Is there something wrong with my son??
By vikkiz
@vikkiz (518)
June 24, 2011 5:40am CST
My son is 6 years old and hes a great kid dont get me wrong but hes hard hard work.
I had him at 17 (quite young) but im still with his father so he has a stable home life, The problem is he needs to be doing something every minute of the day!
He has a strict routine, bed time is 8.30pm every night and 9pm on a sat night if hes been good which he has no problem with.
He plays football 3 times a week and goes to swimming once a week, that leaves 2 week nights free and one weekend day free.
My problem is as soon as hes not doing anything he becomes a hassle, Wants to fight, fidget, jump around, talk back always to a point of punishment.
I do not spank (does not work tried it and he laughed at me) The only thing that works is taking his xbox 360 away from him (which always works as i am consistent).
Even though he is top of his class his teachers at school have also commented on how if he is not sat down with work or made to do something he will become a prime nuisance either getting himself into trouble or getting other children into trouble.
He is allowed 1 hour per night on his xbox 360 which he can beat most fully grown men on! When he is on his xbox peace and quiet springs to mind (this is why his xbox is the best punishment for bad behavior)
He is in trouble every night after 7.30pm because i class this time as ''chill out time'' meaning sit down, have supper then let the supper get down before bed but this automatically sets him off to start acting himself.
This is constant every day, If hes not doing something then he will hound me and his dad to do something or cause trouble. I dont know where im going wrong as he has plenty activity's and should be able to be bored once in every while!
It seems to me that he has to have his mind stimulated at every minute of the day otherwise he gets bored then started causing trouble, Is he just a normal child or am i looking at ADHD?? Ive also had aspergers syndrome mentioned in the past can anyone help??
2 people like this
3 responses
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
25 Jun 11
These are both possibilities, but I don't like using labels. I received the ADHD label one quarter before I graduated college at age 36 and the Aspergers Syndrome label when I was 43. Of course, I am told that with girls it shows up as a mental restlessness and in the 60s these things were never considered unless a child was seriously a problem which I wasn't. Are there solo activities like reading or art projects that he might be interested in for the quiet times? During times that he is expected to settle down, rather than doing television or xbox, maybe he can learn how to play chess or do some other cerebral activity that requires thinking but not physical activity. Sometimes that works. It might not work in all cases, but you could give it or some similar activity a try. Sometimes just approaching academic activities in a different manner will gain his interest. How does he learn best? Physically, by doing things? By reading about them? By talking about them? A combination of methods? Perhaps he needs to be at a higher level. Many kids with the ADHD label are actually quite intelligent but they aren't able to show it because they are actually bored with the material being presented. Don't give up on him. Try different types of activities to help him settle down and see what works. I'm sure you will find something that works. And if you are able to get the label, the schools will be required to accommodate his needs. Good luck with that!
@vikkiz (518)
•
28 Jun 11
I cannot get him to do anything other than sport, He reads every day which hes always grumpy about but hes made to do it, Sometimes he will draw but that never interests him more that 15 mins, At the weekend he went to football, helped his dad pull a hedge out, helped his dad put a fence up then stayed up on the night time to help his dad burn the hedge in a small fire, He also set off sky lanterns and roasted marshmellows hes always occupied.
1 person likes this
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
28 Jun 11
Does he like to read about people in sports? Does he get to choose his own reading or is it assigned? That might be a way to get his interest for a few minutes. Does he write yet? If so, perhaps you could get him to write about what he is thinking when he starts getting bored and restless when settling down for the night. Since he like to do yard work, perhaps you could plan some activities related to that, whether it be for your own yard or perhaps you have an elderly neighbor that might appreciate the assistance. And if you could get him thinking about the things he COULD do, he might start planning things that would help him to become more self-sufficient in that respect instead of expecting you to always give him something to do. I don't know if it could possibly work, but say he has a good week by doing things for himself and not getting grumpy or whatever and he could go camping or do something special like the sky lanterns and marshmellow again. It couldn't hurt to give it a try.
@kaylachan (71773)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
25 Jun 11
I would look into getting him tested for disorders meantel and otherwise. If the behavior was just happening at home, then I would probably say that he's normal, but since the school is having trouble then there is a chance he has an undignosed disorder. This in no way makes you a bad parent.
Now as for what you should in the meantime, keep him stimulated at all times. maybe let him play more video games or something if you want him to sit still for a time. Restricting children who are naturally active often will cause people. mainly those children to act out.
How is your home life? Are there any problems? Anything that might be a reason for his lashing out? Anything at all you can think of? Perhaps there is a source there that's starting the outbursts. Despite being six-years-old, he shouldn't act out EVERY time you attempt to get him to unwind.
Your son's school usually has a counslor or someone you can talk to. Start there they can refer you to someone you can talk to. Get any and all records that your school has where he lashes out. Start writing down everything and bring this to any doctors you take him to including his peditrition.
In this country alone, there are a lot of undiagnosed mental disorders. If your son is one of them its best to see if you can find it out early before it fallows him into adulthood.
@vikkiz (518)
•
28 Jun 11
No problems at home we are quite normal, dad goes to work and i stay at home doing the school runs, house work, shopping and activities, I did take him to the doctors but all he had to say was i needed to speak to a school nurse, A school nurse that might i add i do not know, My sons school is the type of school that when a piece of gossip has been spoken it flys round the school in a matter of hours.
@jaslupton117 (111)
• United States
25 Jun 11
I would say acceptance of who someone is is better than trying to change them. Otherwise he will be taught to please others by his behavior, possibly always failing. I would say there is nothing wrong with him. Sometimes just letting him be him could create a peace (but maybe not quiet). I would say do not take something away that he enjoys a lot, and do not do it every time, as he will then not expect punishment everytime, and will not know when something will be taken away or will not be. This can be a way to control, although I having adhd did really well with anger management honestly. If he is that way, then the most effective way to create harmony is let him do what he wants. When he talks back just realize he has about 0.001 seconds to think about not talking back, and so most likely will off of impulse. The best way is to not just punish punish punish as people have been taught, but to help him as best as one can and probably have him do meditation or yoga, and realize (I'm not criticizing) his situation. He is probably going to be very selfish (by nature) and so one must get used to this, rather than resist the stress of things, one must allow them, having an open mind, and in so doing you will adapt to the situation. Xbox time is probably really good. Most children do want to have something to do all the time so I would say do not fret, but be confident, and try to think constructively. There should be no reason criticize ones own self out of fear of not pleasing those around you or being a bad parent :)
@vikkiz (518)
•
28 Jun 11
True although i never punish him all the time, I only punish him for serious things like hurting someone or not doing as hes told i normally give him a warning first and he then knows a punishment will come next if he continues.
Ill just have to keep him in plenty football.
