If your child was a bully would you stick by them?
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
July 8, 2011 6:59am CST
There's been alot of talk in the news lately regarding a teen that hung herself because she was being bullied by several other kids. When the children were legally held accountable the parents of the victim didnt think that jail time was necessary. This morning on the "TODAY SHOW" one of the bullies spoke out that she was only helping another friend out and that it wasnt bullying it was arguing. When Anne Curry read to her some of the things she did and said and then read a statement from victim's mother stating that her daughter was so scared of this girl she would literally walk between people so she wouldnt get jumped. Then the bully's mother spoke on how it wasnt fair because she couldnt protect her daughter in court and how she couldnt see her daughter doing or saying these things. HELLO there were emails, letters, diaries, and witnesses. Does this mom honestly think that everyone chose to blame her daughter for no reason? Im a mom and as a matter of fact my daughter was bullied because she was the tallest in her class and didnt believe in being mean to people or fighting. I have seen mothers boldly and blatently lie to protect their kids. AWFUL! Shame on all parents who do this!!! Its one thing that kids fight and argue. Its another when you terrify someone to the point that they dont want to live anymore. If my child does something disrespectful, I hold them accountable. It's a life lesson learned. Would you stick up for your child or hold them accountable. WHY?
7 people like this
28 responses
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
9 Jul 11
I know exactly how you feel. I, myself have been bullied. My oldest daughter has been bullied. I went thru hell trying to protect her. It's horrible. Bullies, parents of bullies, anyone who ignores what is being done to someone by a bully should all be ashamed of themselves. dl
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
9 Jul 11
I always did teach my children to face the consequences if their acts! nothing wrong with that if we teach them from the start we as parents are doing our job...life is not easy and the sooner they learn that the better their life will be...yes I did protect my children we all do...but I would not lie on their behalf!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
9 Jul 11
I agree 100%. Its one thing to have your kids back. It's another to lie for them. If you think about it, It just shows them that as parents we are untrustworthy. If we lie for them, what makes them think we wont lie to them? Having them face some consequences now and then gives them a good foundation for when they are out in the world alone. denise.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
12 Jul 11
It would honestly depend on the age of my child. What I mean is the grandmother of one of the children that lives in our neighborhood claims that my son (4-years-old) has been bullying her grandson (7-years-old). In this case, I will stand beside my son because I know that he cannot bully a child that is twice his age. And also because my son doesn't go outside to play with the other kids in the neighborhood unless I am outside with him or he is with another mother that lives up the street that I trust.
However, with an older child that has more of a capacity to bully and if I had seen proof that they were doing it, then I would hold my child accountable because at that age they are also old enough to know right from wrong and to make their own decisions.
1 person likes this
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
9 Jul 11
If I ever have a kid and he or she turns out to be a bully, I would never stick by him or her. It would be the most shameful thing that could ever happen to me, having a kid who can't respect others and who thinks he or she can behave over the rest like that.
Bullies are created often by parents who don't know how to educate their kids properly, and who don't understand how it can turn into a big problem.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
9 Jul 11
I wouldnt say totally alienating them to take on their accusers alone is the best idea either. Its ok to stand by them and support them in taking their punishment. Shows them that no matter how bad you are I still love you. You just cant go around hurting people just because they arent what you want them to be. You'll see when you do have children that your views tend to change a bit. You'll see that you will support them good or bad. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. In my case I make mistakes on the regular. I just learn from them quickly. I also am very honest with my girls. They know my opinions on just about everything. If they abide by my rules we're good. If not, we have a conversation and maybe some type of punishment. I try not to use bribery. I dont like to say if you dont do what I say Ill take your computer. I gave her those things as gifts. I shouldnt us them as a crutch. You'll see. THanks for your opinion. I like to hear from people who dont have children as of yet. It makes the discussion interesting. Thanks again friend dl
@masterpiece01 (5)
• United States
9 Jul 11
I would hold my child accountable. Words can be devastating and everlasting. I know
my Son was teased in elementary school because he was Chubby. They called him every
thing but his name, I always wondered why he wanted his shirts so large,(trying to
hide himself) Then over the summer he bloomed as I knew that he would, got taller
came into his own. When he returned to school (Jr. High) the same Bullys didn't
know what to make of it! The Sadness my Son is Twenty Six and he still wears over-
sized T-shirts, so yes words are everlasting. We as a people come in all shapes and
sizes and colors and there is Beauty in it all.....
