Can a woman tell her man what to do?
By Lxandra79
@Lxandra79 (1535)
United States
July 19, 2011 5:43pm CST
My man just told me off, and it started with that I gave him one of my phones that was disconnected (but I didnt know it was disconnected untill he told me) so he was mad because he thought that I knew, and I didnt give him my new phone.
He thinks that I was playing with his intelligence (which I wasnt) of me telling him that I didnt know that the phone was disconnected.
ANYWAYS!
(I just said that so you can know how the argument started)
Then he started saying that he regrets ever meeting me and blah blah blah....
(I thought the same thing, actually)
But then I love my son, and I dont regret him.
He tells me not to be on the computer for a long period of time (which Im not) because I play with my babe and when he is sleeping I get on.
But then again he never plays with his son, and if he does its just only for 3 min and then he is back on his xbox.
I told him about that, and he was like...'dont switch stuff on me!'....I was like thats not fair!
Also he was telling me that from now on I have to do what he tells me to do...and that means EVERYTHING!
**************************************************
I was wondering if I can also tell him what to do?
Is it right for a woman telling her man what to do?
2 people like this
16 responses
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
20 Jul 11
I wish I could, if I had my own place, or a place to go.
But I live with him in his moms apartment.
1 person likes this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
20 Jul 11
I know, and his mom doesnt do anything, she was just saying 'stop stop' cuz he was screaming at me, thats it.
Wish I can tell him, but to afraid he's gonna scream at me again :/
1 person likes this
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
20 Jul 11
From my understanding of truly loving relationships, its not about telling each other what to do or who is the boss. It is about putting both minds together to find the best solutions to mutual problems. My woman is my queen and i am a slave to our love. I know she has my best interest at heart so if she asks me to do something, I will. I don't see a problem. For my part, I don't want a puppet that allows me to pull her strings. Instead, I want someone that will provide input into the decisions we need to make. She is not my boss nor I hers.
1 person likes this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
20 Jul 11
Well I truly like the way you think!
I wish my man thought like you.
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
20 Jul 11
You know, you deserve better. No one should be screaming at you. That is a form of emotional and verbal abuse. My younger sister sent me this quote, I will share it with you in the hopes that you will see how valuable you truly are. And how you deserve to be treated like a queen.
"Have you ever noticed that Rolls Royce or Bentley don't run commercials. REASON: they know the value of their product & it brings customers to them. LESSON:When you know your value, you don't have to beg people to be your friend or your mate, to spend time with you, or to love you.… Be confident in who GOD made you to be. Everybody can't afford or handle luxury"
1 person likes this
@simplyphen12 (68)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I agree with the comment of mister Ptower76.. It's about respecting and understanding each other. In any problem, you cannot solve it in yelling and screaming each other. You need to talk in a good way and understand why this problem happening in your relationship.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
20 Jul 11
I'm very old fashioned, If you are married then he has a point . But if you are not married , then he is Sooooooooo wrong. You are your own person and you don't have to do Anything he demands. If he can ask like a normal person then it is up to you If you do it or not! But to be ruled by a boyfriend is wrong. I think it is time to leave him before he gets physical. And since he cares more about his Xbox, it could be so easy. See If my boyfriend yelled at me , He would go to bed and wake up and fine me gone. No words necessary, my action would say it all. But a husband, I would let him yell and scream and I Still wouldn't do what he wanted. It is his rite to rule his wife but I Still wouldn't do Everything he says.s A wife I would try to make him as angry and uncomfortable as I am. But that's me. So you Have to sit down and decide what you want. And if it is to leave , then leave. Your son doesn't need to se Mommy and Daddy yelling at each other. Take Care.
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
21 Jul 11
I made this Post because Im not the one telling my boyfriend what to do, its the other way around. I was just asking if its possible if I can tell my boyfriend what do to, cuz he does it to me.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
21 Jul 11
The answer is no. Neither one of you should be ordering the other around.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
20 Jul 11
Noone has the right to own someone else. This is not what relationships are about. Relationships are a partnership. Each member can request that their partner do something, but they can't just expect them to. I wasn't there, so I only know your side, but from what you said, it sounds like your man was being very disrespectful and controlling and he had no right to be like that.
1 person likes this
@omarfw (50)
• United States
20 Jul 11
Relationships are about equality. If someone is trying to dominate the relationship by whatever means then they are not seeing their partner as their equal. That is not healthy. Whether they are a man or a woman does not matter as women and men are equals by nature.
@diala84 (138)
• United States
20 Jul 11
It sounds like you need to have a nice relaxing talk with your guy. When you start a discussion in anger you won't get any where or accomplish anything. Pick a time to talk that is good for both of you, pick a place without your kid where you can be alone and talk. Take turns talking about your expectations and finding ways to negotiate to accomplish those expectations.
