Would you still care for a sick father who sexually harassed you?

"her father is now suffered for what his done and just waiting for her forgiveness" I agree. He's suffering for what he did - and so he should. Child abuse is one of the most vile crimes a person can commit and, if I were her, I'd be happy to see him in pain. He deserves to be convicted for his crimes, not forgiven and looked after by the person whose life he ruined. Zero tolerance. Let him suffer.

Hello macp1120, Somethings are hard to forget even though your physical injuries get healed up by the time but the injuries you get on your soul never get healed up. Child abuse is severe crime & if the criminal did not get the punishment it becomes more painful.Though the man is her father but that relationship ended that day when he abused your friend. In my opinion he is no more his father and she is not liable or responsible to take care of her sick father when GOD himself is giving him the punishment for his deeds which we people could not do. In my opinion she should not go to her father as there is no gaurantee that he is an improved person now.

It would be hard to convinced her after the trauma. But if only she can find it in her heat to forgive her father,she will also have some peace in mind. Maybe you can talk to her and console at the same time,who knows you will convinced her,after all,her father is suffering and surely regretting things also. Maybe her father is also wishing her to come,so he can asks forgiveness from her. 20 Years is too long...long enough to forgive and let things to be settled before her father die. Keep talking to her and I am sure she will give it a try..let's hope so. welcome to mylot

hello, Actually, I understand her situation and If I also in that kind of situation I can also no longer forgive the man who abuse me. I know he suffered much for the things he done but that was his fault. I dont know what is the best things that I can advice her because if that happened to me I dont also know how can I start to forgive someone who broke my future.

I know it's not easy to forgive when you are harassed by someone else but it would be more painful if the person that is supposed to take care of you, take advantage of you.I know what your friend is going through but still try to find a place in your heart for forgiveness. I know that his father can't also forgive himself for what he has done. Just pray for guidance and hope everything will be okay for her and his father.

OMG! That's really tough! if I we're in her sad I will have the hardest time to think about it but eventually I will give in and will forgive him for what he has done but with the personal care, that's hard. i think i won't do that. Just forgiveness. I hope and pray that you're friend will find forgiveness in her heart and she may be happy. She's in my prayers.Godbless

I am sorry I won't be able to is you give her advice because I would definitely not take care of that father who ruined my life. Forgiving is not that easy but it can be done but to give him my time and to take care of him because if is sick I exit think so.

I have never been in this type of situation but I honestly don't think I would be able to care for someone, especially a parent, who did something this traumatic to me. One thing is to forgive him but it is quite another to provide care for him after living through such a horrible experience as that. I don't even know what advice you could give her. She will have to do what she feels is right for her.

I think it is hard for her to accept the events in her life. I don't know what is the answer to that. Because I understand how's your friend suffer from her abusive father...

Hi macp, Her that father who sexually abused her for long five years and and now he is back sick and withered. Ask any common man he/she would ask your friend to discard her father. Had I been in your friend's place I would never forgive him let alone taking care or looking after him. People would say he had his lesson and if your friend forgives him he could die peacefully. This is nothing but a sentimental utterance. I am in dilemma. So I could not give any suggestion.

These is something which is hard for me to imagine, that I would harass my own daughter. I think that relatives look differently at each other, they don't see the women or the men, they see the person and the relative, which has its own type of love, the affective one, not the physical one. I don't know if it is possible for somebody to forget that her father abused of her, but maybe that with proper help the father can be cured, and the daughter can get through this terrible experience. It all depends on them, I suppose, but if I were a girl and my father would have had abused of me, I don't think I could ever forgive him this.

I don't think I would be able to forgive. I don't know if I would care what kind of situation he is in due to his health after what he did. I wouldn't be able to see his face because every time I did all I would think about is what he did to me if I was her. I cannot agree with her helping him, I just can't.

I would tell her to keep moving and don't look back. Unless that happened to you I can't see you truly understanding her pain. That is her father who crossed the line like that. Not a stranger in the street. even then she could suffer for life with that mess.

No, I have a father who has exposed himself to me a few times. Now, I keep my distance to protect myself. In your friend's case, I would advise her to keep her distance too. She could always engage a nurse to take care of him if she is financially able to. If not, does she have siblings who can help?

"To err is human, to forgive is divine", very true in most cases. I know I am a very forgiving person but this case is very sensitive,and I would probably have a very hard time convincing myself to forgive him if I was to be put in her shoes. I just hope she can find it in her heart to forgive him. It would be the last best thing a daughter could give to her dad.

macp1120, I believe what you've already said is enough and it will be up to her what she would want to decide and do with her traumatic memories. I do agree that the incident had happened a long time ago but this is her father we are talking about, who is the last person on earth to expect such a betrayal of trust and protection. So, it may be the best advocate that she forgives her dying father but she would need to make the effort of wiping the slate clean, as memories are just difficult to erase. Also, it would be up to her if she would want to care for her very sick dad. People have different ways of finding closure and your old friend is no exception. Just give her the needed time, space and that occasional shoulder for her. Take care and have a nice day.

Hi macp, I feel that you have already given her the best advice, forgive her father and move on with her life. This will not be easy however, as every time she sees her father the memories will keep flooding back. It is never easy to forgive after such trauma but it can be done. She has to realize that it is even more important to her own well being than to that of her father. Encourage but don't push, this has to be her decision when she is ready. Blessings.

Thats very sad for your friend. I kind of agree with her about his care. I mean she was sexually harrassed by her fathetr and he was out of her life for 20 yrs. Now he needs someone to care for him. Forgivness is great but i would think that in the 20yrs he was not in her life he would have known someone who could care for him. Perhaps another child that he didnt harrass. Is he asking for forgiveness? Forgive him. That does not mean she has to be his care giver. There are companies that do home health care and nursing homes too.

I believe in Karma. I think her father is getting his Karma in the way of his illness. I also think that this friend of yours needs to seek some counseling. Her deep seated anger is only going to continue to inhabit her life until she does some work to release it. Forgiveness of something like this is hard and really needs to be examined realistically by a professional. I hope she will chose to do so.

Hi macp! You just gave her the right advice. Forgiveness is the only medicine needed but I know it is hard for her to do so as she might feel anger and afraid at the same time. I don't blame her for that and we can't blame her if she refused to look after him for what he has done to her. You have done a good job in advising her to forgive him and you may say the same thing to her again but we should respect her decision at the end as well. She is having a tough time. If I was in her situations I will feel the same too. It is very hard to accept and forgive someone who should care and love you but eventually ruined and harmed you.