Fearful and Paranoid???
By debrakcarey
@debrakcarey (19887)
United States
June 16, 2011 7:09pm CST
I am not fearful, nor am I paranoid. I been told this several times by people who disagree with me. I've been called insane, unstable and a racist here on myLot by people who profess friendship. I get told I do not need to be reading the BLAZE, or World Net Daily too, that I should not post such difficult or devisive discussions on social issues. That I should relax and have some fun. I'm weird I guess, I actually do have fun talking about serious issues. Imagine that.
So tell me, what kind of friendship can you have with people who think these things of you? Shouldn't friends at lest LIKE you for who you are?
I'm rearranging many things in my life. And I feel better than I've felt in a long time. Looking at the world and standing up to what's wrong in it can be liberating. I love my country and I believe Americans are smarter than they're being told they are. I love my way of life. And I'm not going to be made to feel as if I should be ashamed because I do. I'm done explaining myself and hoping people understand. I'm done being politically correct.
People who have actually taken the time to get to know me, realize I am not a hater, nor am I intolerant. Real friends know my passions and respect them, even if they don't agree with them. I am not made to feel as if I have to explain or defend myself around these friends.
Funny, how when you quit trying to make people like you, it begins to be real clear to you what REAL friendship is all about. Once I decided to pursue the truth about life, I started seeing how so much of it a lie. I am not always right, nor am I saying that friends should always agree with me. Far from it. I want people to challenge me...just don't try to make me feel inferior in doing so. That is NOT how friends or for that matter, adults discuss things with each other.
I recently responded to a discussion where someone asked those who did not believe as she did to remove themselves from her friends list. I said to her, how can you do that, we are suppose to show God's love and be a good example; how can we do that if we shun them. I apologize to her here and now. I'm beginning to see just how she's feeling -I think. There is no rule in life or in my beliefs that requires me to be subjected to being looked down on or pitied or insulted or made to feel inferior or to be wrongly accused. I will continue to do what I do here, talk about things I feel are important, develope relationships with like minded people and respond to those who disagree with reasons why I think the way I do. If they like me ok, if they don't I can do nothing more than accept it.
So, how was your day?
7 people like this
14 responses
@urbandekay (18278)
•
17 Jun 11
Fearful, paranoid, insane or racist, I think not nor have I witnessed any examples of the same, though of course, people tend to exaggerate. You do on occasion seem a little emotionally unstable and prone to over-react, perhaps that is something to which you might agree?
all the best urban
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
17 Jun 11
..."You do on occasion seem a little emotionally unstable and prone to over-react, perhaps that is something to which you might agree?.....I think not when speaking of Debra!
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
•
17 Jun 11
Whiteheather... you seem to be implying Debra... lacks sufficient self-awareness?
Debra... Taking offence when none is given is over-reacting, after all the greatest good manners is not never giving offence but never taking it. Sufficient repetition of such indicate emotional instability
all the best urban
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
There is nothing wrong with emotions or the showing of emotions. And who has the right to say how much a person should react?
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Whoa, once people start telling me what to read is when they try to live my life and I won't stand for that. I'll read what I want, not what someone tells me to read..As for the Political correct statement, I don't follow it, I am Biblically Correct, and many people, including so called "Christians" don't like it because it makes them uncomfortable..Sure I am not so vocal here and only when I get a nudge, (probably from G♥d) so I even go into a religious thread and it isn't the atheists or non-believers that bother me, it is the Christians..Now not all are like this, don't get me wrong, but when I see fence-walkers, that throw G♥d in people's faces, that really irks me, because they have no idea what they are doing..
I think you are a brave one, to post some of the things you share. I don't reply to all, because some I just don't have a good reply for, but as long as you don't go against the guidelines here, I wouldn't worry about others and especially don't worry about your star, because truthfully, when you do post controversial discussions, you will get negative hits, but remember, those who hit the neggie button, it also affects their own rating, at least I believe it does...
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I still don't quite where you are on the "spiritual scale" but I believe you are as close as anyone here, and you are vocal about it and why I do say what I believe, knowing that a majority here will disagree, but that you understand. Not that other Christians, don't support Israel, but I go a step further and embrace their biblical heritage, not the religion, but what G♥d says, because even in Judaism, there are man-made rules I don't follow...
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I've definately come out as supportive of Israel, and for the same reasons as you. I look at it this way; when God makes it plain as day that HE supports Israel and warns us that HE will curse those who curse Israel...it's something we need to pay attention to. Many LARGE EMPIRES have fallen and disappeared but a tiny little nation that ROME came against still exists despite being dispersed from their homeland for thousands of years and persecuted unlike any other group.
