TO GET BACK AT A CHEATER....- You Guys n Gals Make the DecIson, You Decide

United States
June 16, 2011 1:38am CST
Recently I was dating this girl for nearly 2 years, Overall the relationship was great. If we argued it was super rare, Anyways her ex-boyfriend came into town last weekend. I have never personally met the guy before. If she called me or I called her, We would always call or text each other back within 10 minutes at the most. Basically to the point that if one of us did not call the other one back, The person calling would worry something bad happen like a car accident etc. Well last weekend her ex boyfriend, They were dating for a little under a year I believe around 9 months. Anyways he was back in town just for the weekend and that was literally the end of it and I initially thought nothing of it. Well, Last Friday I called her up because we had plans to have drinks with my friend and his girlfriend. She was supposed to meet us there , but never showed up being all naive I thought maybe she was held up at work or was just running late. Obviously the couple we were supposed to be chilling with was wondering why she had not called because its not like her to just not show up and not call. Long story short, I told them about how her ex boyfriend was in town. At this point I still had a hard time thinking she was out with her ex. My Friends convinced me to call her house, To see if she was alright and to see if anything may be going on. Her Mother answered the phone and said "Yeah I just talked to her and she said she was meeting an old friend". So the weekend goes by, I called her phone and left probably 15 voice mails... She NEVER calls back. I am a firm believer once a cheater always a cheater, and in my eyes we were finished as a couple. Sorry this is so long, She finally calls my phone like nothing at all happened and said She simply had no reception and just got my voicemails. She put on a huge show saying I have a lot of nerve making these "BS" accusations. I told her its absolutely over between us, Shes been blowing up my phone left and right. My Question is "What would you Do? One of her Best Friends has a pretty big crush on me and I am pretty confident, A 1 Night Stand wouldn't be out of the question. Or Would You Guys Take the High Road and just change my cell phone number? 2 Years Down the Drain, Really Hurts, But What Are Ya Gonna Do? Thanks For The Advice in Advance I geatly appreciate it! I have also Decided I am going to take whatever advice YOU All GIVE to me on here regardless of what it is. THANKS EVERYONE & I WILL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED!
1 person likes this
12 responses
Princelierocks
@Princelierocks (817)
• India
16 Jun 11
Hie friend it is very hurting discussion indeed. Well talking about your relationship I think you are taking a quick decision if she was to meet with his ex actually she would even not call you besides your 15 voice calls but I think you must and give her some time dont just get pounced on her infact situation will be more worst I know its very hurting to do such things and in depression and anger we tend to take any decision so I guess dont just say finish think about the two years you guys spent together dont let it ruin with one hurting date, I suggest you to meet her talk to her about the issue and if u find that she has no feelings and affection you tell her wheather she wants to continue or not and accordingly take your decision. Hnestly telling you I have also many problems with my girlfriend bu still we are together I faced many similar situation as you have. So concluding get into understanding and you will find your answers.
1 person likes this
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Your absolutely right, First I wanted to take the time to personally Thank-You for taking the time out of your busy day to respond to my problems.. It really means a whole lot to me that you guys care. I have read everyones comments and Im just responding to them now. I apologize for now getting to them sooner I just needed 3-4 days to get my head together. I will be changing my phone number and cutting off all ties with her, No One Deserves this type of mental abuse. If I could show you the text messages you would see what I mean its like a sick game maybe she even gets off on stuff like that, But when my number is changed tomorrow Im hoping the healing can start. I dont know what I would do without your advice and everyone elses. God Bless You
kennzsniper
@kennzsniper (170)
• Philippines
16 Jun 11
My advise, if you really want out. Ignore her. The revenge path will only be sweet initially but will not pay up good in the end. A one night stand with her friend would be too childish. Changing your mobile number will only mean that your affected. If you really want an edge, get yourself a better girl. Make her wish that she had not blown your relationship into pieces.
kennzsniper
@kennzsniper (170)
• Philippines
16 Jun 11
why thank you there ^_^..
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Thanks Kennzsniper all awesome advice, but between us I mentally cant deal with the 20-30 texts a day regardless what she thinks the relationship is over. Your 110% Correct about the friend that is nothing but idiotic and wont fix or prove anything. She lives a city a way from me, So what I do wont be any of her business and I don't think she has the gall to show up at my house. I really wanted to personally Thank You for reading my long boring post and taking your busy time out of your day to respond, It means a whole lot as everyone else who had responded Thank You It really means a lot to me Be Safe and God Bless Your Friend larry
famee87
@famee87 (29)
•
16 Jun 11
i would agree with you kennzsniper. very well said :)
cher913
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
16 Jun 11
cut your losses and move on. no sense repaying evil with evil.
