I Feel Downhearted with my Husband
@SIMPLYD (90721)
Philippines
July 18, 2011 7:30pm CST
Last night, my husband and i talked about where we will gonna have dinner on our 21st wedding anniversary on the 20th. It was previously agreed that he will take an early dismissal, for us to have dinner after work and maybe some other activity such as listening to a live band at the restaurant.
However, last night he told me that we should just have instead a lunch date. He is to meet his staff after their dismissal at 8:00 p.m. and their big boss might come. So i was hurt and told him i don't like it, because having lunch is just lunch per se. We cannot listen to a live band at lunch, because there's none and besides we will be hurrying to avail of a 1 hour lunch break.
Instead, we agreed that we have it on the night of 21st, but we weren't both happy about it, because our anniversary is on the 20th. And he is insisting that we just have lunch, which i don't want.
Anyway, i really felt sad that that will be the case tomorrow. I know, after their meeting , they will certainly have some drinking spree again, them mostly being males.
Can you share me your thoughts on this please?
3 people like this
19 responses
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
25 Jul 11
Personally speaking and this is just my opinion. I think he should make an effort on your anniversary, it's only a special occassion in which you celebrate once a year for me that day is a bit sacrate. My hubby and I always try to do something special just the two of us. This year, we decided to get a little get a way on a two day cruise, without our kids. This is the first time since my kids were born we are getting away a lone. It's our 11th year wedding anniversary so hopefull it will be special. I am definitely looking forward to our romantic get away. But at the same time feel bad leaving my children behind.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Wow, a cruise! Oh that is very nice. I know you will truly enjoy it. Don't worry about the kids. It's one opportunity that shouldn't be missed. 
well, as to my husband, i understand his situation. He is newly given the high position, so i know he wants to give his best to his work.
The dinner date was an enjoyable one. It's in a separate discussion within the week.
well, as to my husband, i understand his situation. He is newly given the high position, so i know he wants to give his best to his work.
The dinner date was an enjoyable one. It's in a separate discussion within the week. @SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
Oh, i had posted how our date went, next week after the date. However, i was notified that it was deleted because it denotes a milestone. 
Well, we spent it in a restaurant by the sea. There was an acoustic singer who sings. He was able to sing our requests, though they are the new ones, that of Bruno Mars. We went home before 11:30 am. It was an enjoyable one indeed. It was worth the postponements.
Well, we spent it in a restaurant by the sea. There was an acoustic singer who sings. He was able to sing our requests, though they are the new ones, that of Bruno Mars. We went home before 11:30 am. It was an enjoyable one indeed. It was worth the postponements. @fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
2 Aug 11
Definitely, I am so looking forward to it, just the two of us...
Well I am glad to hear that your dinner date was enjoyable, it must've been a difficult decision for him, especially when he is trying to impress the bosses.
Well I am glad to hear that your dinner date was enjoyable, it must've been a difficult decision for him, especially when he is trying to impress the bosses.
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
19 Jul 11
I think you are right at your own place. However, to my mind celebrating your anniversary with a lunch on the D'day and having a dinner on the next day is not a bad bargain.
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
19 Jul 11
I would say - do not miss what is offered or say such opportunities ...
Hope you will have a great time.
Hope you will have a great time.@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Well, you are correct! AT least, we get to celebrate it with an intimate dinner on the next day.
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
First off, congratulations on your 21st anniversary.
Well, sometimes we plan things but then they don't usually go they way we want them to. Though I feel for you because I know you wanted to have the dinner on the 20th, try to understand where your husband is coming from. The meeting with his boss and colleagues is important to him because the said meeting is about work, and I think if he doesn't attend, it will affect his job (and his salary as well).
You can probably make a compromise, though: tell him that if his boss doesn't come to the meeting, he can cut the meeting short and not go with his colleagues for a drinking spree. Instead after the meeting, you can both catch a late-night dinner. Tell him how important this celebration is for you (and for your union) and that you'd want to celebrate it on the exact day that you were married.
Hopefully this advice arrives before you've decided on what to do. Hehe! Good luck!
Well, sometimes we plan things but then they don't usually go they way we want them to. Though I feel for you because I know you wanted to have the dinner on the 20th, try to understand where your husband is coming from. The meeting with his boss and colleagues is important to him because the said meeting is about work, and I think if he doesn't attend, it will affect his job (and his salary as well).
You can probably make a compromise, though: tell him that if his boss doesn't come to the meeting, he can cut the meeting short and not go with his colleagues for a drinking spree. Instead after the meeting, you can both catch a late-night dinner. Tell him how important this celebration is for you (and for your union) and that you'd want to celebrate it on the exact day that you were married.
Hopefully this advice arrives before you've decided on what to do. Hehe! Good luck!@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Thanks moonchild for your suggestion.
