Hubby is starting to recognise some of his anger issues
@Masihi (4413)
Canada
June 21, 2011 4:03am CST
Just yesterday my husband and I were talking and he said how if he felt pain he gets angry. I guess it's the only way he knows how to deal with any kind of pain is by anger because that's how his family was growing up. He was saying that if someone hit him, he'll get really angry and fight back. So I let him talk stuff out, and what really surprised me is that he said he was going to pray to G-d about his anger. I know it's not much, but at least he's recognising it and is doing something about it. I know about 2 years ago, Child Welfare had him take an anger management program and a father's parenting course, and he admitted that they helped him realise some traits in him that he didn't like.
Well, baby steps are good steps....I'll take any improvement for the good in our family.
7 responses
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
21 Jun 11
Well, that was nice of your husband to discuss to you about his anger. AT least now, he knows that he should ask God for real help in curbing it.
My husband is a bit quick to anger too. He would always be snappy, so i talk it out with him. He was silent , an affirmation that he too would like to beat it.
So when he would be snappy, i would say "there you go again, becoming a grumpy old man". That will break his spell and would smile, realizing that he's at it again. He doesn't want to be one after all. 
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Jun 11
Tee hee, that's cute how couples work together at times :-) Glad to hear that he's proactive and working together with you to help with his anger as well.
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
24 Jun 11
I have a program for your husband which might help. It is a simple process which is easy to follow and can be used to rewire our thinking on any negative issue that we have. Whether it is fear, anger, sadness, frustrations, whatever. This process does work and works really well.
It is the work of Byron Katie and is quite simply called "The Work". Basically you address the issue by just asking yourself, or getting someone else to ask you and facilitate you, four simple questions starting with "is that true?"
This is not a referral link, but you can check it out here. http://www.thework.com
1 person likes this
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
25 Jun 11
Awesome. Let me know if you have any questions about it. Search it out on YouTube as well as there are a few videos on there about it.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
25 Jun 11
Okay, I'll definitely check that out, I'm open to anything that will help better my relationship with my husband as well as helping with anger management.
@hotsummer (13837)
• Philippines
22 Jun 11
being angry is not wrong itself but when it leads to wrong behaviors then of course we whould know how to control our anger. but i understand why he wants to fight back if someone hit him. no one wants to be bullied around by people. we want to be respected by other people.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Jun 11
True, everyone deserves respect, but he'd like to be able to contain himself and also not get so angry at trivial things.
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
22 Jun 11
That sounds fantastic. Recognizing one of your problems and acknowledging the fact that the problem really is a problem is a HUGE step. Many, many people don't even make it to that step. My parents definitely both had anger issues, and they never got around to addressing them.
I'm so happy for you. I really hope you take this window of opportunity and get him rolling on the right track. Stay positive!
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Jun 11
Thank you, I know when I do see improvement it does make me feel hopeful, so on that line I never want to give up on him.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
22 Jun 11
This is really great that he spoke to you about how he feels and I find that nothing is ever accomplished in life in one simple step. It takes time and this sounds like at least he recognizes there is an issue and not only recognizing but also saying he wants to make changes.
I am happy to hear this my dear friend and hope all continues on the road to yet more happiness with your family.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Jun 11
Thanks for your kind and encouraging words, I do believe people can change. I did notice that even though there has never been love in our relationship (romantic) there's room for change and then love in the future. I know it'll be difficult, but at the same time better than it was the past eleven years.
@1Cortney1 (30)
• United States
21 Jun 11
I have bad anger issues too. I get mad about a lot of things, but when I do get mad I usually stop and think of the outcome before I let myself even get mad. In some cases it works, but in others it doesn't. Someone has to truly make me mad to not think of the outcome. Another thing I do to help control my anger is just to walk away. It takes the heat off and helps you feel relaxed. When I walk away I don't really think about what happened. Another thing when he is mad and you are with him... just comfort him :p a man always needs his comforting lol. When my boyfriend gets mad i comfort him and hold him. That trick always works!
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
21 Jun 11
Wow, I think it's really great that you're proactive in dealing with anger issues. I myself have struggled for years until I started to be self-aware. I'll try to comfort my husband, but well....usually it's better to stay away from an angry person.....eeks, need to think on that, but I'm glad it works for your boyfriend. :-)
@1Cortney1 (30)
• United States
21 Jun 11
Yeah sometimes it is best to stay away from an angry person. I stay away when they are mad at me :p, but if he's not I make him feel better :) bake him some sweets.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Jun 11
Thank you, I agree they're important steps because they can turn into bigger steps as he notices that he becomes more calmer :-)