Israel is ruled by falible men and I don't always like THEIR decisions. But if you look at history and how the world has condemned every hatred BUT anit semitism and Israel has survived and prospered in spite of it, you have to admit that some higher power is behind that. So, I'd rather be thought a fool by men and blessed by God. If I get labeled a nutcase for that...oh well.
2 people like this
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Oh I'm not worried. In fact, I am as far from worried as I can possibly be on this.
I have learned that people would rather belive a lie than a truth that hurt. I will do my best to speak the truth, if I err...I can take constructive critisism and perhaps change my mind. I am not above changing my mind.
I will do my best not to offend, if I do inadvertantly offend, I am willing to apologize.
As for not having a 'good reply' YOU go right ahead and say what you have to say. I have found your responses very encouraging and often very enlightening. I want to hear what you have to say! 
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
20 Jun 11
Personally if everyone always agreed with everyone here in myLot this site would not be what it is today, and everyone would want to stay here, be Happy and half of the time not be able to learn from others with suggestions to help what they are going thru. There have been many times I might have disagreed with someone here, but unless they are spiteful or downright mean why should we remove them? We are allowed to have difference of opinion, and that is what makes us unique.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I wasn't suggesting that the ones I removed from my friends list should not have had a different opinion. I said that if they apparently didn't care for me as a person, I didn't need them on my friends list.
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
17 Jun 11
So many years in chat rooms, so much time on Facebook--I am afraid these things have somewhat inured me to the vagaries of internet relationships. I have blithely ignored the urgent calls of "I am culling my friends list, please message me if you want to stay on the list". I have never understood that... you want me to tell you if you want me to be on your list? Surely, people must know who they wish to spend their time on?
Sometimes friendships established over the internet can spill over into real life. I have a dear friend in Australia who has visited me in the US and whom I met years ago in a religious chat room. I married someone I met over the internet. But I have also found that people I thought I knew were nothing like the person they appeared to be on the net and others have proven to have secrets I wish I had never discovered.
Friendship, like love, is an act more than it is a feeling or a mutual set of interests. Friendship may mean that you meet a need of another when it is revealed to you. Love is putting the interests and well-being of another above your own. These things happen rarely on the net, but it's possible.
I often make enemies where I don't mean to. I might seem insulting when I didn't intend to be. I might be insulted by someone who has decided to be my enemy, but that's not going to mean a lot if there is no relationship. My indifference is probably more insulting to them.
There is something to the idea of being unequally yoked. It applies on the internet, in forums, chat rooms, on Facebook and on Mylot. Either there will be a tug of war or there will be stepping together. Politics is naturally divisive, but if you believe something is important, you must stand up for it regardless of whether your words are well-received.
I am afraid I ended my day by posting on my Facebook that I was culling my friends list and those who wished to stay should send me a monetary bribe. I have lost friends over my unwillingness to beg others to keep me on their friends list, but again, I can't make that decision for them and it is, in reality, just a call for unnecessary attention and compliments. So I just announced that only the most obsequiously complimentary and generous people will remain on my list. This is probably going to get me deleted from a lot of FB lists. Ah well, these are the pros and cons of a virtual life.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
People mistake my passion for the things I believe in for a lot of things. I try to explain and if they still persist in their misconsception there is nothing I can do. I'm just tired of having to do so much explaining. If you don't like me for who I am don't call yourself my friend. Simple. Whethr 'on the net' or in 'real life'.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
17 Jun 11
I am not saying that your feelings are not understandable, or that your frustration at the labeling is not justified. But some will purposely use labels in order to rattle or derail you. Take the comment from urban, for instance. On the one hand it agrees with you and then snarks its way into an insult in order to undermine your entire point.
You have to be who you are and others will be whatever suits them. I think that if you feel right about what you have to say then their opinions have to be relegated to the oubliette (the place you put things to forget about them). I can't say what I think of friendships, because they are of several types and on the net, the most common of those is the "list" type.
But take heart in one thing - if you weren't saying things that disturbed their present view of the world, they could never get so upset. Be not weary in well doing.
1 person likes this
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Oh, I wasn't disagreeing Rollo, just expanding on your points a bit.
And snarks is a good way to put it. I used inuendo...but snarks is more descriptive.
Thanks for the encouragement, I can count on you to tell it like it is without the snarkiness....