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
9 Jul 11
Hey Masterpiece, thanks for sharing your son's trauma. People dont think! When you're six and calling someone a name, most of which they dont even know the meaning of, who thinks when Im 25 this could affect me? That's why I say parents should teach their children right from the start that If you dont have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all! When my nephew asked me why I tell him that when you call a person a mean name maybe someone else hears you and then calls him that too. Maybe he was mad and really didnt mean it but the others who heard that dont know that. I just tell him to be nice. My daughter over heard my neice calling her brother a "retard". She was so mad but she didnt say anything. A week later she took my neice to my moms job.(mom works with special needs) My neice met and played with the children that were mentally challenged. When it was group time they discussed hurting peoples feelings, calling names. One of the kids was saying how her neighbors make fun of the way she walks and talks. The call her names and one of the names was retard. The little girl was clearly hurt by the incident. My neice was so ashamed. I thought that was a great way to teach a lesson. What you said about us coming in all shapes and sizes was true. We dont like to be hurt and we know it doesnt make us feel good. If we dont like it, why would we want to have someone else have the same hurt feelings because of something we said? Thanks for your input. dl
@SViswan (12051)
• India
10 Jul 11
I would definitely hold them accountable. My older son is being bullied by some boys because he isn't as good as they are in games. 2 weeks back I spoke to one mother about her boys hitting my son. Though her sons came up with excuses for their hitting, their mother didn't listen to a single one and said there is no excuse for what they did. Unless my son had hit them and they had hit back as self protection (which wasn't the case and they both admitted that my son had not hit them...not even after they hit him...and I'm proud of that since I know I wouldn't have had such self control)they had no right to hit my son. This is what their mother told them.
If my son was the one doing the bullying, I would have handled this long before it got to the stage where the other child did something....even if it meant he would be grounded for months at a time.
My sons know very well that I wouldn't stick up for them if they have done something wrong....and I'm proud that the older one doesn't even expect me to stick up for him ...if he is wrong, he admits it, apologizes and tries hard not to repeat it again. For a 10 year old I think that is commendable (I know I find it hard enough to do it as an adult).
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
15 Aug 11
If it wasbrought to my attention and proven that my child (if I had one!) was a bully, I would not stick by them. It would not be right to stick by someone who hurts someone.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
9 Jul 11
KIds now adays dont have any respect for others and its more than it used to be.
I would also hold the parents accountable for they hvent taught thier kids the right way.
To treat others right.
WE have had to go to school with kids in now just in Kindergarden for littel boys showing thier selves other ones using the F word like calling grand daughter and F***ing princess . Now that kindergarden Just how do the parents talk in front of thier kids.
Yup the bully should be accountable but to the mother needs to take some of it too she needs to look at how she has taught her child!!!!
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
22 Aug 11
i would kick that kid in the butt if it were mine.there's no way i'd tolerate that.
their next step would be military school if they didn't straighten out.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
11 Jul 11
Yes and no. I would stand by my child no matter what she did, but just because I would let her know that I love her every minute of the day does not mean I would try to get her out of trouble. Sometimes you just have to stand back and realize you did your best as far as parenting goes, and you can't protect them under the umbrella of parenthood forever. When they make bad choices they need to face up to the consequences of them. Just like when they are little and you ground them for misbehaving, but you still let them know you love them. Grounding doesn't equal hate. I have always told my daughter that I carried her in my belly 8 months (she was born a month early) and I don't have the privilege of hating her. Odd choice of wording I know... but it gets the message through. She knows that there is not a thing in this world that could possibly stop my love for her. Even with all she has been though in the past 3 years... she knows that Mommy loves her forever and always and not because how she behaves or what she does with her life, but because of who she is. She is my daughter and nothing is going to change that.
1 person likes this
@watergirl (567)
• Philippines
9 Jul 11
Children and parents should be accountable. We should all be taught to be responsible for our actions. Sadly, for very young children who are already bullies, they learn by example. I have seen bullies as early as in preschool. Some if not all of them are also being bullied by someone else at home or in their neighborhood. I guess you might have heard of bullies of bullies. On child in preschool bullies his classmates. Later on, I learned he was also being bullied at home by his dad. This boy was reprimanded in school for punching a classmate and when his dad came to principal's office, he was looking at his son in a menacing way. The next day, the boy came to school with bruises. He said he fell down the stairs.
Another case was a girl in kinder who always pinches and threatens her classmates. One time, at a school affair, her mother pinched her badly when she refused to recite her poem. Sad but true.
