Internally struggling with my children's education
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
Canada
June 20, 2011 8:18am CST
I have two daughters. My 12 yo is homeschooled due to the fact she has ADHD, an anxiety disorder and a language based learning disability. And when I say homeschooled, well, we generally unschool. We support and encourage anything she's passionate about which leads to an enriching environment she learns from.
Then there's my 16yo. She is currently in grade 10 in highschool which she enjoys. She created and organized her entire 4yr highschool study program ahead of time. She's not entirely sure what she'll study next but has a strong interest in forensic science. She is extremely focused about her future.
However!!! She is always late with her assignments, waits until the last minute to study and gets easily distracted with computer games, friends and boyfriends. Unfortunately, although she's a brilliant child, her grades reflect her lack of focus and organization in her studies. I've tried everything to help her out - but this is just who she is - last minute girl! She does the same with showers, laundry, eating, etc...
I'm struggling with the fact that I'm so leniant and relaxed with one child's education - honestly feeling like she'll learn what she needs to learn when she needs to learn it while being so strict with the other child. Hubby has suggested we remove computer access for a while, especially next fall. At first I thought it was a good idea but then it hit me - why then would I allow the other child to have free range??
This kept me awake for a bit last night and I concluded that maybe I'm just trying to protect my kids from failure. While my youngest is a very hands on kind of person, I allow her to explore and learn in that manner and she is not experiencing detremental failure after failure in the school system like before. Meanwhile, my oldest is at the other side of the spectrum and I don't want to see her fail in her classes.
Yet, I'm still struggling with this inside because if she told me today that she would not be returning to school in the fall, I would be disappointed. Two-faced??? I hate this!
2 people like this
4 responses
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
21 Jun 11
No your children don't have to go to school to learn to read and write. Did you hire a tutor to teach your child to walk and talk? You'd be surprise what they can learn all on their own. A child is not a stupid empty vessel we must fill with knowledge. They are curious little beings with huge appetites for playing and exploration and that's where most of their learning takes place.
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
21 Jun 11
I started reading to my oldest daughter in utero. By the age of two, she could recognize some words and 'read' a few books on her own. She took that knowledge and applied it to other books. She would often ask me to teach her new words. On her 5th birthday, she read Stewart Little - no not the picture book, the actual novel. She hadn't stepped into a classroom yet. Today she reads a phenomenal amount, borrowing 4-5 books from the library a week.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Jun 11
HI Mommaofalltrades,
I think maybe you are worrying too much over this. Your girls are two very very different types of people as you know. You are schooling them differently and I don't see anything wrong or hypocritical about disciplining them differently. And let's not overlook the age difference of the two of them as well. I do think all kids should be limited in their use of the computer and video games etc anyway. I saw you mention that you might not mind your 16 yr old dropping out of school. Now if she did that, would she be taking on-line classes or something to at least earn a diploma or a GED? I don't know what things are like in Canada but here in the States they just passed a law that does not allow kids to drop out prior to age 18. I have 4 girls and my oldest dropped out near the end of her Senior year. She had turned 18 and I was really not happy about it at all. Still she was a bright kid and I knew she would figure things out and she did. She quickly realized that finding a decent job is not easy without a diploma. After a year of struggling, she returned to school and did well and graduated. She is now a loan officer in a bank and doing well. You know your girls better than anyone. You should go with what you feel is right in your heart for your daughter.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Jun 11
thanks for the BR, Momma. I know the feeling of 2nd guessing and all inside when it comes to our kids. I've done it myself plenty over the years. My oldest is 35 and I also have a 25 yr old, a 24 yr old and a 17 yr old. The 17 yr old has it made because I am so so much more laid back. I know I raised them all with morals and convictions. I've learned that the conventional way isn't always the right way for everyone. Even when they make choices that I don't agree with at all...they'll learn and it all works out. I know in my heart that I raised them to be good people and that matters more than anything at all. I come from a family of teachers so you can imagine that I really struggled with my daughter dropping out of school. It all works out in the end one way or another as long as you've raised them to be good, responsible people and it sounds as if you have.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
21 Jun 11
I'm very comfortable in the thought that when my children will need specific kind of education, they will go for it. So if she ends up dropping out of school (which there are no indication she wants to as of yet), I'd be fine with it knowing that once she knows what she wants to do with her life, she'll pursue her passion. Just like your daughter did.
My struggles are within as my honest opinions are contrary to how I'm putting an importance on her education. All very confusing LOL
Thanks for your input.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I can somewhat relate as I am taking online classes and look where I am now..lol But I never turn my stuff in late, I do make sure I have the time to do my work. If your daughter struggles balancing her school work and friends, then maybe tell her that she must work only on her school work for so many hours a day before she does anything else. Plus, are you the one grading her work? If so, tell her that any late work will result in deducting points from her grade. If her work is graded by an online instructor, (like mine) this should already be something the teacher does, because in public school, points are taken off for late work..
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
20 Jun 11
No my oldest is in highschool in the public system, I'm not homeschooling her. She is legally at an age where she can choose not to go to school and get a job. And if she did, I might be ok with that while at the same time be disappointed she didn't get her high school diploma. HOWEVER, I have absolutely no expectations that my youngest will attempt to get one. I don't have one, yet still have two college diplomas as a mature student. I followed my passion when I figured it out which was NOT at 18! I'm glad I didn't go to college then because I would have wasted money.
So why in the world am I not reacting the same way with my oldest child?? LOL
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I don't know, maybe because you feel she can do it and she isn't living up to those expectations? You don't think your youngest will get a diploma though? This might be a case of thinking one child can do it and not the other. I held back, but I also felt that way with my kids. I didn't think my girls would do as well as my boys. all my adult children do have their diplomas, but only one, my one girl, followed her dream and doing what she wanted to...
1 person likes this
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
20 Jun 11
The question I have to ask about the older daughter is, how are her grades? Does she get reprimands from teachers? I think that a majority of high school students wait until the last second to complete their assignments. I would not worry about this unless it results in bad grades. If bad grades were a problem I would limit her usage of the computer, time with friends etc until she improved them.
1 person likes this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
21 Jun 11
Her grades are all over the place. She does really well for the first part of the school year and then you watch them decline slowly. I do not believe she gets reprimanded by her teachers.
