It's easier to analyse other people but not ourselves
@Masihi (4413)
Canada
June 18, 2011 1:46am CST
Or at least that's what I'm noticing - both offline and online. Okay, so someone asks us for advise, or even wants to vent out their problem, I know I do that myself, actually. Other people give their opinion, some too quickly, in fact. The thing is, it's so easy for a person to look in on the outside and see the problem, or a solution to a problem, and in some cases want to do something to help resolve the problem. They offer help, criticism, etc, and are generally satisfied when the problem is resolved.
But when it comes to ourselves, it's so hard to see our own issue objectively, as if an outsider would see. Oftentimes we don't want any advise, or we think we're okay, and it becomes really uncomfortable to address an issue. Then we get all "private" on people and try to shut them out. It's painful to face our own demons, and it seems like a lot of work to change something to resolve a problem or at least see how we can work things through with our own issues.
Maybe it's because it's easier to look at others because it doesn't affect us? Or maybe we're by nature more objective? And when it comes to our own selves, molehills seem like mountains and impossible to bear?
As for giving advise, I now only give advise to people who ask for it, or want to talk to me. I've learned from experience - big time - that if I say the slightest thing wrong, or percieved to be wrong, people will fly right into me and reduce me to tears. Oftentimes I tend to stand back and not say a word.
Just wondering if others feel that way at times or is it just me...
3 people like this
10 responses
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
19 Jun 11
I understand where you're coming from. I think it's because we get emotional when it comes to analyzing what has been happening in our lives. But when it comes to others, we still have out rational minds to analyze them. We don't feel the emotions they're feeling and therefore are more likely to create a more fair decision for them than they can.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
Yes, that's true there, and a lot of the times proper decisions are so hard to make due to high emotions. So in a way, advise and support from outside the situation would be beneficial, in the right circumstances, of course.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
19 Jun 11
This is some interesting thoughts here, and so true. When we have problems going on a lot of times we are often the last ones to see it, and a lot of times will wait until it is almost too late. Many times even when someone is trying to offer us some advice and tips we still may not see it. I know myself making mountains out of molehills is relevant to a lot of what I go thru, and I am learning to try to be more proactive and willing to look at things instead of waiting for timing and help from someone else.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
I found that being proactive and willing to look at things myself has helped me a great deal over the past few years.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
That's too easy to do, ya, I know I'm guilty of that, but deep down inside I know I'd like to see for myself what the other person's like and such. Some people who may seem bad may actually be hurting inside, that sort of thing.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
19 Jun 11
Usually I am really good about giving advice and very eager too. But I have found that as I have gotten older that it is best to await for me to be asked, even then Masihi, I find that I am a better listener. Some people appear to crave for advice but then once given they get defensive, so for me it is best to be a listener and perhaps comforter that way then put myself in per se harms way.
I think you are doing right in standing back a bit, this is what I finally learned to do.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
Many times I've called a help line about a problem (years ago) and as I was talking things out I was able to think out loud kinda thing and felt better, and even talked myself into some solution before I realised it. So sometimes people who initially want advise would actually figure things out by talking/venting. Kinda neat, eh?
@faisale83 (198)
• India
18 Jun 11
Exactly it is, where we fail to analyze our self ,our friend do it
So think "Friend in need is a friend in indeed". the way myLot do...
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
I love Mylot for its friendly atmosphere and valuable advise we find here. I've gained so many new perspectives and new ways of looking at things because of this community.
@wattswatts (11)
• United States
18 Jun 11
I like this discussion. Because I often find myself analyzing someone else and I wouldnt even do it to my self and I would get mad when someone says something to me. We are so quick to look in to someone else window and not our own aren't we!
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
Ya, it's human nature, that's why it took me many years of really working on my own self. It's definitely not an easy journey, but it's certainly a rewarding one! 
