Verbal abuse

For his safety, I would leave!Not only the room but the house. Because if I stay, I would kill him little by little. The more he shouts the less I do. And the more angry he gets , the less healthy he is. I will just let the stress kill him for me unless... he gets so upset he hits me. Then I will kill him myself. So the first time he yells at me, I say nothing , pack my things and leave.

I am one of those who resorts to verbal abuse. So I can express how it starts I guess. First there is infringement of some right or some injustice. I agree that core of any wrong reaction is that, but I am just stating how it occurs in my case. So somebody says something to me, and he or she knows it is hurting me, and still says it because it gives them perverted pleasure to do so. Because they are getting perverted pleasure, I give myself the liberty of thinking pervertedly about them. And when I get extremely annoyed with them the next time, it slips. And such language soon starts becoming common way to defend. From this end, let me tell you, fear of being hurt is the cause for usage of such language. A sense of powerlessness too when there is no other form of defense available - for example boss is somebody who is prejudiced and is unwilling to listen to facts because a person has been maligned by somebody who is envious of her.

Hi SV! Good post! It is not an easy task to handle verbal abuse. Either way you are in trouble. If you keep quite and do not retort, the other person keep abusing or keep calling names and if you retaliate the other person does not stop and use different kind of abuses. Having said that to my mind, keeping quite (say not responding) is slightly better option because the other person will stop shouting after sometime, s/he cannot keep on abusing ceaselessly. And also the other person does not come to know, what is going on in your mind, if you do not counter him/her. I think abusing someone verbally shows that the person is frustrated and feels insecure in his/her heart of hearts and tries to protect himself/herself by shouting or using the method of verbal abuse. It is a kind of insanity to my mind. Have a great day!

This is a very serious situation that I think a lot of people over look. I for one have had my fair share of verbal abuse in my life time. And it is a very hurtful thing to have to deal with. And if there is kids involved it is hard on the kids. I myself have always said that mental abuse at times is much worse then physical abuse. That is my opinion anyways. I have lived through both. That is how mine started was with verbal then that was not good enough. So then the physical came along. No man or women deserves any abuse. Walking away is the best. But in your friends cause look after here. Maybe try to talk her into going and getting help or talking to someone about it. This is not healthy for her or her children. My thoughts and prays are with her.

Verbal abuse hurts just as much if not more than physical abuse because this is a time when the abused individual feels the initial confusion of a victim. Many experts point out that physical abuse and domestic violence develop over time in a relationship and one of the first signs is verbal abuse. I would tell anyone that is experiencing verbal abuse that this is the time to get out of the relationship before it gets worse. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm Afterwords, if the abuser gets help and changes, perhaps an opportunity to rekindle the relationship can occur.

Verbal abuse is actually both mental and emotional abuse. The mental aspect leads to the emotional, tearing down an individual mentally, making them believe themselves less worthy than others, that the abuser is doing them a great service by simply being near them, the emotional abuse comes next. Threatening to leave, then telling the abused one it is their fault for making the abusers feel that way, threatening self harm because of what the abused one has said or done...using verbal abuse toward others outside the family and those who do not hear the abuse, sets the stage for self blame of the abused, which the abuser 'sets up', after all, how could the abused listen to the things said about other people without being a terrible person in the first place. People who are verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive, have a very difficult time changing, it's worked for them for a long time and they usually see no need to change, after all, it's never their fault when a partner leaves, it's the partner who has failed. The one thing that has worked well for me is to simply state that while everyone is entitled to an opinion, I have the option to NOT listen to it and am exercising that option. When abuse has been directed at me, I tell the abuser that I am not property to abuse, that I will not accept it and if necessary I will leave or if it is my home, they will leave by force if needed. Self esteem is the greatest weapon an abused person can have, it is also the most difficult one to find and to hold onto. Since this is in reality about your friend's husband, I'd say she needs to seek out ways to build her self esteem and her willingness to stand tall. He may not wish to change but she can with or without his approval.

It's very sad that your friend is having to put up w/that. I have never been very good at walking away when people are acting like that. I'm not saying i'm right to do this but i usually get my opinion back at them. Your friend's husband sounds like a big old bully & i never did like bullies.

I wouldn't be able to live with it. It might hurt my feelings for a while..but there would come a point when I would be done with it. Life is too short to be treated badly and there is no way I'm going to deal with that.

I was verbally abused by my father while growing up. I still suffer from it! It has taken me years to get over it and I still am not! I still get verbal abuse thrown at me but it is usaully when my bosses are venting on me! They will apopolize later and I know they really don't mean it! My confidence is still low thanks to memories of the verbal abuse and I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I will be completely over it! Part of the reason is I have been slow excepting it! That I am not the only one who goes through things like this and I am great at holding grudges! Verbal abuse is is bad as physical abuse!

