Parents and Your Marriage...

HI LMB, Seeing your discussion title posted on the mylot wall, I can't help but immediately wanting to reply you. Most parents want a happy marriage for their children. Happy meaning,is that they want to see you happy, living a burdenless life with no money to worry, and they wants their daughter to have a secure living life. Your parents aren't feeling happy because of the worse thing you have been through in life and how your husband hasn't been a provider for you and the family. It's normal for them to feel for you and at the same time, they blame it on your husband for you and son not having the best in life. By you telling your husband about what your parents have said, will only damage more the relatinship between your husband and your parents. It's best to ignore your parent's words and start working something on your own family. Prove to your parents that your husband isn't what they think of. Make sure too, that your husband is working hard for the family and your future. Prove your parent's wrong thru actions and not words of mouth. Good luck to you. :)

hi, i can't help much about this family problem. maybe your parents will learn about your husband good at future. trying to let them know or just let them see your husband good things example love you and childrens or filial parents. they wil change their mind but is just a matter of time ony. best wishes for you

I think I would be inclined to tell your parents, in private, that you love you husband and he is kind and loving to you and your children and also excellent father to your children. Ask them if they are not aware that they are hurting you with their unkind comments about your husband. You should also tell them that they are make your visits most unpleasant when you have to listen to their unkind remarks and you are tired of constantly having to defend your husband to them. If they cannot refrain from hurting you and make their visits happy times you will have to curtail their future visits especially if they should speak disparagingly to the children about their father. It is cruel to put you in the middle of such an unhappy family situation.

I think you shouldn't bear this any more. If I were you, I would tell my parents that it was my decision to marry my husband and I intend to keep my promises made in front of God. Tell them that if they love you, they should stop criticizing their son-in-law. But don't tell your husband about it because you will only upset him and make him hate your parents. This can bring many quarrels and disagreements between you and you should rather avoid them.

Some people aren't as outspoken and don't like causing drama. I'm like this too, but honestly, you should just tell your parents what you posted here. Let them know how you feel, this is the person you married and you're not about to divorce him.. So they're going to have to find a way to accept him as your husband.

Hi, I'm sorry that you are in a tough spot. Parents are simply very protective of their children. Maybe when they will see that your husband takes care of you and your children they will relent. As I see it, the nice way to tell them to back off is to constantly tell them the good side of your husband. Good luck!

I know you say it's hard for you... and I completely understand because, when my parents were alive, I had a hard time being open and honest about my feelings too. Particularly with my father because he raised me in a very strict way and he was very opinionated. A lot of times, I didn't agree with his opinions but I never shared my own. As I got older, I started to realize JUST how much my dad loved me and how strongly he was always in my corner. My dad would have done anything for me and I fully understand that now. Unfortunately, a massive heart attack took him from me less than a week after my 26th birthday so I never really found out what our relationship would have been like with me as an adult. My mom passed six years ago so I did develop my adult relationship with her. I found that I was much more able to tell her how I felt, I didn't shield my words, we spoke on a more even playing field, if you will. She didn't always like my honesty (or the language I sometimes used) but I never held anything back. I "get" that your parents wanted you to marry into money - but you didn't and, in the grand scheme of things, most people don't. It sounds like your husband is good to your parents, if he helps them and agrees to give them money, and it's unfair that he probably believes that they like him when, in fact, they're talking about him behind his back. If you love your husband and he is a good man, it's time for you to come to his defense. You need to sit with your parents, at your next visit, and tell them that he is the man you chose. Tell them that he is a good father and that he respects and cares about them, too. I would tell them that, until now, you have not shared any of their hurtful comments with him but that you cannot, in good conscience, continue to shield him from their opinions. Tell them how much it hurts you that they don't respect the choice you've made. Make sure they understand that they are jeopardizing their relationship with their grandchildren. You should NOT threaten them (i.e., "if you aren't nice to him, you won't see your grandchildren anymore") because then they won't be dealing with him honestly. But let them know that their negativity has to end and don't just ignore it. I can promise you that it's really hard for me to give you this advice because my own daughter is in a relationship with a guy that is not allowed in my house. He cannot even phone here and his name cannot be mentioned. He was abusive to my daughter and, after fighting constantly and trying to keep her away from him completely, it nearly destroyed my relationship with her. I was unwilling to lose my daughter. So, we talked it through and came to a compromise where she lives at home with me (she's 21 and still in university), coming home every night, and she sees him socially with other friends. Do I approve? Not one bit. But everyone is fully understanding of how things have to work and we move on. I think you need the same for your family - to find a way to make the relationship work for everyone but where no one is in the dark.

For me so bad effect of it if you tell your husband let him to notice by your parents and prayed to Jehovah God that your problem would fade.

Sometimes parents can't get over the truth that they were wrong in the first place. Why not give them more time and do what is expected from both of you,(husband and you). In due time, they will see the light and accept him as their in-law. Make your husband respect them more and love them more so that they will see how lucky they are in having him as an additional son. I have been in this situation and my great patience was rewarded. My parents see my husband as the best son-in -law they ever had!

I think the best thing for you to do would be talk to your parents coz reading your discussion, your husband seems to have no fault here. I think you should go to your parents and tell them how you feel when they talk bad about your hubby and that they're the only grandparents your babies have so let's live together as a good family. I am pretty sure your parents will understand. Good luck to you and I hope things turn out good

i'm not going to say much about this, because its your life, and i respect that completely. my parents have a hard time with me being gay, they hate my lifestyle choice [of moving out young] because i was gay, and they dont like my partners, past and present, not because of them personally, but because they are female, and they think i should be with a male!! they ADORE my current partner and fiancee, but they struggle with the gay thing and can sometimes make nasty comments, WHEN WE ARGUE, they would never just say something out of the blue, never! I think you should tell your parents, that they have done a great job raising you, because you can clearly see the best in everyone, and they should have done a little better work on themselves. Don't tell your husband, he doesnt need to feel that hurt, and uncomfortableness around your parents.. it'll make life even worse. Protect him!

Its hard for me not to respond on this topic. You see, my parents are hard to please too! I guess we really cannot be adults in their eyes. Let me share that my parents still want me to help them even though I have a family of my own now. They always call me to drive for them. I live 280kilometers away from them! Its really a sacrifice on time and money just to grant their wish. They can always hire a driver (which we have lots of relatives nearby). The sad thing is, they don't reimburse what I had spent in going to their place. And they always scold me for no reason at all!!! My efforts aren't thanked. :( Don't they think that I'm tired just by going at their place? Add to that is the time that I drive for them. It is usually a DAY of whole driving! I'm fearing inside when they shout at me or when they quarell inside the car. I feel that my well being isn't complete because of the "downgrading" words. I am crying as I am writing this. i had talk to them so many times but they are telling that I' just acting. Imagine being scold by my parents at my age! Do you think I should be blame that I'm setting a space for me and my parents?