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
18 Jun 11
I think you are correct to stand back a bit. I do. I also try to be very cautious in what I say to people, because often they just want to vent, to air their problem. Otherwise, they also may already know the solution and advice they want and what they really are wanting is for someone to confirm and agree with them. There is no point in you exposing yourself to a tongue lashing. Some people also have MyLot serve a function of letting them organize and analyze what they are doing and feeling. I think it is easier to analyze someone I do not really know that much personally about, as my emotions do not get in the way, but as you said, if you say the wrong thing, they get all emotionally on you and tear you down for a perceived wrong.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
Ya, true, especially since I myself have mental health issues, it's especially hard for me to take tongue-lashings than say someone who doesn't deal with a mental illness. I have a right to protect my own sanity, so I really don't feel bad if I withhold advise.
@dont_pick_your_nose (2279)
• Australia
18 Jun 11
I think your right it has alot to do with the fact the dvice doesn't effect us. that we only have to give our opinion instead of implement the changes. I think if i analyzed myself like i do with everyone else i would probably not like what i found. I am not a bad person, but there are things i dont like about myself that i wouldn't tlike to analyze or even pretend i knew the answer too. I like to share my opinion when asked for it, and am honest enough to tell it like i see it. I think everyone should be upfront so we didn't have to wonder so much. Like this question as humans we ponder it knowing we will never have a definate answer only speculation as its a matter of opinion and circumstance.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Jun 11
Yes, I'll be honest and upfront as well, yet be as diplomatic as possible as people are uber-sensitive nowadays. I don't believe in those "white lies" as they're misleading, and if someone asks us a question, they deserve to be told the truth.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 11
Hi Masihi~
The perspectives in giving an opinions and views might be different from one person to another. When I see a topic I will first analyze it whether I have encounter the same problems and how I solved it. If my solution works to me and perhaps it will help others I will give that advice to those who needed. If I don't have any experience I will put myself on their shoes and analyze according to my own thinking. I don't really like this too but if one face a problem they do need suggestions- good or bad and this will give a various chance for the one who ask for it~This is why people always say easy to be said than get it done right, right??? I would rather pray for them not having the same problems like me. The options and views are there for us. It is just up to us to use it or not regardless the point that the givers have been through the same thing or not~ 
CT
CT1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
Ya, it is good to have advise given to us, but in a non-judgmental way. I like Mylot for this purpose, and we can easily take what we need, plus others can benefit as well.
@gingerberrie (191)
• Philippines
18 Jun 11
Hi Masihi,
I agree with some of your point of view. Normally, it is really easy giving some sound advice to your friend or any person needing your help. However, when it comes to our own situation sometimes it is really hard and painful especially if you don’t know how to analyze it. Every person has their own cross to carry in life. We have our own ghosts to face and strategies to make on how to surpass such hardships in life.
Many people said that “patience” is the key in everything. Yes, they might be probably right but for me this is just one of the contributing factors to neutralize your emotions. Let me say your family is suffering me say your family is suffering from poverty. This issue cannot be solve if you just be contented and be patient enough to wait for the grace of God. Of course you have to move and make some necessary steps to help your family. Patient will still be there but looking for a better solution is the right answer.
In my life as I observed, life is really hard if you does not know how to handle it properly. However, if properly. However, if you recognize the causing factor of the issue, you will be able to come up with the possible solutions to your problem. You can ask first yourself why and what are the main causes why this issue has happened to me. The fact that you know the issue, you can organize things easily. You can use your Plan A, if it doesn’t works; try Plan B or Plan C.
The main answer is being organized, don’t panic, move on, and be patient enough in life.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Jun 11
Yes, if we don't self-analyse on our life issues we will most likely sit passively in our situation and try as much as possible to be content.
I've learned to be self-aware of myself (it took a few years before I was able to fully confront my demons) and as a result I've been more open to constructive criticism and observations from people on the outside looking in. It's not easy opening up and facing our own issues head on, that's for sure :-p But I found it made me a stronger person.
