I will not send my mom to the Home for the Aged

Keeping our elderly at home has been the first choice for Hubby and me, so far it has worked out, but if anyone needed long term personal care we could not do this how. To hire someone to come in and help is just beyond out means, this means that person would have to be taken care of else where. For so many families this is a choice they must make. I would not be to quick to judge what others do.

I think i would have to send my mum to an old peoples home as i don't think i could give her the quality of care that she would need and i am her only child though i would make sure she got good care the best i could get not all old peoples homes are bad.I feel guilty for the fact i won't be able to care for her when she needs it like she cared for me.

I would not want to send my parents there either but i really have no choice. I have to work and so does my husband to pay the bills so there would not be anyone here to help them while we are working.

ayoti good for you I love to hear that too. wish more people here in my country the USA would feel like that.well I am aged but in a retirement home where we range from 47 to 96 in age. My son and i had been sharing a two bedroom apt when he lost his job tail end of 2008.we got behind in the rent and w ere evicted.So finally the only thing to do for me was to help me get into this retirement center as he just could not find a job as the job market had crashed. we did not want to do this but I was82 then and diabetic and have a bad leg so my son did not want me going through having to move from one homeless shelter to another. he was not giving me away he was thinking of my health and my safety.He was tryhing to look for work without money so finally got help from gov. sponsorship who put him in a two bedroom apt with three other men so they could have a place to live while job hunting. so we both have places to live within a few miles of each other. not at all what we wanted but what we had to do so he did not send his mom to a home for aged but saved me from life on the street being homeless. I pay for my rent and board with mysocial security and ss i checks teach month so nothing is free at all;.Its not a home for the aged at all in any way.WE are both hopingone day soon he will get a full time job that pays enough for us to get back into an apartment and be able to afford the rent.

It is impossible to just send a parent to a "home for the aged". As long as that person is capable to live independently it is their civil right to do so. I did everything I could to help my mother to live independently. She did not want to live under my roof. She would rather die than to leave the house she and my father worked so hard to maintain for over 50 years. It was when my mothers legs gave way from gout and made her wheel chair bound for the rest of the 15 months she spent in skilled nursing facility I had to give up. At 230 lbs I could not lift her. She could not prepare her meals. I had to work 40 hrs a week to raise my three children. Mom wondered if she could sell her antiques. That was a no brainer. She signed the house over to me so I would protect what little interest we had left in it. If this is what you mean by "Home For The Aged" I did send her away. Be mad at me if you must but I really do believe the skilled nursing is what extended her life. Her brother and sister were able to say good bye for a long time before it happened and I made sure they were informed of everything that happened. I warned them when she caught pneumonia and called them right away when I got the call. That "power stick" was a tough one to hold and creepy too. I never want to hold it again! I can only hope my sons will feel so obligated when I become so ill I can't go on in my house, where ever that may be.

hello syoti, It never crossed in my mind that I will send my parents to the Home for the Aged I want to take care of them till their last day For those who send their parents to an Institution like this well it is much better than to abandoned them and no place to stay just an opinion. happy mylotting

I think until you actually take care of an older person, it is hard to judge the people who decide not to. Some people require more specialized care. And changing a child's poo is a whole other experience then changing an adult. I know people who have taken care of their family members. I've also worked in a daycare that was inside a nursing home. I've seen how stubborn they can be, and how hard it can be to take care of them. It's a full time job, and if you have a family of your own and a full time job, sometimes it's just not possible to take care of your family member too.

i won't consider it bad to send them in nursing home. if you are in US that is. But in the philippines, sending them to nursing home is like putting them in a place where they will not be taken care of. I know the situation of nursing home here. If they are sick already they are just left to die inside the nursing home when they should be brought to the hospital instead.

My mother has mentioned to me several times that, when she gets older she would be happy to go and live in a nursing home. Of course I don’t like the idea and I am sure that my sister and I will do whatever it takes to keep my parents living independently. The only time I would consider a nursing home would be if caring for my mother or father interfered with the care for my husband and daughter. Some of the people who send their parents to nursing homes may not have the ability for whatever reasons to care for sick elders.

Hi syoti, House for old and aged people is concept grown up in the metropolis where life has turned into machine and emotion in to frozen objects. Earlier I too blamed the children for not taking care of their children in their old age but now i get the point. Still amidst so much of business if they find time to take care of their parents its good and the true return, however though our parents do not bring us up with the hope that in return that they would be looked after later. jyoti, Even if you do not find time and hire a professional nurse to take care this too would be more than enough. But unfortunately I could serve my mom for she suddenly left left us.