Yes, i have to consider his job and his position of being the team leader of the branch. That alone, suffices me to accept the fact that it should be postponed for the nest day.
Meetings with the staff takes at least 2 hours and it would be too late by then to have dinner because they have to begin the meeting after the branch has closed at 8:00 p.m.
I guess, i should just be happy we still get to celebrate it, even if it's late.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I do understand how you feel Ms.D.. There were instances where me and husband was like this too.. i would suggest something, then something else will came up and he can just cancel our plans in just like snap of a finger and leaves me frustrated and annoyed because he can just do that right then and there where in fact we planned it! I would then feel annoyed because for me it would be something special and time for us to bond and get to be with each other!
Well, i then there understood that maybe..male species are like that..or some that i know of, do not give importance to special dates or something..or that "lunch per se" for them is enough..while we women think of it differently.
its mind boggling how they see things. lol.
But cheer up just be positive and maybe it will be a lot more special on the 21st.
its mind boggling how they see things. lol.
But cheer up just be positive and maybe it will be a lot more special on the 21st. @jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
yeah and i would sulk the whole day till he notice what he did and make up for it! lol tantrums!! 
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Yes, husband can really be unromantic sometimes. Its up for us girls to make it romantic.
Your situation happens to us too in our younger year. Mostly it's because he cannot go home yet, because he has to finish a lot of works. It's frustrating really when that happens and i won't be talking to him until he treats me to dinner and make up for it.
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
20 Jul 11
I would be upset also. It is hard for me to form a biased opinion. I am a hopeless romantic who has yet to be romanced, so NO, I totally disagree with the would-be "lunch date". Being married a long time is an honor that should be held in high regard since so many are divorcing at immense rates nowadays. I would feel the same as you. I don't know what you can do about it, but I would definitely be pissed even.
@writergirl74 (802)
• United States
24 Jul 11
Well good, I'm glad you made peace with the idea. You are making compromise so I don't see why your husband won't be appreciative and eager to reward your patience and longsuffering attitude. I'm glad you have been understanding of his work. I hope he does it SUPER big when you guys actually go out on your whimsical date.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
Yes, we girls are hopeless romantics. So that's why i don't ever want it a lunch date but a dinner date.
At the moment, which was supposed to be tonight was again postponed to tomorrow. Company visitors arrived , so he has to entertain them at night , them all being male.
It's okay, as long as we can celebrate it and it's a dinner date.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
19 Jul 11
Wow! 21st anniversary Congrats
friend but you are seeing just 20years old girl. Because your smile is nice. Tell me friend where is party now I will came and please dont eat full cake because I like cake very much.
I was also upset on my 7th anniversary on 23rd June. Because my husband was busy in their work and he is not ready for going out of house for dinner or lunch. But lots of mylotter sweet friends suggest me and then I feel better. You will also get lot of suggestion like me. Friend I will fight with you if you not send me a cake hahaha
friend but you are seeing just 20years old girl. Because your smile is nice. Tell me friend where is party now I will came and please dont eat full cake because I like cake very much.
I was also upset on my 7th anniversary on 23rd June. Because my husband was busy in their work and he is not ready for going out of house for dinner or lunch. But lots of mylotter sweet friends suggest me and then I feel better. You will also get lot of suggestion like me. Friend I will fight with you if you not send me a cake hahaha@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Thanks surekharathi for greeting me.
Actually, our anniversary is today already. We greeted each other as we wake up. I prepared a nice breakfast for us, though i have to hurry, lest i will be late to the office.
We will be celebrating it tomorrow and we will make sure that it's an enjoyable one.
Oh, i am sorry that your husband was busy on your 7th anniversary. But did you celebrate it with him alone, even if it's on a later date?
For sure, if you are here, i will buy a cake to give you ,your share.
Actually, our anniversary is today already. We greeted each other as we wake up. I prepared a nice breakfast for us, though i have to hurry, lest i will be late to the office.
We will be celebrating it tomorrow and we will make sure that it's an enjoyable one.
Oh, i am sorry that your husband was busy on your 7th anniversary. But did you celebrate it with him alone, even if it's on a later date?
For sure, if you are here, i will buy a cake to give you ,your share. @surekharathi (14146)
• India
20 Jul 11
Friend my name is only surekha or sandhya dont call rathi because it is surname. already my name is big. Thanks to say you will send me cake you can see my discussion today is my marriage anniversary I sent a cake for every mylotter friend and some mylotter return me gift hahhah really its true. But only in mylot.
really its true. But only in mylot.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
23 Jul 11
Well, Yes, anniversaries are important and being able to get the chance to Celebrate them together is something special as well. I know that this yr. my husband and I had plans, and then someone came and threw a wrench in them themselves so it was a quiet boring one here for us. I would think you would be happy to be able to spend time with him alone wanting to do it on the 21st, as most the time just being able to spend quiet time somewhere with my husband makes it more worth while for sure.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
Yes, it was celebrated on a later date. Actually it wasn't on the 21st as we have agreed upon but on the 22nd. Some top management people arrived on the 20th and on the 21st , he has to entertain them to a drinking spree again! Boys are boys!
