Can you be inlove with an abusive person

We were on the same boat. Mr. Right who we thought would be our knight in shining armour turned out to be Mr. Dracula. Well I dumped mine and narrating my horrible past here would take ten pages and that would only open closed wounds. At least we are one of them who got out of that kind of hell.There's too much awareness today about domestic abuse and I can say women have more protection now than before and more are getting informed of the options they have in case they are stuck with Dr. Dracula. (^_^)

Maybe, but probably not. As you said, you miss him yet you really do not at all. You are just attached to him and lonely. It has nothing to do with actually caring about it. Nobody likes to be alone and we tend to go back to what we know. Give it time and see how you feel. I can't know how you feel, but I am betting that you will find that you never actually truly loved him. You may have thought you did, and you may still think so now, but it's probably not true. You were in love with the person you thought he was, not the person who he really is.

This is so sad. I could never imagine myself in a situation like that and i'm sorry that i could not really relate to what you're feeling. But somehow i do understand. I once watched a movie of a couple who were so in love, actually too in love with each other it resulted to violence. When they're together their emotions were so intense that they almost want to kill each other when they fight but they knew they'd also die if they live apart. Strange but i guess it does happen in real life. Your situation may not be the same but there's something a little bit similarity to that. If i were in your situation i might not live with him anymore. I really hate being abused both mentally and physically. But maybe if it does happen to me, i might not be able to live my husband because of the kids.

Yes, and the old adage that "love is blind" is definetly a reality. Love has no real standards. Do you see odd couple? ugly men married to pretty girls as an example. Or tall girls paired with short men. Sometimes, we fall in love to people who's not "ideal" for us.

I don't think that I would still love a person who'll just gonna abuse me. If I were abused, physically and all, I would definitely leave him without any second thoughts. I don't think that any person deserves to be maltreated. I just hate person like that.

No, I absolutely cannot be in love with an abusive man. I would rather live alone with my children than live with someone who makes my life miserable everyday. Perhaps my love would still be there since we cannot teach our feelings to go away. But as I have known myself, I now that my love will in time learn to go away, knowing so well that I cannot and should not tolerate abusive men. I have had boyfriends that I loved too when I was younger and if they even slightly hurt me, I always chose to turn away before anything gets worse because I can never let anyone hurt or abuse me especially if I don't deserve it. Don't worry, just don't think about it too much because I am sure that in time your heart will learn to know that you deserve nothing more than to be happy.

Could it be that you are in (or were) love with the non-abusive side of him, and were thrown into doubt when he showed his darker side? Sadly I feel that he won't change until he realises he has a behavioural problem, and even then if he were to seek help, he still won't change unless he wants to. I personally don't think anybody deserves to be abused and it's definitely HIS problem - trouble is that people who get off on abusing others often try to blame the victims of their abuse and won't accept responsibility for their own actions.

OMG, just by reading what you have written, makes me feel locked in a cage that can only be opened from the outside. Personally, i don't think that i would love a person who would give so much of hurt and pain at all times. However, things are quiet different when one is into such a situation. I really want to know from you, don't you feel suffocated in that relationship? I would feel suffocated if i were you....but i wouldn't know what to do! I would never love a person who would hurt me mentally and physically.

I do not want to interfere with your family affairs, but I am willing to say something about this. I think this man is mental. Think about it, who will do such terrible things to his wife and his kid (esp. his kid is in need of rest!)? Do you think he really loves you? And do you think a man who loves you will hurt you all the time? I don't think so. Then think about the love. Do you still love him, or are you just used to his being in the house and restricted by your reminiscence or missing or imagination of the man still being the one in your 17's? And think about your kid. When he or she grows up and sees this, for example, whenhe is writing homework at night his father suddenly turns off the light? What will the kid think? What will he or she FEEL? I suggest that you talk to your husband seriously about this, just once. If he changes, then congratulations; if he doesn't, you can separate from him for a while and see what's going on. I think, as a mother, you are not willing to give your kids a home in which they suffer from totally inexplicable upsets.

How can you be in love with somebody who is abusive and a torture to you. If his niceness outweighs his abusiveness , then maybe there's still a chance. But if his abuse makes you feel afraid and horrible, then, it shouldn't happen anymore.

This is a terribly hard situation to be in. I really feel for you. I hope that you can figure this whole thing out and Take care.

Hi Catof1, It is my belief that we cannot choose whom to love. We usually get attracted to the positive character of a person and then fall in love. When we later found out that a person have a negative streak, such as, being abusive, it becomes difficult to reconcile within ourselves how we fall in love with the same person in the first place. While others have difficulty leaving an abusive relationship, you made a right decision to leave. I hope that the horrible feeling will end sooner and that you will find happiness.

You love him before you knew that he was extremely abusive. Now, as days and months go by you now start to recognized and realized what kind of a man he is. It's really tough to be involved with an abusive person worst if you're already married with him. It's too bad that he doesn't show any care and respect towards you and your child. I think it's not impossible to fall in love to an abusive person for you do not choose whom to love. Strong evidence of this matter is a picture of a battered wife, who still continue to love and nurture the sadistic husband. It's up to you catof1, if you'll let the situation grow worse and later on to a nightmare. Talk to him and tell him how you feel every time he does that and whatever careless acts. If he respond badly towards the heart-to-heart talk, it is now then a serious issue. You should be respected as much as you respect him. It takes two to tango not only one.

I'm sorry you were in that situation. I would just leave at the first abuse. If I put myself in danger, it's not only bad for me, it's bad for my family and friends. No I don't think I could still love that person. As for you, I can't say. I hope you don't go back to him.