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jun 11
It's one thing not to believe as I do, and it's another thing to attack me for what I believe. I wouldn't do what she did and say people with different beliefs should just delete me, but I will happily delete people who get nasty with me.
Ok so you're weird. We're all weird. lol
My day has been very boring....
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
23 Jun 11
Its good being weird.
and I'm sorry your day was boring. This is the next day after OP...went to chiropractor with daughter to watch the baby for her. Discussed a position with the doc and now I feel GOOD, except now I need an adjustment too- after lifting a BIG two year old all morning. 
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
17 Jun 11
hi, my day is fine. thank you.
just because you have a different opinion, or you are opinionated, you are a bad person. that is a very wrong concept. life is always about choices. one can always choose not to respond to your posts if they do not like it. i mean, if one thinks you are senseless, then why talk to you? that is just an example.
it is rewarding to argue sometimes, and to challenge each other with issues. but it should not get in the way of friendship.
just because you have a different opinion, or you are opinionated, you are a bad person. that is a very wrong concept. life is always about choices. one can always choose not to respond to your posts if they do not like it. i mean, if one thinks you are senseless, then why talk to you? that is just an example.
it is rewarding to argue sometimes, and to challenge each other with issues. but it should not get in the way of friendship.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Jun 11
bingshee and debra its never wrong to think about how the world cou ld be made better and want to make changes and for people here to bad mouth you is unkind and as bingshee said unnecessary. if they feel that way about you or even about me let them skip our discussions and move on. I personally relish getting varing opinions on my own discussions as I even at my age can and do learn new things everyday. To badmouth one of us just because we do not agree with his or her opinion is unkind and uncalled for too.you can report people if they make these insulting remarks in you discussions. nobody likes to be put done. And anyuone who tries to make one of us look stupid is, you guessed it, stupid him or herself.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
18 Jun 11
Thank you Hatley. I like to have a discussion where there are differing opinions as well, I too feel we learn when our beliefs or opinions are challenged. I just don't see the need to make someone feel bad or inferior in that exchange of ideas.
1 person likes this
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I've wondered that myself, why bother responding if you think I am insane...overemotional...unstable? The only reason I can come up with is to make me look stupid as well.
There is a difference- when you disagree you give your reasons without needing to imply the other person is somehow deficient in intelligence. If you have to make them feel inferior somehow, your arguement must be weak.
Thanks for the insight bingskee!
2 people like this
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Debra you...."insane, unstable and a racist"...NEVER. I think you must know that name calling, insults and slurs are the tools of some myLot members when they cannot disagree or debate an opinion in an intelligent manner. You are one of my favorite myLot friends because of your ability to offer your opinion in an intelligent factual manner.
I am older than you so I learned many years ago to be honest and open and never to pretend to be someone I am not just to impress other people. I like who I am and if other people do not like me then they can just stay away from me and find friendship elsewhere.
I am honest,trustworthy, loyal and generous to a fault (a typical Taurus). Thank you for being such a good friend.
BTW my day (yesterday) was not too good as I had my second batch of oral surgery, a total now of 10 teeth extracted in two weeks and do not look forward to only being able to eat soup and soft food for 3 weeks.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Ouch! Poor dear! I hope you heal quickly. NO STRAWS for the first few days!
Thank you for the encouraging and kind words even in the midst of your pain. 
Yes, I do know that people will use name calling in an outright and obvious attempt to shut you up or plain just hurt you.
But there is something else that goes on too, that isn't as obvious. It's not as easy to detect. It's the inuendo and implications, the "you know I am your friend, but" statements. Or the 'advice' that implies you are not quite good enough and need to improve. Calling into question your judgment or your motives all the time on every discussion.
And then when you defend yourself, it gets so much worse because you appear then to be over reacting...or to emotional.
It just gets old when its on every discussion, all the time. Friends do disagree, this is true. But when there is NEVER any agreement its time to ask if its worth the trouble. Right? Or when the only interaction there is involves disagreement/defense.
You are honest and trustworthy and loyal and generous whiteheather, and thank YOU for being such a great friend. I hope you heal quickly!
Yes, I do know that people will use name calling in an outright and obvious attempt to shut you up or plain just hurt you.
But there is something else that goes on too, that isn't as obvious. It's not as easy to detect. It's the inuendo and implications, the "you know I am your friend, but" statements. Or the 'advice' that implies you are not quite good enough and need to improve. Calling into question your judgment or your motives all the time on every discussion.
And then when you defend yourself, it gets so much worse because you appear then to be over reacting...or to emotional.