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Thank you my friend, As for the above posters they are probably right I did act childish but unfortunately I do have proof. Stuff happens sometimes out of your control what are ya gonna do Cher, Thanks for taking the time to respond means alot to me God Bless Ya
SpikeTheLobster
@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
16 Jun 11
OK, so let me get this straight... you're dating a girl for two years, an ex comes into town, she goes out with an old friend, you explode and dump her. First off: you're acting like a woman. Let me just splatter my thoughts down here, real quick and no in any particular order: You've been dating a girl for two years and you leap to those kind of conclusions? So much for trust. You don't even know who she saw. You have no proof or any kind of (even third-party) sighting that she saw the ex. Your accusations are totally unfounded. You say she put on a huge show about you having a lot of nerve. I think you were lucky she didn't dump you on the spot for (a) leaping to conclusions, (b) accusing her of things for which you have no evidence, (c) showing her that you don't trust her and (d) consequently showing her that you think absolutely nothing of her or her feelings. In summary, you're lucky she even wants to talk to you. If someone I was dating did that to me, I'd be well rid of them. It's called being a drama queen.
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
28 Jun 11
You both are right, Relationships are never perfect and of course we had our ups and downs. I am not gonna lie it was more downs then ups. For awhile I thought she could be Bi Polar because one minute shes fine the next shes slapping me and hitting me and bring stuff up from months ago, I didn't understand it at first until I talked to an old college friend who is a psychiatrist and she said she could be borderline schizophrenia... I wasn't sure exactly what that meant until I looked it up on the computer. I can tell you right now she is not taking her med`s, Maybe at one point like towards the start of our relationship she was fine. I have COMPLETELY DECIDED I want out of this thing I decided that awhile ago and when she managed to get my newly changed phone number I will not lie it scared me, If shes capable of that what else is she capable of. Thank You a Million for Both of your Replies and Everyone else, I mentally could NOT deal with this especially after my car accident. I`m changing my number again but I'm really starting to think I should just move, My lease is up soon, I know this sounds like a baby but I`m seriously considering calling the police. THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS RESPONDED I SERIOUSLY COULDN'T HANDLE THIS F00K*N B***SH*T WITHOUT YOU GUYS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO IS COMING ON HERE EVERY FEW DAYS AND READING EVERYONE'S ADVICE ITS KEEPING ME GROUNDED! THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, I KNOW I HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE BUT I REALLY MEAN IT... GOD BLESS YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART BEST WISHES PLEASE BE SAFE *EVERYONE* YOU ALL MEAN THE WORLD TO ME! GOD BLESS ALL OF YA... -LAR
elida279
@elida279 (165)
• Bulgaria
16 Jun 11
I couldn't say it better. Don't tell me that you had a stable relationship with your girlfriend for 2 years and she will change this for her ex- that she was with for only 9 months? Who does this? I think you need to sit down and discuss the issue with her. Don't take decisions so easily.
chuyins123
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
16 Jun 11
I must say, that was a drastic decision you got there my friend. Your response to every circumstance is your responsibility, no one's to be hailed or blamed on it but you. looking at the situation, I wouldn't say there was no basis at all for doing such a decision, but I do think that was just drastic or very frantic decision you made. It doesn't necessarily merit you to be right just because she didn't pick you up on the weekend. If she's with the EX that weekend and didn't show up on your supposed drinking thing, it would have been better and clearer for you if you've given her a chance to explain herself. If she was bugging your phone every now and then, then you matter to her most. It's a lot of effort to do so, for a girl. Give it a second thought...It wouldn't harm you if you give her a chance to explain, and weigh things out. I guess with what you did, you just lacked what we call Patience... Sure would hurt you though, but I guess you're willing to use some diversions to ease the pain. Well, you can fool her (your girlfriend) but you can't fool yourself. So take things slowly, decide when you already saw both sides of the coin. Good luck. Keep us posted.
