the check was in my name
By mswriter
@writergirl74 (802)
United States
July 14, 2011 10:15am CST
This incident happened a while ago, but it seems that the other party is still holding a secret grudge that is not so secret. I mean she doesn't say it to my face, but she says things to others so I know about it. Let me explain...
My step dad died a few years ago. He was like a real dad to me even though he was not my biological. As not to get too detailed but to express the nature as much as possible, my Mom didn't have many friends. So much so, when the congregating and socializing was going on the days after his death most people went to my step dads mothers house and took food, flowers, and gifts to them. They asked my Mom to participate over there, but I felt this was wrong because they had been together more than 20 years and he didn't live with his Mom.
At any rate, the family behaved badly. I was there for my mother, pregnant and all. I cooked, cleaned and supported her as much as I could. Not looking for anything in return. She told me when she got the settlement from the insurance that she would help me get a car at the time. I needed it so I could continue to try and work. I stayed with my Mom for about three weeks and never did hear about the car again. I finally decided it was time for me to go home and I did. My mother and I don't have the best relationship but we are working on it more now that we ever have before.
A month or so went by and one day my Mom called me on the phone to say that she needed to stop by and have me sign some papers. I agreed. She brought her then insurance man with her. I was oblivious to what was going on. She told me that the insurance company had made some mistake and that I needed to sign some papers for her. I couldn't figure what I had to do with it so I signed them and went on about my life as normal. A few weeks after that, the funeral home that serviced us for the wake of my step dad called me stating they needed to talk to me. I agreed. The funeral director came by and said that I was the beneficiary of the policy and that my Mom had been trying to sign off on the papers to keep them from getting paid and receive all the money. Well somehow this did not work.
The insurance company contacted me to sign the correct papers so the funeral director could get paid and the rest of the money was mine. I had them to complete an investigation to make sure as I didn't want to be accused of taking someone else's money. It was done. It turned out the money was actually mine. My mom tried everything she could to convince the company and me a mistake had been made and the money was hers.She even went so far as to steal the first check from my mailbox and deposit it in her account. Fortunately, there was a five day hold and I had time to call the insurance company and stop payment and reissue. I had the new check held at the post office and I went and picked it up.
My mom even threatened to sue me. Not the insurance company for the mistake they supposedly made. Now, I ask you, should I have given her the money? Don't hold back. I want to know what you all think. I have suffered a lot of criticism and ridicule for not giving it to her. It wasn't a lot of money and well at the time it came in handy. I was pregnant with no job and had no idea how I was going to support my child. The point is, the check was in my name after a complete and thorough investigation by the insurance company. I don't think I was wrong. However, there are certain family members and outside parties who think I should have given it to her. WTF EVER!! You already know my take on it. What's yours?
4 people like this
9 responses
@lindaharding627 (1442)
• United States
15 Jul 11
That does not sound right. It sounds as if she was trying to steal the money from you. What right does your mom have to sue you for what is rightfully yours? The idea is ridiculous. Yet some people will hold things like that over your head and try to make you feel guilty. In a way, I can understand how you must be feeling. I got pregnant with my husband's baby before we were married. His mom suggested abortion when he told her that I was pregnant. He and I both went off on her. That is murder in our eyes and it did not matter that I was not married to him. We refused the idea so then his mom helped me get ready for the baby. My son is now going on nine years old. We live in a mobile home that his parents own because my husband made some mistakes before we got together and the state of Ohio is unforgiving. We are both trying to do odd jobs to make income. In this state, every employer wants a background check and even though they say that they don't discriminate if you have a criminal record, they do. We have seen companies shred the application as soon as they see that my husband checked the box that he has a criminal record. Apparently, people in this state do not believe in second chances. Now if my husband had a felony, some jobs would take him but with a misdemeanor they won't- only because they get funding for rehabilitated felons. Now hubby's mom comes and gets our son and threatens to take us to court if we don't let them take him and since we don't have the money to pay rent for staying here, they feel like they can pull puppet strings with us. I really wish that we could find someone who would help my husband find a job and give him a second chance. I am trying to work, but it is hard for me because I have a lot of health problems.
