Am I Protecting Them Too Much?

Every mother wants to protect their kids from both physical pain and emotional pain, but children need to experience both to grow into healthy functioning adults. It is alright to protect them from some of it, but they have to experience disappointment to be able to learn from it. You are holding onto so much that it must cause you alot of stress, that is not healthy for you or the kids. I think you should let some of it go and just trust that some pain is part of growing.

I do agree with honor on kids do need to learn to deal with disappointment, but there is a fine line on how parents should go about this..I mean what if this was physical, would we hit them because after all they need to learn that they may get hit by a peer? No, we are to be there for them when they are hurt, whether physical or emotional, but we should not be the cause of it unless it is out of our hands. My husband does this too, he did it to my first three children to the point that they never believe a word he says anymore. I don't either, or if he says something, I will ask, are you sure? The best way to go about this is what I now have my husband say to our youngest and that is, "If I can, I will try to be here." Because things do go wrong, but to make empty promises is not being a loving parent or spouse...

If you are overprotective then so am I my friend. I have a 24 year old daughter and an 18 year old son who is mildly autistic. I have had to learn the hard way, though, that I can't shelter them from everything as much as I would like to. I am learning to just be there for them through the things that disappoint them and rejoice with them over the things that make them happy. The hardest thing that I have had to deal with with my kids was about three years ago. My daughter had a man expose himself to her when she was selling at a flea market. It tore me up to watch her have to deal with the fear that the man would find out where she lives or fear of running into him again. I just had to listen when she needed to talk and let her cry when she needed to. My son has had kids at school say hurtful things to him and it made me so furious I wanted to go to the school and spank the kids myself that did said those things to him and wash their mouths out with soap when he told me that some of the kids told him he is gay because he doesn't have a girlfriend. Being a mother isn't easy and we want to protect our kids from all the hurtful things in life, emotional and otherwise, as much as possible, but unfortunately that is almost impossible to do. God Bless you as you continue to love and take care of your precious children.

I don't think it sounds as if you are over-doing it. I never promised my kids anything unless I knew I'd be able to follow through. My reasoning wasn't so much about them not being able to handle it but I wanted them to be able to take me at my word. Of course you can never be 100% sure of anything. I can't tell you how many times we planned a beach trip and the weather turned out horrible. Still, it wasn't a total disappointment. We just had to change up our plans a bit and do something else.

You know, since you believe in your gut that you are overly protective, you probably are. As parents it is our responsibility to create environments where our children can grow and develop both intellectually and psychologically. What will happen when these children grow up and are faced with the realities of life? You know as an experienced woman that we all face disappointments. How will your children react to those disappointments you cannot control? We need to let our children take controlled psychological bumps so that they can be prepared when they face the realities of life on their own. Life is never 100%. Its called letting them spread their wings. Make them better prepared for life by allowing them to experience life with you close by and examine the experiences as they occur and show them the alternatives that exist. Good luck

hi I think you are doing a real good job. My mother broke lots of promises she made and she didnt really care that other stuff like house work or canning fruits in summertime and what ever else came first then. Thats the reason why I am allergic to broken promises and I better not promise things I am not sure I will be able to do. I think your approach of saying we might do this and that is better than telling we will go to the beach on Saturday and then saturday comes and 1000 other things matter more than your promise of going to the beach.

I think the earlier and more you expose your kids to the failures and disappointments of life, the better for them. What you must ensure is that whenever they are disappointed or fail to do something, you are there to emotionally support them, make them see another option or try something new to get the job done in a different way. For example, if you’ve promised them a weekend movie and your hubby cant make it, then let the kids be despondent but you try and give them alternatives to still enjoy themselves. What I feel is that way, later in life, whenever they will be disappointed, they would not brood or look for saviors, instead, they themselves will know how to work out the situation to their best advantage.

I don't actually think that's over-protective. I've always done the same thing with my two daughters - even to this day and they are 17 1/2 and 21. I think that life comes with plenty of upsets and disappointments all by itself. I don't contribute more, when I can have a bit of control over it. If we're are doing something special, they find out the same day or the night before - unless, of course, it's something where they are participating in the planning (like events with their friends). I've seen their disappointment when they've been excluded from social activities with their peers, when they've not done as well on something at school as they'd thought or when their father hasn't followed through on promises made. I've seen the typical disappointment that comes with being the last one chosen for a team or a group project at school. They learn from all of those things ... they develop coping skills and a stronger backbone. I don't think there's anything wrong with Mom being the "soft place to fall"... the one person that they can count on to care how they feel inside and to take their feelings into consideration before saying and doing things

I understand wanting to protect our kids from anything that could upset them. I dont think there is anything wrong with what you do. I wouldnt get mad at your husband over it but I do understand why you try to protect them by not telling them of plans unless they are definitly going to happen. I used to tell my daughter the day she was going to her daddys house to give her something to look forward to but then he would mess up and not take them or something like that and then my daughter would get dissapointed.