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Thank You my friend for responding, I actually met up with her a few days ago face to face.. knowing what really did happen and as you can probably assume yeah things happened I played it off that I knew nothing and told her to just explain herself If anything happen or not When our eyes connected and she got the most sincere look and lied directly to my face I knew this thing was over, I never did tell her I knew the truth because it doesnt matter. As for the friend, What will that prove right? Shes blowing up my phone with 20-30 texts a day and mentally its making things worse so Ive decided to change my number so I really can move on without this hoovering over me all the time. Your advice is excellent and I want to thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my big post and even respond with great advice... Thank You So Much My Friend and I do apologize for not coming on here quicker and reporting what happen I just needed to get the pieces together and try to get my heart right Thank You Once Again Chuyins123, Your advice and everyones was very nice and really made me feel better that people do care... God Bless Ya
1 person likes this
chuyins123
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
22 Jun 11
Hi, so you really did shove her off. Well if she lied right in front of you, eye to eye. Then I believe there's no reason to further and prolong the agony on staying in the relationship. So be well my friend, storms do come, but they don't last long. That's why they're called storms and not seasons. God bless ya too bro!
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
28 Jun 11
thanks for the reply my friend, everyone's reply s have been so helpful! as crazy as it sounds you guys are giving me better advice then the 'friends' i know in real life' thank you so much, everyone s posts man def. including all yours have helped me down this road. when someone is able to lie straight to your face i mean, look you right in the eyes and lie without even blinking at least to me that shows that the person couldn't give a crap about you and that they have serious mental problems. if she did not care about me why didn't she end it, why did i have to. this is something that really complex-ed me but then i thought about it, she always had to be the victim and in some twisted sick way she got her wish. changing number's tomorrow and literally praying this stops.... i`m one step from going to the police... i will keep you updated bro if you still want to know whats going on god bless you your friend, larry
lzink14
@lzink14 (54)
• United States
16 Jun 11
Hi interactivelearnig. I am sorry to hear about your relationship going the way it did, but i once cheated on my now husband and if he wouldnt of taken me back for my awful rediculous behavior i wouldn't be happily married with two fabulous children right now. If i were you i would sit down and have a LONG conversation with her and let her know that she needs to be honest and fess up to what really happened in order for things to move forward, and on your part you have to honestly forgive her for what she did thats "if" you truely want things to work out. Everyone needs to realize that EVERYONE makes mistakes in life, The question is Will they continue to make them? And if they do then you know they arent the person for you, but atleast we gave eachother a chance.. We arent perfect!!
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
28 Jun 11
FIRST OFF THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND FOR BEING SO HONEST I KNOW THAT COULD NOT OF BEEN EASY ON YOU EVEN OVER THE INTERNET. AT THIS POINT I REALLY HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING, AND RECENTLY FOUND OUT SHE HAS BEEN OFF HER MEDS FOR AWHILE AND REFUSES TO GO BACK ON THEM. I AM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU AND THAT THINKS MANAGED TO WORK THEMSELVES OUT NOW YOU HAVE TWO GREAT CHILDREN, THAT IS FANTASTIC lzink. I REALLY HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING INCLUDING SITTING WITH HER ONE ON ONE AND EVEN TOLD HER THAT I CARE DEEPLY FOR HER AND I WOULD BE ABLE TO LOOK PAST WHAT HAPPEN AS LIKE YOU SAID EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES AND NO ONE IS AN ANGEL... I BELIEVE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT HONESTY THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP. AFTER FINDING OUT SHE HAS BEEN OFF HER MED`S THEY ARE ANTI-PSYCHOTICS (SEROQUEL) A LONG WITH HER SCHIZOPHRENIC MEDICINE. SHE REFUSES TO TAKE IT AND TOLD ME SHE WILL NEVER BE PUT ON IT. AS CRUEL AS THIS SOUNDS, I FEEL I NEED TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE (AFTER HER MANAGING TO GET MY NEW PHONE # JUST DADYS AFTER I HAD ORIGINALLY CHANGED IT. SHES MADE THREAT. I KNOW SOME PATIENTS BATTLING HORRIBLE MENTAL DISEASES ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO TAKE THERE MEDICINES, AND IF THEY ARE A DANGER TO THEMSELVES OR OTHER THEY ALSO CAN GET WHAT I BELIEVE IS CALLED A 5150 WHICH IS LIKE A LOCK DOWN. IF ONE MORE THING HAPPENS I`M GONNA ABSOLUTELY CALL THE POLICE AND THE HOSPITAL I GOT ALL THE PHONE NUMBERS OFF THE INTERNET, ESPECIALLY THIS 1800 NUMBER THAT DEALS WITH THIS TYPE OF THING. I JUST WISH I HAD MORE EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH THIS, THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND GOD BLESS YOU I REALLY HONESTLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU AND THE REST OF THE VERY KIND PEOPLE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO READ MY STORY AND COMMENT AND TRY THEIR BEST TO HELP ME. YOU GUYS HAVE MEANT A WHOLE LOT TO ME....... THX YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART lzink14 God Bless You Guys
chiyochan
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
7 Sep 11
oh wow, 3 months ago.. sorry to have read it this late, i hope i still get to know what happened between the two of you. the thing is this happened to me too and that my boyrfriend has not contacted me for 24 hours or so. i got angry and never messaged him and answered him back then he came to work, fetched me and we talked.. turned out she was out with his mother and had no time to text because of him having to take care of his naughty niece and when he got home, he was so tired to even send a message. well that seemed like him he sure is a sucker for sleep! i asked his sister and confirmed it was true. well what i was saying was if you know her and know what she can do... i think you are able to know which one to choose, believe her or don't.
