"If you loved me you would...."

I know my boyfriend and I joke around and say that phrase to each other. Neither of us really means it, we just mess around about it. However, using it for real is a different story. It's trying to make the other person feel guilty about not doing something and that if they "truly loved the person" they would do it. I don't think it's a sign the relationship is doomed, it just might need some work if that phrase is used all the time in a serious way.

I think if they say something like that they must be insecure....and if you have to prove your love then kiss my you know what.

when I hear that phrase, I think of teenagers and the guy is trying to get the girl into bed....

Hi behen For me that means I have to redo myself, my actions towards her. Your bhai is still a child and many a times, he needs to be reminded to stay on track and keep the love between him and his wife alive. The last time she told me this, I thought over and found that I was somewhat expecting too much. So cut down on my expectations and yes, to compensate, I took her to a cafe where she had her favorite Coffee and we had a pizza. I also noted down what prompted her say this and since then, try not to get close to anything like that... It is what I think we all should do so that we can keep the relationship alive, and stay away from unpleasantness around. But, yes, I agree with you that the partner should know that we love him/her but him/her telling this makes me feel that I failed to communicate the right way

This one liner, seems to me an ultimatum to better be good or else, our relationship will go into the dumps. For me, it's a sign of immaturity and insecurity. It's a good thing though that my hubby isn't like this. but he would sometimes point out some of my mistakes, yet he only suggests of how it could be corrected but doesn't impose that it be done.

In a marriage or a serious relationship there is a fine line. I think that phrase seems immature. It sounds like young teenagers going out with one another. But like I said, there is a fine line in a relationship. There is a fifty fifty that has to be balanced evenly. Do not get married. I did and got screwed. Never again.

The only time walker and I feel it's somewhat acceptable to say this is in the form of "if you loved me, you'd take better care of yourself!" while I didn't use these exact words, I did remind him today, that when he let's his health slide, it's equally hard on me because I love him. How would he feel if I let my health slide? He got the point. The rest of the time those words are just dirty manipulation.

I've heard this phrase before... and every time I do, it makes me laugh (which is probably not the expected response). It's ludicrous. If my partner actually said it seriously (which she never would), I'd respond by saying "And if you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to do that." It's all playing for power and, IMHO, relationships should not be about power and control.

I have only been in love twice and it was at the same time! It is a long story! Anyway I don't rememeber ever saying that or my love saying that! That line is truly a sign you and your partner are doomed! If you truly loved the person you would not be saying that! Plain and simple!

That is pure out manipulation. Yes he knows you love him. This is a way to manipulate you by your feelings. It's just plain wrong to do this to a partner or spouse.