A relationship is compromise and it means doing things for one another that you don't necessarily want to do but it betters your relationship. You are not the boss of him and he is not the boss of you. You are equal in a relationship.If he is resistant to any form of communication then I would suggest that you really leave this situation before it becomes worse. You need to think about your child and what is best for the kid. Move in with a friend or find another situation away from him as he sounds like he is verbally abusive towards you at least.
1 person likes this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
20 Jul 11
I try to talk to him at night before bed, and every time I do, he thinks im talking gibberish, like he doesn't understand what I'm saying, and he makes me thing that I'm not talking right?
Sometimes his thinking structure overpowers my thinking, and makes me think that I'm stupid 
@Galena (9110)
•
20 Jul 11
in a good and healthy relationship, no one is in charge of the other.
each person can ask the other to do something. neither can tell. that is not respectful.
it does sound like he is lazy and needs to pull his weight. if you are under his parents roof, maybe you can talk to his mum and explain your concerns, and perhaps she can talk some sense into him.
@dodo19 (47336)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
20 Jul 11
I don't think that you're completely wrong to tell him of things that he does. However, I think that it would be better if you took time, sat down with him, and explained how you felt. Try to come to some kind of understanding that way. I think that might be a better way of approaching the situation.
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
20 Jul 11
I believe that a relationship and marriage is a partnership it's about sharing and communication also respecting one another, its not a dictatorship and it's not about giving orders or telling each other what to do
With that said, my answer to your question is neither, meaning neither person has the right to tell each other what to do or give orders, giving advice sure and sharing experiences yes or give suggestions of course, if someone in the relationship has an issue I think it's better to calmly talk it out and deal with it instead of opting to give orders
If my boyfriend or husband started telling me what to do I would not be able to put up with that. just because a person has a significant other does not mean that they are no longer free to think for themselves, and be there own person. I think as long as there's mutual respect between two people a relationship can work, but once two people lose respect and start ordering each other around things can get pretty hairy.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
20 Jul 11
Yes I man tell a woman what to do. Especially if ther woman worships the ground he walks on! I know a woman like that and does everything he tells her! She also believes everything he tells her! Her mom was like that with her dad and that is how she learnt this. This woman can't think for herself! It is crazy and she sees nothing wrong with it! Now that is not right! She lets herself be treated like a slave! That not how it should be!
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
20 Jul 11
Sure, there's nothing wrong with a women telling her man what to do.
We do so out of love for our man, we do so, because we love them. However, we need to understand that guys have ego and therefore, it would be good to try some methods to tell him in a subtle form, rather than telling him directly. By telling him something straight, they might get hurt and might not listen to us.
To make our man listen to us, we need to devise ways and methods to let him know and explain facts to him.
However, we also need to at the same time, evluate whether what we are doing is right or not and not just tell him just for the sake of directing him
@toniganzon (72535)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
My husband never tells me what to do unless it's something that's bad for my health and i don't dictate him as well except when he's doing something that is obviously wrong. Sometimes though he gets offended so i just keep it to myself and find other ways to show it to him.
I feel sad that you are in that kind of situation.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
It's sad that the argument started with only a phone. It could've been a simple talk to solve the misunderstanding. I think you need to sit and talk things out. You have a child already and it's not healthy for all three of you to continue having childlike arguments ending with hurtful words for each other. Marriage should be a give and take relationship and now that you have a child, he should be your priority...I guess you and you man needs to freshen up and try talking to each other without arguing.
@KnightMare911 (195)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
for a relation to work, the other should not boss around the other. it should be equal in any way. if a man lacks at something, then the woman should fill that gap.. and vice versa..
personally.. i would want you to rethink about not moving out. just because you got no place to stay, doesnt mean you have to put of all of his wrong doings.. if you don't have any jobs or ways on getting money.. then how about going back to your parents?.. you are and will forever be their daughter. :D
@djbtol (5493)
• United States
20 Jul 11
There is a typical pattern. Once a fight starts over one specific issue, the emotion of anger opens the flood gate and then all kinds of additional topics are fair game for the fight. That makes finding peace and resolution much harder to find. Best to stay focus on the issue at hand.
To maintain peace, and not let a major fight develop, both you and your husband must be willing to patiently listen to the other and see their point of view. Sift through the comments and disregard those that are not really part of the solution.
Now, to answer your question. Yes, women tell their men what to do all the time. Sometimes they are very direct and bossy. Other times they will be more subtle and manipulative. Either way women are used to getting their way.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I can't keep living with that kind of man, can you? Well dear this is not much of a matter whether you as a woman can tell your man what to do because in the first place if you do, he is not going to follow? Certainly he will not because he already told you the other way around. Well that man has attitude problem and unless he changes, I don't think it is worth living with him.
