He Can Tell Something Is Wrong... But I Won't Tell Him What It Is.
By dismalgrin
@dismalgrin (2604)
United States
July 4, 2011 2:33am CST
When my boyfriend and I first started dating we had similar ideas about where we wanted it to head. We both said that we wanted a long term relationship, but no marriage please. About 6 months into the relationship he changed his tune, but I told him that I wanted to get to know him a little better first. But, now that I know him better and would love to marry him he doesn't want too. He loves me and wants to be with me forever, he just doesn't see that a piece of paper should have anything to do with it. Last year I had a breakdown over his change of heart and he told me that this is the way its going to be. I can either walk away or I can stay and accept it. I choose to stay because he does treat me good and I know he loves me more than any husband could.
But still, it saddens me that I will never be married now that I have made the choice to stay with him. And my younger brother just got married a week ago and my other younger brother is starting to think about marriage and that is depressing to me to watch my younger siblings get married and know that I can't have that. Also, his niece just got married and she is also much younger than us. He has been so good and kind to me lately I shouldn't feel sadness over what I can't have. But, I do.
Today he noticed that I was lost in thought over this and he asked me what was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him because I don't want to seem a nag on the subject and I don't want to make him feel backed into a corner about it. He actually came over to see me late tonight to try to dig what was bothering me out of me. But, I didn't tell him even then. I told him sometimes I'm depressed about things and I don't tell him because he doesn't want to know. And it's the truth. He doesn't want to hear this.
I love him and I'm not going anywhere, I have found a man who will be a husband to me in all ways but legally. And that is just going to have to be good enough for me.
2 people like this
2 responses
@nurseclare (2209)
• Philippines
4 Jul 11
Oh, that is really a sad story. I know how it hurts for you if he's not open to marriage stuff. I think it will be a lot better if you'll try to open up things to him. Please be open to him, if you really love him you'll be honest and try to ask him if he got a plan of settling down. i just hope he's not married at all, i hope you fully new his background. you've met his family right? I hope you'll end up really happy with him. I will be praying for your heart. I hope it gets better son and hope he will propose to you soon!BEST WISHES :)
1 person likes this
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
4 Jul 11
No he is not married. He was once married but he is well and truly divorced now. He has not seen his ex-wife in about 6 years. Though she did try to contact him through Facebook he deleted and blocked her after telling me about it.
I know his family very well. I'm over there every single day and I know all about his past and he knows all about mine. I do open up to him every now and again. I just want to be careful about talking about it every time it makes me upset because like I said I don't want to nag him into it. Just let him know often enough that this is something that would make me very happy.
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
8 Aug 11
That is a horrible situation to be in. My best advice would be to discuss this with him and allow him to know how you are feeling. Explain to him that you do love him and that you appreciate the way that he treats you, but that you are really ready to marry him and be with him forever. He should understand that and be willing to compromise and if not, then it might be time to consider walking away.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
8 Aug 11
I have since talked to him about it a few times. We have come to somewhat of an understanding. Meaning I understand where he is coming from, but he just still doesn't quite get where I'm coming from. I think the biggest win for me is if I get him to shut up about 'Oh marriage sucks and I'm never going to get married again.' When it's just us he doesn't talk like that, but he has a fondness for being a loud mouth jerk about it in front of his family and friends and that ticks me off. Because I feel like he is telling everyone that he doesn't think I'm good enough for him when really he often says that he feels it's the other way around. I understand that he is a paranoid schizophrenic and that even on his medication he still has problems (the loss of his medicaid is something that scares him away from marrying me) but, I don't think that having a mental disorder is an excuse for not thinking about my feelings on the matter.
1 person likes this