I would say no way. My husband's grandmother had to temporarily stay in 4 different nursing homes while in rehab for differenst issues and those places are horrible. With one, she had to go to the restroom and paged and paged the nurses and they never came. When they finally showed up an hour later, she had already peed herself cause she couldn't get up. At another facility, the physical therapist for her nursing home left her by herself doing exercises and she fell and couldn't get up. You never leave patients alone doing exercises in the exercise room. My husband actually found her when he went to go visit her. Those places are so bad, to me, if one has the means to do it, take care of them at home. They are so much better off and many places have nursing programs where they will come to the house and provide assistance if needed. Those places are so sad.

In any possible way i will take care of my parents. But those people like you wrote here send their parents to home for the aged,they have reasons to do so. I know not all home for the aged are good ones,but at least some find a good home for their parents to be taken care very well. Some also choose a private nurse to take care of their parents,in their own homes(which is much better) so that can always assured that the parents is taken care very well. We have different views on this matter,so we cannot just judge those who puts their parents in a home for the aged institution. It's same thing with a child to be independent at the age of 18,some country do not do that and some did....

I will try my best not to send my mom there someday. I rather take care of her than seeing other people doing it for me. We should love our parents and let and make them feel that we value and appreciate them at this very moment!

It's very easy for you to sit there & judge people who send their parents off to a nursing home but for most people it is the best thing that they could do for their parents. My Mom was living with my sister who had two kids who were a handful. She was constantly running around all day while her husband was at work. Although I do not work I offered for my Mom to come live with me, but I live a few hours away & she did not want to be away from her grandchildren. My Mom had a number of heart attacks & was a diabetic who refused to do what the doctors recommended. She was constantly cheating & eating things she shouldn't have been eating. My sister could not watch her all the time. We are tried talking to her but she refused to listen. Eventually her kidneys started to fail & her legs got so bad that she had to use a walker just to get around. There were times even while my sister was at home but busy elsewhere that my Mom would fall & hurt herself. It was not an easy decision to put my Mom in a nursing home. In fact when we all came to this decision I cried my eyes out because I knew my Mom would never have wanted that. Unfortunately we waited too long to put her in a nursing home because by this time the damage was already too bad. My Mom's kidneys completely shut down & eventually the rest of her body did too. She passed away almost two years ago. So please do not sit there in judgement on others when you know nothing of the reasons behind their decisions or how very hard it is for those of us who saw no other choice but to do what was best for them even though it broke our hearts to do it.

I don't want to...but my situation is such that I feel that they would be better off in an old age home or in their own home with someone to take care of them. It's not something I want to do but I think it's the best thing. It's not about my unwillingness to take the effort...but I don't think my husband will support me in this decision and that might create friction.

My parents and I were not close, but when my late husband was unable to care for himself there was no way I would have put him in the care of strangers. Of course, there are special circumstances where a family simply cannot care for an aged loved one, and also special cases where the the facility is excellent and does provide good care, but there are too many true stories of old people being abused in care facilities. It depends a lot on the exact health issues the person has and the means they have to pay for help. Even when you care for your own, you will find that you will sometimes need help, unless you have a big family and many willing hands. Hope this does not come up for you anytime soon!

No. I agree with you. If the family is capable to stick together and provides everyone their needs (love, care, finances) then there's no reason to send oldies to the home for the aged in the name of busyness. Two months ago, I went to a certain home for the aged with my friend to celebrate her birthday there. It was so frustrating to find out that most cases in which the center usually encountered are those abandoned or sometimes found on the streets. And you'll be surprised to find out that some of them are actually educated like teachers and accountants. The other one we've spoken with was fluent in English and Spanish.The good thing was, they were treated well. The attendants were very accommodating. :)

Hi syoti: I think that's a wise decition. Some people are too selfish and bad sons/daughters that when their parents get older they see them as a problem. This happends everywhere and it's simply unfair. I hope I won't do this with my parents either. In the worst case, I'll ask for the help a nurse but I won't leave them to a Home for the Aged because they don't send me to an orphanage when I was a kid either. ALVARO

No I'm not, I have a 3 year old right now, and I know how hard it is to be a parent. doing all the things you can just to give them a good future. Then after all of that, in return you'll be sending them to that place. Why? because you don't want to take care of them? Or it might affect your career? Common, it's madness, they spend half of their life taking care of you, then give it back. Take care of them too. Do not let anybody do the things you should be doing. In the Philippines no matter how old our parents are, we want them to be on our side. I am not against to those who do it, We all just differ on some aspects.

No I will not send my mother to a nursing home, that would be like a slap to her face. She gave me life and she took care of me until I was able to take care of myself so why wouldn't I want t repay her in the same way, it's the least I can do for her. I remembered when they sent my grandfather to a nursing home I was so mad at my grandmother and uncle for doing that. I never went back to my grandmothers house after that. Then a few months after that my grandfather passed away. I will never forgive them for that.