@ClassyLady1 (109)
• United States
9 Jul 11
My children (all boys) are well past the bullying or being bullied age. But, yes, I kept up with what was going on either at school or in their outside (and inside) play as they were growing up. I kept a close eye and ear on what was going on with their friends and those they hung around with. I had three sons and if one tried to bully another, I held the guilty party accountable. I never had reports of my boys bullying others or being bullied.
My opinion is that these children who bully are not taught properly from babyhood to be kind to others. Some of them have home situations with bullying parents - dad disrespecting, bad-mouthing or hitting mom or vice-versa. Children learn what they live!
As for parents lying to protect their kids, that is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, and just teaches the child involved that lying is OK! Shame on that parent, indeed!
Now that I am a grandma and great-grandma, I even hold my grand children and great-grand children accountable (according to their ages) for disrespectful actions. And, I make sure their parents know why I have imposed restrictions or awarded swats on the backside to their children. The entire family needs to be involved here, not just the direct parent.
1 person likes this
@chayannejaye (136)
• Philippines
8 Jul 11
well some mothers lie so that they can protect their children.. they know its wrong but they cant still tell the truth they dont want to be seperated from them...if this situation happen to me, im not sure if i will tell the truth or lie just to protect my child...even if i say now that i will my child accountable if they did something disrespectful but what if in the future this thing happen to me ...i cant really be sure what ill do..i know its injustice to lie but humans tend to protect their own than the other first..
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Jul 11
I stood by my kids no matter what BUT I would not stick up for them or lie for them or cover for them in anyway. If they did wrong ....they had to accept the consequences. I still would love them and be there but they had to deal with what they did. None of my girls were ever bullies, thankfully but if they were, well they'd be held accountable. I was a very laid back mom with a lot of things but one thing I was very very strict on was treating others with respect and being honest...just being a good person.
@celticeagle (168112)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 11
It is so sad that this happened. Peers can be horrible. I think parents put their kids on a pedistal and can't believe their children would do such horrid things. It is a wake-up for the parents. Denial is what it sounds like here. Kids need to be taught at home what is right and how to treat people. I think alot of the breakdown in society today is because grandparents are shoved out of the family. I was brought up in a home with my grandparents and have alot of happy memories of time spent with them. They instill family values and teach manners. I think it is important to have these old folks around. Ofcourse the parents should teach their kids how to act but having grandparents around teachs us old values we just won't learn elsewhere. This among other things is a good basis for any kid to grow from. These parents should be ashamed of lying for their kids. It just teachs the kids to lie and squirm out of situations. Parents need to be good role models for their kids. And kids need to be taught to have good strength of character and not argue and misbehave.
@watergirl (567)
• Philippines
9 Jul 11
Children and parents should be accountable. We should all be taught to be responsible for our actions. Sadly, for very young children who are already bullies, they learn by example. I have seen bullies as early as in preschool. Some if not all of them are also being bullied by someone else at home or in their neighborhood. I guess you might have heard of bullies of bullies. On child in preschool bullies his classmates. Later on, I learned he was also being bullied at home by his dad. This boy was reprimanded in school for punching a classmate and when his dad came to principal's office, he was looking at his son in a menacing way. The next day, the boy came to school with bruises. He said he fell down the stairs.
Another case was a girl in kinder who always pinches and threatens her classmates. One time, at a school affair, her mother pinched her badly when she refused to recite her poem. Sad but true.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
9 Jul 11
Never. I think the kid must learn the right ways as I've been bullied and with time I stand up but there are people that for them it's so horrific, they feel so bad that kill them selves.
Bullies are the cancer of society. They are cowards and only begin with those who are quiet.
@nezavisima (7408)
• Bulgaria
8 Jul 11
Vistula that everyone should educate your child.
But a majority of parents do not do it properly.
However, let's not forget what the child is such a family.
Quite often all the problems idavt on how we behave at home.
Children copy everything from your parents.
I hope nyamma similar problems and tried to educate their children to be good and not insulted the other.
But everything depends on the situation in which we live.
Hope everything is well ordered and should be no such situations.
nice day!
@nordqvist11 (118)
• Mexico
9 Jul 11
Difficult question that one. To be honest I think I would have to defend my kid. I guess it would be because I would feel more responsible than my child for what happened. Maybe it would be a result of my parenting, who knows. The thing is though I would never raise my kids so that they would go around bullying others, I think that is the difference between me and other people!