It just gets old when its on every discussion, all the time. Friends do disagree, this is true. But when there is NEVER any agreement its time to ask if its worth the trouble. Right? Or when the only interaction there is involves disagreement/defense.
You are honest and trustworthy and loyal and generous whiteheather, and thank YOU for being such a great friend. I hope you heal quickly!1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I have been called those things, too, as has both my brothers and my sister. People think I'm nuts but I no longer care. But that's why I have few true friends.
You know, just the other day I was thinking about everything that's going on and the way I used to be when I was raising my children. I knew very little about what was going on and it's true, ignorance was bliss. Now I'm agitated, worried and I hate the helpless feeling I have as I watch what's going on. I wish I could be like the other sheep and just float through life paying no attention to the crimes my government is committing against our constitution. That would be so nice...but the inevitable rude awakening would not. I'd rather know what's going on.
I still have lots of "friends" here that don't share my views because I don't have time to cull through them. Mostly, I want to offload the ones who just talk about sports, or making money, or what my favorite whatever is. I hope I find time for that soon. But I do treasure the ones who challenge me and engage me.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
No pain, no gain comes to mind when I read your response.
For many years I kept myself from feeling anything because of the pain it brought me to do so. Abuse does that to you. But inevitably the dam will break and then there is no holding back, you either are totally overwhelmed and swept away or you grab an anchor and hold on.
I grabbed an anchor. FAITH IN GOD. I still am holding on.
For some years I still felt the fear and I would run from feeling it, I'd start to let go of that anchor. My emotions were my enemy. Then a wise person told me, face it, face what you're feeling and acknowledge that it is something positive that kept you safe instead of the enemy that is trying to hurt you again.
We've been conditioned to turn from our emotions when we should be taught that they are an important part of us that keeps us safe. The problem many have is that they cannot find that anchor, that safe place within their own selves. They don't know what to do when the dam bursts. They'd rather stuff the emotions down than face them. It's understandable, but not productive. Spiritual growth is PAINFUL and SCARY. But necessary. No pain, no gain. 
1 person likes this
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
17 Jun 11
So you are insane, unstable and a racist, seems you have a lot to work on. Regardless, Give the world who you are. That is where the most learning for everyone will be. Be who you must! It's a part of the plan! Throw in a little unconditional love to smooth out the bumps with others. Few people argue with that.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I try to do just that.
Ticked off at the most, but never angry! That is my motto from now on! 1 person likes this
@jujunme (2501)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Those who resort to name calling and insults simply because they disagree with you, are impossible to deal with,since they are incapable of getting their point of view across in a polite and respectful way.
Many times it has nothing to do with who the person is they're arguing with, if they simply don't like what you're saying or have a totally opposite opinion they do what comes naturally to them,name calling and ridicule.
IMO, no one should ever have the ability to determine anyone's self worth, since there will always be a myriad of opinions and points if view, so how can we decide who we really are if we take all of these into consideration and attempt to become what others expect us to be.if we allow this we are nothing but puppets permitting others to hold the strings.
I just want to conclude by saying it is very refreshing to read a discussion by someone who isn't afraid to be themselves and express their honest opinions, especially here on Mylot, where it seems some people tend to shy away from controversy or expressing how they truly feel, in fear of possibly becoming disliked or ridiculed, so i commend you for not letting that dissuade you in any way.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I am not always right. I am often a bit to passionate. But I simply cannot stand to be talked to as if I am a child in need of discipline. If someone disagrees I prefer they do it without subtly trying to make me feel as if I am a misbehaving child. I almost would rather they call me horrible names than to talk down to me. Is that a sign of insecurity, yes. I was talked to like a child by an abusive man most of my adult life. But don't worry, I'm getting over the insecurity and learning to draw that proverbial line and say to all...this far and NO FURTHER. If you want to be my friend, treat me with respect when we talk, disagree or discuss things. Don't try to make me feel less so you can feel superior.
You know, some people don't even realize they're being this way. They are just naturally condescending or come across as such. They're right and you're wrong. And I really don't have a problem with this until they question my character and intelligence.
I'm getting over the insecurity and learning to draw that proverbial line and say to all...this far and NO FURTHER. If you want to be my friend, treat me with respect when we talk, disagree or discuss things. Don't try to make me feel less so you can feel superior.