Elizabeth White
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
16 Jun 11
I'd meet with her and have a serious chat with her, it seems like the only communication between you two were accusations and high emotions (regarding this incident). Maybe a flood of old memories came back at her and she was overwhelmed. If she still beats around the bush and refuses to talk openly, then cut it off completely.
cheatedaphrodite
@cheatedaphrodite (810)
• Philippines
24 Jun 11
I had been there before and I know how this kind of scenario hurts but why not talk to her and ask her everything you wanted before deciding for a break up? What if she met with her ex-boyfriend, does it mean she wanted them to be back together? If you are thinking that way then you might be wrong to trust your girlfriend. And if your girlfriend really wants her ex-boyfriend, then why would she bother blowing up your phone? To clear your thoughts and speculations, you better have courage to face whatever is bothering you. Give her a chance to explain then ask yourself if you are going to believe her explanations. If you don't believe her after the talking then it's time for you to decide. Don't just close the door without looking if someone is still there standing. Get my point? Be fair and be man enough to handle this situation. Also, I don't agree with what you think of her other friend having a crush on you. You're like saying that you prefer to solve a problem with another problem, not man enough for me. Hope you get my point. It hurts but better face it rather than run away from it. Good luck and hoping for your updates.. :)
youaremylush
@youaremylush (479)
• United States
16 Jun 11
I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, really sucks :/ I don't know what I would do in the situation, but I really doubt I would be in a relationship with this person after. However, I don't think sleeping with her friend would justify what happened to you. Why have a one night stand with someone who likes you? That's kind of like leading them on. I would definitely suggest that you change your number and block her on any social networking sites. Just cut her out completely. I've never been with someone for that long (due to the fact that the same thing that happened to you, has always happened to me), but I think if you keep your head on straight, you'll get over it in time and find someone so much better.
interactivelearning
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Thank you very much for the kind words it really warms my heart. I feel I dont have to stoop to her level, but she has been starting in with the text messages and its like a game to her, Its actually pretty cruel when you think about it. Tomorrow Im going to change my number and be done with it I just wanted to personally thank you for taking the time to respond my friend Be Safe and God Bless Your Friend
bountyhunter
@bountyhunter (38)
•
19 Jun 11
Like I commented on a reply above, I do think you may have reacted a bit too quickly. I do think the whole thing is a bit suspicious but there may have been a perfectly good explanation for it. If I were you I would've sat down and talked to her about it, especially as you'd been together that long. I probably would've felt like doing the same in your situation, I get jealous easily and I can imagine getting really jealous with a thing like that. But I think you should try and approach it more rationally. If you care about her, see what she has to say about it. If you don't believe what she says, or she admits to it, then obviously I'd break up with her. I also don't agree with sleeping with her friend. If you actually do like her, try asking her out. It'd definitely help you get over the other girl.
famee87
@famee87 (29)
•
16 Jun 11
hello interactivelearning :) i am sorry for hearing what had happened. well, i guess it is all part of a relationship. one day you are happy and one day you are not. but life must go on.2 years is such a long time and i understand how this situation hurt you. past relationships may affect your present relationship just what happened. but having a date with her bestfriend and changing you phone number wouldn't change the situation. what happened, happened. so better confront her. have a heart to heart talk with her that you may know the real score. then after having a conversation, try to weigh things whether to give your relationship another chance or choose to part ways. you are still not sure if she was really with her ex-boyfriend. if you are really into her then talk with her. anger wouldn't help. it would only make you a BITTER person. so, whatever decisions you two may arrive, just be ready with it and accept it. you can't force something to stay if things won't work out anymore. remember, everything happens for a reason. if you are hurt, feel the pain till it hurts no more. see the brighter side of life. don't be afraid to love again after a broken heart. but don't be in a rush. love will find a way when you are ready.