problems with brother in law is causing problems with sister.
By dtroas
@dtroas (479)
United States
June 24, 2011 10:06pm CST
I have a brother in law that I just can not no longer deal with. He lies, acts as if he is better then other people, He has a drinking problem and when he drinks he likes to get loud and be noticed. Him and I have had several issues over the years. I have tried hard to put them behind me. But just as I think I can he starts all over again. We live very close to each other. And it is making life hard. I try talking to my sister to get her to talk to him about just chilling out. But she thinks that everyone else is the problems and not him. Very sad. She has been with this man for 13 years and in that time, he has done several mean things to her and her children. One being his, and the other was my sisters from another relationship. And he was very mean to his step son who is now 20 and has a very bad anger issue. She has always made excuses for him. I am tired of hearing them. So I just decided this week to not have nothing to do with my sister. Cause it does nothing but cause hard feelings between us. I do not know what to do about this. I am a caring person and I live her and her boys. But I truly can not deal with her husband any longer.
2 people like this
5 responses
@jojo732 (294)
•
25 Jun 11
Hi
Please do not cut off from your sister,she is doing what a lot of women do in marriages and relationships,she is standing by her man,he knows this and he uses it to his advantage telling her it's not his fault it's everyone else,she wants to believe him,he knows this,he is a controller,the fact that you are saying that you will not have anything to do with your sister is like music to his ears it's what he wants,to try and isolate your sister,so please don't cut her off one day she will(hopefully) realise what her husband is all about,and she will need her family, friends and her brother there to help her start her happier and new life again..(I hope her son will be able to get some counselling for his anger issues,he needs to be able to talk about his childhood and his feelings.
Have a great weekend.
jojo732
1 person likes this
@dtroas (479)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Thank you for replying,
I understand every word that you have said. I have tried to hold a relationship with her for years. But she can not get over anything that comes out of anyone's mouth she thinks they are always putting her husband down. Even if you are not talking about him. She has some major issues'. All I can do now is pray for her! Cause she does not want to make her life better.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
25 Jun 11
Since your sister said that the problem are the people around but not his husband, then it is clear that she only believes in her husband. So it would be best that you distance yourself and everybody from them.
Time will come, when your sister will realize that the people's concern are really true and she will be back for all your intervention.
@dtroas (479)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Thank you for your reply I sure do hope that she will wake up and realize. She does not understand the hurt that this has brought on to others in the family. I will keep myself at a distance from her and him. And I can only pray that one day she will wake up and realize that her decision will hurt a lot of people involved.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
25 Jun 11
Yes, prayers do really work. If you cannot help because you will distance yourself from them, then you can help by praying for them. Pray that your brother-in-law may change for the better and for your sister to realize the concern of all of you.
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Your sister is experiencing the first symptoms of being in an abusive relationship. She has accepted her situation, mainly denial, and will continue to do so until her husband's abuse escalates. His behavior leads me to believe he is a prime example of a controlling personality and will most likely continue until your sister has become estranged from all of the people that love her. Then his behavior may escalate. Until your sister wakes up there is really not much you can do besides finding your own path in life that does not include him even if it means being away from her and the kids.
@dtroas (479)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Thank you for your response. I agree with what you have to say. He does not have anyone on his side of the family that wants to have anything to do with him. Not even his own Mother. I think that he likes the fact that my sister is losing her family as well because of his actions.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
25 Jun 11
It sounds like your sister is in denial. She does sound like she puts her husband way up above her kids if she let's him be so mean to them. He sounds abusive and she also enables him to be this way. I think you are doing the right thing to distance yourself from her and him. I think I would tell her that you will have to love her from a distance. I'd stay out of their business and if he gets in trouble for being loud and mean it's on them. Hopefully someone will call the law on him and put him in his place.
@SilasBot89 (4)
• Dade City, Florida
25 Jun 11
I am sorry that you are having problems with your sister's husband, and that it is causing a rift between you and your sister.
The only advice that I can give you is for you to try to distance yourself until she realizes that he is the problem and that you and the rest of her friends and family were only trying to help. I honestly cannot tell you when that time will be, but I hope that you and her will be able to get back to being close again.
Good luck.
@dtroas (479)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Thank you very much. I am not sure when that will be either. One of these days I really do hope that she can wake up and see what it is that everyone is telling her. I know it is her husband and she wants to remain married. And I am ok with that. I just do not understand why she feels that he does not need no help. No one is perfect and I know that. But we can all change if we try hard enough.
