Have you ever been a "CLOWN"?

To be honest, at some point in my life, I was sort of a pretender, masking the misery and sadness within me I had to do that since it would really break my family's heart to see me so sad and so depressed. but I got through with it. But as time went on, the burden was heavier and I wasn't happier. Then I started letting go of that masked person. I became transparent to people I truly trust. I started trusting again.. then I started feeling lighter than before. Sometimes it's inevitable to hide our true selves and feelings but not for long.

I think most of that always do that. Specially when we are working. We don't want others to know that we are hurting inside , so we keep a happy face and sometimes tells a joke. It's needed in our job to put our personal concerns aside, so as not to affect our output.

Hi, whengcat. Yes, I have always been like this. Actually, I still am this way too. Being a "clown", allows me to feel good about myself. I no longer carry around any type of sadness, gloom or despair anymore. I am more happier than usual. When my cousin passed away, we was having a wake at his mom's house. I was laughing and joking around with my other cousin. But deep down I was really sad because my cousin has passed away. I was really hurting within my heart then. I did not want anyone to see me break down, because I wanted others to see me holding up strongly.

Yes, i can say that i've been a clown most of the time. But, i do have lots of problems and worries that sometimes i don't even know how to solve them. Even if i have a problem, i'm happy about the fact that i can still manage to smile and even laugh. I've noticed that it's an instinct for me to show a cool attitude in times of rough situations...though i'm really affected deep inside. 'Coz you know, when there's one or two in the family who's upset about something, it won't help them nor myself if i will be upset too. So, to make a negative situation positive, i have to think or say something that can give hope or divert their thinking to the lighter side of it. 'Coz i believe that in every problem, there's always a lighter side that we just have to find.

Hi whengcat I do find that offline I am rather of a funny person. I love to laugh and can remedy a lot of my own issues momentarily by laughing. I do enjoy joking and fooling around with others to bring on smiles. I don't think it is pretending though, as many who know me know me as always being funny. Actually anyone who does know me and know that if I am not smiling and or joking as normal there is something wrong with me. Rarely I will allow many to see that therefore, if this defines pretending then I guess it is a yes. lol

I'm one of the "clown" group. Most of the time I didn't mean to pretending; I would rather saying that just want everyone around feeling good or comfortable. So when they said something and laugh out, I'll just follow the same action as they did; even though sometimes they didn't realize that their words is killing me. But I had already used to be in that situation and think that hurting me is not their main purpose. This is the what so called social life...

All the time..I have to keep strong for the friends and family..its abit like if I break down..they seize to function/ability to peacefully resolve- or at least slow right down..and ignore it altogether!! Great discussion whengcat..(",)

I've done that a lot. I think there's nothing wrong in masking you're feeling. If you're sad, what good will it do to frown all day? YOU have every right to hide that feeling if you want to.