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
18 Jul 11
I am so sorry to hear that. Family can be just cruel at times. Especially when you are down. I have just about estranged myself from them as much as possible. They have negative energy that I don't like to deal with. I know how hard the job market can be especially when you have issues like those you spoke of. Don't give up though. Pray about it. I believe prayer can change things. I don't know about you, but I had to rely on my prayers and my faith in God to make it through sometimes.
If I were you all, I would definitely be considering starting a home based business that you and he could help each other do. There is a way out of your situation. You just may have to broaden your options. Let me know if I can be of help. I pray that things get significantly better for you and your family. Stay blessed!
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
18 Jul 11
Here in GA they don't ask about misdemeanors. They ask if you have been convicted of a crime in the last 10 years. So if 10 years has passed you can say NO to that question. Your husband may be able to start his own business... mowing lawns even... invest or borrow a lawn mower and start landscaping.. there are other ways to be self-employed when you can't find a job.
You might also have your husband go through an employment agency... the state labor board... let them know upfront what is hanging over his head and try to get a job.
I feel like right now you are trapped under his parents' thumb and that is not a good place to be.
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
14 Jul 11
You were in a terrific need at the time, and the money was yours to do as you please with it. Think about it this way: if you were working and received that money from your job, would you be required to hand it over to anyone? Would your own mother have given you what you needed at the time to care for your needs? It does not sound like it to me.
1 person likes this
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Exactly. No she would not have given me what I needed. She didn't do much of that when we were little. I ended up with my grandma and my dad's brother anyway. We were tossed around a little bit as kids. We had some stability after a few years, but we paid dearly for it.
I knew I could get some common sense answer here on the LOT. This is why I come here. I have never seen anyone pass a check to someone else they earned or whatever to a nondeserving party. It's just dumb. Simple is that.
2 people like this
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
15 Jul 11
It says a lot about your character that your step-dad, who is not even related to you in any way by blood gave you the money instead of anyone else. He sounds like a sensible and caring individual.
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
18 Jul 11
Wonderful man. Some men, as you know, wouldn't care for a step kid like your step dad did for you. Sounds like God sent him to you to help you and give you encouragement.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
14 Jul 11
So many family fights are over money. What others think or feel is of no account to you, you know what this money will cost you and only you can decied what to do. There is no big rule book in the sky that tells you what is right or wrong. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Pat, the money is spent and I made my decision then when the check came in my name. I wasn't fighting over it. It was mine. End of story. My mom on the other hand wanted to fight over. As soon as I got the check, I took my pregnant butt and paid for my car. I rented one for the weekend because the serviced the one I bought before I picked it up and went out of town. It was my birthday when I got the money. No one even knew I left. They were calling my house and leaving messages. I just completely ignored everyone. Did I mention the check was in my name? LOL...
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
14 Jul 11
I meant no blame. Only that whatever action you chose there will be a reaction,
there is with every action we take in life. Myself I hate family upset and stay as far away as I can. But when someone wills me money I think that they wanted me to have it and have no guilt that others may feel left out.
1 person likes this
@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
14 Jul 11
There's a couple of important bits of info missing: you aren't clear about who was named on your step-dad's policy and you don't say what the papers were that you had to sign.
If you were the named beneficiary, the money's yours. Simple as that. Your step-dad decided it was yours and put your name on the policy.
If the policy was in your mom's name and the papers you signed were to get it transferred to you, that's just weird (unless she was trying to avoid paying stuff or some other oddness). In that case, it's still yours because she signed it over.
If it's the second case and she wants you to sign the money back over (because her ploy to avoid paying stuff failed), that's more difficult.
Hard to say without all the details.
1 person likes this
@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
14 Jul 11
You really shouldn't sign anything unless you know what it is, you know? It's always a bad idea.
That's a lot clearer now. In this case, the money's yours to do with as you please and "bleep" everyone else!! 
