How do you deal with envy?

Now that you have explained a bit more, your feelings make even more sense. She does not realize it is not easy to get money, and she expects that everyone would be able to get it as easily as she can. That must be terribly aggravating for you. Poor dear! She is in a world of her own, far removed from the struggles of the majority of people. I pray she would develop more empathy, compassion and understanding for your situation. You are truly blessed; you can understand how and why people struggle.

Thanks for your comments. 'm trying to be pleased for them, but at the same time, it's hard because I do feel like my partner and I have a harder road. There's not only the money situation, but as well, since September they've been in a "long distance relationship" which consists of an hour's drive and seeing eachother at least every other week....my partner and I have just struggled through a long distance relationship of 500 miles, and seeing each other once a month or so. So now, because she has no grasp of money, whenever she implies that we "could raise the money if we tried harder" or "maybe just aren't ready to be engaged yet" it's very hard not to lose my temper, when I feel like our relationships been through more trying times than theirs and come out better than ever. If you see what I mean? I know that was a bit ranting and rambling and hope that made sense. I think you're right, it's definitely eating at me. I'm just trying to fight it so I can be happy for my friend. Realistically, the disappointment of having to wait isn't going to go away, so I just need to find a way to be MORE happy for them. Thanks a lot for your support. Counting down to Christmas!

Thank you for your comments. I am trying to focus on the great things we have that they don't, like the great holiday we had last summer, because we saved for it ourselves. Because they're relying on money from family, they've never had that opportunity. The problem is, logically I can look it at and say "I'm happy for her" and "It's frustrating but I'll be so proud when we can say we did everything ourselves" but emotionally I still can't help feeling bitter

yes i can understand that ,i can understand those feelings which tell that we miss something which we could had.However we can not do anything as nothing can be done for some things which are not in our hands.

Thanks for your comments, I think you're right, I'll just have to sort of grit my teeth and bear it. No, no, of course I won't ask them not to speak of it, and I'll do my best to be as genuinely happy for them, and involved in the planning as I can. The problem is, I know my friend will understand that I'm a little upset, and why, but I also know she won't exactly understand, because she just has no concept of money as her parents have always paid for everything. Although she'll be sympathetic, the idea that we physically can't raise the money right now will be something she just won't be able to understand, which is a bit frustrating. I will be pleased for them, and of course I'll help her with ideas like we always planned, but I also know she won't be offended that I'm a bit sad, because we're really close.

I'm trying not to be envious, but I can't help feeling sad. It's not like I'm wishing bad things on them, or wishing they weren't engaged and happy, I just wish we were in a financial position to be there too. That way we would be planning our weddings together like we'd planned. If you could truly manage not to be at all envious, then I respect your colossal control of your emotions, but I'm not so skilled.

I am happy for her, but that doesn't stop me feeling jealous. As for "through our perseverance we can be financially successful too" - that's the sticking point, they're not persevering, or working hard, to become financially successful, they've had the money handed to us. Whereas we have student loans that aren't even enough to cover our rent, yet alone bills, food, textbooks etc as well. I'm trying not to be envious, because at the end of the day, we'll have the wedding exactly how we want it, and we'll be able to say "We worked for it", but it still makes me sad that instead of planning together like we'd always planned, my friend will be planning her wedding now with essentially free money, while my other half and I are working just to make ends meet, and struggling to save for our own wedding.

Thanks for your comments, I definitely think working towards our wedding costs has brought my partner and I closer together, and we certainly have a better grasp of money than our friends. The stress of saving has led to some tense times, and a few arguments, but I think we're stronger as a couple for it, and I know now that we've had those rows, we're both 100% on the same page, which can only be a good thing - Rows can be helpful if they lead to things that needed to be said. It is hard, and the savings are slow-going, but I feel so proud of my other half for saving, which is so against his nature, and watching him gain that skill is really satisfying. My friend and her partner don't have that, and I think it will lead to problems eventually I definitely don't want anything bad to happen to either of them, but if I was 120% honest, I certainly wouldn't mind if they could grasp that we are trying our best, and are only postponing our engagement for financial reasons - the not-so-subtle comments about how we aren't trying hard enough are starting to drive me mad! Thanks again for your comments.

Hey Grace. I am trying to concentrate on the pride you mentioned, and it does help. I am so proud of us, especially my other half, who's working really hard to save, which is totally against his nature. I am, I'm really pleased for her. When we were talking about it at Christmas (before her partner proposed) we had a great time thinking of things like colour schemes to suit each other etc. It's just, I always thought we'd be planning together, because neither of us could afford it, and now that's not the case. It's reassuring to know you feel the same sometimes!

Hey Edna. I'm pleased for you that you've found a way to make peace with your jealousy, and your lot in life, but I don't think your method will work for me as I'm not very religious :( I'm trying to concentrate on the good things about our situation - we'll be able to say we worked for our wedding, we'll be able to have things OUR way without parents changing things (which is a luxury they won't get as their families are paying) etc etc. Thanks for your comments