You know friend, words is powerful than the sword. There must a psychological examination on this particular things to know the reason why this person always talking that way... He needs some advice for not doing such things. Because that is a big impact with his family especially the kids...

Verbal abuse is perhaps worse then physical abuse. Because you see pain fades but when someone is verbally abused that lodges in the brain and thoughts and not easy to forget. It has a tendency to lower the persons self esteem and they start to believe the verbal abuse as if it were their fault. It is difficult to get someone to change their ways if the are the abuser. The only thing I can suggest is that some form of family/friend intervention perhaps may help. Where all can come together and speak to the person about their actions. But one thing to keep in mind is that the person will feel offended and be on defense. The person themselves has to want to change for this to be effective. See no one can force a person to change their ways, and even some want to change at times they find it to be difficult and can't. I do wish your friend well.

For me, verbal abuse is so much painful than physical abuse. The hurt it causes reaches your very being, that sometimes even an apology cannot erase it from your mind. Yes, when we get angry, we say words that we don't really mean. But it's too late when we have said them in a fit of anger. The hurt to the person where it is directed has already been caused. We can only regret and apologize.

I went trough that with my ex husband, lots of verbal and emotional abuse, in front of my daughters,I put up with it for a few years, then when the girls were old enough I left.The best move I did.One thing that your friend will end up doing will be to emotionaly disconnect,so what ever he says will not get to her.What you can do for her is to be there for her,let her vent,without judgement hearing oneself talk aloud about something bothersome,it might help clearify things. As long as the abuse does not become physical. Then it is really time to leave!

I, myself needs to fight back to defend myself and my reputation. I feel very much upset If I can not release the pressure built deep within me for bad actions done to me. Otherwise, if you will just keep silent, the man will always think that you are coward and you are accepting that what he is saying about you is true.We need to reason out,however,if the man is just playing tricks on me for he really knew the real score of his wrong doings or bad actions you will only have a hard time trying to justify yourself and so that is maybe the time to leave him alone in his crazy world and just do not mind him for he is really out of his mind.

THink that you should tell her to walk away witht he kids and get the heck way away from him sorry but I see nothing good coming out of this and it might lead to other things

It took me most of my life to figure it out. You can never change a bully. And if you stay with him, he will ruin your life. The only way is to pack your bags and move out. There is no other solution. When you leave, he will beg you to comeback. He will tell you that he will change for you. And as soon as you take him back, he will do it all over again.

If I were in her position... well, I wouldn't be long... but that's part of why I never got married, because I won't put up with that stuff.

When I saw the title of your discussion, it suddenly hit me. I have been a victim of this to a point where I had completely doubted my capabilities. My former boss used to say really mean things against me and how I handle my job. For two long years, I have been crying almost every single time. Odd as it may seem, this verbal abuses made me stronger. I never said anything against my former boss but I told myself that if there's anyone who is gonna up, it's you and not me. And that's how I was able to handle it. But it's different if you're getting it from a loved one. I really don't know if I can handle that situation either. Like you I always walk out just to prevent myself from saying things that I might regret later on.

Verbal abuse tends to be a rather ugly situation. Often times, scars from physical abuse will fade, but there will be some psychological trauma that is going to be around from it. However verbal abuse is going to be a lot of times going to be a non stop stream psychological trauma. As when people tell us something, we think about it. However, abuse is the same way, our mind processes it and it is not healthy information to process for sure. There are going to be a lot of times where verbal abuse is going to sting a lot and some of it might have some true facts, but that does not make it hurt any less at all. In fact, the truth is going to hurt even more so when one really does think about it. The best thing to deal with it, is it just walk away from the person doing it. Granted, there are some people who are rather persistent with their verbal abuse. It is an ugly situation and one that gets overlooked, but it is a pressing situation to say the very least. A scary world that we live in in many ways.

Verbal abuse and emotional abuse are very powerful forms of abuse. They hurt just as much as physical abuse... maybe even more in the long run. Physical abuse hurts at the time and then you heal and it doesn't hurt anymoe, but the emotional abuse and the verbal abuse that lingers in the mind and heart stays for a lifetime... it can cause fear and anger. I say I wouldn't take it, but I took it as a child from my father.. I took physical abuse and verbal.. I was told I would never be anything in life... I became something and I showed him that I became something to be proud of. I don't think he was ever proud of me until then... I wouldn't take any kind of abuse now... I just am set in my ways and I don't have to take it and I won't. Whoever would try to abuse me would get told flat that they are out of line.