Your step-dad obviously thought a lot of you and made you his benefactor. No matter how hard it is for anyone else to accept that, it's a fact: he WANTED you to have the money. It was his wish. What your mom wants is irrelevant.
Of course, that's not to say you can't buy her coffee and a couple of donuts out of generosity. But the money's yours. If you gave it to her, you'd be going against (effectively) the last wish of your step-dad (who apparently realised that you'd use it a lot more sensibly than certain other people).
Your step-dad obviously thought a lot of you and made you his benefactor. No matter how hard it is for anyone else to accept that, it's a fact: he WANTED you to have the money. It was his wish. What your mom wants is irrelevant.
Of course, that's not to say you can't buy her coffee and a couple of donuts out of generosity. But the money's yours. If you gave it to her, you'd be going against (effectively) the last wish of your step-dad (who apparently realised that you'd use it a lot more sensibly than certain other people).1 person likes this
@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
14 Jul 11
I think we'd all want to help with the cooking or serving or whatever - that's part of being a polite, friendly guest. No reason to put yourself down for that.
And as for hitting your daughter, that's assault on a minor. You could probably have her arrested for it. But, as you say, sometimes it's best just to cut all direct contact. She obviously has no interest in anything except herself (and anyone else's money), so why get in the way? Let her spend all day, every day with herself. Just herself. 
1 person likes this
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
14 Jul 11
I thought that would be the best thing to do. She wants company. And she loves to run the guilt trip card. I tell you after all these years, I don't know what the woman wants anymore. I just don't have time to care. The happiness of my daughter and I are what's important to me now. I've had all I can take from momma over the years and well a phone call a few times a year for life five minutes is plenty for me. Sad to say, but she's just not the greatest mom. I don't want to give her the worst either, but she could be a close second!
1 person likes this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
14 Jul 11
You had the rights to keep that money and not give it to your mom! Apparently when your step-dad wrote out his insurence plan he had you in mind all the time. He probaly figured you would need the help more then your mom. So what if your family is pissed at you! You did nothing wrong! If they can't except that,the heck with them!
1 person likes this
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
14 Jul 11
My sentiments exactly. I don't know why, but I somehow think they were jealous that I got the money. Funny thing is nobody wanted to see my mom with anything either which is completely crazy. True enough though, the check definitely was mine proven twice by that of the insurance company. It sure did come in handy and couldn't have come at a better time. I am truly sorry they have chosen ignorance to be their guide, but oh well...moving right along.
1 person likes this
@Awinds (2468)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Your birth mother stole a check form your mailbox? I can understand a wily friend doing that but your own mother? I don't appreciate the way she tried to handle it. That was very underhanded - pulling that devious kind of stunt on your closest kin. And if she wants to sue you that badly, it sounds like the green means more to her than your welfare. I mean you pregnant and jobless! Also, if the amount was indeed not very much, I don't know why it would be so important to her. It sounds to me like she is jealous - which is quite unhealthy.
I would have kept the money. It was legally yours, and after your mother's actions I would say it is morally yours as well.
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
14 Jul 11
I knew I would get support from you guys here. Yes, she stole the check out of my mailbox. My father always told me my mom was jealous of me even as a child. I didn't know how or want to believe it. Now in my adult life I see it so clearly. I will never forget this one time she had met a guy and they were talking on the phone; he had never met me. He asked my mom to speak to me one day and he told me, "your mother is very jealous of you and you should be careful". I have never seen or met this man, but my mom must have been doing some pretty heavy talking about me for him to pick that up in such a short time. I have also never forgotten what he said coupled together with what my Dad told and just my moms overall behavior throughout my life. If I were a person like her, I probably would be jealous of me also. I have accomplished way more than she has and well frankly, I hate to say it but I am smarter and I behave in a manner that is more professional, morally sound, and pleasant.