Though it was late, we had a happy time!
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
24 Jul 11
Be glad that he has a job that supports you two. Also, be glad that he is willing to go out with you the following night as it seems that my husband and I never do anything for our anniversary and we have been married for almost 17 years.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
21 Jul 11
Have the lunch date on the 20th and then go out on the 21st for a real date. I know it's kind of crummy to miss your actual anniversary, but sometimes we celebrate on a different day as well, things like birthdays or special days - because sometimes they fall on a weeknight or a day/evening when we already have plans. For instance, if we want to go out for a special date, sometimes we have to wait for a weekend or choose an earlier or later time, or work it around when my daughter can go to a friend's house. It's more important that we actually get an opportunity and less important exactly when.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
Yes, we also do that. Since weekdays won't allow us to have much time , we would postpone it for the weekend.
Now, this date of ours was postponed for tomorrow again, because he entertained his big bosses.
Anyway, i understand the importance of his job. So, it's okay with me. What is important is we get to celebrate it through a dinner date.
@kelly10 (678)
•
19 Jul 11
Celebrate your anniversary the following night. You will still be able do what you planned and you will be able to be together, relaxed and happy.
My boyfriend is a taxi driver and works odd hours so we often celebrate birthdays and special occassions days later, it doesn't make it any less special.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Sometimes, we have to understand some situations where we are to choose over two things. Of course, we will choose the one that could suffer if wasn't done, and in this case, it was his job.
Our anniversary is today, but it could still be celebrated tomorrow night. We'll make sure we will enjoy it.
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
19 Jul 11
Hi Dina
There is still time, i feel you will enjoy dinner with live band, as you have wished.
Job must be given top priority, though i worked as professor for long 45 years, at times, there was order from govt to report some where on some confidential work, in such cases all your promises, prior appointments are gone..
So take it easy my friend..
Thanks for sharing
Best of luck to you
Professor ‘Dr.B.Saraf’
Professor ‘Dr.B.Saraf’
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Thank you professor. Today is our wedding anniversary, but we will be celebrating it tomorrow night. We are both excited with it.
Today, we greeted each other as we woke up. Nice to know that the one you woke up with everyday, is still with you as always!
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
23 Jul 11
I would say that if the meting is that important for his job, then he should be there. I know how it feels to want something, especially on a special day as an anniversary. But, look at it another way, whether it is the day before or the day after, you both could still enjoy yourselves. Think positive.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
We did celebrate it for a later date. We enjoyed it and it's better late than never . Right?
@shengcruz (221)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Congratulations SIMPLYD!
What's your secret in your lasting marriage?
I hope my hubby and I can also celebrate our silver and golden wedding anniversaries in the future. hehehe
I think women are very sentimental and we do love to celebrate occasions with
much emphasis on the details like dates,venues,activities and etc.
And sometimes because we get too fascinated with the small details, we tend to forget the most important element, and that is the true essence of the celebration itself...
I don't expect much from my hubby. He does not have the romantic bones in his system! (lol)
I just accept whatever he's got in mind, if he wants to celebrate with me in fancy resto or just want to give me anything like flowers or gifts, then it's fine with me.
It's a mawkishly old-fashioned saying but I have adopted this saying-it's the thought that counts... Maybe even if it's in advance or a late celebration, I'd still appreciate his efforts. But of course, the exact date is still preferred.hehehe
May you have a wonderful and memorable celebration...have fun!!!
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Thank you, sheng!
Actually, what you are doing with your husband is already one secret to it. We should value whatever our husband has mustered to offer. For the romantic side, it is up to us girls to initiate, because they will just follow.
For 24 years, a week before our anniversary, i would be discussing with my husband how we should celebrate it. We allot a budget for it, because it just comes once a year and its something that should be celebrated. I initiate it and he follows. But of course, he can give suggestions.
In addition, learn how to forgive and forget. Forget the mistakes and start anew. Give each other a chance if ever a mistake is done.
In addition, learn how to forgive and forget. Forget the mistakes and start anew. Give each other a chance if ever a mistake is done. 
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Congratulations for keeping a strong marriage. I understand your situation, my husband is also workaholic and sometimes our most important days just past like an ordinary day. But being married with him also means getting married with a workaholic man. In the first place he wasnt working only for himself, it is for the both of us.
I guess that this problem is a topic between a man and his wife, and it's a little bit unfair for your husband that you talk about it here. I believe that the best way you can deal with what you feel is to talk with your husband about it.
