yes, she has lost her mind, but she thinks there is nothing wrong with her behavior. Every need she has is taken care of. Meanwhile the sadness I see in my dad's eyes never gets better. I can't stand it anymore. I'm starting to feel like my soul is hurting when I'm around them both.