I don't like judging myself against her. It doesn't seem right. I have always wanted us to have a better relationship but it just has never been that way. I have tried too many times. I have laid down on the chopping block and I just can't do it anymore. I am done being or playing the victim. I am going to stand up for myself from now on. No matter with whom in the family it is. I came back to my home town earlier this year to take care of some business with the house my Dad gave me and some other things with my kids from a previous marriage. As soon as I am done. I am outta here and moving on with people who love and care for me. Besides, I have a situation awaiting me. I just have to work hard to make it come to pass. I will get there soon enough. Thanks so much for understanding. Not just seeing it my way, cause I don't want that. If I was wrong I would want to know it. I am not about doing people wrong or mistreating them in anyway.
@shattered (1728)
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
If your step dad made you the beneficiary of his insurance it only means you mean that much to him. It also means he wanted to support you even if he was no longer able to.
That said, the check rightfully belonged to you. If your step dad wanted to leave the money to your mother and the checks were in your name that would be a different case altogether.
She has absolutely no right to the insurance policy since it was not a joint policy, it was the insurance of your step dad hence it was for him to use/assign to whomever he deemed fit.
In this case, he believed you deserved to be the beneficiary so it really doesn't matter what other people think. There should be no criticism thrown your way.
Your mother acted selfishly, instead of being happy for you, she became antagonistic. It really is not good to hear, but such is life in some cases.
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
18 Jul 11
Too bad she's not on here to read that since she's the one that needs convincing. I believe that family is comprised of those that show you love and support. That may not always be by blood. I have spent too many years wanting momma to love me the way a mother is suppose to love a child. I have gotten too old to worry about at this point. I will not reduce myself or change for us to "patch" things up. I am over it now. She has been the way she is as long as I have known her. As a matter of fact, everyone on that side of my family is the same and I never really dealt with them much. My biological father and his side of the family raised me. So it's really hard for me to even overly concern myself with my Mom and her crap anymore. She will always be the woman who gave birth to me, but I have women in my life that treat me like a daughter far better than I could ever hope that she would. Sorry for the candid response, but it's just the truth.
1 person likes this
@shattered (1728)
• Philippines
18 Jul 11
No need to apologize. Being family is all about our relationship with each other. Hearing this from you changes my perspective. I guess She would always be your biological mother, and you are right she would always be the woman who gave birth to you and that will never change.
It is good that you have found people you can call family. They are indeed your support.
I know its hard to accept but I admire you for having the strength to move on. Its also good to know that you are not one to sink to their level.
We have to play our hand with the cards we are dealt with right? We just have to make the most our of it.
@shattered (1728)
• Philippines
17 Jul 11
Since I don't know your mom as much you do, I don;t want to judge her too much as a person.
BUt what she did and how she did it was just wrong. I just hope there is still hope and time for you to patch things up. Family will always be family you know?
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
17 Jul 11
Before you come back with a ridiculously stupid response, please read the entire topic. I really hate to have to get pissed over a response that makes no sense whatsoever.
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
18 Jul 11
Especially when it's a subject that hits so close to home. WOW!!
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
18 Jul 11
Let me ask you this... how did your name get to be listed on the insurance policy as the beneficiary? Your name didn't get on the check by accident. How in the world did your name be listed as the beneficiary? Your step-dad MUST have put you down as the beneficiary for your name to end up on the check. Now, if your mother's name was supposed to be first as the beneficiary and you second, then there might have been an error... but if this isn't the case and your step-dad intended for you to be the beneficiary then your name should have been on the check.
If your mother has a problem with this she needs to take it up with the insurance company. The burden of proof would be on her to prove that a mistake was truly made and they owed her the check. If a mistake was made, the insurance company would end up suing you for their money back after paying the mother... IF a mistake had been made on their part.
Since I know insurance companies don't want to waste their money, I know they are very careful. I doubt they made a mistake.
If she was a bad wife, i can see why your step-dad would list you as the sole beneficiary, but if she was a good wife, that would seem kind of odd to me, and I would wonder if a mistake was made... but still.. how did your name get to be the beneficiary? The beneficiary GETS the money.