Tell him, your anniversary only comes once in a year.. tell him again how much you love and and wants to spend even a day out with him alone... But remember listen to what he wants also, maybe he have his reasons of where her wants to go and what he wants to do on your special day.
Again, happy anniversary to you and your husband.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Thank you .
It's alright to discuss this here, because it's a matter that is common to all married couples. It is just my way of sharing my disappointment that we will do the celebration tomorrow instead of today.
I do understand the importance of his job, just as my job is, also. What is important , is that we are still together on our 21st anniversary.
We will celebrate it tomorrow as we have agreed.
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
We women are really emotional and we take importance on things like this...anniversary, birthdays and such...and sometimes men don't understand that. So for them, not making anniversaries a big deal is not a crime. Know what I mean? So sometimes they might take things like this for granted. You might wanna talk to him and tell him how you feel about it...so that he would know. Cause sometimes..they really don't have a clue. 
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Actually, as i have said, we did have a talk about it last night.
I was hurt that he has to have a meeting on our supposed anniversary date, since his boss is coming , but i have realized, his job is really important. He has been with their company for so many long years so he has to maintain his good job.
Anyway, i know we will still enjoy the anniversary date the next day. But i won't settle for lunch, it has to be a dinner date , with a live band playing music.
@moneywinner (1864)
• Brazil
19 Jul 11
It's a difficult situation. I mean this staff meeting seems to be really important to your husband and we all know how hard is to have a good job nowadays.
I know that is never the same thing to celebrate a date in other day, but I see that's is the best option that you have.
Or you can try to do something different, like instead of a dinner, you guys can wake up early and make a special breakfast. Buy specials foods and then serve the breakfast on bed. Then in the other day, you guys go out to a properly dinner.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Your suggestion of having an early breakfast my friend , is something we cannot do.
I have to go to work earlier than him so basically, the dinner is the most appropriate, since he said he can opt for an early dismissal from work, when i had mine at 6:00 pm.
I know the job is important to us, so i understand him, though with a sad heart.
Anyway, as they say, better late than never. I know even if it will be on a later date, i know we will have fun.
Anyway, as they say, better late than never. I know even if it will be on a later date, i know we will have fun. 
@donquack03 (131)
• Guam
19 Jul 11
I learned one thing.
God first, Family, the job.
Let him put you first before the job.
I have money but I lost my relationship. Money is for survival not happiness.
It won't kill him to please you. Help him understand this. Ask him to do it for the both of you.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Well, i understand him and this is the first time that it is like this. I understand his need to call for a meeting, because of the presence their big boss during the meeting. Our jobs are important to us, because it helps us in the expenses for the study of our daughter in a far away city.
Anyway, we can still celebrate it the next day. What is important , is we get to celebrate it, as we always do for the past 20 years.
I now can understand him, after reading all your posts. Thank you guys.
I now can understand him, after reading all your posts. Thank you guys. 
@angie20 (191)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
You don't have to upset. It doesn't mean that your husband neglects your wedding anniversary. I know and you know how much he loves to have a dinner with you but inevitable things happen. He have to be focused on his career. It's quite important nowadays. I'm not underestimating the power of commemoration but it is better to be cherished the time you have actually spent with each other for 21 years. It's not the celebration that matters, it's the love you have still engraved in your heart for quite a long time. I'll go for the lunch date and wish him good luck. Why don't you surprise him when he goes home after his meeting? There are many ways for sure that will make him happy. Now, it's your turn to prove that you are the most loving and supporting wife. Congratulations!
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Thank you for your encouraging words. I understand him for doing so. His job is important to us, just as my job is too, to him.
Yes, i might just give him a surprise when he comes home from the meeting tomorrow. I might buy an ice cream which we will eat when arrives.
But certainly, we can have the dinner the next day, as we have agreed upon.
Yes, i might just give him a surprise when he comes home from the meeting tomorrow. I might buy an ice cream which we will eat when arrives.
But certainly, we can have the dinner the next day, as we have agreed upon. @ionalacsondy (2)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Congratulations on your 21st anniversary. I understand your sadness, but then again, cheer up! Lunch date is still way better than not having ANY celebration at all. But about the hubby having a drinking spree after the meeting, maybe you can ask your husband nicely to come home as soon as the meeting's over, so you'd still have some cuddling time before 12midnight. :) If he can bargain, maybe you can, too. Good luck and congratulations again!
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Thank you. Well, he can cuddle up with me anytime he arrives from his meeting. It's up to him whether he would forgo of the drinking spree. If ever it will be, then it's better.
Anyway, we will still celebrate the occasion with a dinner the next day. Better late than never,so the saying goes.
From all your advises, i am assured that it wasn't at all a bad idea to have it celebrated on a later date.
Anyway, we will still celebrate the occasion with a dinner the next day. Better late than never,so the saying goes.
From all your advises, i am assured that it wasn't at all a bad idea to have it celebrated on a later date. 