You know, some people don't even realize they're being this way. They are just naturally condescending or come across as such. They're right and you're wrong. And I really don't have a problem with this until they question my character and intelligence.1 person likes this
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I think your a very sincere and intelligent individual. In the past, I have found that people are very sensitive about two very controversial topics. Politics and Religion. For the life of me I cannot figure out why people would let those topics affect interpersonal relationships. But the fact of the matter is that those topics do just that. This is why I stay away from those topics. I have the impression that you are passionate about your beliefs and want to share. Don't let those that cannot accept you for who you are affect your emotional and spiritual balance. Its not worth it. Meantime, keep those topics coming. Although I don't participate in many, it is refreshing to see your dedication to your beliefs.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
You're right about those two subjects, and they are the ones I'm passionate about.
I don't stay away from them obviously.
I thank you for the compliment, I am sincere and I am an intelligent person. We all are here. You included. I've yet to meet a person here who wasn't, in some area an intelligent person. That is why I am upset when someone questions my intelligence. And like I said earlier in a response, when you start looking for truth you begin to see the lies more clearly. I quit trying to be politically correct a while back, it is a lie designed to keep the truth from being discussed. I just have no patience for someone trying to force me into a politically correct mode. That is an insult to my intelligence AND theirs.
I don't stay away from them obviously.
I thank you for the compliment, I am sincere and I am an intelligent person. We all are here. You included. I've yet to meet a person here who wasn't, in some area an intelligent person. That is why I am upset when someone questions my intelligence. And like I said earlier in a response, when you start looking for truth you begin to see the lies more clearly. I quit trying to be politically correct a while back, it is a lie designed to keep the truth from being discussed. I just have no patience for someone trying to force me into a politically correct mode. That is an insult to my intelligence AND theirs.1 person likes this
@youaremylush (479)
• United States
17 Jun 11
I understand what you mean about people not understanding what you're doing. I, myself, am a truth seeker. I would rather know all the horrors of the world than ignorantly accept things. Why should you be politically correct? That term is only for people who are easily offended. I say screw em'.
My day has been right boring. Nothing is going on, besides the fact I went out to eat (and that sucked). I cleaned house most of the day. I suppose that's rewarding on it's own.
@nurseclare (2209)
• Philippines
17 Jun 11
We can't please everybody. Don't mind the haters and go on with your life because you're too great! Just feel good about your self, you know you're worth everything you have. People are just people, some are trying to correct what you had exploit. I've been there before , people are so judgmental which i can't stop myself from being hurt. And now i tried to ignore them. I'm confident because i know i'm doing what make me happy.
And i trust GOD in every little thing i do. :)
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
You are right about that, we cannot please everyone. We have to remain true to God, and then to ourselves.
1 person likes this
@sean010108 (16)
• Philippines
17 Jun 11
Hey! how are you too?I am patrisha avila from the philippines and you can call me pattie for short. I have read your insights and I simply love it! we have similar situation wherein your friends(you thought their are!)simply will just drop you off the hook if you start talking about what and how you feel in some aspects in life. On me, people thought that i'm a weird person, most especially here in the philippines where people are so conservative and emotional!And have the tendency to pull you down (crab mentalism)Don't get me wrong guys! I love my country and our people here, but sometimes it's too much. I was brought up by my father to think 'I have to believe and follow what I think would be best for me and to be happy on what I do." And that is why I AM like this. I search for the right definition for my self in the WIKIPEDIA and stumbled on this word "RADICAL" meaning "one who advocates fundamental or revolutionary changes in current practices, conditions or institution" well, what can say? this I think would best describe me.:)and I think that you are also the same. what do you think?
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Jun 11
Radical? If it means I want to fundamentally change current practices and conditions... yes...
...but when you enter this maze of thought it leads you to a very simple and beautiful place. The truth. That is what I seek and by posting the discussions I do, I am trying to get people thinking, glean from their thoughts and hopefully together learn something.
I am getting real disappointed because some just want to nit pick or make you feel bad,look bad or be ashamed for what you think or believe....and really do nothing towards opening their mind to the possibility of learning or sharing. They come with the intention of tearing up your discussion.
If it means I want to fundamentally change current practices and conditions... yes...
...but when you enter this maze of thought it leads you to a very simple and beautiful place. The truth. That is what I seek and by posting the discussions I do, I am trying to get people thinking, glean from their thoughts and hopefully together learn something.
I am getting real disappointed because some just want to nit pick or make you feel bad,look bad or be ashamed for what you think or believe....and really do nothing towards opening their mind to the possibility of learning or sharing. They come with the intention of tearing up your discussion.1 person likes this