Parents especially mothers are mostly protective of their children. I believe it is but natural because we love them. Even the animals do protect their young babies so how much more human beings? But i would say we can always be protective without stressing ourselves a lot. I'm sorry but I found you too extreme and too over-reacting. Just put everything in moderation. You can't give them 100% protection all the time and that is but normal. It is okay to let them get subjected to disappointments or pain once in a while because that will build up their character and will also give them the strength to face disappointment and any other trials of life.

Children are more resilient than you think! a bit of disappointment here and there won't harm them! on the contrary it will prepare them for the real world!

You are not trying be a good mother indee d you are a great mother.emotional care for children is very important and vital for the upbringing of the children. How you feel and care for the children is right.

I think you need to expose them to some *minor* disappointment while they are young. Otherwise, when they grow older, they take the emotion too far and cause serious mental harm. As far as I've seen, I have friends whose parents won't let them drive a car even though they've had their driver's license for over a year (Coincidentally, I got mine the same at the same branch this person did, so I'd know!). Also, I know of other strictly religious parents who won't let their daughters wear pants, cut their hair, watch any form of television, have a computer, or other common household forms of entertainment. These parents homeschool their kids and make sure that the kids only see or hear about what the parents want them to see or hear about. THAT's extreme. Do I respect these parents' decision, definitely. But I also think that those poor children are going to be in for it socially when they go to college, (which they will because their parents stress education and are NOT Amish). You, on the other hand, are only being a teensy bit overprotective. I know we'd all love for our children and loved ones not to have to experience pain, sadness, or disappointment, but all of these emotions are a natural part of life. If you keep sheltering your kids from these situations, they will grow up naive enough to believe anything that anyone tells them. This is especially true because I can tell that you probably don't lie to them, which is a good thing for a parent to do, but it also teaches the kids that they can trust people easily. You should teach them caution and judgement of character so that they aren't betrayed or harmed by so-called "friends" in the future.

I'm single with no kid yet but I will answer your discussion from a fresh-from-childhood's perspective. :) In that way - telling your kids information with an absolute yes when it's 100% sure, that is good. It will prevent them from holding grudge or make them feel so bad if what you told them came unreal. However, they handle their own emotions, they have their own brain and they will always have their own understanding in every situation they encounter even at an early age. As much as you want them to feel joy and happiness all the time, no one can ever grant that to their children. Let them grow and witness the realities of life. Don't feel dissappointed to yourself when they feel sadness or unsatisfied. That will also make them grow as a person. :)

Looking out for the emotional well being of your kids isn't a bad thing. Each parent makes the choice on how to do that. I say good for you. It is unfortunate to personally know a few parents that don't even try. Keep doing what you are doing.

For me yes it is good so that you feel happy you are doing keep up the good work it is in the bible it is the responsibility of the mother.

I have the same tendencies with my kids. I would always try to remind myself not to. I know that in our hearts we are only protecting them, but in the long run, I think it would be better for them to feel disappointed once in a while. So they would learn how to handle such situations, and not go overboard themselves.

My husband has learnt not to make empty promises but there is one more that does it - my own sister. My children are 14, 7 and 2 and when my sister says something like she is taking them somewhere i will (secretly) intervene and tell them that it might not happen and that she is busy and she forgets. I guess it is different in her case because my children are not so attached to her. I think if it were their father it would make a bigger difference. There is another case that I feel that I am protecting my children from, that is my other sister who is planning to move to another country. My children are more attached to this sister and her family. I have told it to the 14 yr old to prepare him. He was very disappointed when I told him at first but we got used to the idea after a while. The seven yr old cried when i told her and after she quite forgot about it, I decide to tell her another time when I think she is more ready. I do not know if what I am doing is actually doing them good because i have read your responses and I do think that some of them do have a point in saying that the children should deal with disapointment when it comes. But I feel that I should do what I can to soften the blow. I think that is how my sister who is leaving thinks too.

We have to learn both positive and negative as well so I think you are over reacting by not disappointing them to feel what happen when some one did not fullfill what he told. But my second thought is if we want to teach them always be truthful and say truth, than we have to set truthful examples. what you say about my 2 thoughts?

I think its fair to tell them they might be going somewhere special instead of getting their hopes up. Especially f their still pretty little to understand. I have been told also that I was over protective of my daughter also but she is my only child and most likely will be my only child